Made to Lead

by Robert Cossins

  Most ironically, feminism’s worldly beneficiaries are not women, but certain men, promiscuous alpha males who jump from one bed to another, enjoying abundant no-cost sex with women stripped of both their clothes and their moral compass, chasing pleasure from bed to bed. For any woman seeking long-term happiness, engaging with alpha males in such behavior is not only incorrect, it is the exact opposite of correct. As I shall demonstrate, such a woman quite literally sacrifices her future marriage prospects and happiness with each new lover. If we are to save Western civilization, this dysfunctional, sinful cycle must be broken. As families are destroyed one at a time, so they must be rebuilt one at a time. To the single man, fair warning: if you marry, choose your wife carefully and well. The odds of a successful marriage in today’s culture are stacked against you and today’s court system stands ready, willing, and able to remove your children, take your property, and attach your future income if you choose poorly. You never, ever want to find yourself in divorce slavery, an involuntary servitude enforced by a court order, compelling you to send cash and prizes to the very woman who has destroyed your marriage and taken your children.

  One might fairly ask why the first book in a series on leadership focuses on marriage. Shouldn’t a book on a man’s life mission come before marriage? Yes. In a different time, marriage might be the second or even third book of this series; however, Satan seeks to exploit our appetites to our own destruction, and today’s most widespread and most hindering mistakes in life are caving in to sexual temptation and choosing poorly in marriage. The man who marries poorly is crippled, with but little chance for him to complete a successful mission in life. As you turn the page, keep in mind that, due to her indoctrination from a young age, rare will be the modern woman who will agree with this book; however, her natural instincts will lead her to respond positively to the man who possesses such understanding.

  Marry Well

  I could never mix in the common murmur of that rising generation against monogamy, because no restriction on sex seemed so odd and unexpected as sex itself. To be allowed, like Endymion, to make love to the moon and then to complain that Jupiter kept his own moons in a harem seemed to me (bred on fairy tales like Endymion’s) a vulgar anti-climax. Keeping to one woman is a small price for so much as seeing one woman. To complain that I could only be married once was like complaining that I had only been born once.[41]

  — G. K. Chesterton

  Any intelligent man must, at least on occasion, wonder about the meaning and purpose of his life – its trials, joys, the sweat of his brow, justice and injustice, the anxiety of life and death, the very purpose of life. Such reflection inevitably leads to searching for answers, for truth. The Bible contains the wisdom of the ages and its God and serves as our best source of answers to such difficult questions. But let’s be completely open here: Though the Bible provides many answers, often these truths really are difficult to understand or unpack, or require context, or are buried in a bunch of “begats.” Even honest scholars disagree on certain points; however and thankfully, much of the Bible’s wisdom is very easy to understand once it’s found. But this search takes regular effort and study, an area where busy men often fall short. (Is your head nodding in agreement?)

  Think about a skill in which you’re proficient. How did you master it? Complex skills are almost always developed with help from others. Several years ago I became interested in becoming a better long-range rifle shot, and, along with my fine uncle, set a goal of shooting a sub-MOA group of three shots at 1000 yards, at that distance a target about the size of a dinner plate. We began researching and found some very helpful books and articles, but, of course, the only way to shoot at 1000 yards was to actually shoot at 1000 yards. We started out at shorter ranges, working until we were sub-MOA at a particular distance and then extending the distance in 100 yard increments. Things were progressing well up to and past 700 yards, and nearly a year ago we headed up to our camp with hopes to hit our goal at the full 1000 yards. However, much to our chagrin, everything completely fell apart just past 800 yards. Not only were we not sub-MOA at 1000 yards, we weren’t even consistently hitting the 4 foot by 8 foot plywood sheet backing the target. Not good. Not good at all.

  Have you ever seen one of the movies depicting planes being ripped apart trying to break the sound barrier back in the forties? Transonic flight, flying at the speed of sound, presented a deadly barrier. In an attempt to break the sound barrier, Bell Aircraft was contracted to build the X-1 plane, reportedly intentionally designed with the shape of the Browning .50-caliber bullet because that bullet was known to be stable in supersonic flight. Many thought the sound barrier impenetrable by large objects until October 14, 1947 when a then-unknown Air Force pilot named Chuck Yeager passed through the barrier with the X-1 strapped to his back, christened Glamorous Glennis after his wife. What a story! Most surprisingly to the engineers at the time, after breaking the barrier, the plane regained its composure and flew as smoothly at supersonic speeds as at subsonic speeds. The transition was the problem, and, once the barrier was conquered, many others quickly followed in Yeager’s contrails.[42]

  Well, you’ve probably now guessed at our shooting problem. The rounds we were using exited the barrel at 2650 feet per second, well into supersonic speeds but, just past 800 yards, they went transonic and started tumbling just like those early planes - going left, right, short and just about any place other than their intended target. Even with all our ballistics charts, our chronometer, wind gauges, match-grade bullets, top-drawer optics, and careful attention paid to the smallest detail, we still had to learn by doing and, but for an old-timer that gave us a hint, we might still be wondering what went awry. We’re now working on a custom load to keep the bullet supersonic past 1000 yards and will be testing it just a few weeks from this writing.[43]

  The bottom line: No man will hit a target at 1000 yards without training. No matter one’s natural skills, it takes serious training to master any useful skill or attain any worthy objective, and marriage is infinitely more important than punching holes in paper at 1000 yards. The wise man will give his faith (and his marriage) his considered attention in proportion to its importance.

