“Soon.”
“Why does the damn dryer always have to take so long?”
“Don’t swear. You know I don’t like that.”
“Oh, all right.” Mandy sat fidgeting for half a minute; then she was on her feet again. “I’m going to the store for a Coke.”
“No you’re not,” Della said. “We can’t afford for you to be buying Cokes all the time.”
“Oh, Mom…”
“No Coke.”
Mandy stamped her foot in a little-girl gesture. Her Indian headband had a cluster of bead-tipped leather thongs at the back and they clicked together with the movement. When her mother merely looked at her, unperturbed by her little tantrum, she glared back and then began pacing as before. And casting the same sly looks at Alix as before.
Alix managed to absorb herself in part of a chapter. Then she realized Mandy had come over near where she was sitting; she looked up, saw the girl watching her.
“You’re the lady from the lighthouse,” Mandy said.
“Yes, that’s right.”
“You going to live out there long?”
“For the next year.”
“That long? I sure don’t envy you.”
“No? Why not?”
Della had got up and was at her dryer again. “Mandy,” she said, “stop bothering the lady and get over here and help me. Laundry’s dry now.”
The girl went reluctantly, began stuffing clothing into pillow cases her mother held open. When they were finished, Della started away with the two heavy cases; Mandy stopped her and relieved her of both, saying, “No, Mom, let me take them. You’ll hurt your back again.”
Not a bad kid underneath it all, Alix thought. At least she looks out for her mother.
Della went out. Mandy followed, but paused in the open doorway and said over her shoulder to Alix, “I don’t envy you for a lot of reasons. I wouldn’t want to be married to a dog murderer.”
“A what? ”
“A dog murderer. After last night, you people aren’t going to be—”
“Mandy!” Della called from outside.
The girl shrugged and was gone without another word.
Alix sat openmouthed. By the time she had recovered from her surprise and hurried outside, they were pulling away in an old Nash Rambler, Della at the wheel. Neither mother nor daughter looked back.
Feeling a little stunned, Alix went back inside the launderette. Dog murderer. What did that mean? It hadn’t sounded like a joke or some sly teenager’s game; Mandy had been serious. Something must have happened last night, something involving Jan and a dog… Mitch Novotny’s dog?
Oh God, she thought.
She caught up her pea jacket from where it lay on one of the chairs, shrugged into it, grabbed her purse. Ignoring her laundry, she hurried out again into the wind-chilled street. The Hilliard General Store was opposite the launderette on a slight diagonal; according to Cassie, if anyone would know exactly what had happened last night, it would be Lillian Hilliard.
Alix barely noticed the rush of warm air and homey smells that greeted her when she stepped inside. Mrs. Hilliard was in her accustomed place behind the grocery counter; opposite her stood a tall, thin man in a brown overcoat and a short, wiry man in workclothes. They had been talking, but they all stopped when they saw her. Both men gave her their full attention-more attention than anyone in the village except Cassie Lang and Mandy had displayed thus far.
Alix stopped a few feet away, near the post-office cubicle. For a time none of them moved; the silence that followed the tinkling of the entrance bell struck her as heavy and a little tense. The short man was the first to move and speak; he swung around to face Lillian Hilliard again and said, “So what should I do about the shelves?”
“Well, Adam, if you can’t fit six in, I’ll have to settle for five.”
Adam was holding a hammer in his right hand; now he began to slap it against the opposite palm, shifting his weight as he did so from his left foot to his right, his right foot to his left. He had longish blond hair and a wispy mustache, and was wearing a toolbelt around his waist. “I didn’t say I couldn’t fit six. I just meant I’ll have to do ’em closer together.”
“Won’t do. They have to hold tall packages.”
“Okay, then. Five it is.” He started toward the back of the store in a peculiar hopping gait. When he reached the end of the canned-food aisle he turned, gave Alix another long speculative look.
