I hummed a little sound of agreement but reminded her softly, “The reason you barely graduated wasn’t because you didn’t like being in school. It was because you were too busy worrying about everything Hyde was doing. You were obsessed.” I secretly thought she still was, but she did a much better job of hiding how she felt about the boy who broke her heart than I did.
Remy stiffened next to me, but she didn’t deny the truth in my statement. “Exactly. So, you should listen to me when I tell you I’m worried about what might happen to you if you get involved with Ry. I know exactly what it’s like to leave pieces of yourself scattered all over the place because of a boy. Sometimes those pieces get lost, and putting yourself back together the way you were before becomes impossible.” She made a distressed sound and reached out to pull on the purple ends of my long hair. “I wouldn’t wish that struggle on my worst enemy.”
I caught her hand in mine and held it lightly. “Well, there is one big difference between my situation and yours.”
I hated to point it out because it was the one and only soft spot Remy had ever had, but she was worried about something she didn’t exactly have first-hand experience with.
Her eyebrows lifted over the top of her sunglasses as she asked, “What’s that?”
I cleared my throat and rubbed my hands up and down my thighs. “You and Hyde, it was always a one-sided thing. All those years you chased after him, and he never budged. He never treated you as anything more than a friend. With me and Ry,” I blew out a breath and turned my head to give her an anxious look. “Sometimes I like him more than he likes me, and sometimes he likes me more than I like him. But it’s never one-sided. We always like each other, even when we don’t.” Maybe after spending time together this summer, we could finally figure out how to like each other the same amount at the same time.
Remy’s hands tightened on the steering wheel, and her mouth turned back into a fierce frown. It was on the tip of my tongue to apologize, but as if she sensed I immediately regretted my words, she waved a dismissive hand between us. “You’re right. I guess I didn’t think about what Ry would have to lose if things went south between the two of you. He’s got as much on the line as you do.”
He did. Which meant we were both going to win big or lose it all. I wasn’t sure what option scared me more.
Ry
I ALMOST BUMPED into my neighbor’s front door when one of my roommates shoulder-checked me as we walked up to our condo. I rolled my shoulder because it was sore after a particularly brutal workout, followed by a nasty tackle to the ground during a pickup game in one of the many parks scattered around the small college town. There were still a few days left before we started serious summer training, and I realized that taking some time off hadn’t done me any favors.
“I thought you said your girl dumped you.” I rubbed my aching shoulder and scowled at Dino.
He was a year younger than me and our other roommate, and a transplant from a small town in Idaho. He was easygoing and goofy but a monster on the field. He switched between left and right tackle in the offensive line and had the size and demeanor fitting of the position. Our other roommate, Lucas, was a fullback and always seemed a step behind me. We competed a lot since we played similar positions and had equitable skills. I’d started as a fullback and switched to running back a few years ago. We were both tall and quick. I was just a touch faster and a bit more reliable with my hands than he was. Lucas wasn’t supposed to return from his trip home for a couple more days, which meant it was just me and Dino and his puppylike playfulness for the immediate future.
“She did.” I figured he was trying to give me a hard time, so I didn’t give any more details. I rolled my shoulder again and muttered, “Did you have to take me to the ground that hard? We were just playing around.”
“I never play around when it comes to football. And neither should you if you want to go pro. If you don’t have a girlfriend anymore, then who is that?”
I followed his ridiculously beefy arm as he pointed toward the entrance of our condo.
I halted in my tracks.
A familiar figure was sitting with her back to my front door. My gaze caught on long legs stretched out in front of her, black boots crossed at the ankle, as her foot rocked back and forth. Her head was tilted to the side as she concentrated hard on whatever she was looking at on her phone. Her black and purple hair was caught up in a long, ropey braid that hung over one shoulder, and she was dressed in her typical rocker-chic style. I would recognize Bowe by any of those things singularly. She was so distinct and clear in my mind. I couldn’t believe she was really sitting in front of my place like she didn’t have a care in the world. I hadn’t heard from Bowe since the morning I left Austin. I’d sent her a text to let her know I made it back to Denver, and another one letting her know I was heading back to my own place, but she didn’t respond to either. I wanted her to know I was waiting for her, that I was still thinking about her all the time, but I refrained. I didn’t want her to feel pressured or pressed to move forward or fall back to where we’d always been. With her silence, I figured she was going back to hiding her head in the sand and pretending like I didn’t exist. I took her lack of response as rejection.
