by Colbie Kay
"Why don't you tell me why you dipped out on me the other night?"
"Because you like to have me say shit like ‘I fucking belong to you’ and I don't fucking belong to you. It's sex, Bear, that's it,” she tells me, but I don't believe it.
"I call bullshit, Lil Mama. I think you got scared."
"Scared of what? We fucked, and it was done so it was time for me to go,” she says casually.
"Right. It might just be fuckin’ but that doesn’t give you reason to bounce out. Your body calls to me, it obeys me. Your head needs to get on track with that."
"You need to go." She's getting defensive again, I can tell by the look in her eyes and the way she stands.
“I’m not going anywhere yet."
"Bear, please. I'm tired. I don't wanna do this."
"Well, you’re gonna do it, because you're not gonna pull that shit on me again. Got me?"
"I can leave whenever I want." I drop my hands and walk over to her, backing her up to the table.
"You can," I nuzzle my nose in her hair, smelling her scent. "You can leave whenever you want, but tell me when you’re leaving. Don't just dip out like that. When you’re at the club, you belong to me. It’s for your protection. If they know you’re with me, they won't fuck with you, and if you go around messin' with different guys at the club, they’ll mistake you for a whore."
She puts her hands on my chest, gripping my beater in her hands. "I'm sorry I did that. It just freaked me the fuck out, you saying I belong to you,” she says, as I bend and grip her thighs, picking her up. I sit her on the table, spreading her legs with my hips so I can get in between them, placing my hands on her cheeks to make sure she looks at me.
"I didn't mean to scare you. I was pissed because that hang-around was comin' on to you."
"I can handle myself, Bear. I would’ve told him to leave me alone. I was trying to be nice and talk to him."
"Jacey, you’re not that nice," I smirk at her and she is pursing her lips trying not to laugh. "Promise me you won’t leave like that again."
"I promise. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that."
"Damn right. Now I want your phone number." I pull out my phone and she rattles the numbers off then I put it back in my pocket.
"So, will you tell me why it scared you so much?"
"No, I don't wanna talk about it."
"Alright, I'll let it go for now, but eventually you are gonna have to open up."
"Bear, there are things in my past that I’ll never talk about. Can we just keep doing what we have been?"
"Yeah, we can do that." For now, I think to myself. I bring her face to mine, put my lips to hers. I give her a slow tender kiss, sliding my tongue along hers. Every other time we’ve kissed it's always been hard, rough, and hungry. I want this one to be different. Even though I can feel my dick twitching, we are not doing this tonight. I pull away from her mouth before I really want to. She's trying to catch her breath, and slowly opens her eyes to look at me. "Alright, Lil Mama, it's time for me to go."
"You can't go now. Not after a kiss like that."
I give her a smile. "Yeah, I can. It's getting late and you need rest. You gotta work in the morning. I'll call you soon." I give her one last kiss on her mouth, then forehead. Making my way to the door I turn. "Goodnight, Lil Mama."
She gives me a soul shattering smile. "Goodnight, Bear."
With that, I lock the door, shut it behind me, and head back to the clubhouse.
Jacey
This last week has been hard for me. I used to go running to clear my head, now all I think about is Bear. I've done a lot of thinking since he came to my apartment. I know I shouldn't have dipped out on him, it was a bitch move, but I had to get out of there. I threw my clothes on and ran like my ass was on fire. I couldn't get my mother's voice out of my head. "Jacey, guys like your father, they try to own you. They think you belong to them. They will use you and abuse you, then throw you out once they are done. You will marry rich, honey. You will marry a doctor or a lawyer, not scum like that."
I blasted Four Five Seconds by Kanye West, Rihanna, and Paul McCartney as loud as my speakers would go, just trying to get her out of my head. She’s a monster. That night I fell asleep and had another dream about my father. It's happening more now since I met Bear and I've never had this one before.
"Daddy, will you tell me a story?"
