by Leslie Lee
going to close my eyes until we have either arrived home or been strung up by a mob of angry aliens.”
Seren laughed and reached over and squeezed the Romulan’s thigh. She winced, not having completely healed. However, the Human’s ministrations had done wonders. The tractor swerved towards a building before Vain reached out to straighten the tractor out. With a little laugh that the Romulan thought was entirely inappropriate, Seren regained control.
“Where are we going, Seren? Or are you lost? Again?”
“I am not lost!” she scowled. “I think we deserve something special. That’s all.”
Vain kept her eyes closed until the tractor huffed to a halt.
“Are you sure?” Vain asked when she saw where they’d stopped.
“Absolutely.”
They locked their supplies up in the cargo bins, then donned their breathers. Seren started to exit the tractor when Vain touched her arm, stopping her
“I believe someone is about to be visited by some acquaintances.” She nodded toward two figures who looked around carefully then separated. One stood at the front of the store, the other stole around back.
Seren swore.
“This is not our concern,” Vain pointed out. “We can inform the sheriff.”
“That completely useless pile of...”
Vain gave her a warning look.
“Excrement.” Seren sighed, squinting at the store. “He has something I need. Let’s just see if we can scare them off.”
They checked their weapons then slid out into the dust filled gloom.
The male in front burst through the door. It slammed behind him. They couldn’t see in. The store had no windows. Vain held up two hands. Then moved one finger down. Nine. They separated. Vain went around the back, Seren stood at the front. The Human counted down to zero, then rushed into the shop. Vain glided in from the back. She swung her two handguns around searching for a target while Seren’s multibarrel swept the interior.
“Welcome, welcome!” the Cardassian said holding his arms wide, his smile lighting his face up. “I am so very pleased you choose to grace my humble establishment. Seren and Vain is it not? Is there any greater pleasure and honor, ladies, than returning customers? Yes, it is a pleasure and an honor.”
Seren frowned looking around for the two men who had preceded them. The Cardassian seemed totally unconcerned that two females had just burst into his shop with drawn guns.
“I have just the articles of fashion that you’ll find to be both most attractive and yet most practical as well. And on this lovely fine day there are an assortment of bargains of which two such lovely young ladies as yourselves can take full advantage.”
“The men, tailor,” Vain said. “Where are they?”
“Men?” the Cardassian inquired. “Oh, you mean the two who were in here just now. Such wonderful and may I say, loyal customers. They needed just a few minor alterations and I was most happy to oblige them.”
“Then where are they?” Seren asked lowering her weapon and looking under a table.
“They left through the back.” He smiled and clasped his hands together.
“I came in through the back,” Vain said. “I saw no one.”
“How very odd. I am completely mystified. You must have just missed them. But rest assured, their minds are completely at ease knowing that their clothing needs are completely taken care of for a lifetime I dare say.”
Vain narrowed her eyes. As a tailor should be, he was dressed well, the colors subdued but complementing him. She appreciated his attention to detail in his shop. He’d organized his merchandize down to the last detail. Somehow, he also kept the store spotless. Perhaps he could teach Seren a little about that particular talent.
“We thought that maybe you were in trouble,” Seren said, peeking into a small dressing room.
“Oh? Oh! Oh...” His oh’s went up and down a musical scale as he held his hands out again. “And you were concerned for me. Truly, I am touched. Please put your minds at rest though. I am but a simple tailor who toils in only the most mundane of activities. Who would want to hurt someone as insignificant as I? And you are such lovely people to care for my well being. As you can see, I am quite fine. Quite fine. Now let’s think no more of it.”
Seren pulled off her wrappings and breather. She smiled slightly at the beaming Cardassian. Vain twirled her guns into the holsters at her hips. Seren blew her a kiss. She loved it when Vain did that. The Romulan had gone to the other side of the room ostensibly to peer at some gloves. Neither of them completely trusted him. He had outfitted them when they were newbies and had dealt with them fairly. Still, he was a Cardassian. His greyish rough skin and skeletal appearance gave him a dead-ish look. His eyes shone bright with amusement though. He was not like any other Cardassian Seren had ever met. Not that there’d been many. Those were military and always seemed to be in a hurry to go massacre some planet or the other.