The last thing I expected was for her to show up out of nowhere.
As if she sensed someone watching her, Bowe lifted her head and looked in my direction. I sucked in a breath when our eyes locked. She literally took my breath away.
“Who is that, Ry?” Dino elbowed me in the side to get me moving again. I glanced at him and noticed he was staring at Bowe with a similarly awed expression.
“That… is the girl of my dreams.” I gave myself a mental shake and started toward Bowe. I stopped next to her and reached out a hand to help her to her feet. I let out a startled gasp as my shoulder screamed in protest when I used that arm to pull her up. I guess I’d done a little bit more than tweak it.
Bowe frowned and looked me up and down. “Are you okay, Archer?
It took me a minute to get my brain in gear enough to form coherent words. “I’m all right. How long have you been waiting here? Why didn’t you tell me you were coming?”
She shrugged and moved to tuck her phone into the back pocket of her very short shorts. “I like the element of surprise.” She lifted her dark eyebrows at me and cocked her head. “You showed up at my doorstep unannounced. I figured I’d give you a taste of your own medicine.”
Now I understood how startled and off-balance she must have been when I showed up in Austin with no warning.
“Hi. I’m Dino.” I was shoved to the side as my roommate shot out a meaty hand in Bowe’s direction.
She gave the big guy a curious look, but allowed him to pump her hand up and down enthusiastically. “Dino?”
He tossed back his head and laughed at her questioning tone. I knew he was used to surprised reactions to his nickname, so he took Bowe’s reaction in stride.
“I was a really big baby. My mama always said I was the size of a brontosaurus when I was born. I’ve had the nickname since I was really little.”
“Ahh… That’s actually cute. Nice to meet you, Dino. I’m Bowe.” She extracted her hand and turned her gaze to where I was still rubbing my sore shoulder. “Do you need to ice that down or something?”
I went to shrug but immediately regretted the action as a sharp bolt of pain shot down my entire arm. I was going to act tough and play it off like it was just a little twinge, but as always, Bowe saw right through my act. She pointed at the front door of the condo and told Dino, “Can we go in so I can take care of him?”
Dino immediately jumped into action, unlocking our front door and ushering Bowe inside. I was left to follow behind the two of them while mentally trying to picture if we’d left the place in acceptable shape for company. Being three busy, single guys, there were times it looked like a hurricane blew through our condo. Fortunately, today was not one of those days, probably because Lucas was still out of town and h
e was the messiest one of us by far.
Dino continued to chat at Bowe as she watched me with a careful gaze. I wanted to grab her and demand to know how long she’d been in Colorado and ask how long she planned on staying. I wanted to ask what her presence meant. I wanted to know if she was finally ready to face our ever-fluctuating fate. I always wanted so much from her. She was lucky I was in no shape to grab or hold onto anyone at the moment. If I got my hands on her again, there was no guarantee I would be able to let her go.
Bowe asked Dino to point her toward an ice pack. I told Bowe to meet me in my bedroom when she was done, and I left them in the kitchen. I needed a minute to calm my racing heart and get my excitement under control. I didn’t want to overwhelm her with my expectations. I needed to know what hers were before I made any kind of move.
I stripped off my dirty, sweaty t-shirt and was in the process of trying to get a clean one over my head one-handed when she slid into my room. She closed the door quietly behind her and walked over to stand in front of me. She gave me a concerned look as she helped me with the shirt with her free hand. Once it was situated, she plopped the heavy ice pack on my shoulder and watched as I winced in discomfort.
