Rise

by Leslie McCauley

  After the most wonderful, delicious sweets I have ever had I feel like something salty. God, how weird. I decide not to push it. I think of the stretch marks I have already attained.

  Where are my parents anyway? I call my dad’s cell and my mother picks up. Hey sweetie,” it sounds loud where they are.

  “Did you forget to check in with me? I was getting worried.” I say in an overdramatic stern tone, purposely.

  “Well aren’t you the mother hen” she giggles “We are at dinner with the Altman’s. I told you this morning, but you must not have been listening to me.” Oh, I completely forgot. She did tell me. Well, the pregnancy dummies strike again.

  “That’s right you did tell me. I’m sorry. Are you having a good time?” I say changing the subject.

  “Yes, we are just finishing our drinks and we’ll be home. Will you be up?”

  “No, I am so tired Mom. I am gonna turn in soon. I’ll see you in the morning okay?”

  “Sure honey. Sleep tight. Daddy said goodnight too.”

  “Tell him goodnight. See you tomorrow.”

  We hang up and as I place the phone down, I notice the stack of mail that must have arrived today. As I sift through it, I see yet another letter from Sam. As separate it from the other mail to place it with the others, unopened, something compels me to open it. As I gently peel open the adhesive, I can see it is written in red ink, making it all the more stalkerish. It simply reads.

  Nettie

  Take care of my baby. See you both soon.

  Xoxo Sam

  I can hear his voice speaking the words. The hairs on my neck stand on end. He can’t possibly think he will be allowed anywhere near me or the baby. Well, it’s official. He knows. Why in God’s name would I do that to myself? I stuff the letter in with the others and decide I need to give these to Leigh. For the future, in case he gets out sooner than expected. I am incredibly tired. I walk to my room and as I ascend the stairs, I realize how my body is beginning to feel the weight of my little one. I put on my most comfortable flannel pajama pants and a t-shirt and slide into bed. I toss and turn seeing the red words flash in my head. I am so tired and just can’t sleep. Baby starts to do the nightly ritual of kicks and flips and is that, what? The hiccups. The gentle rhythm eventually lulls me to sleep.

  I wake screaming. Another nightmare. He was whispering in my ear. I feel like he is still in the room. “He’s in jail, he’s in jail.” I calm myself. I haven’t had a nightmare in a few weeks. I thought I was doing better. I look around the room just to be sure I am alone. Just me. Maybe I should go see that counselor. I need the nightmares to stop, for good.

  This is one thing that I can’t deal with. It feels like he is violating me repeatedly. I don’t want to live my life scared of him in any way. The letters pop into my head yet again. Every time I see that postmark and his handwriting on the envelope it rocks me. He is sick and twisted. I have complained numerous times to the prison about this and they assure me it will stop but soon there is another. I knew I shouldn’t have opened it. Never again.

  Chapter 13

  Warrior

  “Ouch!” God, a tremendous sharp pain tares through my stomach. I try and slow my breathing.

  “Ow, fuck!” and soon another. This isn’t right. “Mom! Mom!” I scream as loud as I can, hoping they are home by now. My mother and father both burst through my bedroom door. Their hair is a mess, faces drained and they look horrified as they notice me gripping my belly.

  “What’s wrong? Are you bleeding? Pain? What is it?” I don’t know if I can speak.

  “Pain.” I manage to squeak out.

  “I’ll get the car. Mary, you call her doctor and tell her what’s going on. We’re going to the hospital.” My father instructs and rushes out of my bedroom. My mother helps me get some socks and shoes on and quickly dresses herself before helping me to the front door. Just then my dad comes in and scoops me up with one swift motion, carrying me like a child. I notice he is still wearing his pajamas. He gently places me in the back seat and buckles my seatbelt.

  Before I know it, we arrive at the emergency room. My mother is shouting for help and a nurse comes out with a wheelchair. Again, my father cradles me gently into his arms and nods at the nurse dismissing the chair. He wants to carry me. My protector. My daddy.

