For a moment his eyes softened. She saw the man she’d opened her heart to over that turbulent four days.
‘Yes.’
Megan nodded, waiting for him to elaborate. Then the Jaye she knew seemed to snap back out of focus, retreating into cool professionalism. The man who had seemed to understand everything now appeared intent on understanding nothing.
‘Ranjini and Dr Narayan ran this place for a long time together, almost since it started. They made a reality of our original vision, that it would be a calm and quiet place of healing.’
He said the words almost as if he’d never said them before. Almost as if they’d never met before.
‘Yes. I know.’
‘When Dr Narayan retired, and we replaced him with Dr Clarke...well, you knew that there were some teething problems before you came here.’
Teething problems. That was one way of putting it. ‘Dr Clarke had a very confrontational approach. A lot of the staff are unhappy and claim they’ve been treated unfairly. I know that Ranjini’s mentioned this to you.’
‘Yes, she has. She tells me that since Dr Clarke left, two weeks ago, you and she have been working very hard. You’ve been cleaning the wards and filling in for absentee nurses, and now I hear that you’ve been spending quite a bit of time in the stockroom as well.’
‘Yes...’ Megan could feel that Jaye was working around to some kind of point. ‘The staff shortage...’
‘Yes, I understand that. What I don’t understand is why I didn’t hear about this from you. This isn’t the job you were employed to do, and I suspect that neither of us are particularly happy about that. I’m certainly not.’
Something thudded in Megan’s chest. Perhaps it was her heart, reacting to the blow that Jaye’s ice-cold words had dealt.
‘I...’ She felt her ears burn. ‘I...had some initial concerns, which I spoke with John Ferris about. The first two weeks that I was here I was trying to get the measure of the place, both organisationally and in terms of the personalities involved.’
‘And afterwards?’
‘John’s been away sick for the last two weeks.’
‘Yes, I know. I’ve been filling in for him in London.’ Jaye leaned back in his chair, swiping his hand across the top of his head. ‘You’ve clearly been unhappy here, and things are falling apart. I’ll ask again. Why didn’t you tell me?’
Was he really that obtuse? Or was he just making this more difficult for her, because he knew that he could? Suddenly Megan didn’t care that he was her boss, or that it was in his power to send her home if he felt like it. He couldn’t treat her like this.
‘Why do you think, Jaye?’
Chapter Seven
‘WHY DO YOU THINK?’
That was the one question that Jaye didn’t want to answer. He didn’t want to say that he’d wondered whether Megan even remembered their kiss, when he’d been able to think about little else.
‘It’s not a matter of what I think. It’s a matter of why you didn’t report back to me.’
The little tilt of her chin told him that she was done with agreeing with him, and was going to meet him head on. A little thrill of respect fluttered in Jaye’s chest.
‘Let’s not beat about the bush, Jaye. We overstepped the mark, and...there was an inappropriate encounter...’
Inappropriate encounter? He’d called it a lot of things in his own mind, but never that.
‘And we let it be.’ The thought that Megan hadn’t let it be, any more than he had, made Jaye’s heart beat a little faster.
‘That’s just what I was doing. Letting it be. Ranjini was keeping you up to date, and there was no reason for me to call you and say it all over again, particularly when we were so busy.’
‘Too busy? You were too busy to call, is that what it is?’ Jaye realised he sounded like a petulant teenager.
They were going round in circles here. The elephant in the room was growing larger by the minute, and threatening to crush them both.
‘Look, Megan. I’m not your grandmother, and you don’t need to phone for a Sunday afternoon chat every week. But I do need to know if you’re unhappy at work.’
‘You’re the one who said I’m unhappy...’
‘Aren’t you?’
‘Yes, right now I’m very unhappy. Because there are real problems here, and all you can do is swan in and ask me why I didn’t call.’
‘Because it’s a serious point. If you want to work with me, then you have to communicate with me, and if I’m going to be faced with a wall of silence...’ She hadn’t called because the kiss had meant something to her. The thought crashed into Jaye’s mind, leaving him trembling from the shock of it.
‘Right.’ She got to her feet. Jaye was tempted to tell her to sit down because he wasn’t finished, but couldn’t think of anything else constructive that he wanted to say.
‘I’ll communicate. Let’s see how you handle that, shall we?’ She turned, stalking out of the office and banging the door behind her, the glass pane in the top half of it rattling as she did so.
‘Good. I’m looking forward to seeing how you handle it.’ Jaye threw the words after her, although he doubted she’d hear, and slumped back into his chair, his head in his hands.
‘That went well.’ He chided himself with the thought that he’d completely mismanaged the conversation. From both a professional and a personal point of view. He’d had a perfectly good point to make, but he’d craved some kind of reaction and he’d pushed her too hard.
Someone tapped on the door. ‘What now?’
He looked up, and saw the bright flash of a sari behind the obscure glass. ‘I’m sorry... Come in, Ranjini.’
Ranjini floated into the office, as calm and unflappable as ever. ‘I will give your apology back to you since it is directed at the wrong person.’
‘You heard?’
‘We have had too many raised voices and slammed doors here, Jayananda. I asked you to come, believing you would restore calm.’