  Marriage is God’s creation: “Has not the LORD made them one?” [44] Indeed He has and from their union, “he was seeking godly offspring.”[45] Marriage is therefore where we must start, for the days demand triage. If you have married poorly, this book is not intended to condemn your previous decisions. By all means, use what you learn herein to improve your marriage, but, perhaps even more importantly, equip your children to marry well and break the cycle of dysfunction you likely inherited from your own family. Don’t pass dysfunction on as an inheritance. You must break the cycle.

  If there is any hope for a young man in Western civilization to marry well, we must be willing to engage in straight talk about what God’s word reveals because the world is insane. Absolutely crazy! It’s nuts to teach children how to strap a condom on a cucumber; it’s crazy to provide young girls with birth control pills and abortion but many schools do, often without parental knowledge or consent; it’s beyond the pale for the state of Texas to require eleven-year-old girls to be administered a dangerous vaccine to protect against a sexually transmitted disease; it’s loony for parents to provide a hotel room for their daughter on prom night, pretending it’s her wedding night! Our society is seriously unhinged, and we are quite literally destroying our children along with their future marriages and families through these mindless acts. Edward R. Korman, a federal judge, recently ruled that pharmacies must supply females of any age with the Plan B One-Step pill, a drug that terminates an early-stage pregnancy. Absurdities and contradictions abound in a failing culture, including America’s: A fifteen-year-old girl can now walk into a Walgreens and buy the Plan B pill to destroy iron-clad evidence of a statutory rape, her baby. Imagine this girl coming to the check-out of a California CVS with a Plan B pill, a pack of cigarettes, a sex toy, a package of condoms
, and a bottle of cough medicine: “I’m sorry sweetie, but I can’t sell cigarettes or cough medicine to minors. I am happy to sell you condoms, but you can get those free at school if you want to save some money. I know that Plan B pill is expensive, but I have a $10 coupon for it that will help out. By the way, that’s my favorite vibrator. You’ll absolutely love it.” We are little different from the ancient Israelites as, “They built high places for Baal in the Valley of Ben Hinnom to sacrifice their sons and daughters to Molech.”[46]

  “Come out of her, my people!”[47] You do not have to partake. You don’t have to sacrifice your life or your kids to Molech. With God’s help you can carry out your mission effectively even while living in Sodom. A good and godly woman at your side is one of the most empowering weapons in any man’s arsenal to accomplish God’s mission. In spite of the current culture, godly and virtuous women do exist and they are waiting, hoping, and praying for a good, strong, godly man to love them and to lead them. I truly hope that you’re praying for your future wife.

  Guard against marrying the unvirtuous women, for “with her own hands the foolish [woman] tears hers down,”[48] yes, her very own house, which includes destroying her husband and children and perhaps the marriages of others in the process. “This is the way of an adulteress: She eats and wipes her mouth and says, ‘I’ve done nothing wrong.’”[49] “A wife of noble character is her husband’s crown.”[50] “She is worth far more than rubies.”[51] Which would you prefer to marry, the woman who will become your crown or the one who will destroy you? This should not be a hard choice, but men choose poorly each and every day.

  God’s word commands Christians to live a life free of sexual sin. Sex is among the most powerful forces driving the actions of men. God does not hate sexual expression, not by any means. Woman, sex, marriage: it’s all His wonderful creation and, expressed according to His design, sexual attraction draws men and women to marriage. Sexual expression is God’s chosen means of procreation, and His plan of lifetime marriage fosters a stable society in which to raise these children. The sexual relationship also creates a powerful pair-bonding effect, one of the most important reasons that it should not be expressed outside of marriage.

