by Melanie Dawn
I didn’t know what I was thinking. I didn’t even try to stop myself. With every ounce of courage I had, I leaned in fast and crushed my lips against his. He seemed shocked at first, unmoving and frozen stiff. Those sexy lips that I had imagined touching mine were as delightfully delicious as I knew they would be. Instinctively, I pressed myself against him and reached up to grab the back of his head. Immediately, Chris’s stiff posture dissolved and his control snapped as he entangled his hands in my hair, hungrily kissing me back. His urgent kisses shot darts of desire zinging throughout my body. Chris pressed his hips into me, rocking against me as his tongue delved for a deeper connection. Our tongues wrestled, twisting and turning in our mouths, hungry for each other. I melted into his body, allowing him to explore my shoulders, back, and face with his hands. He ran his strong, capable hands over my body, making my stomach quake. Every nerve ending was ignited with energy, and the strangest sensation overcame me. A feeling of pure euphoria—the kind of euphoria that felt so good it hurt.
Releasing my hair and once again cupping my face, he softened his kiss. The eager frenzy of lust slowed down to a sweet, tantalizing tease of yearning instead. I welcomed this passion—a passion that had been absent from my life for quite some time. I relished the moment of Chris’s lips on mine, giving into my aching desire. Running my hands across his chest, I felt those sculpted pecs that were beckoning me earlier under that fitted shirt.
“Mmmm,” Chris moaned. Within a moment, he pulled his lips away from mine, leaving me breathless and craving more. He stared at me, drinking me in with his eyes. “What… what is this?” he struggled to say.
“What is what?” I asked innocently, though I knew what we’d just done was anything but innocent.
“This?” he asked again, clasping my hands and taking a step back, indicating the space between us.
My face flushed hot. Oh god, I overstepped my bounds. What an idiot! Why did I kiss him? What was I thinking?
“I’m sorry… I… I’m sorry,” I stammered, starting to blush.
“No,” Chris rushed. “No, don’t be sorry. I just. Wow. I…” He grimaced, fumbling for words as badly as I was.
I pulled away from him and pressed a hand to my forehead. “Oh, god. I’m so embarrassed. I don’t know what I was thinking,” I said, too humiliated to look him in the eye.
He reached for me, pressing me close to him. I took a ragged breath, inhaling the cool, woodsy scent of sandalwood and cedar. “Salem, don’t. I mean, don’t be sorry. That was… that was amazing.”
He sounded so sincere. I relaxed a little and smiled, glancing back up again. Thank God.
“I thought you were going to have me escorted out by your bodyguards right about now,” I said sheepishly, staring at the floor.
“Are you kidding me?” He smiled, laughing softly. “Wow. I just… well, I didn’t know you felt that way about me.” He voice got quiet at the end, like he was admitting something he never intended to admit to me—that he’d been thinking about me and wondering if I did.
My eyes shot up. “Oh, I didn’t!” I said, embarrassed, assuming he meant I’d felt like that about him since I’d known him. “I didn’t, I swear. It was nothing like that.”
He lowered his eyes with disappointment. “Oh.”
I cringed and continued, “I mean, I didn’t feel like that about you years ago or anything, but seeing you here now… I don’t know… something changed. I can’t explain it.” He gazed down at me, and I tried to convey the truth with my eyes, hoping he’d believe me.
He exhaled, his shoulders drooping a little. “Trust me, I get it. I felt it too. I’m just glad you made the first move.” A shy grin spread across his face. Then without warning, he crashed his lips into mine, coming back for more. I melted into him, allowing him to encapsulate me in his arms. He pulled me tighter, moving his lips in rhythm with mine, just as the next song began to play. The lyrics to Parachute’s Kiss Me Slowly couldn’t have been a more perfect fit at that moment, especially with the city lights and the skyline in the background.
He ran his hands over my back and shoulders, caressing the bare skin on my arms. Pulling away once again, he whispered, “Let me stay with you, Salem.” The look in his eye told me he wanted more than I could offer.
