“Why is that a bad thing?” Denise finished up the mac and cheese and stuck it in the oven, setting the timer. She grabbed the steaks that she had marinating out of the fridge and took the lid off.
“Because when we were younger, those feelings got us into deep shit.”
There was still something that Roni wasn’t telling her, but she didn’t want to pry. Roni’d had a hard time coming to grips with all the changes that had been taking place, struggling to find her foothold in the new reality of the club. Denise didn’t want to fuck that up; she would never want to cause anything to be difficult for her sister-in-law. “You’re older now, maybe those feelings are just what you’re looking for?”
Roni chose to ignore the words that Denise spoke, sitting up straighter when Rooster stood and walked with Liam and Tyler into the kitchen.
“Hey, are the steaks ready?” her brother asked his wife, reaching around her.
“Yes and watch your hands,” she giggled, slapping them away when he grabbed her side and tickled, picking up the plate in his other hand.
“You think this is enough? I think Drew can eat this on his own.”
She pushed the side of her shirt down and nodded towards the fridge. “Ty, there’s another huge batch in there, if you could grab ’em.”
Tyler took two steps and he was across the kitchen. It never ceased to amaze her how long his stride was, how big of a guy he was.
Roni let her eyes travel over to where Rooster stood. He’d added muscles in the last few months. She guessed it was all the downtime. She’d seen his truck and sometimes his bike parked in front of the gym more often than not. The gym she’d gone to, but had given up once she noticed he was there every time she was. Sitting up straighter, she tried to suck in the extra pounds she’d put on because of that.
“How are you?” he asked her quietly. “Long time, no see.”
She hated that he could do this to her. Her stomach pitched violently, and she didn’t miss the way Denise’s attention went straight to them when he had a seat next to her at the bar. Before she could answer, he sat down and made himself comfortable. This was the worst kind of torture in the world, and she hoped like hell that her voice sounded normal when she spoke. It was hard to think about anything other than the fact his jean-clad thigh rested heavily against hers. “I’ve been busy.”
“I think you’ve been avoiding me,” he cut to the chase, his eyes that she wasn’t ever sure were blue or gray looked at her closely.
“Not at all.” She picked up a piece of paper and began shredding it through her fingers; anything to avoid looking at him.
“Really? Because you mean to tell me we go to the same gym, hang out with the same people, and now work at the same place, and I haven’t seen you in months? If that’s not avoiding me, I don’t know what the fuck is.”
Roni squirmed, pulling her bottom lip in between her teeth. “It’s not been a good time for me.” She tried being evasive. Maybe if he realized she was having a hard time, he would let up.
“How so? If there’s something going on, I need to know about it.”
It occurred to her at that moment that there was no other background conversation going on. She looked across the bar and noticed that all three of the other occupants of the kitchen were hanging on their every word. “So, Tyler.” She cleared her throat. “Is Meredith going to be able to make it tonight?”
He looked like he’d been struck with a bolt of lightning. Surprised that she’d turned the attention on him. “She’s on her way, but please finish your convo. It was much better than anything else going on at the moment.”
“Our convo is private business.” She looked pointedly at her brother.
“Then you shouldn’t be having it in the kitchen where everyone can hear. Just sayin’,” he told her, looking back at her.
“You set me up for this bullshit by inviting both of us,” she accused Liam.
“I didn’t do shit,” he laughed, hooking his arm around Denise and kissing her on the cheek. “If you want to get away from the hormonal brigade, Rooster, we’re gonna go cook these steaks.” He reached over and grabbed the first plate, Tyler following behind.
Rooster didn’t say anything, but got up, following the two of them.
“I hate him.” Roni threw a napkin towards where the group of them had walked out.
“Your brother or the other one?” Denise asked, a small smile playing on her lips.
“Both of them.”
“C’mon, let’s get some drinks and head out to the back deck. We’ll grab the other ladies and spend some time together so that we don’t have to think about those boys. How’s that sound?”
At this point, nothing had ever sounded better. “Fucking perfect.”
Chapter Three
The sun had finally set and, with it, the heat of the day had receded. July in Kentucky was usually hot and muggy, but they’d been blessed this summer that it’d been one of the coolest on record. It was comfortable enough that they actually had a bonfire going. Roni sat in the corner, nursing a glass of strawberry margarita that Bianca had given her at some point. She wasn’t in the mood to drink tonight, was barely in the mood to be around other people. She should have told Liam that she hadn’t been up to dinner at the clubhouse.
“I think I’m gonna head out,” she told Denise, tapping her on the shoulder.
“Are you sure you’re okay?” she asked, worry in her eyes.
“I am. I’m just really tired trying to get the office back in order. Bless his heart, but Liam is not a businessman in that sense of the word,” she laughed. The words weren’t a lie. He’d done the best he could with what he had, but Liam hadn’t been prepared to run a shop at the drop of a hat.
“Don’t work too hard,” Denise told her. “And come around more often. Tatum forgot what you look like,” she whispered as she cradled the toddler in her arms.
