“Just like that, Mia. Keep fucking me just like that. I want to come looking at my cock in your pussy. I want to come seeing how beautiful you are.”
I’m close again too, and as my pussy grips him tighter, my orgasm rising from deep in my gut, I thrash and bounce, my every reservation gone. This cock is mine and I’ll use it as I wish. And Onyx is mine, no matter how much he tries to hurt me.
“Fuck me harder,” he says.
“I’m coming. Oh God, I’m coming!”
“Fuck me with that little wet pussy, Mia. Oh, fuck! I’m going to come. I’m going to come inside you!”
I let go of Onyx’s chest, now fully on my feet. My lower half is consumed in all-encompassing sensation. My hands go up, into my hair, and I’m arching my back, feeling the thrust of his big dick inside my tight pussy, knowing I’m driving him wild, feeling it throb and finally erupt, with my back arched and Onyx’s hands on my tits and with his orgasmic shouts in my ears, I finally let go and for seconds there’s nothing but feeling — nothing but ethereal bliss as I come against him.
When it’s over and Onyx is still beneath me, I move onto my knees and lay against his chest. I don’t take his cock out of me. It belongs where it is. He’s mine, and I’m his — even if we’re both stupid for believing it.
He really has changed. I know it. Somehow, I know it.
There are such things as ghosts — immutable hauntings from our pasts.
And we are each other’s.
CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
MIA
I’m afraid things will be awkward the next day at work.
They’re not.
If I’d hooked up with some random guy from the office (or with Simon; gross), I’m sure it’d be weird to face him again in the morning, because we’d have gone from co-workers to lovers in the blink of a red-hot moment, pausing only after it was finished to ponder our judgment.
But this is Onyx. We have history.
I suppose part of me always thought we might end up back together, but my most sensible part had a giant problem with that. And if it were still then instead of now, I’d still feel that way. I felt that way when Jamie told me he’d returned to Inferno, and when he tried to bring me flowers on the street. I was suspicious when he took over the firm. I hated him.
He’s still not off the hook, but I know what I know. What I feel is real. He’s not just in it to fuck me. This time, I seduced him. He’s trying to do the right thing. He’s different now, and at work he shows me how. Now that the ice has thawed, he’s not cold or distant, because I’ve made it clear what I want.
This time, my actions mean he can’t use me — if anything, I’m using him.
At least that’s how I think I feel. I only doubt it when, after Onyx pours me a cup of coffee and we chat a while, I catch Jamie glaring at me as if I’ve committed a crime.
Throughout the morning, I feel a devil on one shoulder and an angel on the other, whispering in opposite ears, telling me different things.
On one side, I trade flirty glances with my on-again, off-again ex. I see the lack of guile in his eyes, the way he watches me — not only like a wolf watching prey (though he does that, too, checking me out when he thinks that no one is looking), but with eyes softened by time.
Back then, he was the perfect guy — if he’d kept his dick in his pants and his lies inside. He made me stretch personally, made me take risks that led me to where I am. He helped me grow professionally, always encouraging me to be more than I thought I was. And we were sweet together, like we’re starting to be now — years gone in the space of a morning.
It’s Mia and Onyx, 2gether 4ever again.
But on my other side, dagger-stares from Jamie whisper in my ear:
Are you an idiot? How many times will you let him burn you before you learn? He’s a cad and always has been. He’s only looked out for himself, his own personal pleasures. He’s fucked you in the past, and left you. Are you really so stupid when you need to come?
On one side, Onyx smiles from across the bullpen and I believe he’s taken over UD for the reasons he said: because Forage Education needs architects, and it was simpler to buy the company than to fight other clients for attention.
But on the other side, Jamie scowls and it’s clear she knows what I’m thinking, and sees me as a fool for believing a damn thing this liar says.