"Yeah. Lay down and I'll tuck you in. Once upon a time there was a Princess. She was favored in her father's Kingdom. All the boys wanted to marry the Princess, but the King wouldn't let them. Every boy feared the King, only the boy that would be allowed to marry the Princess would have to stand up to the King. He would be strong, that way the King knew his Princess would be taken care of and protected. Goodnight Princess. Always remember Daddy loves you."
Now all this shit with the dreams and Bear is getting to me. It scares me. I like to be in control of shit, he takes that control away. My body loves it, but my mind is completely opposed. My mind thinks he’s going to do to me what my mother says my father did to her. I don't want that, but then the dreams are showing me that my father wasn't a bad man. I just don't know what to do or what to believe.
Bear pisses me off because he makes me feel things I shouldn't. I don't want to belong to him and I don't want to have a life with the club. I don't know how Zoey does it. She just takes everything in stride, but I can't do that, I’m not that person. When I choose to be with someone it'll be when I'm ready to settle down, get married, and have a family, and certainly not with the same type of guy my mother told me to stay away from.
He's a fucking biker for Godsake.
He lives in that fucking clubhouse, with a bunch of other bikers and whores.
What kind of life would that be?
My mother's voice comes into my head, “They are not the type to settle down and be with one woman. They don't fall in love and they have no respect for women."
No, I'll be marrying into money. I’ll find me a doctor or lawyer, just like my mother said. Bear fucks with my head so much though. When he’s there, I don't want him to be, and when he's not, I miss him. I miss the feel of him, I miss looking at him, and mostly I miss what he does to my body. God, it's so damn confusing, the way he left me, with a throbbing fire between my legs. He’s never kissed me like that, and it took my breath away. I'm about to close up the clinic for the night when my phone rings. “Hello?”
"Lil Mama." God, his voice! It's so rough, so rugged.
"Hey Bear." I try to sound cool and calm even though I know it came out a little shaky.
"I'm outside."
"What? Why?"
"You’ve got five minutes to get your ass out here and on my bike."
I can't help the smile forming on my face. "Umm... You can't just tell me what to do.”
"Are you trying to fight with me?"
"Maybe." I know he can hear the teasing tone of my voice.
"Make that three minutes. If you’re not out here, I'll come get you and paddle that sexy ass. Got me?"
"Maybe I want you to paddle my ass."
"You’re runnin' outta time."
"Fine." I hang up and hurry to get everything locked up. I get outside and see him just like he was at my apartment. He’s leaning up against his bike, one hand on it with the other holding onto a cigarette. The smoke rolls from his mouth. "You know those things are addictive. You should quit!” I yell out to him as I walk.
"Seems to me they're not the only thing that's addictive, but I'm not quittin' those either anytime soon." He gives me that sexy smile of his and it makes me grin.
I continue checking him out on my way over. Bear has on his usual black leather boots, dark but worn jeans, and a white beater with his cut. He’s perfection to look at, tall and muscled like nothing I've ever seen, dark hair I like running my fingers through, and bearded. God, just thinking about having him between my legs has me getting turned on. I remember his facial hair rubbing against my inner thighs and I'm fe
eling a fire build within me, a dull ache forming. I get to him and I see the smile still on his face, right along with mine. He holds out a helmet for me and I put it on, then climb on the back of his bike.
We ride for about forty-five minutes until we are back in the city and he takes us to a little diner called Ma and Pop's Place, where he parks the bike. We both dismount, and I take the helmet off and ask, "What are we doing here?"
"Thought you might be hungry. This place has the best food around." He takes my hand and leads me inside. It’s a small place, quiet, and it looks like one of those fifties styled diners. He leads us over to the booth ushering me in on one side, him taking a seat across from me. The waitress comes over and gives us both big smiles. She's an older lady with graying hair, but bright piercing blue eyes. "Hey Bear. How you doing?"
"I'm good, Ma. How’re you?"
"Oh, honey, you know, the usual. Working too much, but I can't get Pop away from this place."
"Yeah, I know. I don't think you ever will."
"You want your usual, Honey?"
"Yeah." He looks to me. "What would you like?"
