They all sobered, exchanging glances.
“Why not enjoy the time we have together?” Byron asked.
I shook my head. “We should be worrying. We should be planning. We should be doing something. Not this.”
“Nathan,” Byron said. “We aren’t going to spend the rest of our lives looking over our shoulders. If they come, we’ll defend our territory, but we’re not going to run. This is our home, and we’re going to relax in it.”
Ryan nodded, and as I glanced from one face to another, I was startled by how solid a grouping they had become, how tightly knit. What had changed?
“Yeah, well, while you lot have been at home in comfort playing happy families, we’ve been wandering around getting doors slammed in our faces. There aren’t enough of us to beat them.”
“There are enough of us,” Byron said. “And we have a secret weapon.” He inclined his head at Amelia.
I almost choked on my scorn. “Amelia? A weapon? Have you lost your mind?”
“No, but apparently you might have.” Byron’s words were coloured with amusement.
Amelia said, “If you actually let me talk to you for more than five minutes, you might know—”
I threw my hands in the air. “I don’t get it. I’m going to my room.”
“We hunt tonight,” Byron said in his commanding alpha voice. It wasn’t a request.
Once in my room, I fidgeted constantly. I was back to waiting, except I no longer had Perdita to calm me.
I had to see her.
I couldn’t see her.
I argued with myself for hours, until finally, I left for her house. I didn’t get to the end of the road before her face flashed before my eyes. I saw her expression from when I hadn’t protected her from Amelia and when she had run from me on the street.
Ryan’s words echoed in my mind. I kept her safe by staying away from her. I protected her by avoiding her. While it had once been easy to say I would do whatever it took to keep away from my mate, that was before we had met. Even if the curse was gone, even if she was done with me, my wolf still saw her as mate. I still saw her as the girl I wanted to be with more than anything.
I turned around and headed for home, but I hesitated outside my house, unable to give up on her. I couldn’t go; I couldn’t stay. I didn’t know what the right thing to do was anymore.
Ryan approached me, and I sat on our front wall.
“You need to focus,” he said, “not let yourself get distracted. This is more important than a girl. You still understand that, right?”
I shifted slightly to look at his face. Worry lines on his forehead assured me he was talking about his own family and how important it was for him to get them back. We owed him, and we still had to deal with the wolves who had torn my family apart in more ways than one.
“I’m not distracted,” I said. “I just need to know—”
“She’s fine. She’s not your priority. Not right now. When your life is safe, then of course, deal with her. But now? Not a good idea, Nathan.”
He went inside, leaving me unsettled all over again. I didn’t want to hear that from him, of all people.
I strolled around to the swings and sat on one, swaying, until Amelia joined me.
“I need to talk to you,” she said. “Please, talk to me.”
“I’m tired of talking.”
But she looked at me with those puppy dog eyes, and I couldn’t walk away.
“I’m sorry I didn’t warn you,” she said in a low voice. “But I was trying to help. You don’t understand what it’s like for me. You’ve all hidden things from me, made me think everything was fine when it really wasn’t. I was so mad about that, and I wanted to do something brave. Like Perdita. You all looked at her like you were proud of her, like you respected her, and I fell apart when I was needed. You all looked at me as if I were some little kid who couldn’t be trusted. And you were all right. If I had been like her… maybe Mémère would be alive today.”
“Or maybe you would be dead, too,” I said, sitting up straight. “You can’t think like that.”
“But you still treat me like I’m incapable of making a difference. I wanted to make a difference. I don’t need to be protected from everything. I’m a werewolf now, but even if I wasn’t, I still deserve some credit. I can help. I don’t have to be sheltered from the truth all of the time.”
“That’s what families do.”
“No, families stick together. That wasn’t what happened with us. Even now, you’re still mad at me. What am I supposed to do? You would have been madder if she had died and I could have stopped it!” She walked off in a strop.
By the time for the hunt, I was more than ready for the release. We couldn’t bring the dogs while the gardaí watched us in case they followed us, so we headed out for the hunt alone. The two-hour drive was silent and uncomfortable, but eventually, we came to stop in a rural area.
“Careful where you go,” Byron warned. “Farmers will shoot without hesitation. Remember that if you get too close to livestock.”
I was the last to shift forms. Again. The mental block infuriated me. My stress prevented the wolf from taking over. I phased slowly, painfully, listening to the sound of splintering bones. I let the wolf take over, but that was worse since I wasn’t fuelled by an all-consuming anger. I lay down, giving up, and wolf howled louder than ever before. A mournful howl full of anguish and release.
Byron and Ryan lay on either side of me. Amelia lay before me and nudged my nose. My heart stopped slamming as violently against my chest. Slowly, I calmed.
The pain was ripe and new because I hadn’t given wolf the chance to mourn yet. He was dealing with the breaking of the bond, the ending of the curse, the loss of mate. I might have gone wild with pain if the others weren’t there helping me through it.
For the first time, we were a real pack, a real team, even with Ryan there. I understood how easily I could lose myself, one way or another, without them. I realised I needed their help to ground myself when things got tough. I was shocked Byron hadn’t bitten off my tail for being such a baby about everything. His mate had died. Mine had walked away. I still had the chance to make things right. If she needed time, I would wait.