Onyx takes me to lunch, and it’s sweet. It’s like someone grabbed the clock and the calendar, turning hands backward and flipping pages down, rather than up. Time unwinds between us. We snap back effortlessly, and although I should suspect something duplicitous I know that isn’t the case. We had to go through the rough spots to reach the good. Push through our downs to find our ups.
Every rose has a thorn, and all that.
Time moves backward and it’s only us, before he lied to me that first time.
And I feel very much in love.
Onyx takes my hands over the table and says, I wish I could take it all back. I was so cruel.
And I say, Don’t apologize to me. I’ve heard all your sorries already. But this time, I don’t mean it like a jab. I don’t want his apologies, but I’m not angry or hurt when I say it, knowing that only this moment matters. Don’t apologize for the past, because that got us to where we are now, and now is good.
Onyx leaves for the afternoon, dropping me off at the door — going so far (and this is so cheesy, I actually laugh) as to open my car door. I get out, treading on clouds.
And on the walk back to my office, a rough hand snaps out from the side and seizes me like a zombie grabbing a limb in a horror flick. I scream a little, but it’s just Jamie — reeling me into her office, closing the door, and dropping the blinds.
She says, “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“What?”
“Don’t ‘what’ me. I just need the answer to one question, Mia. One question only.”
“Okay. What question?”
“‘Are you fucking kidding me?’”
I roll my eyes. “Jamie …” Her name leaves my mouth as a sigh.
“You’re not this stupid. I saw you ace chemistry, even though you took it as a what-the-hell in college. Who does that? I watched you land this job right out of the thin air.”
“You got me this job.”
“I told you, I didn’t. And before you say anything, Anthony didn’t either. I think he got me my job. But not you, honey bear. You got it because you’re one sharp bitch.”
“Thanks?”
“So this is what I don’t understand: You don’t have a drool cup. You don’t wear a helmet to keep from running into things as you go about your day. You can’t quite figure out that exercise is good for you, but other than that you’re not a total fucking moron. So why are you buying his bullshit?”
“What are you talking about?”
“Onyx. Come on, Mia.”
“It’s been a long time. Things are different now.”
“People don’t change that much. He’s broken your heart … what? … ten times?”
I make my Oh-come-on face. “Maybe three times.” And I think: Okay, at least a dozen.
“Your mom called while you were out, you know.”
I was rolling my eyes so hard I barely heard Jamie, but this nabs my attention. “What?”
“I was walking by and heard your phone ring. We’re waiting on that client so I figured I’d peek in and at least see before it went to voicemail, but the display read Sarah Stover. So I picked it up.”
“You what?”
“We had a good talk. I told her about how twinkletoes you were this morning. How you were all flirty with your new buddy. Or, wait. I’m sorry. Your old buddy.”
“You had no right to answer my phone!”
“I look at your phone all the time! You know I’m nosy, Mia!”
I would laugh at her non-defense, but I’m too irritated to let it go. I hold my scowl. It’s true; Jamie answers my cell when I’m away from a table but leave my purse
. Still, given this timing, everything feels so much worse.
“You haven’t told her you’re trying to get back with him, have you?” Jamie says.
“I’m not back with him!”
“Oh, please. I see the way you came in here this morning. You clearly got laid last night. You fucked him, didn’t you?”
“I told you about that!”
She’s shaking her head. “That was about the first time, in your office. I allowed that; it lets you get him out of your system. You know, by letting him inside your system?”
“Allowed? You’re not my—”
“Not your mother? No. Your mom is your mother. And when I told her what I know and think I know, she—”
“I’m twenty-five fucking years old!”
Mia plucks her phone from her desk and hands me the receiver. “Fine. Call her and tell her that. Tell her that you’re 25 and that’s why you had sex with Onyx last night.”
“That’s not why …” I walked right into her trap.
Jamie’s eyes light up. She points an accusing finger in my face.
“You did fuck him.”
Turning away. “No.”
“You did! I know that look, Mia! That’s the look of a girl who’s had her fill of dark meat!”
“Well, so what?”
