by Bonny Capps
Growling, I run my hands from her ass to her thighs, lifting her and placing her on the bed before the weight of my body falls over her.
Chests crushing, our breaths are furious as we stare into each other’s eyes. “You like being told what to do. Your façade is translucent.”
Alina smiles as she stares at me with those mischievous eyes. Placing an index finger on my face, she trails it from my temple to my jaw. “This is no façade, Alexei. What you see is what you get.”
I follow behind Dimitri with my head hung. I see the numerous feet pass me in the opposite direction, and my eyes stay fixed on the ground—watching them—trying to recognize the pair of shoes at the dinner table that night. They weren’t polished to perfection shoes like the other men in this place … they were sneakers.
Once again, I’m Dimitri’s doll. It’s been days since I had to watch my baby starve, but I was rewarded by watching her eat and being able to stand on my feet once more. Now, I wake to a new clothing box sitting on the bed each morning while Dimitri roams the woods surrounding the dacha doing what he does best: killing innocent animals. When he’s not out there, he’s down below, killing innocent humans.
The stranger … I want to see him again. He is all that I have now that Vadim’s gone. With Vadim and me, there was an understanding. That understanding involved me trusting him, but accepting that he was the reason why I was here in the first place. The monster that is Dimitri wouldn’t have ever touched me if it weren’t for that man. Then again, there would never be Eva if it weren’t for the fucked up circumstances that led me to where I’m at now. I’m damaged, but not beyond repair.
I still have hope.
My heart races when the white sneakers come into sight, and I nearly run right into Dimitri’s back when he stops abruptly.
“Konstantin, how are you doing?” Dimitri murmurs, and my eyes slowly work up Konstantin’s lean, muscular body. Once my eyes lock onto his hard face, my breath halts. Dimitri’s back is still facing me, so I take this as my opportunity to examine the stranger that risked his life to feed my daughter.
His defined jaw twitches, out of nerves I suppose, as he looks into my husband’s keen eyes. It’s only a small distraction, and perhaps I only see it because I’m searching for … some type of assurance that I’m not dreaming—that he’s here to help me escape this mess.
The folded sliver of paper bites into the creases of my fingers as my fist tightens. I could be beaten or killed … my daughter punished … Konstantin punished … but I need to know. I need to know that he’s to be trusted. I’m paranoid, and I’m not sure if I’ll ever be able to trust another human again. I need to know why he’s risked his life, or if he’s another one of Dimitri’s games.
“I’m doing excellent. You?” he responds, his voice strong and coated with confidence.
Dimitri stands, just staring at him, and the seconds that tick by feel like an eternity. Dimitri doesn’t trust him, this much I know. Dimitri doesn’t trust most people … so, why is Konstantin here?
“Good,” Dimitri says sternly, shooting a chill down my spine. “Tomorrow Sofia will begin her diet and training. You and Abram will oversee everything. You will do well to remember our discussion.”
Konstantin nods, keeping his eyes locked on Dimitri’s.
“Very well,” Dimitri murmurs, continuing on his way. I keep my eyes downcast as I follow behind my husband, clutching the folded piece of paper in my fist.
My heart flutters rapidly when I see Konstantin begin to walk towards me. My eyes inch up to his, and when I reach toward him he shakes his head subtly. Swallowing hard, my hand falls back to my side as I follow Dimitri.
“I’ve been working on something, Sofia. I want you to see what it is that has kept my mind calm during your absence.”
I nod haltingly as he puts the key in the lock before turning it slowly. “You did a number on me, mouse.” He removes the key and presses his forehead against the door as his eyes squeeze shut. “You took part of me with you, but I was never alone. No, I had them.”
The air is sucked from my lungs when he pushes the door open and displays something so inhumane. But that is such an understatement. It’s sick. Beyond sick—abominable. It’s … evil.
“Do you like them?” he whispers, the warmth of his breath spreading over my shoulder.
I shake my head and attempt to back away, but his palm is firmly planted on my lower back. “Go on. Go say hello.”
