by Colbie Kay
"Fuck no, I wouldn't have. Shit. Jacey, I fuckin' took it from you!”
"Bear, I let you. It’s fine! You didn't even know."
"It's not fine! Why would you wanna give it to a guy like me? I'm not the good guy, Jacey. That's who you should've given it to. How is that even possible for me to be the only one? You’re fuckin' beautiful. You could've had anybody, I promise you that."
"I didn't want anybody else! Tonight, I wanted you."
"Jacey, you don't even know me. Fuck, this is so fucked! This shouldn't have happened." He regrets it. Out of all the things I thought would happen, I didn't think he'd be sorry he was with me.
"Then go! Just fucking get out!"
"Jacey…”
"No, get the fuck out of my house!” He grabs his clothes and leaves. As I lay here, under my covers, I hear my mother's voice in my head.
"Jacey, you see those men over there? They are trash. Do you understand me? They will use you, then throw you away. You will marry money, don't ever make my mistakes."
"But Daddy..."
"No, Jacey. You do not ever bring your father up again. He never wanted either of us. Forget him.”
Coming back to reality, I think about what happened. People may not understand how I would just let my virginity go like that. It's pretty simple really. I'm twenty-six and I don't trust people, nor do I let anyone close enough. I wasn't holding onto it for marriage or anything like that, it wasn't something I was cherishing. I just wanted to find the guy who could turn me on and hold my interest for more than five fucking minutes. Doesn't hurt that he is the sexiest man I've ever seen and I've been getting myself off to thoughts of a man like him for years.
I fall asleep, dreaming about my father from when I was six years old.
My momma opens the front door, hard. She looks around outside until she finds me. "Jacey get your ass in here."
I stop playing and run inside. "What Momma?"
"Don't ‘what’ me, you little shit! Tell your father good-bye, we are leaving."
No, she's gonna take me. I don't want to go, so I start crying and begging. I run over to my Daddy and grab his legs, holding on as tight as my little arms can. "No, Momma! Please! I don't wanna go. I wanna stay with Daddy, please!"
She grabs my arms roughly, yanking me from him. I start crying harder. I don't wanna leave my Daddy. I love him. "Just let me say bye to my daughter! Give me one goddamn minute with her before you fuckin' take her from me!” He pulls me back and gets down on his knees, cupping my cheeks with his hands. "I love you, baby girl. You’re my Princess, you always will be. Daddy will always love you."
"Daddy, I don't wanna go with her. I wanna stay with you." I see a tear leak from his eye. My Daddy is strong, he's not supposed to cry.
"I know you do, Princess, but you have to go with your Momma, but you always remember what I said."
"I love you, Daddy." I hang my head.
"I love you too Princess." He kisses me on the forehead before he stands up and my Momma takes my arm. Right before she shuts the door, she turns.
"You remember what I told you. You try and come for her and I will bring you down."
Then I hear my Daddy tell her, "You will pay for this one day. I'll fuckin' make sure of it."
She already had our stuff in the car. She shoves me in the back seat, goes around, starts to drive and we drive for a long time.
I wake up in a dead sweat, just like every other time. I go to my bathroom, turning the water on, and I get in the hot shower, trying to clear my head. I go back and lay in my bed, tossing and turning, trying to get back to sleep. The worst thing about the dream is I don't know if it is real or not. Did my father really love me or was my mother right? Did he never want me?
The next morning, I wake up and I’m sore from the night before. It's a damn good feeling though, because it was the best night of my life until it all went horribly wrong. Thank God Ever took me to the clubhouse so I don't have to go back to get my car and face him. When I get up, I check my phone and see a message from Zoey asking if I want to go shopping. Hanging my head in defeat, I text her yes, so I guess I'll be seeing him after all. Trekking my way to my room, I shower and get ready. I obviously wasn't thinking this through properly, and could use some good retail therapy after what happened last night. What if I do see his stupid ass? I’ll just have to ignore him. I know, real grown up, but fuck! The asshole regrets being with me. I can be childish if I want to. Who gives a fuck anyway, right? Not me.
