by Colbie Kay
"I'm gonna take care of you, Lil Mama. Get in." He helps me out of my clothes and into the tub.
I watch him the whole time as he undresses then gets in behind me, and when he’s completely in the tub, he pulls me against him. He puts soap into his palms, then starts to wash my body, massaging my back and shoulders. We don’t talk, but it’s not an uncomfortable silence. Really there aren't any words that need to be said, this isn't the time to talk about us and we both know it. He washes my hair and helps me out of the bath, then dries me off. I’ve never had anybody take care of me like this and it’s nice. After I'm dry, he doesn't bother with clothes, just picks me up and carries me to my bed. Bear lays me under the covers then crawls in behind me, bringing my back as close to him as he can get. Feeling his warmth and having him running his hand through my hair, it doesn't take long for me to fall asleep.
It's been a few days since the incident at the clinic and Zoey’s still in the hospital. I knock on the room door and she tells me to come in. Seeing that Hanger is with her and hasn't left her makes me feel good. I don't understand though, how can these guys be the way they are, but my father be such a bad man. It makes me wonder if my mother was telling the truth or if she just hated him that much.
He stands up. "I'll give you guys some time to talk." He leans down, giving Zoey a kiss before making his way out, and I sit down in the chair he was using.
"Zoey, are you doing okay?"
She takes my hand in hers. "Yeah, I'm okay. How are you doing?"
"I'm okay, I'm so sorry about the baby. I didn't know how you would handle that."
"I'm sorry too. We’ll have another one eventually. I can't let it destroy me though, because if I do Andrew wins, and I can't let that happen. I wouldn't be able to get through any of this if it wasn't for Hanger."
"You really love him, don't you? I think I get it now."
"Yeah, I really do. You could have this to, you know. Have you told him yet?"
"No, not with Bear I couldn’t. And no, I haven't told him. I can't. You don't understand."
"I don't understand because you won't let me. Jacey, you gotta open up let me in, shit, let Bear in."
"I can't do that. I wish I could, but I just can't." Hanger walks back in. "I'm gonna go. I'll see you later. Hanger, take care of her for me." I give her a kiss on her forehead and leave. I know she’s right, but I can't bring myself to do it.
Bear
The morning after the incident at the clinic, I left before Jacey woke up. She was vulnerable that night and all I wanted to do was take care of her. She doesn't let me do it often, so those are moments that I cherish. For some reason, she feels like she has to keep up with the tough persona. She doesn't understand that with me she doesn't have to, I would be there through anything with her. I gotta figure out a way to break down Jacey’s walls, so I go find the one person I can talk to: Ripper. He’s the only one that can give me advice, the only one who knows what’s gone down with us. He’s been there with Chatty, having to chase her until she finally gave in. The only one who seems to have gotten it simple with these damn women is Hanger. He got it so easy with Crazy Girl and sometimes I wish Jacey could be like that, but then she wouldn't be the woman I fell for.
I find Ripper in the bar, so I order a shot of Wild Turkey, down it, and then look at him.
"You got a minute?" I ask.
"Yeah. You wanna go outside?"
"What's goin' on?" He questions once we are sat down at one of the picnic tables.
"I need some advice."
"Jacey?" he asks, knowing exactly what it is.
"Yeah. She's so fuckin' difficult. She has all these fuckin' walls up and I can't break 'em down. One minute she's pissed at me, then she's not. She lets me take care of her when she needs it, but it doesn't last. What the fuck do I do?" I grip my hair in my hands, pulling at it with my elbows on the table.
"Are you in love with her?" He asks, just like it's no big deal.
"Fuck, Brother. I don't think so. I feel somethin’ for her though, I know that."
"You need to figure that out first: if you love her. Is she even worth all the trouble?"
"How'd you know with Chatty?"
"Brother, that woman gave me a run for my money, but I knew without a doubt that she was it. From the first time I laid eyes on her, she was the one for me. I had to work for her, had to chase her until she wanted to be caught, and once I caught her, I vowed I would make her happy every day until my last breath."
