by Prince, DD
“I’m a bit like this ice cream,” he said, twirling the cone and assessing it, “A lot going on here with the berries and the chunks of white chocolate and dark chocolate each bite is different from the last.”
I giggled, “And I’m all vanilla, every lick exactly the same as the last?”
“No way,” he tugged my ponytail playfully, “You’re exactly the flavor I want. You’re delicious.”
I blushed.
“I’m serious,” he said, “I’m new to the whole relationship thing. I never bothered with the whole dating or relationship thing and to go from not doing them to being engaged sounds huge, it is huge, but I’m ready. I never had time for that. But now I know it’s because I’ve been biding time waiting for you, baby. I just didn’t know it until I laid eyes on you.” He reached for me, about to kiss me but I stopped him and blurted, “Tommy, I need my friends. I need Rose and Cal to know I’m okay. I need…”
He cut me off, “All in time.” His lips touched mine gently, sweetly.
“Really?” I felt something twist in my gut.
“I’ll give you everything you need.” He let that sink in for a beat, and then continued, “Let’s get a few things cleared up and it’ll have to be handled delicately but you can invite them to the wedding. In fact, if you do, I’m sure it’ll settle them down.”
“The wedding?”
“We’d might as well start planning it. Pop offered to let us do it at his house. The girls can help you. We can have whatever you want. Sky’s the limit. It’d be good to be there for security reasons. How about a month away? Tomorrow you and I can stop by the Crenshaws’ place and talk to them. Together. Think about where you want to honeymoon. Sky’s the limit there, too. But you won’t be able to tell anyone. We will need to keep the location quiet until we’re back,” He leaned over and kissed me quickly.
I gulped, “We’re still there? This is fast, it’s ---”
He cut me off, “Your ice cream is melting.”
I licked all the way around the cone quickly.
“Oh my god.” He said under his breath.
I looked over at him and he was looking at me, his eyes filled with fiery lust.
I licked the ice cream off my upper lip with the tip of my tongue, “We’re having a serious conversation, here, Mister.” I poked his chest playfully.
He chewed his lower lip, “Lick it again.”
I did. I twirled the cone slowly and lavishly licked the circumference and then slowly licked my lips.
He shook his head, “Mmm.”
“What were we saying?” I asked and he let out a little laugh. I felt my belly dip but a simultaneous internal wince as I wondered if I could do that to him without remembering that horrible man.
“You were saying this was fast and then distracting me with that tongue. I know it’s fast but it’s right. I feel it. I’ll protect you; no one will hurt you ever again. I’ll give you everything. I’m a lot to take on, my family, all of that, I know, but I need you to be mine in every way. You’re already mine. You know you are. Let’s just make it legal.”
“Legal? You care about the law? Really?”
He winked, “Selectively. Lick, baby. Your ice cream is melting.”
“It’s not, you perv. But…” I turned serious, “about all that. The thing with my father, I…”
He waited for me to finish but his jaw tightened.
“I don’t know why all this happened and he promised me an explanation. I called him from that mall that day and he said he would give me answers. I’d like to hear what he has to say. Does he know I’m okay? Does he know all about Mexico and everything? He was supposed to meet me at that food court in the mall when I took off and then you found me first, and…”
“No,” he interrupted me. He got up and tossed his ice cream into the trash bin about 5 feet away. I was pretty much done, too. I passed mine to him and he threw it in the bin. He came back over and crouched in front of me. He put his palms on my face and rubbed my cheeks with his thumbs, then said, “Your father told me where you were.” he stopped talking, maybe letting it sink in, and then continued, “That’s how I found you. He had no intentions of coming to meet you and give you answers. None, Tia. You should have zero guilt where he’s concerned. He should not be at our wedding. He doesn’t deserve to be in your life. Your father is a fucking douchebag.”
I winced. I hadn’t even considered how Tommy had found me that day. The whole Mexico thing sort of made all of that evaporate.