“Why didn’t you tell me? Why are you afraid to tell your mom?”
“It’s none of your business!”
“Is that it? Or is it because you know we’ll both think you’re an idiot? You told me last time.”
“And last time you got all judgy!”
“Well?” Jamie puts a hand on her hip. “Wasn’t there something to judge?”
“Just my own damn business. Not yours.”
She looks me over, then says calmly, “Look, Mia. You’re drunk on dick right now. I get it. Cock is a powerful drug. It makes you do stupid things. But it’s okay. That’s why we all have friends: to keep us from doing stupid shit for cock.”
“It’s not his cock that …” But how do I finish that sentence?
“Or for ‘love,’” Jamie says, anticipating my foolish-sounding direction. She says “love” the way most people say “diarrhea.” It’s not that Jamie is anti-love; it’s just that it’s clear to her, from the outside, that I’m not in it now. Or at least that’s probably the way it seems. But I know better …
… don’t I?
“He doesn’t love you, Mia.”
“We’re just trying things out again! I know it’s not …” Again, I stop speaking. Truth is, I’ve felt exactly the same way this morning as I have with Onyx repeatedly before. He makes me notice birds, detect the freshness of air and the sweet scent of spring flowers. I’m a romantic at heart, and I’ve spent the morning pretending Onyx is, too.
“Don’t just react and tell me he loves you for real this time, Mia. And don’t bullshit me that you’re ‘trying things out.’ I know your cycle. He has you again: hook, line, and sinker. I’m amazed that you can’t see it.”
“But he’s different. Since we were together last, he’s grown up. He built a company.”
“Being a billionaire doesn’t make his fuckstick more loyal. I’d argue the opposite. You know that expression, about how a man is only as faithful as his options?”
“When he took over UD, he—”
Jamie cuts me off with a dismissive flap of her hand. “Yes, yes. The addendum. I know. Your mom and I talked all about it. Just because he doesn’t want to lay anyone off doesn’t mean he’s suddenly boyfriend material.”
“He didn’t want anyone to know about it, Jamie. He did it because it was the right thing to do. Simon even said that Onyx told him—”
“There are such things as ghosts?”
I deflate. It’s obnoxious, being disarmed so handily. That was supposed to be my hammer, and yet Jamie’s clearly already heard and dismissed it. “That’s something I told him. Something I taught him. Don’t you see? He—”
“Just because he quotes you doesn’t mean you’re more to him than a hole, Mia.”
“I’m just saying that—”
“And if you ask me, this whole takeover smells kind of—”
“Will you stop cutting me off?”
Jamie stops. She looks at me the way she might look at a friendly dog that’s turned on her — one that she’s just realizing has contracted rabies and is now dangerous.
“He’s manipulating you, Mia,” she finally says. “I love you, girl. And I’m going to look out for you whether you like it or not. So is your mom. We both agree that—”
But I don’t want to hear this.
I know what love feels like.
I know what it’s like, to be loved for real.
They’re wrong.
I’m right.
So I leave the office, fuming, without looking back.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
ONYX
It’s like ripping off a Band-Aid.
“It’s off,” I say.
The phone line is silent while I wait for Aiden to answer me. “What’s off?” he finally asks.
“All of it. This backdoor bullshit with Anthony Ross, your stupid plan, everything. If we’re going to build Forage Education, we need to decide now, and if we aren’t, I’m releasing our contract for Urban Design. It’s over, Aiden.”
“Release Urban Design? What, and give up all that quality time at work with your girlfriend?”
“Don’t patronize me.”
But rather than being angry with me — he should be, and I figured he would be — Aiden says, “Oh. Never. I’m going to sit here and be perfectly fine with your throwing away our future.”
So it’s fake anger, then.
“There are other ways. We’re all in the Syndicate. If Ross won’t take Forage’s offer seriously, I’ll get Nathan to vouch for us. This is his Syndicate.”