  God is quite clear on the rules: Women must maintain their virginity until marriage, and there is no excuse, not even if the girl gave her virginity away in the alcohol-fueled passion of prom night: “If, however, the charge is true and no proof of the girl’s virginity can be found, she shall be brought to the door of her father’s house and there the men of her town shall stone her to death.”[52] Though we no longer stone unvirtuous women in the West, the New Testament makes it crystal clear that these Old Testament guidelines regarding sexual expression are still firmly in place. Paul wrote, “Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.”[53]

  Through King Solomon, God blesses us with straight talk, and good men appreciate straight talk: “For the lips of an adulteress drip honey, and her speech is smoother than oil; but in the end she is bitter as gall, sharp as a double-edged sword. Her feet go down to death; her steps lead straight to the grave.”[54] She’s not traveling to the grave alone if you’re among her lovers as she “multiplies the unfaithful among men.”[55] Jesus takes this instruction to the next plane, from the discipline of the body to the discipline of the mind: “But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”[56] Though I doubt many men (if any, beyond Jesus Himself), have followed these instructions perfectly, we must seek to stay pure, to keep our eyes away from pornographic images which feed lust, and to avoid creating such images in our own minds, “for the LORD searches every heart and understands every motive behind the thoughts.”[57] Lurid fantasies feed lusts which draw us towards physical manifestations of sexual sin. Do not water the seeds of sin. Instead, seek to follow Job’s good example: “I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a girl.”[58] King Solomon, who well understood the consequences of feeding and then satisfying his lusts, stated plainly: “Do not lust in your heart after her beauty or let her captivate you with her eyes, for the prostitute reduces you to a loaf of bread, and the adulteress preys upon your very life. Can a man scoop fire into this lap without his clothes being burned? Can a man walk on hot coals without his feet being scorched? So is he who sleeps with another man’s wife; no one who touches her will go unpunished.”[59] The Apostle Paul sums things up rather completely when he wrote: “Know ye not that the unrighteous shall not inherit the kingdom of God? Be not deceived: neither fornicators, nor idolators, nor adulterers, nor effeminate, nor abusers of themselves with mankind…shall inherit the kingdom of God.”[60] Thank God for the Savior, without whom we’d all be doomed.

  Paul entreats those unable to live a virtuous single life to marry: “But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband.”[61] Concerning marriage, Jesus simply and authoritatively stated, “Therefore what God has joined together, let man not separate.”[62] God created male and female for His glory and sanctions their physical union within lifetime marriage. That is His plan. Engaging in sexual union outside of God’s design transforms that which was meant for blessing into a bitter curse (and bitter curse is not an overstatement.) Ignore the Owner’s manual at your own risk.

  Outside of your decision to follow the Lord, deciding whom you marry will affect your life more than any other. The following chapters will cover the basic biblical tenants of Christian marriage and will also provide you with hard-earned and invaluable insights: first, regarding how to easily disqualify risky women; second, how to attract women of high quality; and third, encouragement and advice for those in difficult marriages.

  Biblical Marriage

  It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.[63] — God

  A hundred years ago, a mere blip in history’s long march, the ideas put forth in this book regarding biblical marriage would be entirely without controversy. Then, seeing with eyes not yet fully clouded by feminism, marriage was seen as ordained by God with defined roles, men seen naturally as protectors and providers, wives as helpmeets, nurturers, and mothers. Today this taxonomy is deemed unnatural, demeaning, and even destructive. The traditional views are so far out of the zeitgeist that having authored this book recently resulted in my removal from a jury pool during voir dire. Yet, it was not always so: Dietrich Bonhoeffer was a theologian, a leader in the Confessing Church in Germany, a church opposed to Nazi interference with the church. For his opposition to Hitler, he was persecuted, imprisoned, and eventually martyred the month preceding the war’s end.[64] His letters from prison were assembled into a compendium and published after the war had ended. In his letters was a gift to his young niece, Renate, who married while he was in prison, a work appropriately entitled, A Wedding Sermon from a Prison Cell. In it, Bonhoeffer wrote the following:

  God establishes a rule of life by which you can live together in wedlock. ‘Wives, be subject to your husbands, as is fitting in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives’ (Colossians 3:18-19). With your marriage you are founding a home. That needs a rule of life, and this rule of life is so important that God establishes it Himself, because without it everything would get out of joint. You may order your home as you like, except in one thing: the wife is to be subject to her husband, and the husband is to love his wife. In this way God gives to husband and wife the honor that is due to each. The wife’s honor is to serve the husband, to be a ‘help meet for him’, as the creation story has it (Genesis 2:18); and the husband’s honor is to love his wife with all his heart. He will ‘leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife’ (Matthew 19:5), and will ‘love her as his own flesh’. A wife who wants to dominate her husband dishonors herself and him, just as a husband who does not love his wife as he should dishonors himself and her; and both dishonor the glory of God that is meant to res
t on the estate of matrimony. It is an unhealthy state of affairs when the wife’s ambition is to be like the husband, and the husband regards the wife merely as the plaything of his own lust for power and license; and is a sign of social disintegration when the wife’s service is felt to be degrading or beneath her dignity, and when the husband who is faithful to his wife is looked on as a weakling or even a fool.[65]