The tall man pulled a knitted cap from the pocket of his overcoat and put it on over his pale thinning hair. Still peering at Alix through his wire-rimmed glasses, he said, “You must be Mrs. Ryerson, our new neighbor out at the light.”
Such a direct overture from anyone in the village was surprising. “Yes, I am.”
The man extended a slender, well-manicured hand. “I’m Harvey Olsen, minister of the Community Church. Welcome to Hilliard.”
“Thank you, Reverend… it is Reverend?”
“Yes. The ministry is Methodist, but we like to think of ourselves as nondenominational. So we can better serve the community, we encourage parishioners of all faiths to participate. But please call me Harvey-everyone does.”
“Well, thank you… Harvey.”
He continued to peer at her; behind his glasses, his eyes were as pale as his hair. “I hope we’ll be seeing you and your husband at services soon,” he said.
This was absurd. She had come in here to find out if there was any truth to Mandy’s claim that Jan was a dog murderer, and here she was being urged to attend Sunday church services. For a moment she was at a loss for words. Neither she nor Jan was particularly religious, although she had been raised Episcopalian, he Lutheran. Still, she didn’t want to offend the one person aside from Cassie Lang who had tried to make her feel welcome in Hilliard.
She finally managed to say, “I hope so too.”
Harvey Olsen nodded, smiled, and then picked up a sack of groceries and a copy of the Portland Oregonian that was lying on the counter. To Lillian Hilliard he said, “You’ll be chairing the ladies’ organizing committee for the fall bazaar tonight?”
“I will. Someone’s got to keep those hens in line so it doesn’t turn into one big coffee klatch.”
The minister smiled again, vaguely this time, lifted a hand to Alix, and went out.
Now that she was alone with Alix, Mrs. Hilliard assumed an odd, guarded expression. “Help you with something?”
“Yes.” But she didn’t know where to start.
The storekeeper plucked a wilted celery leaf off the counter, then reached underneath for a rag and began wiping the worn wooden surface. From the back of the store came the staccato sound of hammering.
“Well?”
“Mrs. Hilliard… did something happen in the village last night? Something involving my husband and a dog?”
“Mean you don’t know about that?”
“No. I wouldn’t ask you if I knew, would I? All I know is what Mandy Barnett said at the launderette.”
“What was that?”
She didn’t want to repeat it. “Mrs. Hilliard, will you please tell me—”
“Lord knows I didn’t like that dog,” the storekeeper said. “Mitch was always bringing him in here and he was always upsetting something. But Mitch was fond of Red, treated him like one of his kids-better, some might say.”
“It’s dead? Mitch Novotny’s dog?”
“Run down in the road right out front of the Novotny house. Run down on purpose, according to what Mitch says.”
Alix suddenly felt sick to her stomach.
“Didn’t stop, didn’t even slow down,” Lillian Hilliard said. “Pretty cold-hearted, you ask me.”
“I don’t believe it.”
“Well, Mitch wouldn’t lie. I’ll say that for him.”
“Then he must have made a mistake. How could he be sure it was my husband?”
“Wasn’t any mistake. That big new car of yours is the only one like it around here. And Mitch says he saw it happen.”
Alix stood still, her hands clenched, fingernails biting into her palms. It just wasn’t possible. Jan was a gentle man, he had often spoken out against blood sports and other cruelties to animals…
Mrs. Hilliard said, “Seems to me if it was just an accident, he’d have stopped afterward. And told you about it after he got home. Now wouldn’t you say?”
She didn’t know what to say. She just shook her head. Not a word to her last night; and this morning, he’d gotten up before she had and locked himself in his study and started working as if nothing had happened. Working hard: she’d heard the steady beat of the typewriter keys and hadn’t wanted to disturb him; had left him a note saying she was going into the village to do the laundry.
The storekeeper bunched up her rag and tossed it back under the counter. “Maybe you better go back to the lighthouse and ask him about it,” she said almost gently. Her expression now was one of pity. “Maybe he’s got an explanation that’ll satisfy everybody.”
“Yes. Yes, I’m sure he does.”