“I can’t,” I said, shaking my head. I wasn’t ready to let myself be that vulnerable with him yet.
He frowned with disappointment. “Please. We don’t have to do anything. This…” he said, waving his hand around us as if he were outlining our aura, “this just feels so fucking amazing, being here with you. I promise nothing you’re not ready for. Just talking. And maybe some more kissing,” he said with a wink.
There was such a boyish hope on his face. In that hope I saw both versions of Chris—my Chris, the hardened, broken boy that I knew so many years ago, and the rock god Chris, confident and sexy, able to get anyone he wanted—converging into one.
I considered his offer. He’d always held a small piece of my heart, not in the romantic sense, but I cared deeply for him. He was right. Being there with him like that did feel amazing. I nodded, “Okay,” I whispered. “You can stay.”
Chris flashed his signature sexy as hell half grin. He gripped my hips, giving me an intense stare that fluttered my insides somewhere down deep. “By the way, Sarabeth’s makes a mean French Toast.”
I suddenly woke up, alone and breathless. Somewhere deep within me, my insides still fluttered while my stomach rumbled, craving breakfast. Damn, that was just a dream! I silently cursed fate, but then again I felt relieved. Whew, that was just a dream. Although something told me that if the situation were real, it would have happened exactly like my dream. And that made me smile.
Once I’d gotten my wits about me, I realized that it was my day to leave New York and Chris behind. I wasn’t ready. One weekend just wasn’t enough time. My phone beeped on the nightstand beside me.
Chris: Good morning, beautiful. Meet me downstairs in thirty. Can’t wait to see you.
I hopped out of bed and headed for the shower. I knew as soon as I met Chris downstairs that it would be time to head to the airport. In no time at all, I’d be on a plane heading away from the man who had me falling—no, tumbling—head over heels.
He stood with me in the airport near the security check point. The influx of busy people reminded me of my grandfather’s honey bees in their beehives, everyone moving around quickly with a specific task at hand; some groups of people were congregating while others zoomed around with a purpose.
Chris and I stood beside each other, knowing our weekend together had all too quickly come to an end. We huddled together, not moving, watching all of the other bustling travelers anxiously skitter around us.
“I’m gonna miss you,” Chris said softly into my ear with his arms wrapped tightly around my waist. “I had such a great time.”
“I’m gonna miss you too,” I said, already feeling it as I nuzzled against his chest. “This weekend has been wonderful.”
The warmth of his body against mine reminded me of the amazing dream I’d had the night before. I pulled him closer, relishing every detail, steamy and sweet.
He grasped the back of my head in response, cradling me against him. “This weekend has been amazing. I can’t wait to see you again in a couple of weeks.”
Suddenly reminded, I smiled. “That’s right. You’re coming through Charlotte on your way from Cleveland to Atlanta.” How could I have forgotten?
“Yep.” He grinned with longing in his eyes as he took a deep breath. “And that day can’t come soon enough.”
I nodded. “I agree.”
“Salem.” My name was so gentle on his lips and his tone so sincere. “Thank you for taking a chance and coming to see me this weekend. It’s been the best weekend I’ve had in a long time. Something I’ve needed more than you know.”
I smiled up at him, pressing down the sadness that wanted to swallow me. “Thank you for inviting me, and yeah, this weekend was a
much needed break.”
“You take care of yourself, okay?” He reluctantly pulled away from me. “Text me when you make it back safely.” A group of teenagers walked by, following a lady in a red T-shirt. Chris pulled his sunglasses off the neck of his shirt and stuffed them onto his face. “I guess I better sneak out of here before I get recognized and mobbed,” he whispered, tugging his beanie down a little lower on his head.
An ache in my heart immediately began to throb. It’s just a couple of weeks, Salem. Hold it together. I nodded. “Okay. Thank you for everything. I’ll text you soon.”
