“Hey, Mom.” She jumps.
“Jeez, you startled me! I didn’t hear you come in.” she places her hand on her chest.
“Sorry, I smelled the food and rushed down. It smells so delicious. I am starving!” For some reason, I have a smile plastered on my face. I don’t really know why but I am in a good mood, a really, really good mood. For the first time in a long time, I am starting to feel like me. A new me, but me. My mother and I sit at the table with our breakfast and I realize I haven’t seen Dad yet.
“He’s at work. Someone called in sick, so he didn’t want the other guys to be shorthanded.” Did she just read my mind? She surprises me from time to time.
“Oh, just the two of us then.” I hold up my coffee and we clink mugs. She smiles a silly smile.
“You mean three.” She winks and eyes my belly. “So, what are your plans for this beautiful Saturday morning?” I shrug.
“I don’t know. You? Do you have an event tonight?”
“As a matter of fact, this is the only Saturday for the next two months I don’t have anything to do. Do you want to have a mother-daughter day and we can go shopping?” That sounds great.
“Sure, I would love to.”
“Well, let’s finish up and get dressed. We can have the whole day.” She is grinning from ear to ear. I haven’t seen her this happy in a long while.
We have both showered and dressed and get in the car. Again, I am the one driving. We head to the mall figuring we can just window shop a bit and see if anything catches our eye. My mom stops into a few stores. She gets some make-up and is generous enough to get some for me as well. It is always fun to get new make-up. It makes me feel girly. We are so enthralled in our day that soon it is lunchtime. We make a stop in the food court because I am craving orange chicken and rice. I inhale my food and regret it immediately. I feel sick and too full. We walk off our lunch and find ourselves in front of a baby store. She nods at me to go in and I accept. When we are in the store my heart softens at the thought of a tiny little person fitting in these clothes. I can’t believe it. I am getting really excited. “Oh my!” I shout.
“What? What honey what’s the matter?” Mom looks terrified.
“Oh, nothing I thought I just felt the baby move. I couldn’t have though the book says not until 16 weeks. It must have just been gas.” I flush scarlet in embarrassment. My mother giggles.
“Well, I remember feeling you early. You are so skinny you may have just felt the little bugger for the first time.” She winks at me and I grin, once again placing my hand on my little bump. Maybe, I think. I can’t believe I am doing this.
Generously my mother buys me a ton of baby clothes, all neutral of course since we don’t know the sex of the baby yet. She gets a few stuffed animals for the little one as well. We look at some baby furniture but can’t buy anything yet. I don’t even know where I will be living when the baby comes. My house has sold but I haven’t found anything that I love yet. Of course, I want to wait until I am back at work and can save some money. Plus, part of me isn’t quite ready to move on.
We decide to end our day due to the fact that we cannot carry anymore in our hands. After packing the car, I glance at my mother and she looks confused. “Did we really buy all that?” The back of her SUV is completely packed with bags that we have trouble closing the hatch. I look back at her and laugh.
“No, you bought all of these, not me! Dad is gonna be maaaad.” I sing as she bursts out laughing so hard, she is almost in tears. We get back in the car and head home. As I unpack the clothes, I fantasize about what my baby will look like. I hope just like me. I don’t think I can bear it if my baby looks like him….
Chapter 10
Mama Bear
The weeks turn into months and before I know it, I am at my twenty-six-week check-up. There is no mistaking that I am prego now. I love my belly. I rub my hand over the swell of my little woman or man. The ultrasound that was supposed to reveal the sex didn’t go as planned. Baby was not being cooperative and had his or her legs crossed the entire time. Go figure. We get to have another ultrasound at thirty-two weeks so fingers crossed we will find out then. My mom has been to every appointment with me. You would think she was the one expecting. I guess this is her first grandchild. And I am her only child.
