He felt her head nodding, rubbing against his jaw. “I want it in my past. I can’t wait until this part of my life is a faded memory.”
“Yeah?”
“Yeah,” she said. “Because it means I’ve survived. You, too.”
He cupped her cheek and kissed her lips, gently first, and then he became more demanding, sweeping his tongue inside her mouth. Hannah arched against him, moaning sweetly, clutching at him. Her ardency triggered his, then Jack was cradling her in his arms, never once breaking their kiss, hurrying out of the kitchen into the bedroom. He didn’t stop until he had her on the bed, struggling out of her clothes.
He stripped off his shirt, unbuckled his belt, searching her expression for signs of hesitancy; afraid to see it, but more afraid to miss a cue to stop. Hannah seemed as eager as he, though, stripping quickly, making it hard to concentrate on anything else. She was the one who pulled his boxer briefs down, allowing him to kick them to the side before joining her on the bed.
“Hannah.” Naked, body and soul, he lay next to her, hovering, caressing her body as he searched her gaze. “I can’t get enough of you.” He kissed her neck, inhaling her scent, feeling his hunger grow. “I touch you, and always want more. I kiss you, and never want it to end.”
He caressed her belly, imagining her pregnant with Ellen. She must have picked up on his thoughts, because she covered his hand and smiled.
“Even when I thought you were dead,” she said, “I had a part of you inside me. I had Ellen. It devastated me when I thought I’d lose her, because it would have been like you dying all over again.” Her chin quivered, and tears were poised on her lashes.
“Please don’t cry, Hannah,” he whispered, kissing the tears that spilled over on her cheeks. “I’m here, and I’m not leaving again.”
Hannah took a deep, shuddering breath. “I’m not looking for pity, Jack, and I’d never keep Ellen from you, so don’t feel as if this needs to be more than it is.”
“Pity? What?” Confusion and surprise fought for dominance, but then she pulled his head down to her, kissing him with gusto. Then he wasn’t thinking at all.
Her hands were hot, running over his chest, down his belly, cupping his arousal. Her lips were warm and wet, and he wanted them on him. Jack deepened their kiss until she was moaning and pulling him over her, wrapping her legs around his waist. He entered her slowly, drawing out the experience until she was the one arching her hips upward, seeking more of him. And then they were one, moving inexorably toward the same goal, but as far as Jack was concerned, he had it all. Hannah. She’d never make love to him like this if she didn’t love him. This had to mean she loved him.
He cupped her breast, drew his lips down her neck, tasting the spot where her racing pulse revealed her emotions. His need demanded he take her hard and fast, to possess her completely, but he forced himself to move slowly, to gentle Hannah’s frantic movements that threatened he’d find his release first. He didn’t want this moment to end that soon, because making love with Hannah was not something he could ever again take for granted.
He ran his tongue along her delicate earlobe, teasing her nipple with his thumb, nipping at her lips. He felt her fingers caress the hard ridges of muscles down his back, and they sent a cascade of tremors through his body. She moaned, as if she’d lost control, which made Jack lose it. Then suddenly he was thrusting hard, sheathing himself deep inside her wet heat, pulling tiny gasps of pleasure from her lips.
Then Hannah shouted his name, tipped him over the precipice toward orgasm, and they crested together. It seemed to last forever, and all the while, Hannah whispered his name.
The moment felt like heaven, a vindication of his hopes. She still desired him. She’d had his child. Maybe that would be enough for her to take a chance on him again. He wouldn’t ask her for more, but he could hope more was in their future. One day. Until then, he’d take what he could get.
“Dammit!” Hannah hadn’t even caught her breath before she pushed away from him and jumped off the bed.
She was mad. Jack’s heart sank as he prepared himself for rejection.
Chapter 18
“No, no, no, no,” she moaned. She raced into the bathroom, trying to control her fear. They hadn’t used a condom this time.
When she stepped into the shower, she told herself the odds of becoming pregnant were practically nonexistent, but it didn’t slow her racing heart. She’d heard stories of people having sex once and greeting a newborn nine months later.