“No she didn’t,” Roni laughed. “But I’ll make sure to be around more often if that will make you feel better.”
She said her goodbyes to the rest of the group and then made her way back into the clubhouse. There were leftovers and she would be damned if she’d let them go to waste. Being single, she hated cooking for only herself; when the opportunity presented itself, she stocked up. With a sigh of relief, she left the building and made her way quickly to her car.
“Goin’ home without even sayin’ hi or bye to me? Really, Roni?”
That voice stopped her. She stood with her hand on the door, her back to him. She’d almost made it, all she’d had to do was open the door and climb in. That was all. So close she could taste it. Instead, she breathed deeply, popped open the door, and stuck her food inside on the seat. Plastering a smile on her face, she stood and turned around to face him. On first glance, her breath caught. Up close, allowing herself to look at him, she could see that he’d changed—significantly since her birthday.
“Sorry.” She pushed her dark hair behind her ear. “Just got a lot going on right now with helpin’ Liam at the shop.”
“That’s BS and we both know it,” Rooster told her, leaning back against the car that was parked beside her.
She wanted to tell him that he was wrong, but he was oh so right. He’d never been more right about anything in his life. “C’mon.” She ran her tongue along her bottom lip. “I just wanna go home.”
He shifted on his legs and uncrossed his arms. This time, he leaned towards her, bracing himself against the frame of her vehicle.
It was then that she realized just how much he had changed. The heat pouring off his body was enough to burn them both. The T-shirt he wore barely concealed the bulging muscles at his biceps. His hair, that had once been so closely cropped people had assumed he was in the military, was now a head full of hair. “What do you want, Rooster?”
“You to be honest with yourself.” He whispered the words next to her ear.
They threw her off balance because she hadn’t realized just how close he was. To prev
ent herself from falling, she instinctively reached out and grasped his shirt, digging her fingers into it at his hips. She wanted to take that shirt off and see exactly how much he’d changed, how he’d grown as a man. It had been a long time since she’d wanted that with anyone. Being one of the only women in town related to the leaders of a motorcycle club hadn’t left her with many options. To be honest, she hadn’t wanted many options; she’d been in love with Rooster since she was a teenager, and nobody would ever be able to measure up in her eyes. It wasn’t fair to let someone try.
Rooster moved one hand from the doorframe and used it to cup her cheek; he didn’t miss that she was so small compared to him that he also managed get part of her neck. It brought out some protective instinct in him. He watched as her eyes widened and her breath started coming faster. Leaning down, he hesitantly kissed her. It had been a long time since they had really kissed. They’d given each other a peck or two here and there over the years, but they’d always stopped at that, afraid that Liam would find out. They were no longer in that situation. He and Liam were good with one another and he no longer had the weight of the badge on his chest. Giving himself the permission to do what he wanted to do, he shifted his hand back, digging his fingers into her hair and tugged slightly, situating her mouth to his liking.
Roni drew a deep breath in her too-tight lungs as Rooster slowly moved closer. When their lips met, she heard the noise at the back of her throat—it was involuntary and maybe made her sound like a prostitute—deeper than her normal voice ever was. Her fingers flexed in the soft cotton of his T-shirt as she fought to hold herself up. Never had her knees been this weak, never had she felt this all-consuming feeling—not even when they were younger. She pulled the T-shirt hard, knocking him off his balance, so much so that he had to lean heavily against her. The hand that had been resting on the car secured itself to her hip, spanning the skin there, pushing up the T-shirt she wore. Feeling his hand on her bare skin affected her more than it should have. She wasn’t a young girl anymore.
He’d not felt this way in a very long time. He situated himself as best he could so that every part of him touched every part of her given their height difference, but he had to touch her. Rooster realized he’d denied himself for way too long. “Roni, God, I missed you,” he whispered as he pulled his lips from hers, smearing the kiss down the side of her neck, tilting her head back so that he had more room to work.
Her fingers traveled up the back of his shirt, grasping the hard skin there, digging her nails into the flesh. She wanted him closer, needed him to be right with her. She was restless as she moved her body against his, sighing when his teeth nipped the smooth skin at her neck. In the dark, in the club’s driveway, they were making out like two teenagers.
Someone came out of the clubhouse, slamming the door. It was like a gunshot, and the two of them broke apart quickly. Neither one of them looked away from the other as they tried to get their breathing under control.
“We can’t do that again, Rooster,” she told him, situating her shirt to where it sat at her waist again.
“The hell we can’t. It’s been seventeen years and it’s not gone away, Roni. Don’t you see?” He put his hand at her neck and forced her eyes to meet his. “It’s never going to go away. I’m not interested in spending another seventeen years without you.”
Those words from any other person would have made her roll her eyes, but those words from Rooster scared her. They’d been down this road once and it had broken her.
“Let me rephrase that. I can’t do this with you again and I won’t.”
Rooster fought to keep the anger out of his voice, the rage off his face. “I’m not gonna let you run away from me again.”
“You have no choice,” she told him sadly. “Because I won’t put myself in the situation again.”