He gave me another tight squeeze and a peck on the cheek, and before I knew it, he was leaving. I couldn’t help but feel a little disappointed that the deeply satisfying kiss we shared in my dream was replaced by a mere brush of his lips on the cheek. Nevertheless, the tingle on my skin lingered as I stared at him while he trudged toward the exit. Watching him from behind, I was reminded of the last painful goodbye we endured at Fairbanks. After he released me from that monumental hug, I’d stood on the sidewalk completely shattered—he’d never even looked back.
But this time, just before he disappeared around the corner, Chris spun around. With sad, wistful eyes, he held my gaze. It took everything within me to keep from running straight back into his arms. Standing in the middle of the busy airport, I felt as though someone had sucked all of the oxygen out of the air. Lifting his hand for one more sad wave goodbye, he headed out the door.
He’s amazing, but he’s not mine. He belongs to everyone else… the greedy, clamoring, screaming fans who have no idea that behind that guitar and that spectacular voice, there is more than just a sexy man. There is an honorable man with a heart of gold who would give the shirt off his back for anyone. A strong man who has overcome obstacles in his life that nearly broke his spirit, but who walks tall with a beautiful, perfectly flawed soul—the one soul that very likely holds the key to my heart.
It took several seconds for me to turn around and walk toward security. As I numbly boarded the plane, I placed my bag in the overhead compartment and settled into my seat. Before the airplane pulled away from the gate, I slid my fingers across the screen of my phone, reliving every moment from the weekend that I could from the pictures we’d snapped along the way.
“Hard to say goodbye, huh?” A raspy voice spoke up beside me.
I looked up at the elderly lady sitting beside me. A pale, blue pair of eyes and a bobbling head of white hair greeted me with a sympathetic smile.
Nodding my head, I replied, “It sure is.”
“Honey, don’t I know it.” She waved a wrinkled hand at me. “I remember when I was twenty and my Robert was leaving for the war. It was one of the hardest days of my life.” She patted my shoulder. “Sweetheart, you hang in there. You’ll see him again soon. Probably tonight when you close your eyes to go to sleep,” she said with a knowing wink.
“No doubt,” I sighed as I buckled my seatbelt and sunk tiredly into my seat. No doubt.
The sweet, little lady reached over and squeezed my hand. “Hang onto those dreams, honey. Never let them fade. Dreams are all I have left in this world of my precious Robert.” She clutched a tight hand to her chest, fondly staring off into the distance.
“I’m so sorry,” I whispered.
She smiled reassuringly. “Oh no, honey. Don’t you feel sorry for me. Robert was the best thing that ever happened to me. We had a great life together. My sweet boy, Robbie, was born nine months later, so when Robert came home after his tour, we began our lives as a family. Now, I’m not saying everything was perfect. Lord knows we had our struggles, stubborn ass that he could be sometimes.” She smiled thoughtfully, chuckling at her own brutal honesty. “Robert passed away about five years ago. Dreams just help me keep on living that happiness over and over every night. No, ma’am, don’t you feel sorry for me for one second.”
I smiled. “Maybe years from now I’ll be in your shoes, giving that pep talk one day.”
She leaned over my shoulder, peering at the screen in front of me through her reading glasses. “About him?” she asked with a mischievous grin. “I’d say so.”
I laughed. “You never know…”
Just then, one of the flight attendants walked by, asking everyone to turn off their cell phones. I stuffed it into my purse, laid my head back against the seat, and closed my eyes.
I left the airport with my stomach in knots. I didn’t know what the hell I was doing. The feeling in the pit of my stomach when I was with her… it was unlike anything I’d felt before. I couldn’t explain it. This was not the desperate ‘I can’t breathe without you’ kind of feeling I had for Kaitlyn. No. This feeling was different. I didn’t know what to call it yet, but there was something about Salem that made me want to spend every moment I could with her. Salem made me feel… me again. I could be myself around her. I didn’t have to pretend…
Which led me to my next realization… I had to tell her. I needed to talk to her about the kid. I knew some people would think I was crazy. Hell, maybe I really was out of my head. I mean, I wasn’t even sure he was mine, but if I wanted to be with Salem, I wanted to make sure there were no secrets between us. She needed to know. Maybe she could help me shed some light on the situation.