She stepped under the spray and thoroughly washed herself, struggling to calm down. When Jack surprised her by stepping into the tub, embracing her, she froze, and then she wanted to hit him, but he was holding her so tightly she couldn’t move. Then his kiss pressed against her temple, and her whole body sagged against him.
“I know I should stop trying to keep you, Hannah, but I can’t. Please, don’t regret this,” he said. The warm spray trailed down their bodies, making them slick to the touch.
She realized that Jack didn’t understand why she was upset. He wasn’t thinking about the life they might have just created. She shook her head, sighing. He was talking about something else, something equally as important. “Jack, we had sex. Sex between us has always been off the charts, but desire didn’t stop you from leaving last time.” She lifted her chin, meeting his gaze. “I have to protect myself. Protect Ellen.” Yeah, she understood the irony of her words. She’d just failed to protect herself from this man, and risked pregnancy. She was afraid protecting herself from Jack would always be impossible.
He lowered his head and pressed a tender kiss on her lips, then readjusted his arms and pulled her more intimately to his body. It made her feel safe, loved, and wanted. “I promise I’ll be better,” he said. “I’ll be a better man.”
“Oh, Jack.” He broke her heart.
“I’ll share my feelings more.”
She tasted the water on his chest, kissed his neck, licked the saltiness off him. “You have no feelings.”
Jack laughed, but there was pain in the sound. “I wish.” He caressed her back, lowering his hand to cup her bottom. The warm water sprayed down on them, soothing her tired muscles and overwrought nerves. “It’s because I loved you that I ran.”
“Excuse me?” She pushed out of his arms.
Jack wouldn’t release her, so she leaned back, studying his expression. The shower’s spray only covered Jack now and she was getting cold. “I was afraid,” he said. “There. I’ve said it.”
“Why would loving me make you run?” None of this made sense, but she was cold, so she leaned against Jack again, sharing his warmth as she blinked against the water’s spray. “You drive me crazy.”
“You were the one.” Jack rubbed his lips against her temple, dropping kisses here and there. “And that scared the hell out of me. I thought I could never have you.”
“Why?” Hannah pushed off from Jack and told herself not to care that she missed his touch already.
Jack turned off the water and threw open the shower curtain. He wrapped her in a towel and tugged her back into his arms. “I knew what we had couldn’t last. You were already losing patience with me. Admit it, Hannah. The weeks before I left, all we did was fight.”
“I was scared. I was pregnant. I wasn’t sure you’d want a baby, or would stick around if you’d learned I was pregnant, and I knew I would show soon.” Hannah had already been three months pregnant when he’d ‘died.’ Shivering in the arms of the love of her life, waiting for a truth she wasn’t sure she could handle, she felt as if she were dangling over a precipice of sharp stakes, holding onto a shredding vine.
“I didn’t know any of that,” Jack said. “And you know running is my MO. You knew that. It’s not something I’m proud of, but truthfully, I thought I was doing you a favor, giving you an out.”
Hannah glared at him. “Well, you made sure we di
dn’t last when you ran off, you jerk.” She stepped onto the chilly tile and hurried into the bedroom.
“Do you think I don’t know that? I get it. I’m an ass, but admit it, Hannah. You had been thinking about leaving me for weeks by then.” He secured a towel around his hips. “You never told me you loved me and I was crazy for you—”
“Your leaving is my fault?” His towel was riding low, and any moment Hannah expected it to fall to his feet. It was disconcerting—and arousing. She dried off and slipped her sweats back on, hoping clothes would serve as a barrier between them, maybe deter her from doing something stupid. She noticed the rumpled bed. Something stupid again.
“No. It wasn’t your fault,” he said. “It was my baggage getting in the way of my life again.”
“I never gave you any indication I was anything but deeply in love with you. Sure, I never said it, but I was waiting for you to say it. You’re the guy. Guys are supposed to say it first.”
Jack threw his hands up. “Well, how am I supposed to know that?”