“We’ll see,” he told her as she got into her car. “We’ll see how long you can deny the feelings between us.”
She wanted to hurt him, tell him that she’d done it with no problem for seventeen years. That, however, wasn’t the truth. She’d had a major problem with it, always wondering what would have been. Would they have gotten married? Their child would be around the same age as Drew and Mandy now. How would she have been as a mother? Would he have been a strict father? “Please, let it go.” She was tired of fighting it. Keeping their secret was tiring.
“You no longer have Liam to hide behind. He and I are good now. I’m not going to sit back anymore and live my life without you. It’s not happening. I let people take you away once. I’m not doing it again.”
Closing the door, she started the car, not wanting to hear the words he was telling her. Now wasn’t the time. Her heart wasn’t as open as it had once been, and she wasn’t sure she believed in love anymore. There were plenty of people in her immediate life who had found love and were making relationships happen, but she didn’t think it would ever happen for herself.
She was okay with that. At least she had been up until five minutes ago when Brandon Hancock kissed her like he was dying and she was the air he needed to breathe. Years of emotions that had lain dormant were back, and Roni wasn’t sure that she’d ever be prepared to deal with them.
Chapter Four
The next morning, Roni pulled into Walker’s Wheels and took an excited breath when she realized she was the first person there. She could get so much more accomplished without the guys milling around asking her questions. The previous bookkeeper had been a good one, but the cancer diagnosis for her husband had thrown her for a loop. Roni could see without anyone telling her when he’d been diagnosed. The work had become sloppy and then Liam had taken over. She’d walked into a total shit fest, but that was okay, because that was what she always did. Cleaned up everyone else’s mess. It’s what she’d done since Liam and Rooster had cleaned up hers. Her life had been dedicated at that point to helping either one of them at any time. Guilt had eaten at her, it still ate at her. She wasn’t sure she would ever forgive herself, but that was her cross to bear, not theirs.
Walking into the office, she turned on the lights and shut off the alarm. It was quiet here, almost unnerving compared to what she was used to, but she enjoyed the work. Regardless of what had gone on between her and her dad, she loved being around her family. She loved getting to watch Liam grow and blossom into the man he was now. It was one of the greatest joys of her life. It had been just the two of them for so long, she, in some ways, felt like his mother.
There was a soft knock at the door before someone came in.
“Morning.” She smiled as Liam came in. He sat across from her and handed her a cup of coffee. “Thank you, I didn’t see your truck when I got here,” she told him as she blew at some of the steam that was rolling off.
“Just got here,” he yawned. “I had to drop Drew off at a friend’s house. Figured I’d come in and talk to you. We haven’t had a chat in a while.”
They hadn’t, and that had been one of the things she’d loved most about him. He was easy to talk to and he never judged, but it was like once he’d gotten his own family, she felt uncomfortable. Not because of him, but because of herself. “You’re right, we haven’t.”
“Seriously Roni, how’s it going? I’m not liking the way you’re lookin’ lately.”
How did she explain to him that no one could help her? No one could give her what she wanted except for the one man that she didn’t want to be around. “I’m good, tired, but good.”
“That’s horse shit and you know it. I’m worried about you. Please let me help with whatever it is,” he begged her, running his hand through his hair. “Is it Rooster? He and I are good now. He and Tyler have even been hangin’ out. I’m planning on bringing him in on some stuff, so you better tell me now if it’s him.”
“I will not ruin your friendship with him again,” she told him, taking a drink of her coffee.
“Fuck that, Roni. You didn’t ruin anything. We were kids, but we knew exactly what we were doing when
we told those cops that we took care of that guy. There was no doubt in either of our minds that we were going to take care of you. It was our decision to make. You can’t hide behind it for the rest of your life.”
“You think I hide behind it?” Tears were pooling and her breath was coming faster. He was onto what her security blanket was. He had figured out that she hid behind it like it was a shield.
“Yes, and I’m telling you now, you are thirty six years old, I want nothing more for you than for you to live your life. I don’t know for sure what William made you do when we were younger, but I have a good idea. I’m here to tell you that there is no one stopping you but yourself. I want you to love, I want you to laugh, and I want you to live.” His voice was hoarse as he spoke to her. “We were both put in shitty situations by circumstance, but look at us, look at me. I wear a ring on my finger and go home every night to a woman who brightens up at the sight of me; I have three amazing kids that love me. I never thought I would have that, but you gave that to me. I owe you my life now.”
“I didn’t give you anything.” She took to straightening up the papers on the desk.
“The hell you didn’t. You may not have known it when you suggested we use Denise, but you made my life, now I want to make yours. If you wanna be with Rooster, be with him. Give him a chance. No one in this club is going to stop you. You have my word on that. You’ve always taken care of me.” He got up and came around the desk. He pulled her up and hugged her tightly around the waist. “Let me take care of you for a change.”
A sob broke the surface, one that she didn’t even know she was holding in. “I don’t know if I can,” she cried. “I don’t know if I have it in me to be that trusting anymore. Maybe I’m ruined.” She wiped at the tears on her face.
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