I ran then, wild and free, buoyed by a spark of hope. I was usually the fastest, but Amelia kept up with me. I held a grudging respect for her speed, but she was so small that my protectiveness didn’t fade despite the realisation that my baby sister no longer needed me. There was no danger, nothing but tracks to run on and small animals to chase. It was heaven to wolf. Running with the pack healed me, but letting go of the pain helped.
Back at the car, I finally understood how comfortable I could be with the trio. Being around Opa, Jeremy, and Willow had kept me on edge. I belonged at home.
Amelia threw up. A lot. I only gagged, thankfully.
“Feeling any better?” Ryan asked on the way home.
“A little,” I admitted.
“It gets easier,” Byron said. “Less raw.”
“Maybe.”
“It’s the right thing to do for her,” Ryan said. “Safer for her.”
“Is it?” Amelia murmured. She caught me looking at her and shrugged. “It’s just that she has nobody right now. She’s going through a really hard time. Her dad’s still sick, she’s grounded, and she has to be away from you, too.” She shook her head. “I don’t think she’s happy.”
“She’s not feeling this like I am,” I said. “It’s the wolf making it hard.”
She gazed at me in disgust. “You’re such an idiot.”
I opened my mouth to protest, but Byron cut into the potential argument. “It will get easier.”
“Opa doesn’t seem any better,” I said.
“He’s not letting himself,” Amelia replied. “He wants to feel this. It’s the one thing that’s keeping him going. When it’s over, we won’t see him anymore.” We all stared at her until she turned beetroot red. “I know him. He’s choosing to be like
this. And so are you.”
“What’s that supposed to mean?”
“You don’t have to keep away from Perdita.”
“Amelia, she saw me on the street and ran for her life.”
Byron burst out laughing. “Sorry. It’s just… sorry.”
“Crap.” Amelia rubbed her temples. “I hadn’t told her you were back.”
“You’ve seen her?” She hadn’t even told me. Then again, I hadn’t exactly been inviting conversations with her.
“Yeah. Not at her house, obviously, because her dad’s gone crazy. But she’s doing work experience at the library, and she’s, um, helping me with something. I haven’t had a chance to go see her since you came back.”
I leaned back in the seat, imagining all sorts of scenarios that would have me needing to go to the library.
“You look calmer,” Ryan noted.
I nodded. “I was pretty anxious with Opa and the others. Running with you lot felt much better.”
“That’s the secret weapon I was telling you about,” Byron said.
“What are you on about?”
Amelia’s cheeks flushed. Ryan half-turned in his seat. “I have a theory about your sister.”
I raised an eyebrow.
“I think she’s an omega. They’re very rare, usually female, and I’m pretty sure it’s what she is.”
“Right. What’s an omega?”
“An omega is balance in a pack. They say every pack needs an omega as much as it needs an alpha. You see our wolves, wild as anything, right? That’s because there’s no omega keeping them calm. It’s like the wolf is on a different level, kind of highly strung, and if there’s no omega around, we erupt at nothing. Anger, rage, pain, it’s all exaggerated. The omega lowers the frequency somewhat. If we get the better of Vin’s pack and have an omega, it could increase our odds of peace.”
“That’s kind of cool.” I glanced at my little sister, shocked at the idea she could be important.
“Oh, that’s nothing,” she said with a grin. “There’s a lot we have to catch up on.”
Chapter Nine
Perdita
I didn’t know whether to be surprised or not when Amelia turned up at the library. But I guessed if she was ever going to show, it would likely be after I had encountered, and run from, her brother.
“You saw him,” she said, following me around the library.
“Yep.”
“You ran.”
I refused to look at her. “Kinda got caught off guard. Besides, what else was I supposed to do? It’s awkward for everyone, and being near him is forbidden by Dad. It’s for the best. We were crazy together. You remember that, right?”
“He thinks you’re scared of him. I think he feels like you’re seeing him for what he is now.”
“What? The werewolf thing? Okay, it’s weird, but it was always weird. That hasn’t changed. I’m still banned from seeing him, Amelia. And if I had stayed there, I might have… I might have made a mistake.”
“You’re banned from seeing me, too.”
I grinned and faced her. “Not anymore. I’m allowed to do something for my birthday. You can even be there.”
She clapped her hands. “I have the absolutely perfect thing! My friend Ger, you remember her, right? Well, her parents are going away for an entire weekend, and she wants to have a small party. Small as in, don’t tell the whole school, m’kay? You have to come. It’s next week, so I know it’s before your birthday, but it’s a party, and your dad’s not going to organise anything when he’s sick, so whaddaya say?”
“Um, remember to breathe? I’ll ask him. Can’t guarantee anything, though.”
“Well, if not, we could go to the pictures or something. It’s just… I’d love if you got to know my friends. I kinda talk about you a lot, and they’re beginning to think I’m your stalker.”
“Yeah, right. I said I’d try. Are you here to browbeat me into anything else?”
