by May Dawson
I stared at her, uncomprehending, for a few long seconds.
Then I remembered the men fighting Faer’s assassins up above to give me time to get my memories. I’d almost lost Tiron. Was I about to lose Azrael and Duncan?
I lunged forward and yanked my dagger from her belt as I ran. My feet were almost silent across the damp cave floor as I dove for my sword.
Her laughter seemed to echo off the walls around me like something supernatural.
I’d come face-to-face with the woman I used to be, and apparently, she hated me.
Or maybe I just hated myself.
Chapter Sixteen
Duncan
Seven Years Earlier
“You two must be thrilled to be leaving the academy for the first time since you arrived,” Azrael said. His hands were thrust into the pockets of his coat, which hung open despite the snow swirling around all three of us. The seniors loved to show off how easily they controlled their temperature despite the fierce cold that battered at us all.
He glanced at Alisa and added, “With permission, at least.”
Normally, she would have shot him one of those winsome I don’t do rules smiles, but tonight, her smile was thin.
“Wish Zora a happy solstice for me.” He gripped my shoulder briefly, and I glanced at him in surprise. “Try to have a happy one yourself.”
I nodded. He patted my shoulder, as if he were unconvinced, then turned to Alisa. “Don’t get yourself killed.”
“I think that should be my line. You’re the one going to the front.”
“It’s just a tour. See how the autumn court’s soldiers fare, if they’re being properly supplied…” His voice faded, his worry about our court clearly written across his face. The courts were allied together at the rift, under the direction of the High King—and if Herrick took offense, he might take his revenge on our troops. He added, “You’re the one going to visit Herrick and Faer.”
“The worst thing that could possibly happen is I don’t like my presents,” she promised.
He snorted, obviously unconvinced. Someone whistled in the distance, and I squinted through the snow as one of the servants signaled to a carriage that had just pulled up.
“That’s for you,” Azrael said lightly. He glanced between our dour faces and said, “You two are such a pair of dramatic children. No wonder you’ve turned into the best of friends.”
“You really can’t stop yourself from being a condescending bastard no matter the circumstances, can you?” Alisa asked lightly, shoving her hands into her coat pockets, but the worry written across her face made my chest ache. Both because I wanted to protect her, and because I wanted her to look at me the way she looked at Az.
Az chucked her under the chin, as if to make the most of his condescending bastard status. “We’ll all be reunited and tormenting each other again before you know it. Go.”
I took in their faces one last time, as if I had to memorize them—Azrael with snowflakes dotting his dark hair, Alisa with the breeze ruffling her short lavender hair around her heart-shaped face. She looked at Azrael as if she couldn’t tear her gaze away from his face.
There was nothing to say, so I turned and trudged through the night without a backward glance. The servant carrying a lantern in one hand showed my way up into the carriage.
Azrael should’ve been going home with me, but our father had assigned him this mission. And Az was proud to take it—he was fiercely protective of our court and its people, and he feared that our father wasn’t doing enough to protect them when Herrick was careless with their lives at the Rift.
I climbed into the carriage, then the servant shut the door with a clatter as I settled onto the thick velvet cushion on one side. I drew off my boots and set my feet on the pillow on the other side as the carriage began to sway back and forth. The ride should have been a rare chance for some time with my own thoughts—something I always craved in the constant noise and togetherness of the academy—but I couldn’t stop worrying about Azrael and Alisa. Caring for those two morons was exhausting.
There was a thump against the side of the carriage. I froze, wondering if I’d imagined it, although I already gripped my sword automatically.
The door rattled, maybe from the wind or maybe I was under attack, and then suddenly, was flung open.
Legs dangled in the doorway of the carriage. I was ready to strike when the slight figure outlined in the darkness dropped to the floor of the carriage, and hair that looked almost silver in the moonlight shone toward me.
“There. Now won’t my father be surprised when they open the carriage and there’s nothing but a note?” Alisa said as she straightened. She reached to catch the door and drew it closed behind her.
“Don’t bother,” I said. “I’m about to throw you right back out again.”
“Oh, you are not,” she said lightly. She threw herself onto the cushions across from me, and I reluctantly took my seat again. “You’re thrilled to see me. You just can’t admit it.”
“Your father is going to whip those servants when they show up without you,” I said, nodding in the general direction of the unseen low Fae driving my own carriage from the front, who really should have noticed something was awry.
“No, he isn’t. He’s used to my antics. He’s a monster, but he’s not unfair.” She began to pull her own boots off.
“Have you always been like this?”
“From the womb, Faer used to claim.” There was something a bit sad about her smile when she mentioned Faer, but the feeling seemed to be gone in an instant.
I was not, in fact, happy to see her. I’d wanted to brood in peace about the way she stared at my brother. I couldn’t stop worrying about him. Knowing she was worried too just pissed me off, though.
“You need to hop along to your own carriage,” I told her. “This one is going into autumn territory, and you are not invited.”
“I know. I go where I want.”
“You’re going to start a war,” I warned.
“I’m not,” she promised glibly. “I have more faith in you than that, Duncan.”