When I pull up to the clubhouse, I park and see that Ever is just getting here too. I'm so glad I don’t have to walk in alone. The four of us girls all hug, then decide where we’re all going to go. A guy named Ghost will be going with us today, so when we’re ready to leave, he leads us to his white 2012 GMC Acadia. Man, this thing is clean. Once we’re all in, our first stop is the bank. Zoey checks the joint account, and sure enough, that son of a bitch cleaned her out. Thankfully, I had told her when she started working with me that she needed to have a secret account and all that money was still there.
The next stop is the mall, which is one of my favorite places to go because I love shopping. With everything that happened last night, I may go overboard. I bought something from all the stores we went to. The next place we hit is the phone store, so Zoey can get a new phone. After all, our numbers are programmed. Then we go to Victoria’s Secret and I get some new bra and panty sets. I can't help but to think of Bear. I don't know why, since I’m sure he hates me. Zoey walks up, holding some demi bras and thongs that she's going to get, and my eyes almost pop out of my head, along with her sister's. Chatty doesn't look surprised at all, but she doesn't know Zoey like we do. I've never seen her get anything like this. Normally, it's just regular granny-panty, cotton, boring shit, but this stuff is sexy. She’s picked some silky and some lacy, a colorful array of lingerie. She’s going to make Hanger's mouth water when he sees her in this. Even though I never had a man, I always bought myself sexy bras and panties. They make me feel good and I had hopes that one day somebody would see them. Guess I took care of that last night, but he won't be seeing anymore after the way he acted.
Chatty exclaims, "Crazy Girl, he's gonna love that shit!” She's got that right, I think to myself. I really like Chatty, she fits in well with us. She can have fun and shop like we do, and I think we added another girl into our little circle that's already not easy to get into. I'm happy Zoey made a friend after everything that happened with her ex.
We’re all hungry so we pick a little deli to go to. While we’re eating, Zoey fills us in on what happened with her and Hanger. I feel her eyes on me as she asks, “Jacey, what happened after you and Bear left?" The good thing about Zoey is when Ever is around she signs, but at the same time she speaks, so everyone knows what’s being said. I feel my face heat up. Being the private person that I am, and with how things turned out, there’s no way I'm telling her anything.
“Nothing. He took me home. That's it." By the look on her face, she knows there’s more to it. One of the things I love about Zoey, though, is she won't push it. She then turns to Ever, and questions her. "What about you?"
"What about me? You know nothing happened, I still live with Mom and Dad. He kissed me goodnight, and it was amazing, the best kiss I've ever had. I need to move out!”
We all start laughing, then she continues, “I really like him, and when we hung out that one night at the clubhouse, we went to his room. We talked all night, but he never tried anything, then last night he took me home so obviously nothing could happen. I’ll either go to the club more or move. We text a lot, have been since that first night."
Zoey replies, "Okay, I really like Bear and Writer. So maybe you guys should hang out at the clubhouse tonight, see what happens?"
I don't know if I should. I don't even know if he’ll want to see me after what happened, but fuck it. What's the worst that can happen? I'm ignoring him anyway, right?
“Well, aren't you just the little match maker?”
Chatty asks, while laughing.
"I can't help it! I want the people I love to be just as happy as I am,”
Zoey says, with a smile and a shrug of her shoulder, “If we’re partying at the clubhouse, we need to get some guy attention. We need to look hot, like, hotter than last night at the club."
Chatty speaks up. "I know just the place!”
When we get back to the car, Chatty tells Ghost where to go, and I see him turn bright red. For him to be blushing, I wonder where the fuck we’re going. As soon as we pull up, I know exactly where we are. I may or may not have made a trip here before to help myself out. Zoey doesn't know though, so she asks, "Umm…Chatty? Where are we?"
"We're at a sex shop, Crazy Girl,” she proudly states, with a grin on her face.
"WHAT?! Why are we at a sex shop?"
I knew the freak out was going to come, and I have to roll my lips in to keep from laughing. This is so out of her comfort zone, and I can't help but smile. When she looks at me, I just shrug my shoulders. Then Chatty says, "We want to get the guys attention, this is the way to do it."
