But plumping the pillows and arranging them just as she wanted them, before pulling back the covers, wasn’t fooling anyone. The moment his lips had touched hers, she’d known it. She loved Jaye.
Perhaps she’d known it all along. Megan turned the idea over in her head as she climbed into bed, switching the light off. It seemed now that she’d loved him all her life, that her tumultuous teens had just been because she’d been waiting for Jaye and had somehow known that she would have to wait too many years before she met him. As if defying Harry to become a nurse and finding her vocation in life had just been the first steps on the long road that had led to Jaye. Going to Africa, seeing the job with Jaye’s charity in the paper... Navigating all the bends in the road, the crossroads and the dead ends to find him.
If that were true, it had been a wasted journey. The treasure at the end of the rainbow was fools’ gold—a bright counterfeit. Because she and Jaye couldn’t make it work.
She felt tears fill her eyes and blinked them away. The worst thing about it was that it was no one’s fault. He needed time before he could bring himself to trust that she really loved him. But it was time that Megan couldn’t give him, because every day she kept the secret would eat away at her and destroy what they had together.
Thunder rumbled, far away in the hills. Then came the sound of rain on the roof of the bungalow. Megan turned over in bed, covering her head with her pillow. She’d never felt more alone.
* * *
By the time she’d got out of bed and dragged herself across to the canteen for breakfast, Jaye had gone. On the road somewhere, on his way to one of the villages and a patient he absolutely must see today. He got back late in the evening, and Megan saw the lights in his bungalow flip on briefly and then off again.
This wasn’t going to blow over. She’d always be looking over her shoulder, bumping into him in every part of the world as part of her work. How many times had she wished that her mother would just give up on Harry, recognise that she could never have him and move on?
Her mother had ruined her own life, and Megan could take a lesson from that. As the dark, lonely hours of the evening dragged into a darker, lonelier night, she made her decision. And somehow even that heartbreak was comforting because she knew that there would be an end to it.
* * *
Megan looked tired this morning. Jaye had spent the last two nights missing her, and the intervening day working as hard as he could to drive away the memories of her touch. It had exhausted him, and it seemed that whatever Megan felt had exhausted her too.
‘I want to talk to you.’ She sat down opposite him as he sipped his third cup of coffee in the canteen. Maybe the caffeine buzz was what made her words sound so ominous.
‘We can borrow Ranjini’s office, she won’t be in for another hour.’
She nodded, silently following him out of the canteen. Jaye knew exactly what he wanted to say to her. He’d rehearsed it enough times.
He sat down next to her in one of the chairs that Ranjini kept for visitors. ‘May I say something first?’
Megan gave him the ghost of a smile. ‘Yes, of course.’
Jaye took a deep breath. ‘I’m sorry, Megan. I’ve thought about this a lot, and I know we have to end our relationship, but I don’t want us to be on bad terms.’
‘That’s how I feel, too.’
‘We’ve made a good start, then.’
‘Yes. I’ve been thinking very carefully about...the job you’ve offered me.’
A sliver of alarm inserted itself in Jaye’s heart. The thought that Megan might be about to do something stupid froze him, because there was absolutely no way he could stop her.
‘Yes?’
‘I’ve thought about all my options very carefully, and decided that it’s...not appropriate. I’m sorry to mess you around but I won’t be taking the job.’
Not appropriate. How many times had he used that term himself to soften things, to imply that there was no blame on anyone’s part. The hypocrisy of it came back and slapped Jaye in the face.
‘May I ask why?’ Shock blocked all the things he really wanted to say and kept him still in his seat.
‘I... I’m very sure about this decision. Please just accept that.’
He wanted to spring from his seat, take her by the shoulders and shake her. That was unlikely to go down terribly well, particularly since he’d just expressed the wish to stay on good terms with her, but he wouldn’t let her go without putting up some kind of fight.
‘Do you have another job?’
She shook her head. ‘No.’
‘You won’t consider staying until you get something else?’ At least that would give him some time to try and change her mind.
‘I don’t think that’s a good idea.’ She attempted a smile. ‘I won’t be unemployed for long. If the worst comes to the worst, then I can always take Harry up on his offer.’
‘No!’ The word exploded through Jaye’s reserve. ‘I meant... Please tell me you’re not serious about that.’
Tears welled in her eyes, and one dribbled down her cheek before she could catch it and brush it away. ‘No, I’m not serious. You showed me how to stop compromising where Harry’s concerned.’
And she wasn’t going to compromise about this either. Jaye made one last-ditch attempt to hang onto something that he knew was already gone.
‘Well, I guess... You’re flying back to London in three days. Why not speak with John Ferris? I understand if you don’t want to work with me. I can talk to John and we’ll facilitate that.’
‘Please, Jaye. Just let me go. It’s the one thing you can do for me.’ She turned her gaze onto his face and he felt a shimmer of warmth. Jaye knew that he couldn’t bring himself to hurt her any more.
‘Then... I respect your decision. If there’s ever anything I can do...’
‘Thank you. I’d be grateful if you could organise a reference for me.’