  “Daddy, I can walk really. The pain isn’t as bad as it was at home.” I don’t know if I am telling the truth about this or not. I may just be getting used to the pain. Are these contractions? I don’t think so because it’s not constant. Oh, God I hope not, it’s way too early. The baby has to be okay. It is a part of me, and I love him or her. My heart begins to ache, along with my belly.

  The nurse assures us that Dr. Graham is on her way. She escorts us to a room on the maternity floor so that they can check me and baby to see what’s going on. She helps me undress and put on a hospital gown. Not bothering to tie the back of it, she helps me into bed. Before I can even think it, my mother removes the pillows from the bed and gives me a reassuring smile. The nurse looks at her quizzically but says nothing. She attaches two belt type devices to my belly and informs me that one will measure to see if I am having contractions and the other will monitor my baby’s heartbeat.

  “The heartbeat looks, great honey.” She smiles. Thank God! But something is not right obviously. The tears begin to flow. And as fast as I can wipe them away, they reappear again. Just then Dr. Graham comes through the door looking fairly calm, but I can see she is concerned. She looks intently at the monitors I am hooked to and tells the nurse to start an IV. I look at her and without even asking, she answers.

  “You are having contractions. Pretty good ones too. Baby has a strong heartbeat, but I want to do an ultrasound to make sure everything is okay, and I need to check and see if you are dilated at all. She puts on blue hospital gloves and reaches under the blanket and sheet and tells me to relax. Yeah right, you are shoving your hand up my crotch! She is quick about it and informs me that I am not dilated.

  “That’s good right?” I say with some hope.

  “Yes, that’s good but we need to stop the contractions before you do start to dilate. When this happens, in order to get it under control sometimes medication needs to be given. In your case it does.” The nurse is by my side again and I see she is going to start an IV. I have never been one to fear needles. This doesn’t bother me at all, in fact, it distracts me from the pain in my stomach for a brief moment. “She’ll put the medicine straight into your IV and we’ll have to wait and see if it works. You better get comfortable. Try and relax. Stress can make things worse.” I am so nervous. I offer a silent prayer. God, please let my little one be okay. This is the only thing keeping me together right now and I couldn’t handle it if …. Just please God watch over my baby. Dr. Graham is back with the ultrasound machine and brings it to my side. She squirts the warm liquid on my belly and begins to move the wand around. She doesn’t give anything away.

  “May we come in?” My mother peeks her head around the curtain and I look at Dr. Graham. She nods. Both of my parents are at my side and we are all staring intently at the monitor. I can see and feel the baby move. That’s a good sign, right?

  The anticipation is maddening and finally, Dr. Graham sighs, “The baby looks fine.” Oh, thank you, Lord, thank you! “There is one thing I see though.” Oh no, what? What is wrong? “See right here on the screen?”

  “Yes,” I whimper.

  “Do you want to know the sex?” My parents and I look at one another and our eyes light up.

  “Yes, of course,” I reply.

  “Congratulations Nettie, you’re having a boy.” Oh, a boy. I am weeping and laughing at the same time. My parents start whooping and hollering.

  “A boy!” My dad shouts. “Finally, I am not the only man! HAHA” He has his elbow bent with a fist and pulls it down to his hip. YES, he mouths.

  “I guess it’s time to start thinking of boy names Nettie,” Dr. Graham says with a warm smile.
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br />   “I have been thinking of a few, and after tonight I think I may just have it.”

  “Oh?” My mom chimes in.

  “Yes, Evan…. After the most wonderful man in the world. My daddy.” My dad looks at me with the most love I have ever seen and his eyes well up with tears. “And ironically enough it means ‘Little warrior’.”

  “Little warrior,” he repeats “You have no idea how much that means to me, my darling Nettie."

  Chapter 14

  Family

  I am staring at the picture of my son. Oh, the feeling of him moving more and more is so comforting. I hear a muffled swooshing sound from the monitors as he changes position. My little boy. “I will love you with all my heart and soul,” I say gently caressing my tummy between the wires and belly bands. “Just stay put until it’s time will, ya? I don’t need to start worrying about you already.” I smirk at my parents. They are both overwhelmed you can tell. The tension in the room still palpable but the great Dr. Graham is very reassuring that they should be able to stop labor, for now. I may have to take it easy for a few days.