Hannah was speechless. Then just as quickly, she had more to say than air in her lungs. “Have you ever watched a movie? Read a book? The guy always says it first!”
“You can’t be serious!” He looked flummoxed.
“Jack, you wouldn’t even admit we were living together! No one at work even guessed!”
“Because I had to work there! How exactly was I supposed to show my face after you dumped me?”
She couldn’t believe what he was saying. “But I wasn’t going to dump you. I loved you, you idiot!”
Jack’s expression crumpled. “As soon as I boarded the plane that night, I saw my mistake, but it was too late. I’d committed to the job. I’d assumed Goodwin had said my good-byes, and that you’d never forgive me. I ran and didn’t look back.”
“A phone call, Jack. All it would have taken was a phone call and I would have waited for you forever.” Betrayal burned sticky and hot, and try as she might, she couldn’t return to the feeling of peace she’d had when they’d had sex. He held his palms up, appearing to want to placate her. Hannah felt that moment had come and gone.
“I came back for you, Hannah.”
Maybe. She couldn’t hold him responsible for taking her job; someone had to, so it might as well be him, but she had her doubts about everything else. “Remember what I said about holding grudges?” she said. He nodded. “Well, I’m revisiting that decision.” Jack’s shoulders slumped. “Don’t think sex changes anything either, just because we, well, you know, doesn’t mean everything else goes away.” She’d have sex with him. Hell, she’d live for sex with him, but it was suddenly clear to her that she couldn’t take him back. Too much had changed. She wasn’t the Hannah he knew.
He stood up straight, strode toward her with such purpose, she took a step back. When he was mere inches in front of her, he leaned in until his breath warmed her face. “Don’t think sex doesn’t change anything.” His gaze dropped to her mouth. She licked her lips, and lifted her chin to meet his kiss halfway.
Their phones beeped. Hannah blinked, saw Jack’s gaze cloud over with speculation. They hurried to their phones. A text from Charlie Foulkes. “There’s been a break in the case,” she said.
Jack threw his phone on the bed and grabbed clean clothes out of the closet. “Foulkes said he wants to meet with the lieutenant, too. Did he say anything else to you?”
“No. All the text said was to meet him in the incident room.” She glanced at the clock. “Do you think they found DNA evidence on Buntle?”
“Pray it’s not another body. Hurry up and get dressed.” All traces of humanity were wiped from Jack’s expression. He was a machine. An FBI investigator.
And that’s how it’s done, she thought. Compartmentalization. The train wreck of her life was on hold, would always be on hold, when there was a break in a case.
Hannah called Mrs. Branaghan and Natalie, asking them to come upstairs. By the time they’d arrived she was dressed, her wet hair clipped back, but she was still feeling disgruntled. They noticed. Mrs. Branaghan’s and Natalie’s curious stares went unanswered, however, though Hannah didn’t fool herself into thinking they couldn’t figure it out on their own. She had man troubles.
And she and Jack had that just had sex look. It was embarrassing, especially since she probably came across as pathetic in this scenario. The guy abandons her, and as soon as he swings back into town, she’s going at it with him like they’re rabbits. Her pride was stinging as she opened the apartment door to leave.
“I’m ovulating,” she said, loud enough to be heard by all. As soon as the words left her mouth, she realized she wasn’t sorry she’d said it. It was time for Jack to understand a few things, too. Like unprotected sex creates babies. “So there’s a chance you just knocked me up again, Jack.” Mouths dropped open and then clamped shut, and one of them was Jack’s.
“Good,” he snapped, then hurried out of the apartment.
Now it was Hannah’s mouth that dropped open. Natalie and Mrs. Branaghan’s laughter followed her as she hurried after him, past the smiling protective detail, and out onto the sidewalk. By then, her face felt beet red as she realized everyone in the precinct would soon hear the news.
When they were on the curb, he seemed repentant. “Okay, I deserved that.”
“Damn right.” She wasn’t sure how to react to his parting shot that he was happy she might be pregnant, so she left it hanging there, promising herself she’d revisit it when she gathered her courage.