‘Yes, of course.’ He’d write a reference that would get her any job she wanted. And get John to write one too. ‘I’ll see you again before you go?’
‘Maybe. We’ll take that as it comes, shall we?’
Suddenly he didn’t want to see her again. The sooner she left, the sooner he could beat himself up over taking the best thing that had ever happened to him and destroying it. Megan got to her feet, and he automatically rose, opening the door of the office for her.
As soon as she was gone he started to pace, measuring the length of the room with his strides. The worst thing about all of this was that Megan was right. Ending something that was never going to work was the right thing to do, and Megan had been braver than he was. She’d given up the job of her dreams to do it, and the least he could do was support her in that.
* * *
Jaye had driven down to Colombo, and wasn’t expected back for four days. Ranjini had given Megan the news gently, her quiet eyes seeming to understand that something was up.
The relief of knowing that Jaye was gone finally allowed her to sleep a little that night. Ranjini had insisted that she take the next few days off so she could pack and get ready to leave, and Megan spent them in a blur of numb misery.
Finally, it was time to go. Megan was up at five in the morning and ready to leave a half hour later. Ranjini was there to wave her off, dropping a beautifully wrapped package into her lap when she got into the car and telling her not to open it until she got back home to London. Dinesh delivered her smoothly to the airport, carrying her bag for her to the queue at the check-in desk. Megan bade him a warm goodbye, insisting that he didn’t wait to see her through.
The first day of the rest of her life. It hurt, but Megan knew it was the right thing to do. She could get over this, starting now, and live her life the way that her mother had never had the courage to live hers.
The queue moved slowly and finally she rea
ched the desk. The gates were ahead of her, and when she got through she’d be able to breathe again.
‘Megan.’
She felt a light touch on her arm, and shrank away from it. No.
‘Megan...’ This time Jaye’s voice was a little louder. A little more insistent. Ignoring him wasn’t going to make him disappear so she turned to face him.
‘I’m next up...’
‘No, you’re not.’ He turned to the woman behind the desk, giving her the full force of his smile. Murmuring an apology, he stretched over and lifted her bag off the conveyor belt. Then he took Megan’s arm, guiding her away.
‘No... Jaye!’ She tried to pull away from him but his fingers tightened. This wasn’t Jaye. She was being kidnapped by a lookalike. ‘Look, I’ve lost my place now. I’m going to have to queue all over again.’
‘Yes, you are.’ Jaye’s immaculate self-possession had slipped, and there was something boyish about him.
‘Let me go, Jaye.’ There was no way that a man like him could ignore that.
He let her go, but only so that he could grab the ticket and her passport from her hand. Then he turned, pushing through the people hurrying past them, making for a quiet corner.
‘Jaye. Don’t you dare do this. Give me my passport back...’ Megan didn’t have much choice but to follow him. If he’d just walked off with her luggage, she would have thought seriously about getting on the plane without it, but without her passport and ticket she was stuck.
‘In a minute.’ He came to a halt, putting her bag down at his feet.
‘No, now. Or I’ll call Security.’
‘Go on, then. My Sinhalese is better than yours.’
‘This is an airport. I dare say they’ll understand “This man’s bothering me”.’ The idea of being labelled as the kind of man who bothered a woman had to be about the worst thing possible in Jaye’s book.
‘And then they’ll probably arrest me. Or you could give me five minutes of your time.’
‘It doesn’t take five minutes to say goodbye.’ Megan spread her hands in an expression of frustration. ‘There. Goodbye. That’s it. Now give me my passport or I will call Security.’
‘You want to see me in jail?’
‘Right now it might be the best place for you. What’s got into you, Jaye?’
‘Nothing. Something’s been driven out of me.’
He did look different. As if a burden had been lifted from him. Maybe he was relieved that she was going and he’d come to twist the knife in the wound by telling her so.
But, whatever else he was, Jaye wasn’t cruel. He wasn’t making any sense either, but if he just wanted five minutes, she could do that, if it meant that she could get her things back and go without the need for him to be incarcerated.
‘All right. Five minutes.’ She glanced at her watch in a clear signal that she was timing it. ‘Then you give me my passport back.’
He nodded, taking a deep breath as if preparing for something. ‘Megan, I can’t let you go without telling you...’
Megan closed her eyes. This was going to be worse than she’d thought. But it was five minutes and then she’d be through to the passenger lounge and out of his reach.
She felt his touch on her arm, suddenly tender. Her eyes snapped open. ‘You can’t let me go without telling me what?’
‘That I love you. And asking you to give me another chance.’
‘We’ve used up all our chances, Jaye. They didn’t work out...’
‘Because I couldn’t trust enough. I didn’t believe that you could possibly love me for myself, and so I threw it all away. But I want it back. No more discretion, no more lies. I’m in love with you and I want everyone to know it.’
She stared at him. His eyes were soft, his face more handsome than any man she’d ever seen, and bright with the promise of someone who was starting afresh.
‘I... You have my passport.’
His gaze never left hers as he pressed her ticket and passport into her hand, sliding her bag towards her with his foot. ‘Here. Take it and walk away.’