He raised his hands, “Sorry but it’s true. I called him when you took off and he called me a few minutes later to tell me you’d called and then he gave me your location. He sold you out; he’s done it more than once. He’s already given you away. He doesn’t get to hand you to me at our wedding because he already gave you away. You’re already mine. I still don’t know what went down with him and my Pop as women as a debt payment ain’t his thing but I’ve got a PI on it. A good PI. That’s between you and me, Tia. You and me only. My father won’t tell and I need to know.”
I thrust my hands through my hair, the revelation about my dad ratting me out to Tommy sinking in. He picked up on it. I felt totally rattled.
“I didn’t want your father to ruin today.” He got back up and threw a rock across the river. It skipped about 8 or 10 times and the boys across the river were jumping up and down. Tommy held another flat rock up in their direction and then did this wrist flicking thing a few times to show them his technique and the boys mimicked him and then Tommy threw the rock and it skipped about a dozen times. The one boy’s rock skipped 6 times and the other older boy’s rock only skipped twice. The kid whose rock had done better looked thrilled and then flicked another and it skipped quite a few more times. The other kid was jumping up and down.
I turned my attention to Tommy who now had his back to the river and was concentrating on me.
“He’s not worthy of you. He didn’t fight for you. Didn’t try to protect you from my family. Now it’s up to me to protect you. From him, if necessary.”
I was lightheaded, numb, with a sensation of tiny pins and needles rattling around inside my body. I wanted to curl up and close my eyes and hide from the world.
Tommy leaned back down and took my chin into his grasp, “Don’t. Don’t internalize that. This is his fault. He’s the loser. You’re worth way more than the $25K he sold you for. You are precious, priceless. Do you understand me? I’ll find out the truth for you and then we can put this to bed once and for all.”
“I’m supposed to just let you take over my whole life.” my voice was barely above a whisper.
“Yeah,” he answered simply.
Twenty five thousand? Was that all? I knew it was a lot of money to most but was that all I was worth? Anger rose up in me. He saw it.
“You’re mad at your father so you’re going to take it out on me. Go ahead. I can take it.” He waved his fingers at himself, giving me a ‘give me all you’ve got’ gesture.
“Mad at him? Sure, I’m mad at him but why shouldn’t I be mad at you, too? You’re mad at him for letting you have me. But yet you took me. You. Took me. Do you realize how fucked up that is?”
“Lower your voice,” he warned.
I got up and stomped off down a trail. He followed me. I walked for a good five minutes until we were deep in the bush. Finally, I spun around to face him, almost colliding with him; he was so hot on my heels.
“You’ve played numerous mind games with me, you’ve been controlling, abusive, you’ve raped me, you have me under lock, key, and guard to keep me from escaping, you’ve threatened me with a gun, hit me with a belt, shall I go on? You hardly know me. You’re letting your father bribe you, I don’t know, into marrying someone you don’t even love. Someone you hardly know. You’ve never even had a serious relationship and you’re a sexual deviant, by your own admission, and I’ve got the welts to prove it and now I have to … I have to… argh!” I wanted to kick a tree but I had flimsy flip flops on
and it would hurt. He folded his arms over his chest.
The lack of an outlet to take out my frustration made my rage level spike further, “I’ve been dragged into this with not a care for the fact that I had a life. People don’t own people. That’s so fucked.” I started to weep. I started to weep almost uncontrollably. I leaned back against a tree and slid down to the dirty ground. There were mosquitoes swarming my face. I whacked at them haphazardly. Tommy crouched in front of me.
“My life was stolen.” I pointed accusingly at him, “Stolen and given to you. You took it but you’re pissed at the man who let you take it? And now you just want me to agree to marry you. Like it’s the most normal thing in the world. All while following your rules, two rules that will keep me on your good side. I think. But I don’t even know because you’re so unpredictable. Now you tell me my father is going to be forbidden from attending our wedding, a wedding I have no choice but to be in, because he had the audacity to be afraid of your family and do what your father demanded? How are you better than him?” I stopped talking and dashed the tears off my cheeks with the backs of my hands.