Numbly, she turned her back on the other woman’s pity and left the store. The station wagon was parked nose-in to one side of the launderette; she crossed the street and walked around to the front of the car. She hadn’t looked at it up close this morning, hadn’t had any reason to. Now she did.
The bumper was dented, scratched. And there was a thin smear of something on it that might have been blood.
Alix
Jan was at his worktable, aligning the stack of manuscript pages next to his typewriter, when she came into the study. His fingers moved quickly- tap, tap, tap — bringing the papers into neat order. When he heard her he looked around. His color wasn’t good, his face pale and pinched, but he seemed in reasonably good spirits.
“There you are,” he said. “I’ve just finished the introductory chapter on lighthouse history and I want you to—”
“Jan, we have to talk. Right now.”
He frowned. “What’s wrong?”
On the drive back to the lighthouse she had decided on an indirect approach, one that wouldn’t be too accusing or threatening. Give Jan the opportunity to tell her what had happened. “Last night,” she said, “you told me you were going out for tobacco.”
“Yes?”
“But you’re not out of tobacco. There’s a half-full pouch on your desk. Why did you lie to me?”
He let out his breath in a tired sigh. “Alix, I’m sorry. I had one of my headaches and I thought a drive would relax me. But I wanted to be alone, and I didn’t feel like explaining. I didn’t want to upset you while you were working.”
She felt her anger rising; forced it down. She was determined to handle this in a way that would damage them the least. “Jan, why didn’t you tell me about the dog?”
“What dog?”
“Mitch Novotny’s dog-Red. Everyone in the village is talking about it.”
“Still? My God, that was over a week ago.”
“They’re not talking about last week, they’re talking about what happened last night!”
For a moment Jan seemed honestly bewildered; then an uneasiness-and something that might have been fear-crawled into his eyes. “I don’t know what you mean,” he said.
Alix sat heavily on the extra chair, a mate to the lumpy ones in the living room. “Someone ran down and killed Mitch Novotny’s dog last night. He claims it was you. And that you did it deliberately because you didn’t stop, didn’t even slow down.”
“Oh, God. ”
Now Jan looked ill. He shook his head, winced, pressed thumb and forefinger against his eye sockets.
“You did run down that dog, didn’t you?”
“I… don’t know.”
“What?”
“I don’t know!”
“My God, how can you not know? Even if you didn’t see it, you’d have to have felt the impact. Or heard it. The front bumper is dented, there’s blood on it…”
He got convulsively to his feet, went to the window, stood staring out. “The headache wasn’t so bad when I left here,” he said in a low, pained voice. “But it’d worsened by the time I got to the village, got so bad I could barely see. I turned around, drove back a ways, and then I couldn’t see at all and I stopped-somewhere out on the cape-and just sat there, a long time, until it eased enough so that I could make it back here. I was afraid of hitting something or somebody, that’s why I stopped. I… I didn’t know I’d already hit the dog.”
Conflicting emotions moved through her: relief, concern, fear, even a small doubt. She stood and went to him, caught one of his arms and turned him gently until he was facing her. The deep pain etched in his face was frightening.
She said, “Jan, those headaches of yours seem to be getting worse, more intense. They worry me. You’ve got to do something about them. Call Dave Sanderson or something…”
“I’ve already called him. He gave me a referral to a doctor in Portland. I’ll be seeing him on Tuesday.”
“I’ll go to Portland with you—”
“No, somebody has to stay here and take care of things.”
“I don’t like the idea of you driving all that way alone, not after last night.”
“I won’t drive if a headache starts.”
“Promise me that? Never again?”
“I promise. God, do you think I want to hit anything else with the car? Just the thought of that poor dog…” He shuddered. “Novotny must be pretty upset, must think I’m some kind of criminal. Everyone else in Hilliard, too.”
“They’ll get over it when they hear the truth.”
“Will they?”
“Maybe if you call Novotny and apologize, explain what happened.. maybe he’ll listen.”