I considered opening the door and pushing her out into the snow, but it was only slightly tempting. The two of us were quiet as the carriage swayed back and forth; there was a constant low rushing sound as the rails slid over the snow.
“You’re going to have to pretend to be someone else,” I told her.
“Good. I prefer that.” She rummaged in the bag she’d dropped on the floor, which I’d barely noticed. She pulled out a bundle of sleek purple material that turned out to be a dress when she shook it out. “I’ll wear this. You can introduce me as your lover.”
“I am not going to do that.”
She grinned, but then, she’d known how’d I answer.
“You’ll need to change your hair,” I told her.
She raked her fingers through her hair, shaking it out at the same time, then looked up at me. Her hair was suddenly flame-red, as if she belonged to the autumn court. “Better?”
No. I liked her just as she was.
“It’s bearable.”
“Oh, you. Quit with the praise, it makes me blush.” She began to pull off her academy uniform, and I averted my gaze. She huffed a laugh—most Fae weren’t shy—but for once she kept her snarky thoughts to herself.
“Your face, too,” I reminded her.
“I’ll fix it for everyone else,” she told me. “I would hate for you not to see me as I am.”
It was my turn to huff. “You don’t have that much power.”
“More than Faer or Herrick,” she said, “as they’ll discover one day to their surprise.”
I turned to her with a question on my lips. She said that so lightly, but I couldn’t tell if it was just her usual nonstop banter or if she were telling me something important—something that could change the fates of all four kingdoms.
No one was as powerful as Herrick, or he would already have been dethroned.
She was top
less, working the dress up her hips, her head down so she wasn’t looking at me. I looked away out the window again, but her image had seared into my mind: the glow of her white shoulders, her small breasts with pale pink nipples like tiny rosebuds.
“You can look, you know,” she said, her voice teasing. “I wouldn’t undress in front of you if I were embarrassed.”
“I don’t want to.” My voice came out sullen, and I cleared my throat.
“Are you worried about Az?”
“He’ll be fine.”
“So that’s a yes.” She turned to me. “Would you tie the laces on my corset, please?”
“I don’t know how to do that.”
“They’re laces, Duncan. I know you like to play stupid, but I do believe you can tie your boots. Or does Arrel do that for you?”
I sighed, and she turned, backing into me until the curve of her ass brushed my knee. The material was loose around her slender back, and I could see the faint knobs of her spine. I’d never been turned on by a female’s back before, but suddenly I was hard. I shifted uncomfortably on the carriage bench as I drew the laces taut, willing the stiffness of my cock to fade before she noticed.
“Why’d you pack a dress you can’t put on yourself?” I asked as I made a clumsy bow at the top.
“I can.” She turned, rifling her fingers through her short hair. “I have a spell for that, of course. I just think it’s sweet to have a male dress me.”
I snorted then sank down in my seat, propping my feet on the opposite bench once again. I didn’t know what to do with Alisa, but at least I could pretend to sleep for a while.
Azrael at the front; Zora at home. I worried about them both. And even though I had Alisa here with me, I worried about her too.
“I’m kidding about going home with you,” she said, propping her bare feet in my lap. “I’ve got a mission of my own. I wouldn’t force myself on you, Duncan.”
I opened just one eye to regard her skeptically. “You force yourself on me every day.”
She gave me an appalled look. “I’m your best friend.”
“Hm. What’s this mission?”
“You don’t want to know. You want to be all sullen and broody.”
I scoffed at that and closed my eyes again.
At some point, I must have dozed off for a while. I woke again to find she’d curled up on the bench beside me, her head in my lap. I looked down at that beautiful face in profile, her stubborn chin and those plush pink lips pressed together tightly, her long nose that tilted at the end and high forehead. She was beautiful, but there were always many beautiful females revolving around the throne, hoping to catch the eye of a prince. It was the way I saw her fierce personality mirrored in her features that I couldn’t resist.
I closed my eyes again, wishing I could sleep, but all I could see was the way she looked at Azrael. Then I thought again about Zora’s letters; I wondered if our father had even bothered to mention to her that Azrael wasn’t coming home. Az had looked after her since she was a child, had cared for her more than our sick mother could or our father cared to. She’d be devastated without him.
Everyone needed Azrael.
I heard her breathing change and knew she was awake, even before she asked, “What are you fretting about now?”
“How to get you off this carriage before it crosses the border and you cause a royal incident,” I said without hesitating.
She sighed and sat up, blinking sleepily. Her hair stuck out wildly around her face; it was adorable.
I resisted the impulse to reach out and smooth her hair with my palm. It was too easy for me lately to imagine how I’d touch her. Both gently and—well. An image rose in my mind of my hands on her thighs, pounding inside her as her hands cupped those perfect breasts I’d seen earlier. Then I pushed that thought away too.
She wasn’t mine to touch, and she never would be.
“I’m not crossing the border with you,” she said. She pressed a kiss to my cheek, and my heart stuttered in my chest, but she was already leaning away. That feather-light touch on my skin seemed to linger, though.