“Are you hurt bad enough that you need to see a doctor? Should you talk to your mom?” She sounded genuinely concerned about me, which sent a pleased shiver down my spine.
“It isn’t that bad. If it’s still sore when training starts up, I’ll have a physical therapist look at it.” My parents were really good friends with one of the top rehab specialists in the state. I’d worked with him after the last major injury I’d suffered. But first, I’d have to get through my mom. Having her be able to professionally patch me up was both a blessing and a curse. I always got intent, superior medical care, but it came with levels of worry and concern that were a lot to bear. She’d tried more than once to get me to quit playing football when I was younger. She was worried about the long-term damage I was doing to my body. Every time she had to fix me up, she questioned if I was sure that playing football was what I wanted to do with the rest of my life.
“Your roommate seems nice. He’s huge. I assume he’s on the team with you.” She was looking around my room with open curiosity and wouldn’t meet my gaze.
“All three of us are on the team. Dino is definitely the nice one. He’ll talk your ear off if you let him. He’ll also rip your head off to protect his quarterback, even when we’re just playing around.”
“He’s the one who hurt you?” She sounded surprised.
“Not on purpose, Bowe.” I reached out a hand and caught her wrist, pulling her to stand in front of me as the ice pack slipped off my shoulder. “What are you doing here?”
She made a low sound in her throat and lifted the fallen pack back to my shoulder with her free hand. She held it in place while I held her tight, and we stared at each other.
“I came to get my explanation. You said you were sorry but didn’t tell me why or what for. I want to know. I’m ready to hear it.” I felt her pulse flutter under my fingertips.
“How long are you staying?” I really wanted her to say forever, but doubted that was the case.
She shifted her weight nervously as she looked down at me. “I talked Remy into staying with me for the rest of the summer.”
My heart skipped a beat or two at her words. That was so much more than I’d hoped for. It was plenty of time to make amends and to figure out exactly what in the hell we were doing to and for each other.
“I’m really glad you’re here.” I could hear the stark honesty in my words. I could also hear the relief and gratitude that she was willing to let me explain myself after all this time.
Bowe bent a little so the tips of our noses were nearly touching. Her bright eyes practically burned into mine as she whispered, “Don’t make me regret it, Archer.”
All I had to do was lean forward an inch, and our lips would touch. I could kiss her senseless, but I had to give her the words that would explain all my previous actions before I lost my head and was rendered useless by desire and weak with want.
Sighing, I let go of her wrist and rocked forward so our foreheads touched. She put her other hand on my non-injured shoulder for balance as I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her even closer. I breathed her in and closed my eyes as I tried to wrangle my thoughts into a cohesive order. I didn’t want to make a mess of everything I was so desperate to fix.
“When I said I was sorry that night in Austin, I was apologizing for a lot of things, but mainly for not being brave enough to face how you make me feel. Back when we were younger and trying to figure things out, I was scared of everything. Scared of letting my parents down. Scared of being myself. Scared of the future. Scared of not knowing what was waiting for me if I let myself breathe and relax. And I was terrified of how easily you saw through the front I was using to hide all that fear. The only time I wasn’t completely terrified was when I was with you. I was pretending, day in and day out, but I could never pull it off with you. That’s why I pushed you away when we finally crossed the line from friends to something more. I didn’t know how to keep up the act around you. You were the most important person in my life, but I couldn’t bring myself to be honest with you about anything. I couldn’t even be honest with myself. When I said we weren’t a good fit, what I meant was that I couldn’t see myself being a guy you would want to be with. I told myself it was to protect you, but I know now I was just protecting me. I was scared you wouldn’t want to keep me, that you wouldn’t want to do the work we would need to be together. But instead of talking to you about it, or even allowing myself to believe being with you was an option, I pushed you away and made sure we couldn’t be together. I was a coward.”
I swallowed hard and tightened my hold on her.