Ranjini only called him by his full name when she wanted to reprove him. And right now she had a very good point.
‘Yes, I know.’ Jaye shook his head, trying to think clearly. ‘I’m...pretty jet-lagged. I know that’s no excuse and that Megan’s tired too. I’m going to apologise.’
Ranjini nodded, as if the apology was all his idea but one she thoroughly approved of. She’d been giving him that nod for nearly thirty years, ever since she’d been a teenager who’d babysat Jaye and his younger brothers when the family had been in Sri Lanka. When he thought about it, his behaviour hadn’t improved all that much since then.
‘I think that would be a good idea. I wouldn’t want to lose Megan, she has been a great gift to us over the last month. She has resolved many difficult issues and worked very hard.’
Guilt throbbed at Jaye’s temple. Whatever Megan thought of him, she was a valuable member of staff here. He’d had no right to upset her, however tired and hurt he felt.
‘All right. Message received. I’m going to go and eat a large helping of humble pie. You won’t lose her.’ However angry Megan was, it would pass. And when it did, her commitment to all she could do here would resurface.
‘Let her take some time alone. She will reach a point of greater balance. As will you.’
Jaye doubted it. But, then, Ranjini knew both him and Megan a lot better than they knew each other. Even if it did feel as if they’d looked into each other’s souls during those four days they’d spent together.
Ranjini settled back into her chair. ‘How are your parents? The last I heard from your mother was that she had a frozen shoulder, but that it was improving?’
‘Yes, she’s been having physiotherapy and it’s much better now.’ Ranjini was right in this, too. His own temper was still simmering uncertainly beneath the surface, and he needed to think about something else for
a while.
Jaye reached for the bag that he’d dumped by the side of the desk, drawing out the brightly coloured parcel. ‘Mum sent this for you. She hopes you like it.’
‘Oh! Such pretty paper! What is it?’
‘I don’t know. And if I did know, I wouldn’t tell you. That’s the whole point of wrapping it up. Mum wears the scarf you sent her all the time.’
From the size and shape of the package it was another scarf. His mother and Ranjini had been exchanging scarves for years. They were light and easy to send, and always appreciated and worn, which made them an ideal present. But both women still maintained the illusion that they didn’t know what was inside the carefully wrapped packages.
‘And your brothers? I hear that Caroline is to become a grandmother yet again...’
Jaye leaned back in his chair. By the time he and Ranjini had worked through his brothers and Ranjini’s three daughters, he and Megan would both have had every opportunity to cool off. And he would have an apology ready.
* * *
‘Megan, I said the wrong thing, in the wrong way. I apologise unreservedly.’ Jaye’s voice behind her sounded stilted and strange.
Megan had retreated to the drugs cupboard to rage a little, cry a little and then tell herself how stupid she’d been. The usual process, which had worked its way inexorably round to the stage of self-reproach and flushes of embarrassment when the slo-mo repeats of what she’d said to Jaye played back in her head.
She took a deep breath, and turned. ‘I don’t accept your apology.’
His gaze scanned her face. ‘You’ve been crying.’
‘Yes. You don’t look as if you have.’
That slow smile spread across his face. ‘No, I haven’t. That doesn’t mean I’m not sorry.’
‘I don’t doubt your sincerity.’
Jaye nodded. ‘So you accept the sincerity of my apology, but not the apology itself.’
‘You were right. It was important that I call you, and I didn’t. I was...’ Embarrassed. Not sure what Jaye would say. Afraid he might think she was presuming on a relationship they’d both admitted was wrong. Afraid she might break down and cry as soon as she heard his voice....
Megan heaved a sigh. It was too much to go into right now and would only provoke another argument. ‘All of the above.’
He shot her a puzzled look, and then smiled, seeming to understand what she meant.
‘There was nothing stopping me from picking up the phone either. But...all of the above.’
It was a fragile truce but it could hold. It had to hold.
‘I’m sorry for slamming your door.’
‘Sometimes calm and quiet requires clearing the air first. And I think my door will survive. You didn’t hurt it.’
But she’d hurt him. If Jaye wanted to pretend that he was only capable of as much feeling as his office door, Megan knew differently. He could retreat behind the mask of good manners, a gentleman in every sense of the word, but she knew that there was a lot more to Jaye than that.
‘Look, Jaye, if we’re going to work together...’
‘You want us to work together?’ Jaye’s smile invaded his eyes suddenly.
‘Yes, I want us to work together. Everyone here says that you have an innovative approach and that you’re a very good doctor. And a good boss as well. I want to see what you’re made of.’
‘I want to see what you’re made of too.’ He was clearly turning his words over carefully in his mind. ‘In a professional sense, of course.’
That was a start. And if all that Megan could countenance was a professional relationship, which could bring with it respect and friendship, then that actually was a very great deal.
‘There might be a few disagreements along the way.’
‘Goes without saying. I wouldn’t expect anything less of you, Megan.’
Megan nodded. ‘That works for me.’
They stared at each other silently. Jaye was the first to break the spell and suggest a way forward.
‘So... Would you like some help with this?’
‘You should get some rest. You look tired.’