He put his palms on my knees and leaned close to my face, “I’m not better than anyone. I’m worse than most. Life with me isn’t gonna be a cake walk. Not even close. But here’s the thing. I’m crazy about you. I want that feeling I get, that beautiful feeling when I crawl in bed beside you every night and the feeling I get when I wake up beside you in the morning when you’re wrapped around me like you can’t get close enough to me. I think about you constantly. The happiest I’ve been ever since I can remember has been when I’m inside you, followed closely by waking up with you wrapped around me. I wake up in fucking bliss every morning, Tia. Bliss. This is all new for me. My sleepless nights? Gone since you. I want this.” He touched my face. I flinched. He continued, “Don’t pull away. I know my Pop had no right to give you to me but he did and I know it makes me a bad guy that I agreed to it. But I’m not giving you back. And I’m not sorry that I took you. You’re the best thing in my life, baby. How can I feel bad about that? Try to forget how we got started and just…” He stopped talking for a moment and took a deep breath, “Let me take care of you. I’ll protect you with my own life. You know that’s the truth.”
I shook my head, determined not to let his sweet little speech penetrate my suit of armor, “What choice do I have, right? I have no choice.”
He stood up and reached for my hand, “How about you choose to forget how we started and just give this a chance.”
I shook my head, “Just bury my emotions and forget everything you’ve done? It doesn’t matter as long as I obey you, right? It doesn’t matter how I feel about it as long as I do it, right?”
I got up without taking his hand and started to walk past him but he stopped me by shackling my wrist with his hand and then he pushed me back against a tree and pinned me with his hips, “I care about how you feel, baby. We have something,” he said, “Don’t let your anger at him take away from what you’re feeling for me. Don’t feel bad for wanting to be with me because you think you’re supposed to feel bad.”
“When did I say I wanted to be with you?”
His eyes narrowed.
“When did I ever say that?”
“You’re a damn fine actress if that’s just an act. If you expect me to believe that you haven’t warmed up to me since Mexico...”
“Well you already knew that though, didn’t you? You told me how damn fine I was at acting that night we had that date! It’s your game, man; I’m just a player.” I snapped this using mock quotes in the air at the word ‘date’.
He backed up and folded his arms, “You’re trying to provoke me. You’re trying to provoke me so that I’ll do something to give you a reason to hate me. It won’t work.” He stared deadpan at me.
I huffed and narrowed my eyes, “I already hate you. Can we go? Master? I’m getting eaten alive.”
He smiled at me with a devilish dangerous smile, flaring nostrils, but holding out his hand. I didn’t take it. I walked ahead of him.
“You’re acting like a child,” he mused.
“Well why don’t you find someone to marry who’s your own age?” I snapped.
He laughed again but the laugh wasn’t jovial or hearty. He sounded dangerously close to the edge.
I was an idiot for provoking him. Soon we’d be alone and what’d he do then? What sort of punishment would he dole out? And his declaration? Those words were trying to melt me but I was refusing to acknowledge it.
Before long we were back at his bike and he was putting the helmet on my head and fastening the strap. He was staring right into my eyes and the look on his face was intimidating the heck out of me but I was trying to not crumble. My chin started to tremble, involuntarily, and I was getting mad at myself because I knew I was going to cry in front of him. Again. I cried when I was angry. I cried when I was sad, happy, frustrated. I cried too fucking much and it never did me any good.
He went from looking like he wanted to inflict pain on me to letting out a sigh and pulling me into an embrace. I tried to pull back, to struggle, but he was too strong so I eventually went limp. I didn’t hold him back but I did start to feel a lump in my throat and then a little bit like I was going to melt into him. He let go before I fell apart and got on the bike. I got on behind him and fastened my hands around his waist loosely. He revved it up and then we were off so fast that I had no choice but to hold on tighter. I figured he did that on purpose.