  “Mom and Dad, why don’t you go home and try and get some sleep?” I ask but already know the answer. I have scared the living daylights out of them yet again and I am sure they won’t leave my side.

  “Absolutely not!” My mom scolds me. “We will stay right here with you and sleep on the floor if we have to.” And she is serious about that too.

  “She does need her rest though, I am afraid,” Dr. Graham addresses my parents. They both nod in agreement.

  “Ok, we’ll just be in the waiting room if you need us okay?” My father says still with a little gleam in his eye. I know he has secretly been hoping it was a boy.

  “Sure Daddy. I’ll be fine. I’m sleepy.” And I am. All this stress and excitement, it just hit me like a ton of bricks. I can’t wait for my normal, boring mommy mode life. They both kiss me and exit out into the hospital hallway.

  Dr. Graham checks all the monitors again and tells me she’ll be back in the morning unless there is any negative change. I should be able to go home early as long as the contractions have completely stopped. So far, the medicine is doing its job. I am alone now and all I want to do is sleep. I lie back on the hospital bed and listen to the thump, thump, thump of Evans’ heartbeat. The most miraculous sound in the world. My mind drifts and I imagine a blonde-haired boy with hazel eyes, running around the back yard of the white brick house I hope to call home. I can see a wooden swing set in the back and perhaps a dog. I realize I am grinning from ear to ear. I hope he will love me as much as I love him. To think I haven’t even met him yet and already he is the love of my life. “My little Evan. I love you, my whole heart.” I whisper. The muffled thump, thump, thump gently fades into my dreams.

  I wake to the lights being flipped on as a nurse enters. Jesus it’s so bright I can’t even open my eyes. “What time is it?” I croak.

  “It’s 4 a.m. Sorry hun, I just need to check your I.V.” She walks around to the side of the bed and she types something into the computer and checks the monitors and my I.V. bags.

  “Everything looks great. The contractions have stopped we just need to let the medicine run all the way through. As long as they don’t come back you can probably get out of here in a few hours.”

  “Thanks.” Now get the hell out and let me go back to sleep. She hits the lights off as she exits and now it is pitch black. My eyes adjust as I take a deep breath and it’s not long before I drift once again.

  I am awakened by my parents whispering in the corner of my room. It is barely dawn. The room looks gray and dreary in the soft light. I sit up and notice that the thump, thump, thump is still going strong. I breathe a sigh of relief yet again.

  “Close call.” Both of my parents turn and smile with warmth.

  “Yes, and Dr. Graham was in and said you can go home as soon as they get the paperwork done.” Oh, I hadn’t even heard her in here.

  “Will I see her before I leave? I wanted to thank her,” I frown.

  “Yes dear, she is just outside signing a few things and she said she would speak to you about your instructions going home.”

  “Oh, good. Did she say if I can go back to work?” I hope so. I can’t afford to buy the house if I can’t depend on that paycheck. I hope I hear something soon about my offer.

  “I think she wants you on bed rest for a few days.” I was afraid of that. “Just as a precaution.” She adds.

  It’s not long before the doctor is back, and she goes through a long list of instructions. I am told that if I have any pain or bleeding, I need to call her immediately and report back to the hospital. I do have to be on bed rest but just for a few days, so that the contractions don’t begin again. I am allowed up only to shower and use the bathroom. I can handle that I guess. I just hope my boss isn’t ready to fire my ass.

  “Thank you, Doctor Graham. I really appreciate everything you have done for us, and I don’t just mean today.” To think that I couldn’t stand to be in her office before. Now she is of great comfort to me.

  “Of course, Nettie. I am just doing my job.” She gives me a wink and is off to save some other woman I imagine.

  It isn’t until two in the afternoon before we leave the hospital. It took forever for them to get my paperwork and instructions together. Then I had to wait for them to get the I.V. out of my hand. I have a nice little bruise where it was. We are all starving so we stop into the cafeteria for a quick bite before heading for home.

