by A. E. Murphy
“So, he is coming here?”
River shrugs. “Niall is pulling a few strings. Last I heard he was successful.”
It looks like Calder won’t need his own pull to get in here, Niall is seeing to that himself. He knows what my brother is capable of.
I mutter a curse and push my hands through my hair. “I don’t want him in my life.”
“But.”
“But… I also don’t want him out of it entirely.”
We share a look, mine one of hidden shame, his one of curiosity. “You got some kind of fucked-up love for him? He kidnapped you.”
“I know.” Like I don’t remember that fact. “But… I don’t… it’s complicated. I just want him to leave us alone but I don’t want him dead, he doesn’t deserve that.”
“Why?”
“He also saved my life. I owe him this.”
River leans back and hooks his hands behind his neck. “Go on.”
“I don’t want to get into it.”
“Do you know how frustrating it is seeing that out of all people you can’t even share your shit with me? What are you so afraid of? Losing Niall?”
I shake my head. “I’m terrified of losing my freedom, River.”
“In what way? You’ve got a good man who loves you, a home, money in the bank…”
He wouldn’t get it, not at this point. I’m not entirely sure I get it either. Everything is so messed up.
“It doesn’t matter, just don’t kill him please. I want you out of here before I die.”
“I won’t kill him,” he assures me, taking my hand over the table. “But you need to fill in some of the blanks for me because this shit is confusing.”
“There are no blanks to fill, I owe him one.”
“You owe him nothing!” his voice carries over the low murmur of those around us, drawing eyes to us.
My cheeks heat as I scan the room, meeting aggressive eyes of those unhappy to be disturbed.
“Quiet,” I hiss, tucking my hair behind my ears. “I know I don’t have to owe him anything but he doesn’t deserve to die. I just want him to leave me alone.”
“Sounds to me like he could be persuaded.”
I nod my agreement. “My thoughts were leading along the same lines.”
“Okay, I tell you what. If he comes here, I will leave him alone, so long as you don’t suddenly stop coming to see me because he’s here.”
My lips pinch together. “I don’t know if I can…”
“That’s bullshit. You come, you sit, I’ll protect you.”
“I’m not scared of him, River.”
River nods, his eyes hold a sadness that nearly competes with my own. “Then what is it that worries you?”
I bury my face in my arms on the desk and sigh gravely. “I’m pregnant.”
“Say that again.”
I raise my head and meet his eyes. “River, I’m pregnant.”
He lets out a laugh, a harsh, angry one. “Then why the fuck are you protecting him? I’ll chop off his dick and feed it to him.”
“No… it wasn’t like that.” It’s my turn to take his clenched fist over the table and pry it free. “I went to him willingly. We were… we had something. Or at least, I thought we did.”
“The plot thickens,” River says and relaxes. “Does Niall know?”
“Of course, he told me to say the baby is his and to everyone who isn’t you, that’s exactly what I’ll do.”
We share a knowing look. “Harsh thing that, Rain, denying a man his right to be a father.”
“What kind of father could he be?”
“Won’t know you don’t give him the chance.”
I laugh harshly. “So now you’re on his side?”
“No, I just think there’s more to this than meets the eye and us criminals always get the losing end of that fucking tether.”
“I’m sorry, River. I didn’t mean to make you feel—”
He raises his hand to cut me off though his face holds a genuine smile. “No big deal, sister of mine. Your secret is safe with me.”
“You’re not mad?”
“No, you’re doing what’s best for you which is what I’ve always expected of you.”
I look up at the cracked ceiling. “What other choice do I have? Raise a baby on a ship full of criminals? What if one of them is a paedophile?”
“You think he’d let anyone hurt his kid? If he’s that kind of man then what the fuck enticed you to join him in his bed?”
He has a good point. But then again, so do I. “Nobody wants their kid to get hurt but sometimes that shit happens.”
“Isn’t that the truth.” His smile becomes easy and genuine, softening my heart and demeanour enough for me to return it. “I’m going to be an uncle. I better hasten my escape plan.”
“Shh!” I giggle, looking around in case anyone heard.
Nobody did and, in all seriousness, I really hope he does.
After my first trip out alone since the event, I have to admit I’m feeling a little lighter about it all. Niall seems to be too as he went to work this morning without too much of an issue, leaving me alone to my own devices. I feel like a protected toddler these days. I’m just waiting for him to start plugging the electrical sockets and putting locks on the drawers.
I spend the day cleaning some of the house though not all because I get bored halfway through, then I make myself a lunch fit for a queen and with my newfound confidence I sit in the garden, wrapped up in a blanket to protect me from the chill in the air and I read through one of the many baby books I asked Niall to purchase.
If only my safety was guaranteed.
I try to figure out ways I can ensure that I be left to my own peaceful life without interference from Captain Calder but my mind falls blank. I consider writing to him but I doubt that would do any good. I even consider allowing my brother to deal with him but I’d never be able to forgive myself. Calder doesn’t deserve that.
My brother says he’ll see if he can make a deal with Calder to get him to never bother me again. That’s assuming he even goes to the same prison and even ends up anywhere near my brother.
