by Prince, DD
I had a huge orgasm and crying episode at the same time so I held him tight, muffling my moans with his shoulder. He finished, too, moaning my name, and then he rolled to his side, sank his head into the pillow, blowing out a long breath, and then pulled my back against his front, spooning me.
I glanced back at his face and he looked like he’d been in a bar fight. His eye was rimmed with a deep purple bruise and there were four angry red and scabbed lines down one cheek and another scratch across his nose and part way across the other cheek. His bottom lip was a bit puffy and had a tiny cut that extended about half an inch below his lip. He was looking on the outside like I was feeling on the inside. I put my head back on the pillow. He nuzzled in and kissed me between the shoulder blades, wrapping his arms tighter around me.
I was surprised that all that had ended the way it did. I thought, if anything, him thinking I’d run away --- which I’d never thought would be the assumption when I headed to the basement or I wouldn’t have done it --- would’ve meant his anger again.
Until I could get out of here, I needed to think before acting, I needed to make that part of my routines now because life wasn’t the same as it was before. I needed to think about what he’d think about things I’d do before I did them. He could’ve been angry right now because he couldn’t find me. But that’s not what I was getting from him. He was unpredictable and to me, that meant he was even more dangerous than I’d even realized because I didn’t know what to expect next from him. How, till I got out of here, did I stay on his good side? This side? How bad was he screwing with my head that I’d just allowed him to have sex with me, that I’d just participated?
We laid there for a few minutes and then he said, “Hi.” His voice was all breathy, all emotional.
“Hi.” I think my voice probably sounded empty or unsure. I didn’t know.
There was a long pause. Then he cleared his throat, “We have dinner at my Pop’s today. I’d like you to dress like you’re going to church, okay?” He was tracing my ear with his finger and kissing the back of my head.
“Kay,” I said.
“You’ve got clothes like that or should I have something sent over?”
“I went to church nearly every Sunday for the past 9 years. I’m good.”
“Okay. My sisters will make you their friend. Just because they’re my sisters doesn’t mean the rules don’t apply. Okay?”
“Kay.”
“I mean it.” There was an edge to his voice.
“I know you do.” My heart sank and my body stiffened. Kay, bye bye Ice Cream Parlor Hottie. So much for that.
He snuggled me closer, maybe in response to my tensing up, “I’m very pleased that you didn’t run away from me. Or that someone hadn’t taken you.” He sighed and played with my hair.
“I woke up early and I was just tired of wearing Sarah’s clothes and you said my clothes were down there. You said I could go down and---”
“I know. You’re welcome to wear your own clothes anytime but in bed. In bed you need to be naked or in something of mine. I want you to smell like me.” He nuzzled into my throat and then twisted me so that my face was buried in his chest, “But you need to know that running away, had you done it, would be bad, Tia. Real bad.”
Taken me? Who’d take me? The police? Was he worried Rose and Cal were trying to rescue me? And how would I get away, anyway? This place was locked down like a prison!
“I didn’t,” I reminded him.
“I know,” he cuddled me closer, “I’m glad.”
I started to cry, like ugly cry right into his chest. I couldn’t hold the tears back. He tilted my chin up toward his face.
“Talk to me.” His expression was soft.
I grimaced, “One minute you’re being sweet and the next minute you’re threatening me. One minute you’re rough, the next minute you’re not. Is messing with my head a sport for you?” I couldn’t even believe I was having this conversation with him. I couldn’t believe how weak I was, letting him fuck me and then crying like a baby again. Yet again.
He sighed, was silent for a minute, then whispered, “I need control,” he was searching my face for something with roving eyes, “I need you to keep being exactly who you have been so far, okay? You’ve been perfect.”
I didn’t know what that meant. Most times he was one guy and sometimes he was another. Gangster Tommy and what? Ice cream Parlor Tommy? How could I be being perfect? I was a mess. Last night I’d hit him with a lamp and messed up his face. How was that perfect? And today I had to have dinner with his family and pretend that I was happy to be engaged to him. How would I pull that off?