“Dimitri,” I choke out. “What did you–what have you done?”
He ticks his tongue as he turns his amber eyes on me. “You don’t like them? Such a shame. I’ve spent hours on each individual piece.”
“How?”
“How?” he asks, his tone soothing to the point it’s sickening. “It’s simple, really. You must remove the brain and entrails before treating the skin, otherwise they would decompose.”
“But … they’re human and–and ….” I stutter, my wide eyes finding his.
“Part beast,” he finishes for me, pushing me into the room and closing the door behind us. “They are different … abnormal. That’s what makes them beautiful. That’s what makes them art.”
A raspy breath tumbles from my lips when my eyes travel to each piece. His idea of art. Tears rise and sit in the corners of my eyes as I try and make sense of Dimitri’s obsession for the macabre, but it goes so much deeper than that. This is his madness in the flesh, literally, and once again, I cannot escape it.
The piece that I cannot peel my eyes away from, though, is a bird … and its head is missing. Instead, it’s the head of a girl … a young woman. Her eyes are missing. The ones that have replaced them, they’re made of glass. Soulless, just like Dimitri; lacking of life, compassion, empathy, love….
It’s frightening, yet amidst the terror, I also begin to understand. He had them … these creatures with glass eyes; the dead that can’t see him for what he is. What is he, though? A monster, yes, but even more an enigma … a misunderstood man. A man that is cruel. A man that is empty. These things … these pieces, they represent his insanity, and just like some cut deep to feel, he makes them as a form of escapism. They’re a crutch.
Just like me.
My eyes travel to another. This one actually has a fishtail, and a human abdomen attached. I notice that it isn’t preserved like the others. It’s rotting, and the smell soon hits my nose. I hold my forearm in front of my face, blinking and allowing the tears to stream down my cheeks when I turn and face my husband.
“I understand,” I whisper, fighting every moralistic thought that tries to trump my determination. I have to pretend. My daughter’s, and my life, depends on it.
I watch his lips curl up in that exact evil smirk that I’ve come to know too well. I’ve pleased him. I didn’t judge him.
Acceptance. He craves it, like a bear craves the warmth of a cave during a long winter. He needs me to be his solace—and I will oblige, if it means that I can keep Eva and I alive. There isn’t any use in fighting anymore. That will be our undoing. Obliging; that will keep us alive and, dammit, I want to kiss the dirt of America before this is all said and done.
“Mouse,” he whispers, stepping closer. “You are my all. You complete me. I see the light in your eyes, right now, you see what I see.”
I nod, running an arm across my tear soaked cheeks. “You’re right,” I murmur, stepping towards him and placing my hands over his cheeks, choking back bile as a result from the stench in the room. “I was stupid,” I whisper, crushing my chest against his. “I want to be a family. You, me, and Eva.”
His jaw tenses at the mention of her name, and I brush my lips against his. His “love” is like a storm; unrelenting, cold, and callous. I can never please him fully. There will always be mistakes that pour from my lips or actions that I would think nothing of otherwise.
He’s calculating, and it’s chilling. He watches me like a hawk, his keen ears picking up every breath and every word.
“
Please,” I whisper, my lips barely touching his—so close to begging, so far from freedom.
We linger for seconds staring into each other’s eyes as I try my best to ignore the horror that surrounds me while I stand before the demon that controls me.
In a flash, his hand wraps in my hair, pulling my head back and pressing his lips to mine.
Pulling away, his eyes find mine and his irises swell with morbid curiosity. As much as I am trying to figure him out, he is doing the same with me. We are two beings seemingly attempting to fit into a mold in which we do not belong. His being normalcy and mine being the deadly world that I have no business being a part of.
My fascination with him isn’t warranted, and my feelings for him are nothing short of hatred. Yet, in order to set foot upon American soil again, I have to force myself into his mold. That’s the only way it can be achieved. The same cannot be said for him. He will never be normal, nor will he ever attempt to be.
It’s a bitter pill to swallow, but nothing will change my circumstances. I’m here, and so is Eva. We solely exist in Dimitri’s sick world.