  When we arrive, I am surprised to see Jess and Colton standing on the porch wrapped in their winter coats and scarves. My parents must have called her. She meets me at the car and opens my door wrapping her arms around me tightly. I can tell she has been crying.

  “Jessie, I am fine really. It was just a false alarm. We are okay. He’s okay.” “HE?!” she is shocked. Oh, I thought my parents would have told her.

  “Yeah, it’s a boy! I thought mom would have blabbed already,” I say unable to contain my laughter. I look at my mom and she shrugs, she gets it. “Sorry, Mom.” Well, can you blame me? She can’t keep a secret to save her life.

  “Oh! I am so happy for you Nettie! A little boy,” she is grinning. I can tell she is trying to picture him as I have for the past 12 hours. It’s hard not to. She shakes her head breaking from her thoughts. “Come on, bed rest I heard? Let’s get inside. It’s freezing out here.” She’s right about that it’s much colder than it has been the past few days. It is so cold it takes my breath away.

  I hate this about Ohio. I don’t mind a little snow, but this cold. Arrgh, for lack of a better word, SUCKS!

  We all peel away our layers of coats, scarves and other winter gear and soon I am being escorted to my room. My mom, dad, and Colton leave Jess and me to ourselves for a bit. I lie down and Jess curls up right next to me. Just like a sister would do.

  “So,” she speaks first. “Were you scared? I mean did you think something was really wrong?” I nod and the tone in the room has changed. Tears well up in my eyes.

  “Yeah, I thought I was going to lose him.” I pause to compose myself. “I can’t believe how my life has changed. I mean, when I found out I was pregnant it was one of the worst days of my life. Now I have fallen in love with this baby. With Evan, I can’t imagine not having him now.” She looks at me and grins.

  “Evan? I like that. Your dad must be thrilled.” I nod. I guess I can spend the next couple of days deciding on a middle name for Evan.

  “So, have you decided on a place yet?” she says changing the subject.

  “I actually put an offer on the one we saw the other day. I should hear back any day now.” I cannot contain my excitement. “I hope they accept it. I can’t afford to offer more than I did so keep your fingers crossed.” I hold both hands up crossing my fingers and squeezing my eyes closed tightly. When I open them she is doing the same thing. We both burst out into a laughing jag that I have tears streaming down my face and my legs crossed so I don’t we
t myself. “Stop, Stop.” I manage. I don’t even know why we are laughing anymore. Oh, Jessie is my happy medicine. What would I do without her? Finally, our giggles subside, and she looks serious again.

  “What is it?” I ask. She looks like she needs to say something but is hesitant.

  “I have some news.” She blurts out.

  “Oh? What? Is everything ok?” I am dying here. What is going on?

  “Colton proposed last night!” she holds up her hand and I am nearly blinded by the rock on her ring finger. How did I not notice THAT!? “And I said yes of course! I am getting married!” I am so happy to hear some good news. I couldn’t handle anything bad today.

  “Jessie I am so happy for the both of you!” I pull her toward me and give her a huge squeeze. It’s about time, they have been together forever. When we release from our embrace, I grab her hand to take a closer look at this ring. “I can’t believe I didn’t notice it before. It is huge!” It’s a beautiful solitaire emerald cut diamond. It must be a carat at least. Wow, I am jealous. “It is incredible. He did a hell of a job! So how did he propose? Where were you? What did he say?”

  “Actually, I always thought I would expect it when the time came, but I was completely shocked. We went to dinner and he was acting completely normal. Then he wanted to go for a ride. I thought that was a little strange because it was so cold, but it was a beautiful night and the snow looked so gorgeous falling. We stopped and when I looked up, we were in front of our old high school.” She has a face splitting grin now. “Then he said, ‘This is where I met you, fell in love with you, and this is where I wanted to ask you to be my wife. Jessica make me the happiest man on earth. Marry me?’ Then he opened the glove box and there was the black velvet box with a small red ribbon tied around it.” A single tear rolls down her cheek. “And of course, I cried like a baby and just kept saying yes, yes, yes!”