He twisted in the direction of his nightstand and reached for the heart-shaped box. He looked at me with a stone-cold serious face, “I want you to wear this. My family doesn’t need to feel any awkwardness between us. I don’t want them worrying the way you’ve got Sarah worrying.”
I frowned.
He continued, “So you’ll wear this and it’ll be reality to them. Okay? Like our dinner date the other night. Alone with me, always be real, always be you. But when it’s not just us, no one can think things aren’t perfect, that you’re not ecstatically happy to be mine.”
I was speechless. He was teetering between the two personalities, it seemed. Hadn’t I just been responsive while we were alone? That hadn’t been enough to keep him sweet, though. I didn’t understand. And now my reaction would probably tip him one way or the other. I sat up, pulling up the blankets to cover my nakedness and chewed the inside of my cheek. Me being real was fucked up. I didn’t know what to be right now.
He opened the box. Inside was a gorgeous diamond ring. It was cushion cut with a big stone and then surrounding round diamonds and then round diamonds took up 2/3 of the band. I’d never seen something so sparkly, so beautiful. I wanted nothing to do with it. I wanted nothing to do with a proposal that I’d had no choice but to accept from a man who threatened me every time he looked at me, either with this mouth or with his eyes.
But what could I do? If I showed him an emotion other than what he wanted to see, would he hurt me again? I opened my mouth to speak but nothing came out.
Tommy
“Shhh, don’t say anything. Just wear it. When my sisters ask questions about setting a date or anything like that say we haven’t discussed it yet.”
She nodded at me and I could see she was trying but failing to guard how she was feeling --- freaked. I put the ring on her finger and then I leaned over and touched my lips to hers. She stayed still. I leaned up and kissed her forehead, “I’ve got stuff to do but I’ll be back here to pick you up at 4:30 and then we’ll head over to my Pop’s. Best behavior there, yeah?”
She nodded at me but in her eyes I could see she was confused. I couldn’t exactly blame her. I was confused, too. I knew I was acting like a psychopath. I left to get a shower and get dressed. In the shower, I tried to get my head straight. This girl, she was doing something to me. I didn’t feel like me. Yeah, I felt the desire to dominate her but I also had this strange desire to be the ice cream shop guy she’d told me she’d fantasized about. Could I be that guy? Did I want to be? I hated the sadness on her face and I hated the way she seemed to be beating herself up for enjoying it when I fucked her. So far she was everything I wanted. But I was me.
One minute I found myself being sweet to her but inevitably I’d become me again. The way she’d responded to me downstairs? That was fucking amazing. I loved that she reached for me, that she kissed me back, and it felt real. I wanted her to keeping feeling bold enough to reach into my pants for my cock because she was showing me she wanted me. But I wanted her afraid, too, and eventually I wanted her to want to please me, to do whatever I wanted, even if was out of her comfort zone, because she wanted to please me that badly. I wanted her to want me so badly that she ached for me, ached to submit for me.
A lot of girls want to be submissive, give in to belonging to a lover. I’m not saying every woman wants it but th
ere are a lot of women who enjoy it, who crave it and embrace it. I had no problems finding women who did but I needed the fear first and most couldn’t pull that off unless I went over the edge with them and made them afraid. And none of them made me want them like she did. I didn’t want a submissive, no safe words putting limits on what she’d give me, I wanted a willing slave, someone willing to give me whatever I needed.
If I let her go tomorrow and she went on to live a normal life I knew I’d already ruined her for vanilla. She’d always think about sex with me. No one would measure up because after me she’d think she had to pick some accountant in a sweater vest, the polar opposite of me. As she laid there staring at the ceiling waiting for sweater vest to finally go limp inside her she’d be thinking about getting her hair pulled, her ass smacked, and having my hand caress her throat, while feeling my breath against her ear as I whispered in her ear how I owned her and what I wanted to do to her.