“Have you got what I ordered?” Seren asked. Vain frowned and looked at her.
The Cardassian widened his eyes slightly and flicked his gaze over to Vain a little. “I am a little unsure of what you mean.”
“It’s okay, tailor. Hiding anything from her is impossible.”
He laughed merrily. “Then but of course, of course. I made it myself and it is of the highest quality.”
“Made what?” Vain said, suspicious.
“You have my unimpeachable guarantee of money returned with no questions asked if you are not both completely and most utterly satisfied.” He bustled into the back. Vain moved to where she could watch him, her hand drifting to her sidearm.
“Where’d they go?” Seren said even looking amongst the bolts of fabric stacked on the shelves. Vain shook her head, mystified, inspecting the ceiling.
He bustled back ignoring Vain.
“And here it is. I hope my most inadequate of gift wrapping skills will cause you no offense.”
Seren laughed a little as she handed over a few strips of their latinum while Vain feigned disinterest. “Thanks.”
He bowed accepting them. “Your generosity is most appreciated. Most appreciated. But before you depart...”
They halted their preparations for leaving.
“An offering for your generous and loyal custom.” He reached up and retrieved what looked like a large turban and a poncho. Vain stepped back her hand resting on the butt of her gun as he approached her. Again, he didn’t seem to notice. Seren loved the way the handles of Vain’s guns pointed forwards instead of backwards like hers. And she’d seen how fast the Romulan could draw them. She hoped the Cardassian displayed prudence. He pulled the Romulan’s hat off, then delicately placed the turban over her head.
“And see how the scarf wraps around your face to provide an extra level of protection from the elements. It does have the unfortunate disadvantage of completely hiding your most beautiful visage, your wonderful ears, and forehead constructs. Why, if you look in the mirror here, you would hardly recognize even yourself, wouldn’t you say? With this very attractive but subtle poncho about you, like this and these boots, which I will discount very heavily for you, it would make you scarcely noticeable as well. These vestments are somewhat chameleon in their nature so please be careful out there so that you are not overlooked by those trucks and skimmers and tractors. I believe most of them are driven by blind and murderous demons.”
His gaze slid towards Seren.
“I drive just fine,” she snapped.
Vain slipped out of her old boots and into the ones he gave her and then wrapped the poncho about her. The mirror agreed with the tailor. She did look different. With the poncho thrown over her shoulders draping over her weapons but still allowing easy access, the thigh high boots, the leather trousers, the turban covering most of her head and the scarf wrapping the lower half of her face over the breather so that only her goggles were visible, she could be anyone.
“I look male,” she scowled.
“Surely not! Surely not!” he cried, lo
oking at her reflection. “It is true that someone performing only a cursory inspection and possessing a brutish sort of sensibility may indeed mistake you for a more male-ish sort of person but I know that someone with the appropriate sensitivity would not be fooled for even one moment.”
“And you make such a lovely male,” Seren laughed.
The Romulan glared at her looking as if she was about to slam the turban to the ground.
The Cardassian smiled his eyes blazing at the Human. He tried to soothe the Romulan while struggling with her to keep the turban on her head.
“Your friend’s sense of humor is so completely...” He paused for a moment. “So completely flattering to you. You are lovely and beautiful. Only the most foolish and most blind would mistake your true nature.”
Vain finally let him readjust the headgear.
“Now, young lady.” He turned his critical eye on Seren. “Let’s get you situated shall we? And let’s keep that sharp little tongue of yours most still, what do we say to that, hmm?”
It was Seren’s turn to scowl. “What do you have in mind?”
“Just a coat. Your hat, so reminiscent of that time on Earth called the Old West, is perfect as it is.”
“You sold it to me so you should know.” She adjusted the brim having grown fond of the headgear.
“Now try on this coat. Sometimes it is referred to as a duster which is most appropriate for our climate. Much better, I think, than a cloak for you.”
She shrugged the black garment on. The delicate and small scales hardly reflected