"So, I just keep doing what I'm doing?" I ask, getting frustrated because this is no fucking help.
He chuckles before saying, "Yeah, Brother. Give her time, she’ll break eventually. When she does, all you gotta do is be there to pick up all the pieces. You need to figure out if she’s really worth it or not, and if not, chalk it up to a good time and move the fuck on. But if you are in love with the girl, just be there when she needs you. Not all of us can get it as easy as Hanger. He’s got a special one there."
"Thanks Ripper."
"No problem, Brother.” He looks off into the distance.
"Can you promise me something?"
"Yeah, whatever you need."
"With all this shit goin’ on with the Gremaldi's, none of us are guaranteed to come out. I need you to promise me that if I don't, Chatty’ll go on and be happy,” he says, staring me in the eyes which shows me he’s dead serious.
"Don’t talk like that Ripper, we’re all gonna be fine,” I tell him as his stare turns hard. Out of all my brothers, Ripper is the one I refuse to think about losing.
"Bear, you know this life. You know a lot of us don't get long and we’re never promised the next day. I need to know that she’ll be happy if I'm not here. I can't go into this thinkin' she would never get over me. Chatty’s young, she’s got so much life ahead of her. Just promise me that you’ll see to it that she’s happy and lives her life."
"I promise." He gives me a nod, gets up, and walks away.
Chatty is everything to him. I know it had to be hard for him to say that and it goes to show how serious this Italian shit is. I decide I'm gonna text Jacey.
Bear: U busy?
Jacey: No what's up?
Bear: I'll be there in 20.
Jacey: Why?
Bear: Just be ready.
I pull up and she’s waiting outside for me. After she gets in, I start pulling away. "Why'd you come get me?" she asks nervously, a curious look on her face.
"Had to take this cage for a test drive and I wanted you with me."
"I love this truck. What's wrong with it? Why do you have to test drive it?"
“You know I've been working on it for a while. I put on new headers, a lift, and just rebuilt the transmission. I want to make sure she’s runnin' right." She settles back into the seat, holding onto her stomach. "You alright, you're not sick are you?"
"I'm fine. This is a great song,” she states, switching the subject.
Simple Man by Lynyrd Skynard is playing on the radio.
"Yeah, my parents loved rock. My momma used to sing this song to me. Hey, are you comin' to the patch party for Writer and Bam Bam?"
"Yeah, Zoey wants me to. Do you like a lot of older rock?"
I pull up to a pond by the cabin outside of town and park the truck. It looks like it's going to rain, and that's the other reason I picked her up in a cage. I don't like to be in 'em often, I don't like feeling trapped. "Some, my parents mainly listened to it. When I'm ridin’ in a cage, I like to just drive. The music brings back memories of better times."
"I'm going out of town this weekend,” she says, holding her head down, playing with her fingers.
"Why?" She has me curious and a little worried with the way she's acting.
"There's a car show in Tulsa. I put my car in different ones, plus it gives me reason to check out the other cars people have."
"You really know that much about cars?"
"Yes, it was something I was interested in, kinda like music. Why are we
stopping?" She looks at me with sad eyes.
"I wanna talk. C'mon get out." I’ve backed in so the bed of my truck is facing the pond. Off in the distance, you can see my cabin and this pond is part of my property, but she doesn't need to know that right now. I lead her to the bed of my truck, let the tailgate down, and hop up to sit down. I take her hand, bringing her between my legs, and turn her around. I put my hands on her waist, lifting her onto the tailgate with me, her back to my front. Resting my chin on the top of her head, for a few minutes we both look out to the water. I decide to be the first one to speak. “Jacey, what's wrong?"
"Nothing, I told you I was fine." That defensiveness is back when she answers.
"You’re not. You gotta let somebody in, Lil Mama.”
"Why are you doing this? Why can't you just let this shit go?"