How did I walk the line of taking what I wanted to ensure I kept wanting her without breaking her? In the beginning I’d been thrilled by the notion of breaking her spirit and bending her to my will, but now…now I didn’t know what I wanted from her. I still wanted her to be mine but I didn’t want to extinguish that fire in her because unlike the women I had to take over the edge to make them feel real fear, I wanted Tia. The other women were a one off. I couldn’t break her or she wouldn’t be Tia anymore and I’d be married to this empty shell of a person who did what I wanted but it’d mean I wouldn’t want it anymore.
She was getting to me in a way I hadn’t expected and I wanted something else from her, too, but I didn’t know what name to give what I wanted. I wanted her to see the real me, to want me, even if I wasn’t perfect, even if I could be a cold-hearted prick sometimes. Did I want her to love me? Love was something I never had before. I got praise and respect through accomplishments. I had to earn everything I got.
Right now, before work, I needed another session with the heavy bag. When I got out of the shower I got dressed to head out but first I took off my silver chain. It was a curious thing, the way my mindset shifted when I wore it. It belonged to my Mother and when I had to make tough decisions, tap into my inner beast and handle the dirty shit in my life and my line of work I couldn’t do those things as well if I was wearing it. On the other side of the coin, if I was filled with rage that I didn’t want to feel and I put it on, it usually helped me find my center, like this morning when Nino said she was in the basement I put it on before I went down. I knew it was just an object, that it was all in my head, but it somehow helped to ground me. Right now I had a tough job to take care of before dinner at Pop’s so I left the chain on the counter in the bathroom.
Tia
I had a light breakfast alone and then spent the rest of the morning sorting through the rest of my things, watching the beautiful ring sparkle every time my hand moved. I wasn’t generally a materialistic girl at all but this ring! It was just so sparkly. I kept staring at it. My French manicure was still intact, astonishingly despite the fact that I’d brawled with him, and I couldn’t get over how my hand looked just so grown up, just so not my hand.
Sarah had offered to help me sort things out but I wanted to do it alone. I also knew it was her day off. There had been nothing I wanted to throw out; I’d already done my weeding and sorting thinking I was taking that apartment at the Carusos’. But looking through my things I felt like I was looking at them again with different eyes than I had a week ago when I’d packed everything.
I brought my clothes upstairs in several armloads and I found that there were a few empty drawers in the bureau in the closet plus some shelving and rod space were cleared out for me, by the looks of things.
I left my box of mementoes in the basement and only brought up my summer clothes. I certainly wasn’t planning to stay here and make it home so all my personal stuff that I normally liked around me, photos, stuffed animals, frilly throw cushions, they could all stay boxed. All I needed were my basics upstairs. The only other thing beyond clothing I took was my jewelry box. It had been my mother’s and I wanted it, no needed it, close.
I tucked the picture of my Mom and Tommy’s father behind another picture in the album to hide it. I don’t know why I did this. I didn’t know whether Tommy knew there was a connection between my Mom and his Dad or not but I felt like I needed to hide this information for the moment. Of course I knew Mr. Ferrano seemed to want me to know he knew who she was after his comment about me looking like her but because of this picture it looked like they had been close, like they’d dated.
After I got everything away I got ready for dinner at Tommy’s father’s house. I wasn’t looking forward to this. Not at all. I didn’t know if I’d act the wrong way or say the wrong thing. I didn’t know how to pull off the ruse of acting like I was a blushing bride-to-be.
Sarah was to be out the rest of the day so I was alone in the house with some security guard inside that I’d seen before and another outside that I hadn’t seen before. It wasn’t the same guy as this morning. From what I could tell they worked in 12 hour shifts staying on the property. But sometimes things overlapped with one guy or another. At one point I looked out the window and the one guy had been in the driveway talking to three other guys, one of which had been the Lou Ferrigno looking burly guy from that first day. I looked back out the window later and it was another guy, one I didn’t recognize.