She threw on her long coat, buckled her dagger belt around her narrow waist, then picked up her pack. She was pulling on her gloves when she said, “Goodbye, Duncan.”
“We’ll see each other soon.” I was reminding myself as much as her. The thought of her jumping out of the carriage made me feel like part of me would be wrenched away too.
“I’ll miss both you and Az terribly until we’re all together again,” she said.
She didn’t wait for me to answer; she knew I’d never admit the same thing. Even though the truth of it pressed against the base of my throat like a fist.
She went to the carriage door and opened it. I could see the glow of the snow rushing by rapidly. Part of me wanted to grab her and pull her back to protect her, but I knew Alisa could handle herself. Alisa could do almost anything.
She gripped the doorway in one hand, leaning out. She must have seen what she was looking for, because she crouched as if she were about to jump.
I was going to be alone. I’d wanted that, and yet suddenly alone seemed like a pit stretching out in front of me. She’d asked me what I was thinking about so many times, and I hadn’t answered. Now all those questions felt like an opportunity that was about to slip between my fingers.
“Wait,” I said, already catching her around the waist, pulling her back. She turned, her lithe body pressed against mine, as I reached out and slammed the door shut.
“What is it?” she demanded. Her silver eyes were wide with exasperation, but all I could look at were those pink lips, even when she was scolding me. “I know you don’t want to talk to me, Duncan. What is the point if you—”
For once, Alisa broke off. She stopped baiting me.
But only because my lips were on hers.
I hadn’t even realized I was going to kiss her; it was as if my deepest desires took over before my conscious brain caught up. Even as my lips brushed hers, my brain screamed. I wished I could rewind fifteen seconds and take it back.
But at the same time, I was keenly aware of the soft, sugary scent she carried, of the warmth of her sides as my hands gripped her loosely, of the way her soft lips parted against mine. My heart hammered in my chest. I might regret that moment, but I knew I’d remember it fondly forever too.
It was the most tentative, uncertain kiss. I straightened, sure that I’d just done that badly, but she looked up at me with wide eyes.
Then her hands were on my face, her lips against mine, and she kissed me hard.
When she finally pulled away, she gazed up at me with a little smile playing across her lips. “Well, well. I always thought eventually I’d have to corner you and kiss you first.”
“Must you be smug about this too?” I asked.
“Oh, I must,” she promised me.
I had to talk to her, I knew that, but I could barely summon the words. She was gazing up at me so fondly that I felt some of my reservations loosen.
“Well?” she prompted. “I’m glad we finally did that—finally—but is that what you told me to wait for? Or are you finally going to talk to me?”
For a few long seconds, the two of us stared at each other. I fumbled for the words; no one ever encouraged me to talk about my feelings, and I wasn’t sure I had the right words for them.
“I’m worried about Az,” I managed. “Of course I am. But I’m worried about my sister too.”
“Zora?” She frowned. “What’s wrong with Zora?”
I hesitated, and she put her hand on the carriage door. “Duncan, if you won’t talk to me, I’m jumping. I don’t mind the brooding, but I’ve got other places to be and you don’t need me around for that. You’re already an expert on being miserable.”
“You’re insane.”
She didn’t deny it.
I sighed. “Sit down.”
To my surprise, she immediately fell into the bench across from me and watched me with
those bright, intense eyes.
And slowly, I began to tell her the things I never told anyone.
Chapter Seventeen
Alisa
Present Day
I sprinted so fast the tree branches seemed to whip past me. The only sound in the forest was my own harsh breathing.
I stumbled into the clearing to find Duncan and Azrael facing off against the Shadow Man. Both of them seemed exhausted, stumbling, but they were still on their feet, and relief lifted the stone off my chest.
Duncan glanced at me, then did a double take. “What the hell happened to you?”
“Nothing,” I said. I didn’t have my memories back, no matter how much I was bruised and bloodied. I’d accomplished nothing.
The Shadow Man’s glowing eyes focused on me. That same cold chill swept over my skin. He barely seemed to notice Duncan or Azrael circling with their swords as he swept toward me.
“He’s fixed on me,” I said under my breath.
Duncan understood what I was thinking immediately. “Princess Bait?”
I nodded, even though it took everything I had to keep from turning and fleeing. There was some kind of dark, cloying magic that clung to the Shadow Man, that carried fear with it that froze my breath in my chest. Even Duncan was staggering on his feet with exhaustion, but he moved to distract the Shadow Man.
The Shadow Man slammed into him, knocking him sideways, bearing down on me. Azrael nodded to me, then rushed to his brother’s side. He was leaving the Shadow Man an opening.
I just had to trust them.
I led the Shadow Man on a chase. He carried an enormous, two-handed cleaving sword—far heavier than anything the rest of the Fae carried, like a relic from another age.
Although it didn’t seem like such a relic, when he was bashing it through a tree trunk where my head had been a moment before.
I stabbed him in the side. Rather than roaring with pain, he twisted, those glowing eyes fixing me as if I were nothing but an inconvenience.