Artificial anger is swallowed by the real thing. “And he’s just the matchmaker. You don’t even have a first-degree connection to Nathan anyway. What are you planning to do? Talk to Alyssa and ask her to talk to Ashton Moran about talking to Nathan for you, so that Nathan can talk to Ross? Get your head out of your ass, Onyx. I talked to Johnson this morning and he said you’re right in there with Mia. All lovey-dovey and shit. Just keep it up. Dip your wick; have some fun. Then work on her friend. Oh, sure, Jamie hates you now; she said it when we talked. And she’s a tough cookie; I’d swear she was suspicious of me the entire time I was soaking her panties.”
“Did you … with Jamie …?”
“No, Onyx. This is your job. I run the company while you play house and score us the big hook-up. That was the deal.”
“That was your deal,” I correct.
“Built off of your foundation. And you agreed.”
“I never really agreed.”
“And yet you’re clearly fucking her. Don’t tell me you’re not fucking her, Onyx.”
I consider outright denial, but sometimes Aiden is a truth detector. He believes in black and white, not shades of gray. I can’t admit that I had sex with Mia while simultaneously pointing out that it’s still not what he wanted. Same act, different meaning.
I’m not the stone-cold bastard I used to be.
I go sideways, dodging the issue. I won’t deny my actions. Only his plans.
“We’ll set up a meeting with Ross. Everyone says he’s super outgoing. And—”
A sigh. “He’s super-outgoing because he’s a fucking guru, Onyx! He’s super nice because that’s what he does! It’s why he has a fucking cult behind him! Everyone who meets Anthony Ross says they feel like he’s their best friend. Men feel like he’s the brother they never had, and women cream themselves just looking at him. The guy looks like he belongs on the cover of G-Fucking-Q, built like a brick shithouse, and has that whole sexy father figure thing going on. All the girls with daddy issues want to fuck him — or worse, want to take him home to mom. They think he’s the chiseled-jawed hero of their personal bullshit; that’s how mesmeri
zing he is. But it’s one-sided. You can’t be everyone’s best friend, and Ross is no exception. So yes, we can set up a meeting. And he’ll act like ours is the world’s best proposal and technology. We’ll leave thinking the deal is in the bag. But it won’t be. Because he makes everyone believe those things.”
“That doesn’t mean we can’t convince him. The tech is so perfect, it’s—”
“He’s Tony Fucking Ross!” Aiden blurts. “He gets pitched on perfect things all the time! He has more money than God and the fact that everyone else is impressed by Forage doesn’t make us worth dick to him. Face it, Onyx. We need him more than he needs us. That means we need an in. A personal in, that he’ll listen to. You’re maybe a few weeks from convincing Jamie that you’re a solid guy this time around. Just keep nailing the girl you’ve never stopped talking about leaving behind. What’s the harm? Why throw it all away?”
“Because it’s not right.”
Aiden actually groans.
“This is half my company, Aiden. Forage isn’t yours; it’s ours. This time, you don’t get your way. This isn’t some decision you’re bringing to the board. This is about me.”
“It’s about you being a pussy, and dooming us.”
“Oh, please. It’d take a nuke to doom Forage.”
“You have no idea, Onyx. You have no idea what our tech plus Ross’s ambition could do. With or without us, Ross plans to change the world.”
“The Syndicate plans to change the world. We have a vote proportionate to our share of the trillion-dollar pool as to how that happens, remember.”
“But if we were Ross’s partners, we’d have—”
“It’s over, Aiden. Find another way, or live without.”
I kill the call, my breath coming heavy, pulse in my throat.
CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
MIA
The week goes on.
There’s a subtle change in Onyx when I see him the first evening, and I can’t put my finger on it. He seems to be mourning something lost between us, and yet we’re going on same as before. We’re getting closer if anything, both of us moving tentatively, wary of traps. It’s sweet, even as I dodge Mom’s calls and Jamie’s texts. I like the new Onyx. But something has entered his mind and refuses to leave.
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