I was ready at 4:20 and impatiently paced around the front door area until 4:48 when I heard the house phone ring. The security dude wasn’t around and I was alone so I picked it up, preparing to just take a message.
“Hello?”
“Oh… Tia?” it was a female.
“Yes…” Who would be calling me here?
“Hi! This is Tessa; Tommy’s sister. Tommy’s running late so I’m gonna swing by and get you. I’m pulling up to the gate in like 2 seconds. Can you meet me outside?”
“I, uh, okay.”
“Cool. See you in two.”
Weird. And uncomfortable. I’d have to be alone with this girl and would I get a total inquisition? I stepped outside and the guard looked up at me and smiled. This was the first of the Ferrano security guys, besides Earl, to smile at me. Then the gate opened and a red SUV pulled in. The guard talked to her. They conversed for a few minutes so I started to walk down the steps toward them. A pretty blonde unlocked the door and I got into the passenger seat.
There were two boys strapped in the back seat in car seats, one a toddler, the other a baby. The bigger of the two was playing on a little toddler game system and the smaller was asleep. They were cute. She was very attractive, too, a petite blonde with a few chunky dark highlights. She had a pretty face. Lots of jewelry. Expensive-looking clothes and purse. I couldn’t believe they were sleeping through the racket that was the dance music on her car sound system.
“Hey!” She shook my hand and started talking a mile a minute as she pulled out, talking over the loud music, “I’m glad to meet you. Tommy said you guys were running late and that he hadn’t picked you up yet so I decided to pick you up on the way and save him the trouble. This way, too, he can’t cancel because we’ve got you already. Back there are Lucas and Antonio.”
“Uh, nice to meet you. Thanks.” I waved at the older of the two boys in the backseat.
“Everyone can’t wait to meet the girl that has finally stolen my brother’s heart. You’re 19? You look older than that! How did you meet? Oh my God!” She grabbed my hand again and started checking out my ring, “It’s beautiful! My brother has always had great taste.”
I felt the car swerve and got a freaked out look on my face. Then someone honked at us. She laughed and grabbed the steering wheel, “Sorry. Saw something shiny! Hahaha”
She was funny, I liked her.
“I just gotta stop at the bakery to grab dessert. My father’s wife Lisa is useless in the kitchen and Sundays his housekeeper is off so Luc is bringing dinner and I’m bringing dessert. We do di
nner almost every Sunday and we rotate who does what. Do you cook?” she turned down the radio a bit.
I nodded, “I do. I---“
Her phone cut me off. It was a really loud dubstep ring and it startled me. She answered it, “Tommy, what? Driving!” She listened for a second, frowned, and then said, “Yeah. What’s the prob?” She glanced over at me. Then she really scrunched up her face, “Yeah, I’ll be there in like five. Whatever. Here.” She passed me the phone and turned her music down some more. I almost fumbled, getting the phone to my ear.
“Hello?”
“Tia, what the fuck!” he growled.
My scalp prickled, “What’s wrong?”
“Where’s your fucking phone?”
“In my purse.”
“I’ve been calling you!”
“I must not have heard it. The music was loud.”
Tessa pulled into a parking space in a strip plaza and got out and dashed into a bakery.
“My sister picking you up was not authorized, Tia. The guy on duty was a fucking bonehead for letting her drive out of there with you. It’s not safe.”
My heart was pumping directly in my ears, it seemed. Time stood still for a beat.
Oh my God. OH MY GOD! I have a chance to get away. There was no one else in the parking lot. There were no bodyguards with us! I looked around me. I was in a suburban strip mall and there were no goons with guns watching me.
“Hello?” he called out impatiently.
“I’m here,” I slowly looped my purse strap over my shoulder, stepped out of the SUV and closed the door. I looked around, surveying the area. Should I run? This might be the perfect opportunity. This might be the only opportunity. Someone had let me off the property with the wrong person, a sister who didn’t know I was Tommy’s prisoner. I looked in the van and saw the sleeping baby and the game-playing tot. I chewed my cheek.