"I'll just have the same." Ma nods her head and walks away. "So you come here often?"
"Yeah. I like it here, been comin' here since I was thirteen."
"So, what did we order anyway?" I ask, curious now.
He chuckles, but responds, "Burger, fries, and Cokes." Just then Ma brings over our drinks. She sets them down with straws, giving me a warm smile before she walks away.
"What made you start coming here?" I ask.
"I had a good life, until it went to shit. Found this place one day, didn't have enough money to pay, but they fed me. Been comin' ever since. I love 'em like they're family."
"What about your family, do you have any?"
"Nope, just my brothers at the club, that's it. Enough 'bout me, what's your story?"
I drop my head, taking a drink then playing with the straw. "There's not much to tell."
"For some reason, I doubt that. Have you always lived in Kansas?"
"No. I did when I was little, then my mother moved me away. I decided to come back."
"Why did you come back?"
"I don't really want to talk about it."
"Why did you become a doctor?"
Ma drops our food on the table and this burger’s the biggest I’ve ever seen. "Bear, I can't eat all this." With wide eyes, I look at him grinning.
Not dropping it, he asks again, “Why did you become a doctor?"
"My mother pushed me to become one. That's enough, let's eat."
We stop talking so we can eat. By the time I’m completely full, I've only finished half the burger and some fries, while Bear ate everything. He gets up, drops a fifty on the table, and holds his hand out to me. I take it and before we walk out Ma says, "You be sure and bring her back."
"I'll try, Ma." He gives her a smile over his shoulder, then we’re back at his bike, and he takes me back to my car. Why can't this just be easy? I've had so much fun with him and I don't want it to end. He pulls to a stop, parks, then helps me off his bike. I hand him the helmet back.
"You want to come over? This has been fun, I'm not ready for it to end,” I tell him, it's just what I was thinking.
"Yeah, I can do that. It has been fun, huh? I'll follow you." I unlock my car door, get in, and drive to my apartment complex. We walk up together, holding hands as I unlock my door and he shuts and locks it behind him.
"You want to watch a movie?" I ask, seeing him give me that fucking grin again.
"What you got?"
I point to my collection. “They’re over there. You can pick something or order one, it doesn’t matter. I'm going to take a quick shower. I’ll be right back." I go into my bedroom, picking a pair of pajama pants and a tank top, then head into my bathroom and run the water. I pull my hair out of its ponytail, get undressed, and climb in, letting the hot water fall down my body. It feels so good. Suddenly, I hear the bathroom door open. Bear steps in the shower with me, condom already on, burning me with his stare.
"You are, fuckin' hands down, the most stunning woman I have ever seen."
I smile. “You’re pretty fucking stunning yourself." He is, I can't express it enough, with all his tattoos and muscles, that massive cock standing at attention. He comes close to me, placing one hand on the back of my head, gripping my hair. He leans down, bringing his lips to mine, seeking an opening. I willingly give him what he wants, parting my lips and allowing him access. He tries doing the sweet soft kissing, but it's not enough for me. I deepen the kiss, wrapping my arms around his neck, pulling him closer to me. I let out a quiet moan into his mouth as he stands straight up, taking me with him. I wrap my legs around his waist, feeling the head of his cock at my opening.
He breaks away from the kiss.
"This is gonna be hard and fast, Lil Mama. I've been wantin' you since the last time I was here."
I give him a nod and crush my mouth back to his. He sits me back on my feet, turning me to face the wall.
"Bend over, spread your legs."
I do what he wants.
"Hands on the wall."
In one quick thrust, he’s all the way in. I can’t help but let out a loud moan as I hear him growl. He has one hand holding my hip while the other is pulling my hair as he pushes into me. He was right, he wasn't going to be easy, and I’m loving every single second of it. I can feel him hitting my spot every time he thrusts into me.
"Fuck, Bear! Pull my hair harder!”
He picks up even more speed, causing my orgasm to build and my head to snap back.