He nodded. ‘Yes, I am. And so are you. But I’m taking a leaf out of your book and mucking in to get things that need doing done.’
‘Okay. I have no problem with that.’ She picked up the sheaf of papers that contained an entry for every box in the stockroom, ready for the results of the check to be entered. ‘Here’s what I’ve done so far.’
* * *
Jaye had been prepared to grovel if that was what it took. But Megan had refused to allow him to, and had made it very clear that she wanted more from him than just an apology.
This was what he’d wanted all along, someone to question the things he took for granted, and challenge him. They’d drawn and redrawn the lines and finally this was something that they could both live with. All that he could feel, knowing she wasn’t going to give up on him entirely, was a sense of profound relief.
They worked steadily, opening each box and noting down the end dates of every packet of drugs inside. Turn and turn about. Megan called out the dates and Jaye noted them down on the chart, and then they broke for a cup of tea and something to eat. Then he passed the chart over to her and set about opening the next box.
‘I think we should call it a day.’ It wasn’t all that late but fatigue was finally catching up with Jaye, and Megan had suppressed a yawn.
She stood up, slipping the chart in her pocket. ‘Okay. I can’t actually think of any good reasons to disagree with you on that one.’
‘Sure? We could argue about it if you wanted.’ The hours of quiet, steady work had slowly dispersed any lingering awkwardness, and the joke seemed like no risk at all.
‘Quite sure. I’ll get back to you if I reconsider.’
He chuckled. ‘Too late. The decision’s made now.’ He got to his feet, waiting for Megan to follow him out of the stockroom.
She locked the door carefully, checking that it was secure. Then she twisted another key off her key ring, putting it into his hand.
‘That’s the third key. I have one and Ranjini has the other.’
‘So if anything else goes missing we’ll know exactly who to blame.’
Megan laughed. ‘Yes. You or Ranjini. Because I’ll know it isn’t me.’
Jaye nodded, trying to hide his smile. He held the door of the main clinic building open for her, drinking in the cool scents of the evening as they stepped outside.
‘I always know I’m home when I smell cinnamon bark.’
‘Home?’ She looked up at him in the darkness.
‘This is my second home. England’s home too.’
‘It must be nice. Having two homes.’ There was a trace of sadness in Megan’s voice, and Jaye realised he’d never heard her say the word before. She talked about ‘her flat’ and ‘her mother’s house’, but never home. Perhaps that was one more thing that her father had deprived Megan of. There was nowhere that she felt she had a right to be.
‘So where do you call home?’
There was a short silence and then she laughed. ‘It’s a bit too late in the evening for that kind of question. Right now, home is wherever I can get some sleep.’
Clearly she didn’t know where home was, without thinking about it, and his question was a step too far. He’d touched the limit of what Megan was prepared to share with him, and it was time to back off.
‘I can identify with needing sleep.’ He slowed next to one of the bungalows that housed the staff who lived on site. ‘This is me, I think.’
‘Goodnight, then.’ Megan turned abruptly, clearly determined that he shouldn’t walk her to her door. Hurrying to the next bungalow, she opened the door and went inside, not looking back.
He’d watched her to her door instead. So what? That was the very lea
st that could be expected of a man when he’d spent the evening with a woman, even if it had been in a store cupboard. Not ready to sleep just yet, Jaye sat down on the top step of the porch, listening to the night.
* * *
Megan had slept soundly for the first time in a week. And she awoke in a haze of well-being that belied all her fears from last night. Her asleep brain had told her that everything was all right, and that she was a superwoman. Fire-breathing dragons, sheer cliff faces, bosses and gunfights at the OK Corral. No problem.
Funnily enough, her awake brain didn’t disagree, even if it was sceptical about the existence of fire-breathing dragons. They had a doctor here now. And replacement drugs. Someone who would give clear leadership and hopefully set the clinic back on the right path.
And if that someone was Jaye, then it looked as if they were both going to have to handle that as if he’d never kissed her, and she hadn’t liked it so much.
‘Right. That’s not the problem.’ She muttered the words, trying to get the disobedient haze of well-being to face facts. Kissing him wasn’t the issue. Wanting to do it again—dreaming about doing it again, no less—that was the problem.
‘Not going to happen.’ Megan rolled over in bed, burying her face in the pillow. She’d work up a little healthy disbelief in the idea that today was going to be a walk in the park before she got up. That way, she couldn’t be disappointed.
A tap sounded on the sliding doors of her bedroom. The small bungalows each had a sitting room at the front and a bedroom at the back, which gave out onto a veranda. Megan had never set foot on hers, since all her time in the past month had been spent working, and if anyone wanted her they knocked at the front.
‘Megan...?’ Jaye’s voice.
Get that smile off your face, Megan. It was bad enough that she didn’t mind that he’d decided to come round to the back and knock, instead of banging on the front door the way everyone else did. Liking it was beyond unacceptable.
‘What?’ At least she could sound unwelcoming, even if she didn’t feel that way.
‘You’re awake?’ From his cheerful tone, he clearly wasn’t put off by her lukewarm welcome.
Forbidden Night with the Duke Page 7