I start to feel light raindrops hitting me. "I can't because I’ve got feelings for you, Jacey, and I know you feel the same way."
She pulls away from me, hops off the tailgate, and starts walking off.
"You don't mean that, and I don't. You’re wrong, you don't even know me!” she all but yells at me. About that time the rain really starts coming down. I run up to her and grab her arm, spinning her around, making her look at me. I've never seen Jacey look more beautiful -- her hair is lying flat to her head, soaking wet strands sticking to her face, and her makeup leaves black streaks down her cheeks.
"Quit runnin' from me, goddammit! Fuck! All you gotta do is let me in, shit. Why can't you just admit that you have feelings for me? Why do you have to play all these fuckin' games? I don't know shit because you won't fuckin' tell me!”
She screams back at me. "I can't Bear! I’ve told you that! I don't even know what to believe anymore. You make me think everything I know is wrong. This isn't the life I was supposed to have! I can't do this, we can't do this anymore. We were just supposed to be fucking!”
"It’s passed the just fuckin' stage! That shit passed a long time ago Jacey, and you fuckin' know it."
"No! Not for me, it didn’t. I wanna go home! Take me home now."
“This is the last fuckin' time, you remember this. I bet you think about me just as much as I think about you. I bet when you try and move on from me, you can't do it because you’re gonna wish it was me. Just like I would with you, just like I try to do. I can tell you however many times I fuckin' want this will be the last time, but we both know I can't fuckin' leave you alone, no matter how hard I try." Gripping my hair in frustration I continue on. "Why do you have to do this to me, play these fuckin' games, and lie to me?" I point at her. "I bet when you go to let another man inside you, you’re gonna wish it was my cock, just like no matter what pussy I'm in, it’ll always be yours I'm thinkin' about."
"How do you know I haven't already been with someone else?"
That right there, that did it. That was like a punch to my fucking gut. Is she fucking serious right now?
"C'mon." I walk back to my truck, get in, and wait for her. No words are spoken and the stereo pumps out Poison and Guns N' Roses all the way back. I drop her off and go back to the clubhouse, thinking the whole time about the last thing she said to me. I hope to god she hasn't been with someone else.
The patch party is in full effect and everyone is fucked up from playing one of Crazy Girl's drinking games. I have been watching Jacey all night since she got here, noticing she hasn't had one drop of alcohol, which isn't like her. She looks different too, like she has a glow to her. I don't know what it is, but she looks even more beautiful than she normally does. I see that hang-around Justin walk up to her and she looks happy to see him. I should just let it go, move the fuck on, and let her be with somebody she thinks is better for her than me. Nope, I can't do that and this is so fucked, I don't know why I keep doing this to myself. That's my fucking woman he's talking to. I walk up to them, staring him down.
"What did I tell you the last time you were talking to her?" I say while tilting my chin towards her.
"I'm sorry, I was just saying hi."
"It's a little late for sorry. You should’ve stayed away from what's mine, asshole, like I fuckin' told you." I bring my fist back and throw my punch, connecting right with his jaw. He just got knocked the fuck out with one hit. Fucking pussy.
I grab her arm and start towards my room. She’s screaming for me to let go, but I'm not listening to shit she has to say right now. Once I get us in my room, I slam the door shut. Taking her by the arms, pinning her against the wall, I put one of my legs between hers, spreading them. I put both my arms on each side of her, caging her in.
"Tell me you haven't been with somebody else. For once in your goddamn life, tell me the fuckin' truth, that you haven't been with someone else!”
"I haven't Bear, I swear! I was just mad, I'm sorry. You’re the only one." Thank fuck for that.
I lean in, putting my mouth to her ear. "I have decided that me bein' the nice guy isn't workin' anymore. So this is what it is. You’re mine, you belong to me. I claim you, Jacey Thomas, and there’s not a goddamn thing you can do about it."
I start kissing her neck, sucking her skin into my mouth, and she tilts her head to the side, giving me better access. Losing her fight against me, I brand her for everyone to see.