“You do not understand, mouse,” he murmurs against my lips. “But you will.”
I run my hands over his shoulders as I brush my nose against his. “Then show me. Show me how to understand.”
My eyes grow wide when he scoffs and pushes away from me. “I have shown you, Sofia. I’ve shown you so many times.”
I lick my lips as I stare up into his eyes. “I know,” I whisper, stepping towards him and reaching out hesitantly. His chest tightens when I place my hands on him. “Take me. Reclaim what is yours. I will never betray you again.”
His jaw tenses at my words, and when he places his hands over mine, I expect him to remove my touch, but he doesn’t. Instead, he squeezes my fingers in his massive hands, causing my heart to thunder beneath my ribs as a raspy breath escapes his lips.
“Help me,” he says quietly, and my eyes travel over his shoulder to the reminders that stare at us from every angle with marble eyes. “In order to understand,” he grasps my hand and pulls it to his lips before kissing each of my fingers, “Then these hands cannot stay clean.”
Looking into his eyes, I know that it’s time. The result was inevitable. In order to gain his trust, I have to be like him.
“Okay,” I whisper, nodding slowly. “I’m ready.”
His lips twitch into a smile as he runs a thumb over my cheek. “Good.”
Stepping around me, he positions himself behind me and places his hands on my waist. “The beauty of that piece is that it will live forever,” he whispers against my neck as he lazily points to the half-human, half-bird.
“And that one?” I ask, nodding to the one with the fishtail … the mermaid.
Dimitri rests his cheek against mine as he wraps his arms around my waist, pulling me close against his hard chest. “She is a reminder that some things aren’t meant to live forever. We all have a choice, what we want our legacy to be, whether or not we will be remembered long after we are gone.”
“What do you want your legacy to be?” I ask, pressing my cheek against his.
A rough sigh escapes him before he releases me. “Power. I want to be remembered for how I ruled this bratva. I want to be infamous for my iron fist.”
I turn to face him. He’s standing straight with his arms at his sides. Steadily, he touches the tip of his thumb to his other fingertips as he stares off into nothing.
I lick my lips and take a step toward him. “You will, Dimitri. You will never be forgotten. You are strong.” I take another step and my heart beats erratically. “You are handsome, and you are brave. There has never been a Pakhan like you, and there will never be one like you in the future.”
His eyes snap to mine, and his fingers go still. “Ne igi mne.” Do not lie to me.
I bite my lip before I press my chest against his and whisper, “Eto Pravda.” It is the truth. “Eto nikogda ne bylo boleye spravedlivo.” It has never been more true.
His hands slide up my back before his fingers tangle in my hair. His breathing is labored as he presses his forehead against mine. “I want you like this. I need you like this. Right now.”
His lips find mine, and his kiss leaves me breathless and sated. The monster that lives in me claws its way out. My demons, once so quiet, scream to play with his. Everything in me is turning charcoal black as he engulfs me. Only this time, he threatens to keep my soul for good.
He pulls away from me, and our hurried breaths contend as we frantically grab and pull, needing and wanting. Only, I have survival on my mind. Or so I tell myself.
When I give him what he wants, he becomes something that I crave.
My shattered mind jumps from moment to moment and, right now, all of the horrid things that he’s done are hidden behind the fog of lust that crowds my thoughts, pushing away and dispelling everything that I’ve come to know about Dimitri. He isn’t good for me. He isn’t good for Eva. But what if he could change? What if him changing solely depended on my ability to change first?
“I have never cared for someone as I care for you,” he whispers against my neck, causing my head to roll to the side. “I cannot lose you again. I will kill you if I lose you again.”
I run my fingers through his hair and kiss him along his jaw. “I will not go anywhere. I will stay here with you, as long as you do not hurt my daughter again.”
He stops abruptly, and I frown as I feel his body stiffen against mine. I prepare myself, immediately regretting the words that left my lips in my irrational state of feeling in control. Silly, silly me. I will never have control. No matter how hard I push, or how hard I try and convince him, he will never give me the reigns—not even one.