Dr. Graham has measured my tummy and I am right on schedule. Baby is due on March 5th. It seems so far away but it’s not. Christmas will be here before we know it. These appointments are so pointless to me if there is no ultrasound. Basically, it’s “How are you feeling? Ok, see you in a month.” I am thinking my work is annoyed at me taking half days every month. And after my next appointment, I will be going every two weeks. Holy crap it’s coming fast! I have been feeling the baby moving constantly and it is by far the most miraculous feeling in the world. I love it when I lay down at night and the little guy or girl starts doing summersaults. I will miss this the most after the birth, our time alone at night. Then again, we’ll have plenty of nights like that.
I have been working a ton and doing a great job. Sara and I haven’t even had many shoots together lately because we are so busy. The investigation is closed, and Sam was sentenced to five years. Five crummy fucking years, for screwing up my life. He has the possibility of parole sooner if he is good. So far, he has been “good”. I don’t even want to worry myself with the thought of him being out. I will do whatever I can to protect myself, and my child.
Luckily, I haven’t had to see him in person since that night. Occasionally I would see him on the news or in the papers, but since the sentencing, he has become old news, as have I. Occasionally a letter arrives with the return address of the prison he is being held at and my blood runs cold. I don’t bother opening them as I can see no good in doing so. No matter what he has to say, it will just get me upset and I need to take care of myself. I don’t want to hear a word that sick bastard has to say. If he still thinks he has control over me, he is dead wrong.
I plop my now twenty pounds heavier ass on my ultra-plush mattress, sans pillows and get comfortable. When I do, I look at my nightstand and notice the manila envelope still sitting there. I haven’t looked through these pictures for a long time. They still haven’t found whoever took the other photos of me. Best they could guess is that Sam paid some low life PI some cash under the table and Sam isn’t budging.
I decide to go through them again one by one. God, seeing the photos of me walking to work in what appears to be spring. Wow, he must have had me followed a lot longer than I even expected. The thought unnerves me. He always unnerves me. As I continue through the photos, I come to a few of me in my house. In my kitchen cooking, sitting in my living room watching television, and in the bathroom. The bathroom. This is the most disturbing. Someone watched me half-naked in my bathroom. Probably fully naked, but just didn’t take any pictures. “Well, that was noble of him,” I sneer. The one that is a close view of my face I gaze at. I look soft, natural, and most importantly happy. My head is wrapped in a towel and I am fresh-faced. Just out of the shower.
I hope I can be normal again, in my own home someday with the baby. “We can be happy, can’t we? Just the two of us.” That song Just the Two of Us pops into my head and I begin humming. As I bop to the beat something catches my eye. Something in the picture I hadn’t noticed before. In the mirror, you can almost make out a shadow. I stop what I am doing and stare. I move over to the bedside lamp to get a closer look. Oh, fuck! The color drains from my face and I feel lightheaded. I am focused on an eye one beautifully crystal blue eye. It’s stunning. It’s fucking Sara!
No, no, no, no! I try to deny what I am seeing but I know. It is most certainly her. I have seen those eyes countless times and I have never seen any others like it. I fight through my shock and pick up my cell. I immediately call Detective Montgomery and tell her what I have found. She sounds surprised, not only to hear from me but at the possibility that my savior is also my stalker. She assures me that they will send someone to her apart
ment immediately to question her, while also making it perfectly clear I should not contact her myself. I begin pacing back and forth. I can’t believe this. She is my friend! Why would she help him why? She saved me. I don’t understand. It just doesn’t make any sense. How long has she known him? Before we even worked together? She seemed genuine when she came to see me after the attack. I don’t know what to do at this point.
I decide I need to tell my mother. She is going to flip, everyone is going to flip. I hear her in her room and I softly knock on the oak door and it opens. “Hi honey, I thought you went to lie down?”
“Um, no I mean I was, but I started looking through the pictures again.” She interrupts before I can finish.
“Oh, Nettie why would you do that. We had such a great day. Don’t get yourself depressed again.”
“Mom let me finish. I noticed something this time. Something I hadn’t seen before. Something the police didn’t see.” I pause before I say the words. “It was Sara.” She looks bewildered.