“I thought it would be best to let you go, but I never could. You’ve always been there, Bowe. No matter where I was or who I was with, you were there. I felt like I could never reach for you, but I couldn’t stop myself from trying. I’m sorry for crashing back into your life. I’m sorry for disrupting it. But I can’t pretend anymore. I don’t want to impose my feelings on you because that isn’t fair, but I want you to know how I feel and how serious I am about figuring out if we can work together if we put in the effort. I’m a better man because of you.”
I was figuring out who I was meant to be because of her. She made me brave.
One of her hands shifted to my hair. I felt her fingers rake through it. She breathed out a tiny laugh and moved to show me the piece of grass that she retrieved. I really must’ve hit the ground harder than I initially thought.
“I liked you a lot back then, Ry.” Her voice was a bit shaky as she pulled away to take a seat next to me on the edge of the bed. “I was hurt and confused when you suddenly pulled away. You made me feel like I did something wrong.”
I flinched because that was exactly what I was afraid of.
She turned her head to look at me, and I watched as her brows furrowed into a deep frown. “You replaced me in the blink of an eye. The last thing I wanted was to be seen as interchangeable in the eyes of someone I was into. It made me question what I was doing and the choices I was making. You made me not trust myself.”
That’s because I projected all my biggest insecurities onto her. She was infinitely tougher and more mature than I was.
“I was an asshole. Still am. But I will do better, be better. I promise.” I wanted to reach for her hand, but she was using it to keep the ice pack in place. “And you have always been irreplaceable. Why do you think I could never let you go, even after you worked so hard to get away from me?”
Bowe sighed and leaned back on her elbows on the bed. “I’ve learned to trust myself no matter what. How exactly am I supposed to trust you?”
I looked down at her and told her with all honesty, “I’m not lying to myself anymore because of you. I’m not trying to hide anymore. You won’t have to look through me anymore. I’ll show you, and everyone
else, everything upfront.” I fell back on the bed and readjusted the ice pack. Now that it was resting on the bed, I reached for Bowe’s hand and laced our fingers together and held on tight. “Give me time to prove to you that the real me is someone you can trust and rely on. You came all the way here. That shows me you want to believe in me… believe in us.”
She rubbed her thumb across the back of my hand as we lay in silence for a long moment. She didn’t agree with me, but she didn’t pull away either.
Just when I thought I was going to have to beg her to break the quiet, Bowe finally whispered, “The only thing in my life that isn’t a giant question mark right now is the fact that you make me feel some kind of way. You always have. No matter what, that hasn’t changed. That feels like the only solid thing I have to hold onto at the moment. You said you’re always reaching for me; well, right now, I’m also reaching for you. I need something to hold onto, to anchor me. If you don’t think you can do that while I figure out the rest of the clusterfuck I’ve made of everything, then tell me now. If you let me drift away this time,” she rolled her head to the side so she could look at me, and I could see how serious she was by the intensity in her eyes. “I’m not going to come back.”
I lifted our joined hands and pressed a soft kiss to the back of hers. “Give me the rest of the summer and I’ll prove to you that I’m worth taking a risk on. Again.”
I wouldn’t screw up again. I would put everything I had into making sure she didn’t regret giving me another shot. I knew for a fact that I would hold onto her with everything I had, no matter how rough the waters ahead of us might get.
Bowe
I BLINKED MY eyes open as the hard, warm surface I was using as a pillow suddenly shifted underneath my cheek. I didn’t remember falling asleep, but Ry’s deep, rumbling voice was soothing. And we talked for a long time about a variety of things after I opened the door for the possibility of us being together in the future. He told me about his conversation with Aston and seemed genuinely offended that the other girl wasn’t even the slightest bit heartbroken over their split. I was taken aback when he mentioned that she appeared to be very aware that he and I had something going on between us. When he told me that she mentioned she was just borrowing him until we found our way back to each other, I found it very hard to believe. If he was mine, I never intended to share him with anyone. I would be jealous enough for both of us if Ry decided to show an interest in someone else. I told him I wanted to have my own conversation with Aston. I wasn’t sure what I wanted to say to her, but I felt like I owed her an apology of some kind, at the very least.
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