I saw that kid at the grocery store for the first time, and I swear it felt like I was looking in the fucking mirror. The thought of walking away from a child that could be mine left me feeling a little hollow. I knew it was the right thing to do though, as hard as it was to let go. I saw that sweet little boy smile up at his dad with complete adoration in his eyes. I never wanted to do anything to change that. To see her family so happy, I just couldn’t be the asshole to step in and stir up a shit storm that could possibly tear that little boy’s whole world apart… or Kaitlyn’s. Her family was her life. That much was obvious by the smile on her face and the way she looked at her husband with respect and admiration. It just wasn’t in me to barge into her life and demand answers that could possibly turn her whole world upside down. I didn’t want to hurt her like that. So instead, I hurt me.
I walked away without any answers so that she could be happy. That’s how much I fucking loved her. I just hoped the trust fund was enough to show her that I knew and that I cared. I wasn’t just walking away because I was a dickhead. I walked away because I couldn’t bear the thought of tearing her down by ruining her family. I couldn’t be a part of her life, but I could help provide for those boys’ futures. And if one of those boys just happened to be my son, then I could live peacefully, knowing I’d done right by him. He had a family—a mommy and a daddy who loved him very much. Then there was me, who he might never meet again—who may or may not be his biological father—but who loved him enough to help take care of him in his own way. A way that he, nor others, would ever truly understand unless they were in my shoes. I just hoped that Salem could see the situation through my eyes.
I plopped down into the backseat of Vance’s car. He was silent for several minutes while I sat there quietly, watching the scenery blur past the window.
Thoughts of Salem seeped into my head. She was fucking amazing. My admission of that fact stabbed me right in the chest, and suddenly I felt as though my heart had betrayed me. Kaitlyn was the only woman I’d ever loved. I hadn’t opened myself up for anyone like I had for her. I hadn’t let myself become as vulnerable for anyone like I had for her either. And then there was Salem, who marched back into my life unannounced and stole the very breath in my lungs on more than one occasion. It was scary, but it was fucking incredible. I didn’t really know what to think or how to feel.
All this time I’d thought there was only room in my heart for me to love one person. I was wrong. Just because I’d let go of one love didn’t mean I couldn’t open myself up to love again. Just because I’d allowed myself a little happiness after a soul-crushing loss like that didn’t mean my heart was betraying me. It just meant that I was moving beyond the pain of the past. It meant I was letting go, gi
ving myself permission to find love again. It could happen. It was happening. It was so fucking beautifully tragic.
Vance’s voice jarred me from my thoughts. “Boss, you okay?”
“Oh, uh, yeah…” I stammered.
He watched me through the rearview mirror. “She must be somethin’,” he speculated.
“Yeah,” I nodded, already missing her. “She is somethin’.”
Vance and I spent the rest of the ride back to the hotel in silence. I needed to get my head in the game. This was a huge trip to New York. We were playing Madison Square Garden in just a few short days. We had meetings with our recording agents and marketing strategists. We had interviews on morning news shows and guest appearances on late night comedy shows. I needed to move past my spectacular weekend with that incredible woman and gear up for a busy week.
A couple of weeks had passed since our trip to New York. Chris had been traveling the northeast, selling out show after show. Each night that passed was another night that my longing for Chris grew exponentially. In some ways, I welcomed the feeling, but in other ways I kept my heart guarded. After all, he was still considered a rock god among the ladies, many of whom were more than willing to take advantage of any opportunity to spend time alone with him.
However, each night that we spoke on the phone, my apprehension momentarily disappeared. There was just something about his soothing, melodic voice and our deep conversations that put all of my fears at ease.
“I want to know more about you, Salem,” his voice poured from the receiver late one night. “I want to know everything.”
“Like what?” I asked, wondering what I could possibly tell him that he didn’t already know.
“I don’t know… your hopes, your dreams, your fears. Anything.”
“Ask me whatever you want,” I urged. “I’m an open book.”