When we walk in, the first room is filled with sexy clothes and shoes. The back room is where they keep all the toys, but I think today we’ll all be staying in front. When Chatty and Ever are done picking out some shit, I look over and see a girl talking to Zoey and she doesn't look happy.
Not too long after Zoey comes back over, she asks if we're ready to leave. On the way to the registers, she explains, “I just ran into Jasmine." We check out and we head back to the clubhouse. I ask her who the girl was and she simply says she’s a club whore. I can tell she doesn't want to talk about it, so I leave it alone, as my nerves take over.
I'm nervous as fuck to see him again.
Bear
I left Jacey's apartment as quick as I could, I got the hell outta there. I don't know what the fuck just happened. I never expected her to be a fucking virgin. For fucksake, she’s twenty-six years old! Who the fuck is a virgin at that age? I've never taken somebody's virginity, never wanted to, just like I told her. Why would she just give it up to somebody she didn't even know? To say I was the only guy that's ever turned her on, where the fuck did this girl come from? Maybe the alcohol had something to do with it.
I storm into the clubhouse and go straight to my room, laying in bed for most of the night and thinking it over. I should’ve realized something was up when she didn't really know what to do when I kissed her. She was nervous when we got to her place, and if she had done this a lot, she wouldn't have been. It also explains the blushing. Why couldn't I have just paid attention, instead of letting my cock lead me into this clusterfuck? But I lied to her when I told her it should never have happened.
It felt so good, unbelievably good. I can still feel her wet cunt strangling my cock. Goddamn, she was so fucking tight, clenching and throbbing around me. Fuck, I can still taste her in my mouth, so sweet and salty. God. Outta all the women I've been with, it has never been like that. Her cunt, her smell, her taste, and her mouth, all of it bliss, total fucking perfection.
I didn't lie when I said I'm not the good guy. It just goes to show, because I'd do it all over again without a second thought, just to feel her wrapped around me again. I overreacted, I know that, but it took me by surprise. Now I gotta figure out how to fix it, and I don't know what the hell I'm gonna do. She probably never wants to see me again, but I gotta talk to her about what happened. Once I fix it, I can get in that pussy again. I'll show her just what she’s been missing out on.
When I wake up the next day, I head to church, taking my seat at the table. Gunner and Writer are already here. Once everybody finally arrives, Hanger lets us know that Ghost’ll be going with the girls shopping. That pisses me off, not because I don't trust him, of course I trust him. It's that I really need to see her and talk to her. I wish it was me going instead. I'm not the only one bothered by this, Writer is too. He’s got it bad for Ever. Hanger sees my expression and asks, "Bear, you got something to say?"
I cross my arms over my chest. "I’m not happy about him bein' the one to go with them, but it's your decision. You’re the president. Can you at least keep us informed with everywhere they go?"
"You’re right, it is my decision. We need someone to be in the background and not stick out. We all know that Ghost is the one to do that and he’ll keep them safe. I'm trusting him with Crazy Girl. He’ll inform me wherever they go, and I’ll keep you updated."
Goddamn it, I know he's right but I keep the scowl on my face and give him a tight nod. Hanger then asks where Romeo is, and Gunner informs him that he’s gonna be late. I don’t really give a shit about any of this right now, so I let my mind drift to Jacey. I wonder if she's okay, if she hates me, and if she'll even want to see or talk to me again.
I come back to reality when I hear the words Ol' Lady, and II know that Hanger is talking about Crazy Girl. He'd be stupid not to make her his Ol' Lady. I hear him ask, "What, Hacker?"
Hacker replies, "Well, I never thought I'd see the day when the biggest asshole of us all would settle down." He's chuckling.
Hanger responds, "What can I say? She did something to me, brother." A slow smile spreads across his face.
I chime in. “I bet she did.” I practically whisper it, so Hanger doesn't know that I said it. That's what the fucker gets for pissing me off. I drop my head with a smile on my face. Gunner speaks up. "What she did was come in here and take you by the balls, you pussy-whipped motherfucker." We all start laughing.
Hanger shakes his head. "Yeah, well wait til this shit happens to you, and it will happen. I'm gonna sit back and give you fuckers shit then." Everyone pipes us, saying ‘not happenin'’ and ‘no fuckin' way’.