I want to be mad with Niall for orchestrating an attempt on the captain’s life but I understand him. He’s protecting me, or trying to. How can I blame him for that? The man kidnapped me and no amount of my explaining any of what happened on that ship is going to change people’s perceptions of him. Especially Niall’s. Besides, if I get angry, it only further proves my guilt and feelings. Feelings I shouldn’t have for a man who should never have had me.
At least I know it’s not Stockholm syndrome. My therapist assured me of that. But how can he know for sure?
Niall returns no less than an hour later, joining me in the garden where we snuggle on the swinging chair looking through the books together, giggling and gawping at what to expect. It all feels like one big, yet happy lie. A lie I can’t live in peacefully until I know it’s not going to be ripped away.
I’m the most selfish woman on the planet. Here I am with the man I love, thinking about the man I’m pregnant to.
I love Niall, I’ve chosen Niall, I want to stay with Niall.
“Gina.” I grin, hugging my almost mother-in-law. “How are you?”
“I’m perfect, how are you?” she asks in reply, leading us into the dining area where lunch is prepared for us already.
“Hi, Mum,” Niall grumbles playfully as his mother forgets to hug him too.
I pick up a finger sandwich when Gina isn’t looking and pop it into my mouth.
Brian, Niall’s father, chuckles and does the same and puts his finger to his lips afterwards. We share a secret laugh and a brief hug as Niall and Gina make small talk.
I sit beside Niall in between him and his father and place my hand on his thigh. Gina pours us tea as she chats away about a new market that has opened in an old warehouse. I promise to attend with her but my promise is cut short by the ringing of my phone, and Niall’s.
; Just when I thought everything was drifting away from Calder, my brother informs me, “Quick call, he’s here.”
“Right.”
“Do we still stand where we stood? Or have things changed?”
“No, keep it as it is,” I reply softly. “Stay safe.”
Niall hangs up the phone with a smile on his face, I hang up my phone with a tortured look on mine.
“Everything okay?” Gina asks gently.
I stir a sugar into my black tea as Niall replies, “Absolutely perfect.”
Little does he know.
Niall remains normal throughout lunch and throughout the journey to my own mother’s. We usually tackle both of our parents at the same time so we don’t have two separate days of parents. It always made more sense time-wise.
My mother is well, she’s as fabulous as always and of course as nervous. Her inability to let me spread my wings drove such an uncomfortable wedge between us that we’ll never be pals like Niall and his parents. It’s an unfortunate side effect of being mollycoddled.
We too share small talk until it’s time to go and we return home with a box full of different cakes which we then proceed to devour in front of a movie in bed. I used to loathe eating in bed because of crumbs but now such trivial matters hold no importance to me anymore.
I almost died.
“Who called you today at my folks’?” Niall finally asks as we brush our teeth side by side.
“My brother,” I reply honestly and he tenses.
“You know?”
I nod. “I know.”
“Rain, I… I’m just trying to keep you safe.” He places his toothbrush on the edge of the basin and then lifts me onto the counter beside the sink. I rest my arms around his neck and grip his hips with my thighs.
His palms and fingers slide up the outside of my thighs.
“That’s why I’m not mad,” I reply, pulling him in tighter against me. “Well, not completely. You shouldn’t have asked my brother. He’s already in enough trouble.”
His soft eyes scan my face. “Your brother gets it.”
“I know he does.” I’m not going to tell him that my brother isn’t going to kill Calder because that might make him ask somebody else. “But we don’t need more bad karma to come our way.”
“I don’t know what else to do, Rain.”
“It’s a stupid venture, having him killed. It’ll only put you in prison too. They’ll figure it out. You know it.”
Sighing, he pulls me closer to the edge of the counter. “Then what do we do, Rain? Run? I have my job here, my life, our friends and family.”
“I know.” I smile and kiss his jaw. “We give him the information he needs.”
“He’s not going to want information from prison.”
“Then I have to talk to him.”
He laughs as though I’m hilarious and then sobers just as suddenly. “Absolutely fucking not.”
“I don’t know what to suggest. I think we’re holding his obsession with me too highly. I think at this point he’ll just be doing it to piss you off. If we give him what he wants he won’t bother us anymore.”
“Until he finds out you’re pregnant…”
“I’ll convince him it’s yours.”
His hands on my thighs dig in uncomfortably. “Why must all of these ideas come from you directly? You aren’t to go near him.”
“He shares a prison with my brother.”
“I’ll make sure you don’t see him.”
“Babe, he probably has more clout than you.”
His lips thin to a white line but we both know I’m right.
I kiss him sweetly, tangling my tongue with his. He tastes like icing sugar and chocolate. It’s so good.
“Let’s stop talking about it tonight. Let’s just go to bed.”
“Okay.”
We do so but neither of us sleep very well.
“You look nervous,” my brother tells me.
“That’s because I am.” I look him in the eye, frowning at the faint sign of a bruise I see under his lower lid. “What happened?”
“Don’t worry, just a bit of tousling with somebody in my block. Nothing to do with the pirate.” He grins as though he doesn’t have a care in the world. “I won. He’s in isolation.”