"I'm not, Bear,” says in a low moan.
"You think it's still up for discussion? You think you still have a choice?"
"I do. I decide what I want."
"You don't. You’re wrong. This is a done deal."
I take her away from the wall and walk her over to the bed, pushing her down. She halfheartedly tries to crawl up to get away from me, but that’s not gonna work either. I grab her ankles and pull her back to me.
"Why you runnin', Lil Mama?" I straddle her on the bed, bringing my body over hers.
Leaning my head down, I put my mouth to hers and she resists for about half a second, before her lips are opening to give me the access I crave. Jacey grabs the bottom of my beater, pulling it up and over my head, breaking me from the kiss. I pull her up in a sitting position so I can pull her shirt off, along with her bra. She undoes my jeans, pushing them and my boxer briefs down my legs. When we are both free of all clothing, I start giving her kisses down her body. I stop at her nipples, showing them some attention, then work my way down to her stomach. I hear her making soft little sounds, so I lean back to look up into her eyes.
"Your body can't say no to me," I tell her while giving her a sexy grin.
"I love how responsive it is. I bet you're soakin' wet for me and I haven't even really touched you yet."
"Well you need to get to touching because you are driving me fucking crazy!”
"Yes ma'am." I salute while she laughs. I get back to business working my way back down her body, spreading her legs wide. "I was right, you’re fuckin' soaked, and your pretty pink cunt is glistening' for me."
I put my mouth to her and her body jerks. I need her still so I place a hand on her stomach, but she reaches down, moving my hand to her hip. I noticed she’s gained some weight so maybe that's why she moved my hand. I won't say anything though, that'll ruin what's about to happen. I run my tongue up and down her pussy, tasting her, drinking her in. I spread her open, finding her clit, flicking it with my tongue, and sucking it into my mouth. I push two fingers inside, curling them to find her sweet spot, and her back arches, body tenses up. She starts tightening around my fingers then she screams her release and calls out my name. She needed that release, she came quickly, but that doesn't bother me because it gets me closer to taking my cock home.
Grabbing a condom and putting it on, I climb up over her body, line myself up to her opening, and push inside with one swift motion. I know exactly where to hit to throw her into another orgasm, and that’s what I do. Sure enough, when I pick up speed, her moans grow louder and she starts matching me thrust for thrust. Scraping her nails up and down my back, sucking and biting at my neck, she screams out, “Bear, Oh! Fuck! Yes! I fucking love... your cock, you f
eel so good!” I still for a minute to look down at her, she still has her eyes closed. I don't think she realizes what she was about to say. I start backing up, moving in and out of her for a few more strokes until I find my own release. I fucking love how wild she gets! Rolling to the side, I bring her with me and we lay there, silent until I ask, "Will you stay?" I light up a cigarette.
"Bear, I can't.” I put one arm behind my head and give her a nod. She gets up and as she’s getting dressed, she looks to me. "Hasn't anybody ever told you those are bad for you?”
"I think I've heard that somewhere before. Seems they aren’t the only thing that's bad for me." Giving her a smile, I hold my smoke out towards her.
"These, Lil Mama, will not be the death of me." She smiles back at me, continuing to get dressed. Jacey’s always giving me shit about smoking, but she’ll kill me before these do. I watch her walk out, thinking back to when I told her she could leave whenever she wanted. I meant it back then, but maybe I should start chaining her up so she can't.
Jacey
I can't believe I almost told him I loved him. What else could I do but say I loved his cock? I mean, that’s true, right? Once I get home, I grab my phone to make my weekly call to my mother, I’ve got to let her know I'm still alive. Of course she picks up. I always dread these calls.
"Hi honey. How are you?"
"I'm fine, Mother."
"Jacey, you don't sound fine. What's wrong with you? It sounds like you have a bit of an attitude today."
"Yes, Mother, I do. You wanna know what's wrong with me? Let's talk about Dad."
"No, we are not talking about your father."