Romeo walks in. Hanger’s pissed that he's late, but gives him the okay to stay. Romeo starts filling us in on some chick named Giovanna and the restaurant. We get the conformation that it’s for sure the Italians taking from us, and he wants to bring this girl into the club, even though her family’s the enemy. He must have lost his goddamn mind, getting everyone riled up, and being stupid enough to say shit about Hanger bringing Crazy Girl to the club. Romeo shouldn't have done that shit. Hanger jumps outta his seat, I think he is gonna fucking throttle Romeo, but Gunner holds him back. Once that’s settled, we get to business, and by now I'm ready to get the fuck outta this room. I can't get her off my mind. Why am I still worried about it when Jacey told me to get the fuck out? Hanger goes over everything about Crazy Girl's ex and what he wants to do. His phone goes off, and I see a look on his face that I don't like. I start to panic, thinking something has happened to the girls, so I yell, "What's wrong?"
He replies, "Nothing, the girls are fine. They’ll be back soon. They went to the mall, had lunch, and they have one more stop to make before they come here."
"Are you sure they're fine? Because the look on your face is sayin' somethin' different."
"They’re fine, and you know I would tell you if they weren’t. Now, write it down for Writer so he can relax." Writer’s watching me as I write down what Hanger said and I see him settle back down. Yeah, he was just as worried as me. Hanger goes over everything one more time and then we’re finally dismissed. I head back to my room, sit down on my bed, and continue to think about what's gonna happen the next time I see her.
About half an hour later, I make my way into the bar and grab two fingers of Wild Turkey. That’s when I see the girls walk in. Hanger takes Crazy Girl to their room, Chatty finds Ripper, and Ever goes with Writer. That leaves just Jacey sitting at the bar by herself. I down my Wild Turkey, hissing out a breath as it burns my throat. I walk up to her, she looks so fucking adorable, and I can tell she's uncomfortable sitting here. She doesn't see me walk up because she has her head down, playing with the straw in her drink. It’s not until I get right up to her that she looks up at me with those big beautiful eyes. I've never seen anything like ‘em, they’re two different colors. One is light brown with a little blue-green in it and the other ey
e is the opposite: the blue-green predominant, with just a little light brown flecked in. Even in shorts and a T-shirt, she’s sexy, and she stands out from the girls that normally hang around here. They all dress skanky, showing off all the goods in the hopes that one of us will be fucking 'em later. She's not like that though, it's a big fucking turn on.
"Hey, Lil Mama, can we talk for a minute?" She turns on the stool as she throws her hand on her hip and glares at me.
"What do you want to talk about, Bear?" she asks, venom thick in her voice.
I lower my voice. "Don't you think we should talk about last night?"
"Why would I want to do that? You made it clear how you felt about it." Shit, her attitude is making me hard. Women don't give me attitude, they just do what I want, but I'm liking this feisty little one.
“You’re the one that kicked me out. Now come the fuck on and let’s go have a talk."
"Don't tell me to ‘come the fuck on’. Who the fuck do you think you are?"
I lean into her, putting my mouth to her ear. She tries to move, but I place my hand on the back of her head. As I lightly grab a handful of her soft brown hair to keep her in place, I whisper, "I think I'm the one that had my cock so deep inside you that you were screaming my name. I also think I'm the one that gave you two orgasms that made you come completely undone, and it was the sexiest fuckin' thing I've ever seen. Now, I wanna talk, so come talk to me." I pull back to look at her. With her eyes closed, she nods her head and I take her hand, pulling her to my room, shutting the door behind us. She leans up against the wall and I stand in front of her. "Jacey, about last night…I'm sorry for getting pissed."
She's lost the attitude, saying, “It’s okay Bear. I understand why you were."
"I just don't get why you didn't tell me."
"I already told you: you're the only one that has ever affected me like that, and I knew you wouldn't want to go through with it if you knew the truth.”
I take a couple steps so I'm right in front of her, bracing one arm on the wall and placing my knee between her legs, I spread them open while I lean into her. "Are you affected right now?" I run a finger down her cheek, pressing my thigh against her, putting pressure on her pussy. Watching her eyes flutter.