That she found herself smiling during the whole drive to New Sudbury precinct made no sense. That she was still smiling as she entered the incident room made even less sense. Her smile died when she saw Charlie hovering by Lieutenant Pepperidge’s office door. Pepperidge poked his head out and waved her and Jack into the room. Neither man seemed happy. In fact, they looked downright disturbed. Whatever the news was, it wasn’t good.
Chapter 19
“Tell them.” Pepperidge pulled out a bottle of scotch from his top drawer and poured an inch into four half-pint mason jars, like the ones his wife sent in with candies, all wrapped up in bows.
Charlie Foulkes was the first to imbibe. He appeared to be taking a moment to gather his thoughts, making Jack believe whatever the news was, it was a bombshell. “We found new forensic evidence in the Buntle case.”
Jack didn’t know much about the forensic pathologist, but he seemed a straight shooter, and if he’d been best friends with Deming’s brother, it was as good a reference as any man could ask for. Deming’s brother died years ago, and from all accounts he’d been a saint.
“And?” Jack said. When Charlie hesitated, he forced himself to be patient. His scotch went down quickly and smooth. “Enough foreplay, Foulkes,” he said. “Spill it.” Hannah sat in one of the two chairs before Pepperidge’s desk. She eagerly received the report Charlie handed her.
“It’s a shocker,” Charlie said, shrugging. “Can’t pretend that it isn’t. We found Ferguson’s print on the stanza in Buntle’s grave.” Charlie allowed them a moment to process his news.
Boom. Jack couldn’t believe it, and Hannah’s features reflected her shock, too. But evidence was evidence. Denial would only waste time. They had to follow it where it led them.
“He finally made a mistake.” Jack licked his lips, tasting the scotch. When he thought about it, Ferguson did hit all the perp attributes. He knew Hannah well, maybe better than anyone else in the precinct, and he was the one who discovered the email on her computer. He had extensive connections within the department, was local. So, yeah. He seemed good for it.
“You can’t be serious.” Hannah glared at Jack. “Test the paper again.” She dropped the file on the desk in disgust. “It’s a mistake. Has anyone spoken to Paddy?”
“Paddy?” Jack frowned. He was “Ferguson” yesterday.
Pepperidge shoo
k his head. “No.”
“I made a point of asking him if he’d touched anything at the crime scene when I got the tests back,” Charlie said. “He said he didn’t, so his prints got there prior to him arriving at the crime scene.”
Hannah searched the forensic expert’s eyes. “This is Paddy, Charlie. You can’t think he did this.” It was obvious to Jack she didn’t want to believe the evidence.
“Charlie is just doing his job, Cambridge,” Pepperidge said, as Charlie shifted from foot to foot, clearly uncomfortable.
Pepperidge exchanged weighted looks with Jack, and it was obvious the lieutenant was putting Hannah’s behavior on his shoulders. After all, Jack kept her on the case. Well, Jack was about to ask Ferguson what the hell was going on. And he couldn’t wait.
“He’s home with two plainclothes officers watching his place,” Pepperidge said. “If he makes a move, we’ll know it and bring him in.” He saluted Jack with his glass before upending it. “This is your case. A fingerprint isn’t a conviction, so it’s your call how you want this to play out.”
Hannah grabbed her jelly jar off the desk. A big swallow had her coughing and grimacing. She put the glass back on the desk, spilling the scotch in her haste. “We need to talk to him.”
Pepperidge glanced at Jack. They all knew if they made it official, it would go into the detective’s permanent record. “IA will want in on this, too. We move on him now, it’s going to be a damn circus.”
“You’re ignoring the real problem.” Hannah glared at them all, forgetting they weren’t the ones who put Ferguson’s print on the evidence. “Paddy Ferguson isn’t our guy, and while you’re throwing our resources at him, the real killer is still out there. Whoever is leaking our intel to the press will get ahold of this, too, and the public will let down their guard.” Hannah leaned toward the lieutenant, her face flushed. “You know him better than any of us, Lieutenant. You saw our reports. He’s clean. He alibied. You said it yourself.”
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