"Oh shit! Oh God, I'm gonna cum! Harder goddamn it!” He does as asked, giving me everything I need.
"Fuckin' hell Lil Mama, you feel good. So fuckin' good."
Then I’m screaming out my release, and he pulls me back on him with a few more hard, deep thrusts. I feel him let go inside me, growling out my name. After we get our breath back, he gently pulls me up. I might have bruises from his grip, but sweet baby Jesus, that was amazing. We wash ourselves off and get out. Once we’re dried off and dressed, me in my pjs, him just in his boxer briefs, we go into the living room and he starts a movie. Bear sits on the couch and I lay down with my head in his lap. He runs his fingers through my wet hair, putting me to sleep.
I had the best night's sleep I’ve ever had last night. I'm kind of disappointed that Bear wasn't here when I woke up. He must have put me to bed before he left, but I can still smell his scent lingering on my sheets. It's comforting and for some reason, makes me feel safe. He always has this hint of motor oil, cigarette smoke, and leather mixed in with his cologne. It reminds me of my father, which takes me back to when I was twelve years old.
I had been living in California for the last six years. That’s where my mother took me when she left my father. My mother and father were never married, so she didn't have to worry about getting a divorce or anything. She could just pick up and move on, which she did. Two years ago, she married a man that I hate. He has a lot of money and that’s why she married him. He wants to act like he’s my father and wants for me to call him dad. I can't do that, I have a dad. Everyday my memories of him fade, regardless of how hard I try to hold on. I'm trying so hard to remember what he said to me the day my mother took me away. He told me I was his Princess and that he would always love me. If he loved me, why hasn't he come for me? Why would he let me stay with her?
"Jacey, are you paying attention?"
"Mom, I really want to go outside and play."
"I said you are not going outside. Future doctors don't have time to play. Besides no daughter of mine will be playing with filth."
“What if I don't want to be a doctor? You don't even know those kids, the houses around here are too nice to have filth."
She takes another sip of her wine. "Are you questioning me, you little bitch?"
The tears threaten to fall, but I hold them back, I'm not giving her the satisfaction of seeing me break.
"Why’d you even take me? Why couldn't you just let me stay with my Dad?" I feel the sting from her slap and I cup my cheek. She bends down so she’s eye level with me and I try not to gag from the smell of alcohol on her breath.
"You listen to me, you ungrateful little shit. Your father never wanted you. He never wanted either of us. You should be grateful I took you away. I could have left you there to be trash like him."
"He wasn't trash, Mom, and as hard as you’ve tried to take my memories, I’ll never forget his face. I’ll never forget his smell and what he was wearing that day."
The tears are falling now. I step away from her and run to my room, locking the door. I turn on some music, it's all I have. I'm not allowed to have friends, she keeps me inside the house at all times, unless I'm at school, and the kids at think I’m mean because I don't play with them. They don't understand that she won’t let me. I just want to be like all the other kids.
My mother has always drank as far back as I can remember, but it's gotten worse, and she's nothing but a drunk now. I look in the mirror, seeing my red cheek. I go into my bathroom, wet a washcloth with cold water, and place it against my burning skin. Walking to my bedroom window, I look out and watch the kids outside play and ride their bikes.
I come back from my memories and see the note Bear wrote.
It puts a smile on my face to see what he left me. I get up and start my routine for the day. I run, shower, drink my coffee, and eat. Arriving at the clinic by eight A.M.,I see my first patients are the Johnson family. Mrs. Johnson must be Wonder Woman, I swear, taking on six little boys all ages, from ten to two. When I get done for the day, I’ll pack up and head home to my lonely apartment, sit at my desk and look up my father once again.
Bear
Once a week, the Sinners come together with the Cobras at their compound and have a fight night. We get one of our guys and one of theirs and bet on a winner. Hanger used to come until he saved Crazy Girl, but now he sticks close to her, thinking this would be too much after what she's been through. I missed last week’s fights because I was at the club, watching over Jacey, but I'm not missing this week’s. I walk up to Hunter, he’ll be our fighter this week.