“The hell happened?”
“Tried to fuck with one of my boys, I showed him who’s boss. Also showed your boy who’s boss in the process.”
“Careful, River, Calder’s a really good fighter.”
“Aye,” he agrees. “Reckon I could take him though.”
“River,” I warn but his smile only grows. Then it starts to fade when the buzzer sounds overhead. He turns towards the heavy metal bar doors that slowly open and reveal four more inmates in chains. They’re released and guided to their tables but my eyes follow only one.
Him.
There he is in his muted beige coveralls, his number and name on a plastic tag over his chest where I know the tattoo of a diamond sits beneath. The colour of his skin and the awful colour of his overalls make his green eyes so much more vivid and penetrating.
My heart hammers, pattering at a beat too fast to count.
“Rain,” River says, trying to get my attention.
I can’t tear my eyes away. The night he came for me returns, making me tremble but not from fear, but from the remembrance of his body on mine. The memory of his words that set fire to my veins and had me questioning everything I thought I knew.
His pure greens come to mine, he looks no worse for wear except his eyes are black underneath them. Thick rings of purple halo them and there’s a gash in his eyebrow that will likely scar.
“What did they do to him?”
“He fucked with a cop, sis, they did a lot to him the first few nights he came.”
My hand flies to my mouth and I force myself to look away from his penetrating gaze. I don’t know whether or not he deserves to be here but I do know that I don’t like it.
I glance at him once more; his eyes are still on me and we meet again, zapping chemistry between us that has me gulping and trying to look away. His lips curl with a smile, a kind one. Not an angry or malicious one. I return it instinctively because despite everything, I can’t bring myself to hate him. He’s from an entirely different life to me.
“Okay, yeah, you really need to tell me what the fuck happened between you on that ship,” my brother demands but sounds amused.
I glance over again when his visitor is brought to him and I go as stiff as a board. Her long blonde hair is tied over one shoulder and shaved short on the side I can see. The ends are pink and her lips are bright red.
It’s Millie.
My eyes don’t leave them as they talk. I try to play it cool but I can’t stop watching and my brother doesn’t interrupt. Not until Calder erupts with anger and tips over the table between him and Millie.
Millie screams and runs with tears streaming down her face as the guards apprehend him.
“TELL HIM I’LL FUCKING KILL HIM!” Calder roars after her as he’s tackled to the ground. “YOU HEAR ME, MILLIE? HE’S DEAD!”
I pry my eyes away, not realising there are tears there until my brother reaches across and takes one away with the tip of his finger. “You wanna talk to me about it now, sis?”
“No,” I reply, sniffing. “No. Let’s just focus on each other today.”
“Rain.” He takes my hand again. “Talk to me.”
“You’ll think I’m crazy.”
“I already think that.”
His words stop my sorrow for a moment and have me laughing. I use this moment to wipe my eyes on a tissue as Calder is dragged out of sight.
“Find out what that was all about,” I say, looking at Millie as she’s taken in another direction. “Actually…” I stand so sharply my chair tips over with a loud racket though nobody seems bothered as they’re still buzzing over Calder getting taken away. “Call me when you can.”
“Wait,” River calls but I’m
already heading her way. “Rain!”
“Settle down, inmate!”
I follow her out to the station where our belongings are kept and smile when she sees me. She blanches and picks up the pace but so do I.
“Millie,” I say, catching up to her at the exit. Her ridiculous heels click on each tile.
She immediately pulls a cigarette from a shiny metal case and lights it. “Please don’t follow me.”
“I’m not going to follow you.” I move out of the way of the smoke she exhales through yellowed teeth. “What and how are you here?”
She looks around and puts the cig to her lips again. When she doesn’t reply I grab her arm and drag her out of the way of the doors and around the side of the building.
“Stop pulling on me,” she hisses, sounding annoyed. Her long nails dig into my wrist so I let her go. She tugs on the bottom of her brown coat and takes another quick inhale of smoke. “They figured I’d be less conspicuous and I know the city…”
“They? You mean Clunk?”
“The one and only.” She shifts nervously. “I’m not allowed to talk to anyone.”
“Why is Calder so upset?”
“Who?”
I want to slap her stupid ass. “Captain. Why is he so upset?”
She looks around again and flicks the butt of her cigarette onto the ground. “Clunk is… not coming to get him.”
“What?”
“The captain is no longer captain.” She checks her phone and looks towards the carpark. “It’s complicated and you shouldn’t get involved.”
“Millie, please…”
“Why do you care? Huh? You left the first chance you got.”
“Wouldn’t you? They treat you like shit.”
She laughs genuinely this time. “Who the fuck said that? Bitch, on that ship I’m a fucking queen.”
“They use you.”
“They provide me with safety, warmth, skills I never learned on land, and sometimes I fuck them, that’s my choice. The only man who ever spoke to me or treated me like a whore was your captain.”
I shiver with regret. “That’s not how it looked.”
“I wasn’t their captive, I chose to be there. I choose to be there. That’s my fucking home.” Scratching her head, she starts walking and I struggle to keep up. “Stop following me. We have nothing to say to each other.”