“It’s worth a try. But I remember when Thud was killed-the driver of the car that hit him apologized and we still suffered for weeks.”
Alix remembered too-all too well. Thud had been their big, solid yellow cat, named for the noise he made when lesser cats would have jumped off the furniture soundlessly. Years later she still felt his loss, still expected at odd moments to find him lurking in the kitchen next to his food bowl, or to hear him thudding through the house.
Jan forced a smile that was meant to be reassuring, squeezed her hand; but the fear still crouched in his eyes. She wondered if her own fear showed in her eyes, too, for him to see. His explanation hadn’t quite banished it, and neither had her sense of relief.
What if his headaches were no longer just the product of tension? What if something was seriously wrong with him?
Jan
Sitting morosely in front of the old wood-burner in the living room, he could hear Alix moving around the kitchen. She was making a lot of noise-thumps, bumps, clatters. Working off her anxiety at the same time. That was a trait he had always admired in her. Whenever she was upset or angry, she found some sort of physical labor to engage in; attacked it with a determination that bordered on the obsessive. And when the job was done, or when she had exhausted herself, her emotions were back in sync again. No grudge-holder, she. She could forgive anything in less than twenty-four hours.
Almost anything.
His pipe had gone out; he relighted it. He watched his hand as he did so, watched it tremble. An indicator of how overwrought he was today. How afraid.
The pain had been bad last night-that awful bulging. But that wasn’t the worst part. He’d lied to Alix about the worst part, his second lie to her in two days, because the truth was too painful. And the truth was, he didn’t remember the drive into the village proper, what had happened there or afterward, nor most of the drive back here. His memory ended with the bulging as he neared the county road, picked up again as he jounced along the cape road a half mile or so from the lighthouse.
Blackout. More than two hours of lost time. That sort of thing had never happened to him before… or had it? It could have; that was what made it so terrifying. You blacked out, you did things during that blank time, and then afterward you not only couldn’t
remember what those things were, it was possible you didn’t even realize you’d had a blackout.
But no, this was the first time-it had to be. It was all somehow connected to the atrophying of his optic nerves, his imminent blindness, even though Dave Sanderson had been carefully noncommital when he’d called Dave earlier and told him about the blackout (but not the details of it, not that he’d been out driving and killed a dog).
“Blackouts aren’t common with the type of eye disease you have,” Dave had said. “But that doesn’t mean they can’t happen or won’t happen again. Your condition is rare; we just don’t know enough about it. I think you ought to see another ophthalmologist, find out if the degenerative process has speeded up any, or if there are any new complications. There’s a good one in Portland; I’ll call him for you right away.”
Then Dave had paused. And then he’d asked, “Have you told Alix yet?”
“No.”
“When are you planning to?”
“I don’t know. I haven’t decided yet.”
“Doesn’t she suspect you’re having vision problems?”
“Not yet, no.”
“She will before much longer. Jan, I really think you’re making a mistake by not confiding in her. She’s your wife, she has a right to know. Why do you insist on hiding the truth from her?”
Because I’m afraid, he’d thought. Damn you, I’m afraid!
He’d gotten in touch with the Portland ophthalmologist, Dr. Philip R. Meade, and made an appointment for early Tuesday afternoon. And he didn’t want to go, because he was afraid Meade might tell him the degeneration was accelerating and he would be blind sooner than the year or two the others had projected; afraid he wouldn’t be able to stay here the full term, wouldn’t be able to finish his book; afraid he would experience more blackouts. Afraid of everything these days, that was Professor Jan Ryerson, eminent authority on beacons in the night.
Abruptly he stood, went to the stove, added fresh lengths of cordwood to the blaze inside. His pipe had gone out again; he laid it in the ashtray alongside the telephone, reclaimed his chair. God, he thought then, that poor dog. But it’s not possible I deliberately ran it down last night, even in a blackout state. Novotny’s wrong. It had to have been a freak accident.
The Lighthouse Page 8