His eyes find mine and like swollen, burning embers, they threaten to burn me if I get too close. He shakes his head slowly, looking down at me as though I’m a child who talked back. A child who is about to be punished. “She will not be harmed as long as you behave, Sofia. Have I not made that clear?”
I nod. “Yes. You’ve made that very clear. I’m sorry.”
He smirks at me, and I flinch when he runs a finger under my eye, smudging a tear that I didn’t know was there. “You have a naughty girl in there dying to come out to play, mouse. Why keep her locked away?”
My gaze drops to his chest. “I’m not a bad person, Dimitri.”
He scoffs and places his index finger beneath my chin before tilting my head up. “There is bad in all of us. The quicker you accept that, the quicker we can get along. The quicker you can live a normal life. Isn’t that what you want? Fine dining, beautiful jewels, vacationing in the most lavish, beautiful places?”
My brows furrow as I stare into his eyes.
“Your daughter?” he murmurs, a sinister smile pulling at his lips. “Don’t you want to wake her every morning, and put her to sleep every night? Feed her, clothe her, and love her? Right now, at this very second, she has a woman who isn’t her mother doing those things for her. Do you ever wonder if she’s forgotten you, Sofia?”
It takes everything in me not to glare at him. His eyes trace over every inch of my face, looking for any effect his words have on me. His taunting is a lure. He is looking for a reaction, and though my lip threatens to twitch, and my teeth are eager to clamp down—I hold it together.
Instead, I smile. A sweet, innocent smile, as I tilt my head and brush my lips against his. He may be the master of manipulation, but I have something sacred that I will fight tooth and nail for.
My little girl.
“Show me the way,” I whisper against his lips, placing my hands over his strong jaw. “I am yours to mold as you see fit. I can be another one of your creations. A living creation.”
He sighs, placing his hands over mine. “You are my queen. The Red Queen.”
I follow Dimitri as he leads me down to the basement hand in hand.
I will never be able to escape this smell, even if I ever do make it out of this hell. Death isn’t a smell
that one can ever forget, and it’s prominent beneath the floors of this dacha. How it doesn’t drift to the magnificent home above is beyond me. Breathing out of my mouth doesn’t help either. If anything, it’s worse because then I can taste it.
We approach the room that I spent days in when I was taken. The one with the cages. My stomach twists when I think of the boy. The young boy who had no fight. He had no fight because he knew his fate. There was no escaping it. There was no way out.
After what I’ve seen Dimitri do to the others, I cannot bring myself to think about what happened to that boy. It’s selfish. So many times I’ve tried to force myself to imagine what he had to endure. Every time that Dimitri raped me, every time he’s hurt me, at least I wasn’t that boy or those girls—with an entire life ahead of me.
Before Eva, death seemed sweet, and I even envied them. Now, it’s something that I fear more than any beating or any rape. If I die, Eva does too.
I stop beside Dimitri outside of the door. A group of men pass us, looking from me to Dimitri curiously.
“This is where it begins, mouse. In this room. This is where you will forget about humanity. This is where your transformation begins.”
My heart races as I stare blankly at the metal door. How many are behind that door losing their minds, wondering if someone will save them from the inevitable? Watching others being pulled from their cages, wondering whether or not they’d rather it be them?
“Sofia,” Dimitri murmurs, interrupting my thoughts.
I nod. “I’m ready.”
“Alright,” he responds, reaching out and turning the handle.
When he pushes the door open, my eyes travel to each cage, but only one is occupied. It’s a young girl, and she scurries to the farthest side of the cage, her chest rising and falling erratically as her wide eyes snap from Dimitri to me.
Dimitri lifts his arm, gesturing for me to enter the room.
He closes the door behind me as I wrap my arms around my shoulders. The girl’s large, nearly black eyes never leave mine. Of course she wants to trust me. She can’t be much younger than me, and I’m probably the closest she’s seen to kindness since she’s been here.