by May Dawson
“You have clothes in the wardrobe,” he said offhandedly.
I frowned. “So I stayed here before?”
He set his fork down. “I bought you clothes. I wanted you to be happy if you came here, if you visited.”
“That’s why you bring me summer roses.”
“A bit of home.” He glanced away, out the window, where more palaces made of rock rose surrounded by brightly colored, waving seaweed. A school of small fish swam past.
For a second, I thought from his reaction that he might be embarrassed of the Undersea, or at least, maybe he thought I would judge it. Then I realized there was a far darker option. “Because you wanted me to be happy even though you were going to trap me here?”
My voice came out sharp.
He stared at me for a long second, then his lip quirked at one corner. “It doesn’t matter what I say to you. You’ll never hear me, will you?”
“Why don’t you tell me why you’re so obsessed?” I demanded. “I thought you just wanted revenge—that’s what Faer thinks, that must be part of why he loves you so much—but there’s something more than that, isn’t there?”
When he wasn’t mocking me, when his guard slipped—he looked at me with the strangest devotion in his gaze.
But that didn’t mean I owed him a damned thing.
“It’s that heart of gold of yours,” he deadpanned. “When we were kids, I saw how kind you were, and I fell in love with you.”
“Sounds like me. I’m very kind to everyone who isn’t you.”
He gave me a sympathetic look. “Well, sometimes when a girl really likes someone, she grows a little awkward. You can’t blame yourself.”
I pushed back from the table. He was able to get under my skin to a degree that just amazed me. “I’m going to bed.”
“Sweet dreams.”
I didn’t bother to answer that. But as I headed across the room, I caught the thin edge of a book on his desk; it was the same one he’d concealed from me earlier.
I was almost to the door when he called, “Do you ever dream about the ghost? About the bridge?”
I turned back with my hand on the door. “No. I don’t let the past haunt me.”
I let my hand fall from the door and pretended to admire the art on his wall, edging toward that book.
“If only we could all be like you,” he said. “Leave the past behind.”
“It would make my life a whole lot easier,” I told him.
He scoffed and ducked his head, pouring his wine; I picked the book up as I walked past it and went into the hall. I was so curious where a princess gained fingers as light as mine, but for once, old Alisa had been helpful. I just wished I knew what the story was. Had I hired a thief to teach me how to pick-pocket? Or had a spy taught me? Had Herrick assigned thievery as part of my curriculum as a child, or had I decided it was an essential skill to learn in secret? And why?
I headed back to that beautiful bedroom. As soon as the door was shut behind me, I flipped open the book. It was filled with Raile’s loose but elegant scrawl in black ink; dates and words. I began to flip through looking for secrets about our past, but almost as soon as I found Alisa scrawled across the page, the words began to soften. I frowned as the ink blurred and then faded into the page; within a minute, I was holding a book that appeared to be blank.
Maybe Raile knew I had it.
When I opened the wardrobe doors, the closet was full of beautiful things; fine, shimmering jewelry made from sea pearls and corals; the kind of pants and tops I’d worn when Tiron took me shopping, ones that were perfect for fighting but sexy all the same; long dresses with not a single corset in sight. My fingertips brushed over the soft, comfortable material of all those beautiful pieces of clothing. I slipped the book into a coat pocket until Raile came to claim it or I found a spell to bring the words back onto the page, whichever came first.
I was lying, of course, when I said that I never dreamt about the lake. It had been a long time since I had, though; Julian had made me a delicious enchanted bedtime drink that helped me twist the memories so that in my sleep, I became the fearless hero of every story. Every time the dreams had played, I’d grown a little more certain of myself.
After a while, I no longer felt that I’d been reduced to that panicked girl pounding against the glass, who screamed and screamed, her breath ripping out of her lungs in frantic bubbles…
I’d overcome those dreams, and that self.
Now I was afraid that I would have those dreams again, now that I was buried under the sea. Julian wasn’t here, to mix hot chocolate and enchantment in one sweet, steaming cup; Carter wasn’t here to fall asleep in his club chair, his feet propped up on the coffee table, while I slept on their couch. I’d been pathetic for a few long weeks, and they’d been such good friends, they’d pretended they didn’t even notice. My eyes welled, missing them, and the pretty clothes in front of me blurred.
I missed my friends. I missed the mortal world. And I missed Duncan and Azrael and Tiron too—I couldn’t stop thinking about any of them.
The worst thing about having seen so much of the universe was that now I missed more worlds than one.
How can one ever be happy again, after one’s been happy in two different lives that can’t be reconciled?
Chapter Thirty-Four
Tiron
We found a hotel to shelter in for the night and glamored the man at the desk to give us a room.
Late that night, I woke to a sense of cold creeping over my skin. I didn’t dare stir and wake Az, but I turned my head to look for him. His arm was thrown over his face—he didn’t have his sleeping bag and I knew he was too proud for me to glamor him myself—but he was breathing steadily and deeply. Not the worst of his nightmares tonight, then. Maybe it was easier a world away from the place where it had happened.