She couldn’t. ‘Are you saying...that you wouldn’t try to stop me?’
‘I wouldn’t stop you. I might follow you, though. It’s a bit of a family tradition.’ His fingertips traced down her arm. ‘If we weren’t in public, I’d kiss you now.’
‘We’d get into a lot of trouble. The way I’d be kissing you back...’ In the heat of his gaze it felt almost as if he were kissing her.
His lips curved into a smile. ‘Yeah? Think you can hold that thought?’
‘I’m holding it. Tight...’ Heat was building between them, spiced by longing and the knowledge that if they did any more than just hold hands, Jaye would most probably have airport Security tapping on his shoulder.
‘I love you, Megan. And if you love me back then it’s going to tip both our worlds upside down. We’ll both have to re-evaluate all the things we’ve believed about ourselves for a long time now. But we both have the power to do anything we want, if we’ll only take it.’
‘My world’s already tipping.’ She rubbed her finger gently against his wrist, and saw his eyes darken. Less really was more.
‘Mine too.’ His fingers closed around hers and Megan stifled a gasp. ‘If you follow me now, I’ll follow you, wherever you want to go.’
‘Five countries? Two continents?’
He nodded slowly. ‘That sounds just about right.’
She smiled up at him. ‘Wherever you are is my home, Jaye. What do you say I follow you? I’m sure John Ferris has plans for you.’
‘We can work that out, Megan. We’ll follow each other.’
‘Okay. All I want is four walls and enough privacy to kiss you and take off your clothes...’
‘You think I’m not naked now?’ His lips curved in a delicious smile.
In everything other than actuality, they were. More naked than they’d ever been together, closer and more at one, even though only their fingers were touching.
Wordlessly he picked up her bag, slinging it over his shoulder. Megan stowed her passport and the wasted ticket in her handbag. Then he took her hand, leading her away.
Epilogue
FIVE COUNTRIES AND two continents. That was if Jaye managed to get through customs.
He’d told Megan to go on ahead, through the ‘Nothing to Declare’ channel, and he’d catch up with her. After a long flight from Indonesia to Melbourne this was the last thing they needed.
She stopped, keeping him in view, as he talked with the customs officer at the desk. The conversation seemed to be friendly enough, but the man wasn’t letting Jaye go.
‘Just keep going, miss. Through the door over there.’ A woman officer was directing people through the doors once they’d been through Passport Control.
‘I’m waiting for my partner. They’ve stopped him and I don’t know why...’
‘I’ll go and see.’ The woman officer walked over to where Jaye was standing, and he spoke briefly to her. She nodded and walked back to Megan.
‘Everything’s okay, we just need a form filled out. Go and wait outside, he won’t be a minute.’
‘But...’ The woman ignored Megan’s protests, and smilingly shrugged when she asked what it was that required the filling out of a form, shepherding her towards the doors.
Okay. So she’d go through the doors but she wasn’t letting Jaye out of her sight. Megan stepped to one side, pressing her face against the full-height glass so that she could see him. But he was following the customs officer through a door into what must be an interview room.
She waited for ten minutes. Then ducked back inside and marched up to the woman she’d spoken to. ‘Please, can you tell me what’s going on? Is there something that I can help with?’
‘No. You should wait...’ At that moment the door that J
aye had disappeared through opened, and he emerged. Striding up to her, he put his arm around her shoulder, smiling at the woman officer and guiding Megan away.
‘What was that all about?’
Jaye walked through the doors and stopped suddenly. ‘This is the fifth country. And the second continent.’
‘I know.’ Jaye had been uncharacteristically tight-lipped about their accommodation for tonight. And Megan’s impatient hopes had been tempered by trust. Jaye would do the right thing, at the right time.
He took her bag from her hand and put it on the ground next to his. ‘I’d planned this differently, but I can’t wait...’
She knew, from the look in his eyes, what he was talking about. ‘I love it that you can’t wait. Neither can I.’
He dropped to one knee in front of her. ‘I’ll have your answer, then.’
‘I’ll have your question first.’ Megan smiled down at him, her heart thumping. She so wanted to hear the words.
‘Will you marry me, Megan?’
Just a few seconds, which would change her life for good. Megan was trembling, almost crying with happiness.
‘Yes, Jaye.’
‘You’re sure?’ He was teasing now, a broad smile on his face. ‘You don’t want to think about it? It’s a lot to take on. There’s a title, and a house...’
‘I’ll take you, Jaye. The rest is just incidental.’
He took her hand and kissed it. ‘I have a ring. It’s what all the form-filling was about...’
She could only see a blurred flash through her tears. But she felt the band slide onto her finger, like an absolute bond that could never be broken. When he got to his feet, kissing away her tears, she saw all the promise of the years ahead in his eyes.
‘You like it?’
She looked down at her hand. A pale blue sapphire, flanked on either side by two weighty diamonds. ‘It’s beautiful. Thank you, Jaye.’
He wound his arms around her shoulders and she clung to him. ‘I really wish you’d stop crying...’
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