She stuck her tongue out at me. “No, I’m here for research, biatch.” She cleared her throat. “Sorry, it’s the Julie effect. Never mind. You’ll understand at the party. So, there’s something we haven’t talked about yet. Ryan reckons I’m an omega, and I’d really like to find out more about that, too.”
“What’s an omega?”
“He says it’s a type of werewolf, something the packs need to keep their cool. Like, the curse made the werewolves calm down when they have their mate? Well, the omega keeps everyone calm, all of the time.”
“That would be amazing.” I thought about the things I didn’t like about Nathan’s family, how the aggression and wildness could be easily handled if Amelia really was an omega. I was beginning to understand the anger since I was faced with Dad’s on a daily basis.
“I think so, too. I don’t know a lot about it, so I’d love to learn more.”
“Cool. It’s my break in about an hour, but we can find some books now. You can get started, and I’ll join you on my lunch.”
Finding suitable books was more difficult than we thought. Everything about werewolves turned out to be obscure fairytale crap that had no bearing on reality. We eventually found two books about werewolf legends that we thought might be useful, but it was even harder to find stuff on gypsies.
“Maybe we’ll just look that stuff up online.”
She made a face. “I’ve tried that, and I keep coming up with nothing. They keep schtum, apparently. Well, this will be a start.”
An hour later, she was still slogging through one of the werewolf books when I sat next to her.
“Nothing yet,” she said, pushing the other book in my direction.
The book was dull and hard to read, but it contained a couple of interesting werewolf theories. Sadly, they mostly involved skin-walking and full moons. The day seemed to be a bust. Then a brief paragraph caught my eye.
“Oh,” I said. “This is cool. Says here that some gypsies believed in white werewolves—white as in pure—protecting them from the dead. Back then, people were terrified of death. Apparently there were random cases of mass hysteria stemming from fear at that time.”
“Fear of werewolves?”
“No, vampires. You don’t think…?”
Her eyes widened. “No! Definitely not. Vampires are a total myth. Still, the hysteria thing is interesting because Kali said it was a side effect of the curse. That her people were rejected even more than they were before. Persecuted. Like some big domino effect. Kind of chills me.”
“It’s a pity there’s not many details about that stuff. But the white werewolves would go with what you’ve told me about your ancestors.”
She nodded. “It does fit in. It’s frustrating though, not being able to learn more than what we can make out from a few random lines in a book.”
“Maybe we won’t find anything else.”
“We’ll keep trying, though, right?” she asked.
“Of course.”
***
On the way home from the library that day, I felt more upbeat than usual. Seeing Amelia again made me happy. Since Dad had given the okay, it was even better.
Once we got past the initial awkwardness, having her back was a relief. I used to act like a weird paranormal junkie sometimes, desperate for a little more insight into the werewolves, for a little more involvement in their lives.
So I could get my dose of werewolf drama with Amelia, except without the danger. I was dying to know what she was going to discover about herself and her pack. The stuff with Kali had been strange enough, but finding out how to use a power that shouldn’t exist would be fantastic. I was more onboard with the idea than I would ever have expected. Maybe I was opening my mind or something.
Or maybe I needed something to fill my head and take up my time.
I heard footsteps behind me two streets away from my home. A chill ran down my spine, and I turned, ready to run, adrenalin pumping through my body.
I breathed a sigh of relief. “Ryan.”
The re
d-haired wolf nodded at me, his expression grim. That seemed to be his default face, though, so I wasn’t overly concerned.
“How are you?” he asked.
“Okay. You?”
He shrugged. “Same as always. He told us you saw him, that you ran from him.”
My cheeks heated up with shame. “I—”
“I’m glad,” he said. “I’m here to ask that you stay away from him, no matter what he does.”
I frowned. “What?”
His shoulders dropped, and he rubbed the space between his eyebrows. “Perdita, now is a bad time. A dangerous time. Keeping away will ensure your safety for a while. And you’ll stop distracting him.”
“Distracting him? But I haven’t—”
“I know,” he said. “Yet. I’m asking that we keep this the way it is. At least for a while.”
“But, Ryan—”
“You have plenty of time, Perdita. My daughters don’t. Keep away from him, no matter what. I’m asking you for this favour. I’m asking you not to get in the way.”
I shivered. “I’ll… I’ll keep away.”
“Thank you. What is it you’re doing with Amelia?”
“Um, what do you mean?”
“I catch your scent from her clothing every now and then. I need her, too.”
“I’m helping her.”
He nodded. “I thought that might be it. Make sure that’s all it is.”
“What the hell, Ryan? Are you threatening me?”
His jaw tightened. “I’m not threatening you. I just want you to know that I need her to unleash her power, too. But her focus has to be on the priority.”
I thought of Dad and swallowed hard. “Which is?”
“Finding my girls. This isn’t a game, Perdita.”
I glared at him in annoyance. “I’ve been almost killed once or twice. I know it’s not a bloody game, Ryan.”
“Things change. I had to make sure we were still on the same page. Good luck to you, Perdita. Keep yourself out of trouble.” He walked away, loping along like the animal I knew him to be.
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