I slipped out of bed as my breath formed a cloud in front of my face. It seemed even colder as I walked toward the mirror. I closed the door as the mirror iced over, forming elaborate symbols in the ice, and then Perin’s face appeared in the frosted glass.
“You shouldn’t reach me here,” I whispered. “You need to wait.”
“Is everything all right?” That face, that had been with me all those long years soothing me at night when I woke up as badly off as Azrael, stared at me. “It feels like the summer princess is under the sea. And you’re so far away.”
“I have things under control,” I said. “As long as you don’t get me caught.”
She frowned; she could always read me so well. “Are you having second thoughts?”
“No. New opportunities have presented themselves, though.”
“We’ve been working this plan for years, Tiron,” she reminded me. “Don’t let shiny new opportunities distract you.”
“I wouldn’t.”
“These new opportunities—they don’t take Alisa out of the picture, do they? Stealing her from Raile is still the best chance to save your court.”
The memory of the dying lion nudging its cub rose in my mind, and Arlen, who hadn’t seen his family since Summer ripped Winter apart.
“No.” I said flatly. “My will hasn’t changed. I still intend to save my court.”
“You don’t feel anything for the summer princess?”
“I love the girl you met in the woods,” I said, which was both true and a lie.
Her face relaxed, as I’d expected. “Yes. I like her.”
“Me too.”
“It’s a shame you have to marry Alisa.” She sounded genuinely sorry. “Taking the High throne… it’s the safest path to free the winter court. To end your people’s suffering.”
“I know, Perin. You don’t have to convince me.”
“I know, but I also know it’s hard. You’ve made good friends, and they will feel… betrayed.”
“Because I am betraying them.” I could at least own up to that, no matter how much the thought made me choke.
“You’re saving your people.
They would do the same.”
I shook my head. “I’ll do what needs to be done. You raised me to do the right thing, no matter how hard it is.”
“I’m sorry I was the one who raised you and not your parents.”
“That’s… the opportunity. I might be able to visit Merlin’s house.”
Her eyes widened.
“You can’t steal from the wizard,” she warned me. “Not only might he kill you, but you might blow your cover.”
“So could you, breathing winter at me from so far away.” I tilted my head, staring at her. “I thought magic couldn’t reach between worlds.”
“I’ve been experimenting, and I’ve found—some magic can. Rare, beautiful, winter magic.” She smiled at me warmly, with a mother’s love reflected in her eyes—or at least, the closest thing to a mother’s love I knew, since my own mother’s memory had blurred and faded. “You have so much more power than you even realize, Tiron.”
Then maybe I had the power to save my court and keep my friends.
Yeah, right.
I couldn’t even react to that idealistic, ridiculous thought darting through my head, because if Perin knew what I was thinking, she’d consider my fledgling plans a betrayal too. There was no way out without hurting people I loved.
“If I happen to run across one of the enchantment orbs in Merlin’s house,” I said, “it would be helpful to have. To reverse the spells in the garden once I take the throne.”
She nodded. “But I promise you, Tiron, once you are High King—we will find a way to save your parents. Nothing will stop Dala and I from tracking down those orbs and reuniting you.”
I nodded.
“I heard the summer princess is different now. Kinder,” Perin said, and her voice was soft. “Her people seem to love her—then and now.”
“Perhaps she is,” I said. “I didn’t know her before.”
“Remember, you know everything you need to know about who she was before. Herrick’s daughter, Faer’s sister.” She studied me in the mirror. “She knew about the statues, and she picnicked under them as your parents watched, silently screaming through the decades—”
“Enough, Perin.” I let some of my winter court power bleed into my voice, no matter how quietly I spoke. Sometimes she forgot I wasn’t just the boy she had raised; I was also her king. I didn’t need her sympathies for my awkward position.
She bowed her head. “I’m sorry. It’s just that you’ve always been the best of males, Tiron. The most valiant knight and kindest friend. But now you need to be the best king. And that’s a very different kind of good.”
It almost seemed as if it wasn’t good at all.
“I’ll do what has to be done,” I promised. “Don’t contact me again.”
“Of course, your majesty,” she said, but the words were laden with affection. “I’ll see you in the summer court.”
Her face faded. I pulled a towel from the rack and wiped the mirror; shards of ice fell from the mirror and cracked against the countertop.
Perin was overbearing, but she was also wise, as quick with a glib remark as she was with a sword. When I was growing up, she’d told me bedtime stories every night, and as I grew into my role as king, she’d helped me rescue our creatures from all the places they were captive, and smuggle them back into the cold.
Those memories were far stronger than the shards of ice that were already melting, and I swiped the towel over them, obliterating any trace of her presence in this hotel room. Maybe those memories were stronger than the more recent, fragile bonds I had with the autumn princes.
When I walked back into the bedroom, Azrael was in the throes of another of his nightmares.
“Alisa,” Azrael murmured. “Please. Don’t do this.”
The brokenness in his voice fractured something in me too.
He’d be angry if I wasted my magic on something stupid, and yet I couldn’t stand leaving him like that. I spun the enchantment over him that would plunge him into a deep, dreamless sleep, at least for a little while.
But I couldn’t sleep at all.