“What was Sara?”
“That was following me. She was taking the pictures.”
“No,” she shakes her head in disbelief. “are you sure?”
“Yeah, you can see part of her face. Her eye and part of her hair. I would recognize her anywhere Mom. It is her.” She combs her fingers through her hair and slowly sits on the edge of her king-size bed. I join her. “I know its unbelievable mom. I don’t get it myself. The police are going to speak to her now. Leigh said she will call me when she finds out any information. I’m going through a few more of these and see if I can’t find something else that may help.” She hugs me briefly and reminds me I am not just me anymore. “Yes, yes I know.”
At 11 am the following day, I finally hear from Leigh. She said they did speak briefly with Sara and she denied everything. They couldn’t do much given that they can’t positively ID her simply from that photo. How the hell am I going to go to work with her? I mean I haven’t seen her much lately, but I do see her. What will that meeting be like? Fuck, how did I trust this woman? She is a psycho just like him. I understand he is messed up and was obsessed with me but what possible reason could she have had to help that man. I need to ask her. Maybe I should call. No, I don’t even know what I would say.
I have some things to do today. I am going to go look at a few places, a few houses I saw online. Hopefully, this will get my mind off that traitor Sara. Jess comes with me to look at three homes and there is just one I could picture myself living in, calling home. It is small but quaint. I don’t need anything big. Just enough for me and the little bambino. I smile. “I can see us here.” I tell Jess.
“Yeah, I can see you here too.”
“We can grill in the back yard and there looks like there is room for a swing set.” I pause. “The bedrooms are right across from one another, so I won’t have to go far in the middle of the night when the baby wakes.”
“I think it looks perfect for you Nettie. Both of you.” Jess says rubbing my baby bump.
It is a white brick ranch with mint green shutters, I can change those. They are hideous. Inside is all brand new. Hardwood floors throughout the entire house and the kitchen and bathroom have been completely gutted. There is an incredible kitchen island with dark granite countertops, with room for a few bar stools on one side. “I love this kitchen.” Trailing my fingers across the wall. “I think it’s my favorite room.” We take one more look through and thank the realtor as we leave. In the car, Jess asks if I really think I’m going to buy it. “I don’t know, it just depends how much money I can save over the next few weeks. I have the money I made from the old place that I can use as a down payment. So, we’ll see if it’s still available then. But yeah, I think it’s perfect.” Just then I get a very swift kick from my little one. “Ouch!” I grab my belly.
“What?” Jess looks concerned.
“Nothing, the baby just agrees. This should be our home.” I can’t control my face splitting grin.
We ride in silence for a bit. I haven’t told Jess that Sara was the one following me yet. Knowing her she will track her down and kick her ass! Even though the thought brings a smile to my face, I know it’s not the way to solve anything. Jess drops me off at home and both of my parents are there. I tell them all about the places we saw and the one that I hope will be my future home. I am getting so incredibly excited to live on my own again. I have come such a long way since the night I was attacked. As awful as it was and as horrible as I felt, it changed me. It changed who I am. I feel empowered and strong. Like I can do anything. I will be a good mother. I will appreciate this little one and every moment of their precious life. My gift from heaven. The love of my life. Who would have thought? Something so incredible could come from something so dreadful, but it has and that’s what I focus on every day.
I get dressed in preparation for a dinner date with my friend Matthew. I was sure to be clear with him that he is and will always remain in the friend zone. I am pretty sure he thought I was nuts for telling him that, but after my history, can he blame me? I explained that I don’t want to blur the lines between us because of our past. I think I loved him more than he loved me anyway. He was my first. I wasn’t his of course but he said he wished I was. He was probably just saying that to get into my pants. Well, it worked. I laugh at myself. We are meeting at the restaurant about halfway between our two places and I am, as always, running a little bit late. He wants to talk about everything that’s been going on with me, the pregnancy, the Sara revelation, and of course Sam. He has been pretty good at tiptoeing around the subject with me, as is everyone else, but he also wants me to “open up”. I feel like I have healed enough that I can.