The drive was good for my rage, I think. I settled down a bit. My mind was still plagued with thoughts of my Dad’s betrayal and I felt it in my gut but didn’t want to think about it, didn’t want to let it fully register that my father sold me out.
Riding on the back of a motorcycle with someone felt so subservient. Tommy was in control, just like he’d be if we were in the jeep or a car or whatever but we were out in the open and I had to give in, give him control, hold onto him, lean against his body, despite not wanting to. It felt weird but I analyzed it all the way back. This way of driving was so him.
We pulled back onto the farm and he drove right up to the barn, stopped, and stepped on the kickstand. I got off the bike and he took my hand after unlocking then opening the doors. Instead of back to the jeep, he led me into one of the stalls where a narrow staircase led up to the second floor of the barn.
“Where are we going?” I asked.
“We’re spending the night,” he answered.
Up there the hayloft had been transformed into an apartment. It wasn’t fancy but it was spacious and furnished. There was a double bed, a couch, a kitchenette, small round white Formica table with two chairs, and I spotted a bathroom. I wandered in to wash my face and scrub some soap on my mosquito bites to see if it’d help take the itch out.
When I came out of the bathroom, Tommy was climbing back up from below with a large cooler and slung over his shoulder was a picnic basket, “Nita packed us a picnic for tonight. Are you hungry yet?”
I shook my head. I wanted to ask him about this place and why we were up here instead of in the farmhouse but I was still broody. I didn’t want to talk. I didn’t want to be trapped here with him. I couldn’t even begin to process my feelings about what he’d said about my Dad back there, not to mention what he’d said about how he felt about me. I knew that I’d lashed out because of that but I also knew that almost everything I’d said was true. He had done all those things to me. He was responsible for all of it because he’d agreed to accept me as payment and because he’d laid a claim on me from the start, playing with me like I was a toy.
But I wasn’t being honest about the acting. I had started warming up to him. But I was also confused about those feelings, too. Did I have Stockholm syndrome? Was I just a stupid little girl falling for my crush despite who he really was because of Mexico?
I wasn’t sure how to walk the fine walk on eggshells with him. I wasn’t sure how to proceed at living in a world where you could be shot at
any moment, in your own home, in your own bed, while you were having sex with someone.
And I’d thought about the fact that if I hadn’t leaned over at that exact moment to kiss him a bullet might’ve hit me. So did that mean embracing this relationship was the right thing? That it was what would save me from losing my life and maybe my mind?
Maybe I’d let him closer to me in the last few days because he’d rescued me from a fate worse than him and because of how I’d crushed on him when I first saw him. And because of the things he did to my body. I was so frustrated right now. I just wanted time alone to think, to process. But that wasn’t an option here in a hayloft in the middle of nowhere with him. He wasn’t easy to ignore.
“Why are we here, really?” I asked finally, sitting on the plush rust-colored three-seater sofa that had definitely seen better days.
He lay on the bed and crooked his finger at me, beckoning. I shook my head.
He let out a sigh, “I wanted us to get away from things for a day, have time alone. No one knows about this place. It’s mine, my safe house. We’ve all got them. No one knows about them so we’ve all got a single location no one can find out about. I’ve never brought anyone here but I wanted to show it to you.” He got up and walked the length of the hayloft to the back doors and opened them wide. It was just a set of doors that I guess was for farm equipment to pull up to and lift hay bales inside so it opened up to a straight drop. Straight ahead, though, was a huge field of wildflowers and a large pond, “When it gets dark the sky is beautiful here. Amazing sunsets. Clear and starry. I thought you’d like it.”
“You brought me here to seduce me,” I muttered.
He chuckled, “I wanted to share this with you. I knew I’d get lucky, sure, we both know you can’t resist me, but I wanted to see what you thought of the place, too. After the craziness of the last few days I thought we’d spend the night, get to know one another better. Get our relationship moving in the right direction. Let my people work on the house, on erasing what happened this morning.”