Chapter Thirty-Five
Duncan
Seven Years Earlier
Late that night after I’d betrayed my father, I woke to a shadowy figure slipping in my window. My knife beneath my pillow was in my hand and I was across the room before I was even fully awake, pressing my body against the slight figure and the blade against her throat.
Alisa. I realized that in the next heartbeat, even before she smiled up at me.
“I think I could love this game,” she whispered, shifting against me. Suddenly my cock was hard between the two of us.
“Are you still drunk on your victory?” I asked, pulling the knife away from her throat.
“My victory?” Her brows arched. “It was a victory for you and Zora.”
I tossed my knife onto the writing table nearby, almost knocking over my ink bottle. I wasn’t sure Alisa and I should be trusted with sharp objects near each other. “Oh please. You managed to get more than you gave anyone—as usual.”
“I don’t need your father’s loyalty to win my battles,” she promised me. The teasing tone had fled, and she stared at me in anger. “I was trying to please you, you miserable ass. To help you.”
“Really? What an odd turn of events, when you’re usually so dedicated to pleasing yourself.”
She huffed a laugh. “Yes, I’m here celebrating winter solstice with you instead of traveling to the front myself because I’m so selfish.”
“The front?” The thought of her at the Rift made my heart hammer in my chest. The thought of losing her and Azrael in one unlucky attack was overwhelming. “That’s where you planned to go if I hadn’t—”
If I hadn’t bared my soul to her.
“Where I could be both plotting for the sake of my kingdom and fucking your brother,” she said. “Two of my favorite past-times.”
She stared at me with a challenge in her gaze. Anger lanced through my body. I shoved away from her and headed across the room. “I doubt, despite your most enthusiastic fucking, Azrael would have let you bind our father.”
“Well, he’s not here right now.” Her voice was a soft purr as she walked behind me, so close that I breathed in her intoxicating scent. She caressed my back as if she were comforting a foolish child. “It’s only you and I.”
I scoffed. “I might have betrayed my father, but I’d never betray my brother.”
“You don’t have to.” Her voice was cool. “I already made it clear to Azrael that I care for other people beside him.”
Care for? I wasn’t sure how to interpret those two words. I turned to her, hoping for clarity. The room was dimly lit, only the palest moonlight trickling inside as it was a cloudy night, and I couldn’t read her face. I couldn’t be sure what she meant.
“Well, aren’t you cocky,” I said. “I never said I wanted you.”
“You don’t have to.” Her voice was arch, and my hands fisted at my sides; I hated the thought that I was transparent to her. I’d never met another female that had this impact on me, despite the many that swarmed around my throne. “And I’m not cocky. I have you here with me.”
“After breaking into my room.”
She laughed, but it was a trilling, dismissive laugh; she wasn’t hurt at all. “Have it your way, Duncan. Azrael knows how I feel about you, and he knows I might be his—but I’m not his alone.”
“What are you saying?” I demanded, but she was already bounding lightly into the window, where she paused with her hand on the frame.
“I’ll make sure I don’t come again uninvited,” she said.
“Damn it, Alisa,” I said.
She crouched to leap, her delicate muscles rippling as she flexed to bring her wings out.
But I caught her around the waist and dragged her back toward me. Her warm, lithe body fell against mine.
She came easily—she was manipulating me, of course she was—but I grabbed her shoulder and turned h
er toward me. I didn’t give a damn.
My lips crashed down on hers. She slid her hands up my body, pressing into me, kissing me back as if she’d been waiting for me to come to my senses. Maybe she had been.
I pulled away just long again to ask, “Did you mean it? Did you tell Az…”
Her brows arched, even as she cupped my face familiarly with her hands. “I see I have to spell it out for you; I guess I shouldn’t be surprised. I like you, Duncan of the Autumn court. I like you just as much although in entirely different ways from how I like your brother.”
“I like teasing you,” she went on, “and I like the way you give it back to me. I like how you watch my back. I like the way you put everyone else first and never mention it. And you have a very nice ass, as well.”
She hesitated, then admitted in a rush, “Most of all, I like having you as a friend so much I’ve been afraid to tell you that I like you as anything else. But the way you look at me sometimes… you look at me with an expression like what I feel on the inside.”
My heart felt raw and exposed, but she’d made herself more vulnerable than I had, and it made me realize what a fool I’d been to ever doubt her.
A teasing smile came over her lips. “And now if you have any sense, we’ll stop talking about anyone who isn’t in this room with us, and focus on each other.”
“Deal,” I said. I walked her back toward the bed, and she smiled up at me as I pushed her gently down onto the bed; it was the closest I could come to pinning Alisa down.
I straddled her, pushing up the tunic she wore to cover her bare skin with kisses. She let out a groan, raising her hips, encouraging me to tug down her pants. I smiled against the warmth of her taut stomach; she knew what she wanted. I yanked the pants down and she moaned with anticipation when I leaned back over her, pressing kisses to her thighs.
“Shirt too,” I ordered, bringing my thumb up to toy with her swollen pink clit. She bit her lower lip in response to my touch, but I wanted her naked and writhing. “I want to see you.”
I wanted to see all of what was mine, and claim her as my own.