When I get to the restaurant, I don’t see his car. He must be running late too. I decide I better use the restroom first before I get comfortable. I give my name to the hostess and head for the ladies’ room. When I walk in, I am relieved that I am the only one there. I hate peeing when someone is listening. I walk to the very last stall because I like that there is so much more room. As I open the door, I feel the breath of someone on my neck. I scream in horror and a hand flies over my mouth to stifle the noise.
“SHHHHHHH be quiet!” Sara commands. Terrified at what she may do, I comply.
Chapter 11
All Eyes on Me
My heart is racing, and I instantly begin to sweat. All I can think is please, the baby. Please don’t hurt the baby. I am gazing at her, waiting for her to speak. And I can’t control the tears welling up in my eyes. She looks as terrified as I am. Her pupils are dilated, and her breathing is rapid. She does not look her typical gorgeous self. Her hair is coarse, and her eyes look sunken and dark. Her face is pale where a rosy glow would normally be. She used to be so incredibly pretty. Maybe this is in my head. I used to think she was beautiful but now, I hate her. Now that I know she is ugly on the inside it shines through to the outside. The sight of her makes my fear turn to anger and fury. “What the fuck do you want?” I manage through clenched teeth. I feel my stance change. I will take her down if I have to. I will protect this baby. I didn’t come this far just to cower in a corner.
“Oh God Nettie, I am so sorry!” She begins weeping. What? I thought she was going to hurt me. Huge sobs, so uncontrollable that I am taken back. I don’t even know what to say. I feel like comforting her. What? are you insane? I think to myself. She betrayed me! She gave that monster photos of me. She knew he was obsessed and didn’t tell me. Fuck that! I am not going to feel bad for this bitch. She is the second most hated person in my world.
“I don’t know what you are playing at with your sorry little tears, but I am not buying it for a second. I have nothing good to say to you. So, stay the fuck away from me! I don’t ever want to see your face again. Not only did you betray me and stalk me for HIM, that psycho, but you pretended to be my friend! My FRIEND! Then as if that isn’t enough you are following me into bathrooms! Get a grip!” I am screaming now. I hope no one else can hear me. “You ha
ve some nerve apologizing to me!” There is silence now for what seems like hours. I am trying to regain some composure.
She takes in a deep breath and then speaks “Nettie,” her voice calm and controlled. “I never meant to hurt you. You don’t understand. He…. he is a monster. Please let me explain. Don’t shut me out! I need you to know why…” she trails off. She still hasn’t made eye contact with me.
“I don’t owe you a damn thing!” I shout. I am so angry I could spit. “Get out of my way and I better not see you ever again in my life! Whether you quit the paper, or I do is of no matter to me, but one of us won’t be going back. Do you understand me? You know what you did. Even if you deny it to the police. You are a sorry excuse for a woman.” She is still between me and the stall door, so I step forward challenging her. “Do not make me say it again.” I am calm and assertive. She steps to the side and I make my way past her opening the door. I let out a deep breath as I do. I don’t know what if anything I was expecting her to do. Suddenly I am startled by her soft words.
“He did it to me too.” She whimpers.
“What?” I turn to face her, and I see it in her eyes. She is telling the truth. She looks so broken, like a child. “Tell me.” I whisper. I am trying not to frighten her. Wow, the power in the room has shifted since she stifled my screams.
She slowly undoes the top three buttons of her shirt and as she pulls it open and I see it. There over her heart, are three vertical lines. Perfectly matched, barely pink tally marks. Just. Like. Mine.
“Please, not here.” She holds her hands up gesturing at the room. Oh, I forgot we were in a damn bathroom. It’s very dimly lit and has red and gold striped walls, with cheap gold fixtures everywhere. She’s right we need to have this conversation elsewhere, especially if we don’t want any interruptions. I am not stupid though. I cannot be alone with her.
Rise Page 7