Meredith heard everything he said, she even understood it, but she wasn’t sure if she could make her heart and head believe it. “I want to enjoy this, but I’m so scared,” she cried, tears escaping from her eyes.
“I’m not,” he said strongly. “We haven’t been given something only to have it taken away. I firmly believe that. If we live in fear, then something will happen because you’ll have stressed yourself out so badly. Be the woman I know and enjoy this.”
“I want to.” She shook her head. “But I don’t know if I can. I don’t want to worry about this for the next six months.”
She was going to hate him, but he had to bring her out of this. “Then c’mon, let’s go.”
“Where?” she asked, grabbing hold of the hand he offered her.
“We’re going to tell Ashley you want to take care of it. That you can’t have this child.”
“What?” she screamed, fighting to get her hand free of his. “Are you fucking crazy, Tyler?” She dug her heels in, fighting to keep him from pulling her out of the house.
“You’re not happy about this, you want to not worry. Let’s fix it so that you don’t have to.”
She’d not seen him like this in years—at least towards her. His eyes were fierce and flashing, his face hard and unmoving. Not able to stop him from dragging her, she sunk to the floor and sat. “No.” She shook her head. “That’s not what I want.”
He crouched down so that he was on eye level with her. Cupping her face in his hands, he searched her face. “I know that, and you know that deep inside. You’re tired and you’re scared. Go take a nap, and when you wake up, things will look much different for you. For us. For our family. Don’t let this fear grab hold of you and take over. This thing, it’s amazing, Mer. We never thought it would happen, and damned if it hasn’t.”
She knew he was right, and she also knew she was so tired. “I do need a nap; I do need to let this sink in. Please don’t think I’m not happy,” she cried, pulling her legs up so that she could rest her cheek on her knees.
“I know you are, but I also know you. You’ve got to let yourself be happy about it,” he whispered as he gripped the back of her neck. “We’ll be fine, babe. We always have been.”
“I’m gonna go take a nap,” she told him, getting up from the floor.
“Sleep well.” He leaned down, kissing her on the forehead.
As she slowly made her way to the bedroom, he let out a deep breath. He hoped like he’d never hoped before that all of this would work out.
Chapter Twenty
“I’ve never seen Meredith like that before,” Bianca told Jagger as they drove to the clubhouse.
“She was in a bad spot after she was raped, but since then, I’ve never seen that blank stare in her eyes. Back then I was newly patched, so I wasn’t privy to everything that was going on, but I can remember Tyler bringing her to the clubhouse. For months afterwards, she had this blank stare that could see straight through you—even when she seemed happy. It was like there was a part of her that would check out and go to this place where she wasn’t sure how she felt about anything.” He shook his head. “I saw that today, and the thing is, I don’t understand it. She and Tyler have wanted this for a long ass time.”
“I imagine she’s scared,” B speculated. “I mean, think of it this way. Say you were never able to get pregnant, they told you everything was fine, but for years, you weren’t able to have a child—never even got pregnant. Out of the blue, she’s pregnant. I’m just saying if it were me, the first thing I would worry about would be a miscarriage. I wouldn’t want to get too attached to that child, just in case it didn’t work out.”
Jagger didn’t think about life like that; he was balls to the wall, whatever happened—just happened. “I don’t even understand that, but I also understand that not everybody is how I am, not everyone has my outlook on life.”
“No.” She laughed. “Not everybody gets to sing whatever night of the week they want to and have women throw themselves at him and then go home with his wife. You’re a special snowflake.” She leaned over, kissing him on the cheek.
“I am,” he agreed as Addie giggled from the back seat. “Even she agrees.” He smiled at her, making a funny face in the rearview mirror so that she could see it. He was awarded with another giggle from her.
“I don’t know what in the hell we’re gonna do with you,” Bianca told him, as she checked her phone, doing her best to ignore him for the rest of the ride.
Meredith woke up from a very deep sleep. She wasn’t sure how long she’d been out, but she felt much better than when she’d initially gone there. Putting her hand on the mattress, she propped herself up, eyeing the bracelet at her wrist they had given her at the hospital. Slowly blowing out a deep breath, she threw herself back against the pillows.
“I don’t know why you’re being such an idiot about this,” she told herself. “You’ve wanted this for so long and now you’re scared.”
Tears popped into her eyes, and she hated the fact that she was so emotional, but now she knew why. The emotional feelings had been there for months, over the stupidest things, but she’d always thought she was tired. Maybe even possibly overwhelmed, but not once had she ever thought she was pregnant.
The bedroom door opened and Tyler came in, holding out a bottle of water for her. “Figured by now you’d be a little thirsty.”
She was, now that he mentioned it. Gratefully taking the bottle, she drank almost half of it in one gulp before sitting it on the bedside table. Tyler looked uncomfortable. In all honesty, she couldn’t remember the last time he’d ever looked this way. “Are you okay?”
He took that as an invitation to lie down next to her. Situating himself, he looked over at her. “I’m fine, I just don’t know where your head is, and I hate that. We’ve been together for years, and except for those first few months, I’ve always been able to know where you are, Mer. When I don’t, my world ain’t right, and it’s not right now, because I can’t tell if you’re really happy about this or not.”
The silence was deafening as they were both left alone with their thoughts. Finally, her soft voice broke through.
“I prayed for this. I can’t tell you how many times I would drop to my knees and pray for this. It was more often than I even want to admit to you. I’m in shock that those prayers were answered, long after I had given up hope that they ever would be.” She was trying hard to explain her shock.
He turned in the bed so that he spooned her from behind and ran his hand down her side, caressing her hip in a soothing manner. “You know as well as I do that stuff doesn’t always happen on the timetable that you want it to. You know I’m a very spiritual person, and I truly believe that before, we probably weren’t equipped to handle this. We got Addie when we were supposed to, and we’re getting this baby because we’re supposed to. That’s how it is, and that’s how it’s going to be.”
“I know that you’re right.” She entwined their fingers together, bringing his arm over her stomach and resting their hands there. “I can’t believe it actually happened,” she whispered.
“It did,” he whispered back. “It really happened, and now we have a choice, babe. We can worry for the next six months and make ourselves crazy, or we can enjoy the hell outta this. If you’re asking me? I want to enjoy it. I want to experience everything with you that we never got to experience with Addie. She’s going to be an amazing big sister.”
“She will.” A smile spread across Meredith’s face, and she exhaled a cleansing breath. Tyler was right; there would be nothing they could do either way about having this child. It was either going to happen or it wasn’t, and she couldn’t get caught up in the worry.
“Are you good?” he asked, as she exhaled deeply and let her body relax against his.
“I am.” She nodded. “I have to let it go and give it up to the universe. I have no say in what happens. I had no say in whether I got pregnant or not, what makes me think I’m going t
o have any say in how this pregnancy goes?”
“That’s my girl.” He kissed the side of her neck. “Let me take care of you, and we’ll wing it together.”
She turned over so they faced one another. “I guess this explains why I’ve been so emotional lately.”
“Really?” His smile was wide. “I hadn’t noticed.”
She giggled. He had noticed. She’d cried at a commercial on TV the other night, straight out sobbed. “I thought I was stressed,” the protest was in her voice.
“I thought you were too.”
Tyler kept to himself that he’d noticed the weight gain, but he hadn’t wanted to say anything to her. What kind of husband would he be if he had? The only reason he was still in such good shape was because of Drew. They’d worked out together for years, and it wasn’t something that he wanted to stop. He enjoyed those early mornings with his friend—and that’s what Drew had become.
Placing her hand on his chest, she bit her bottom lip. “I kind of thought I was depressed. I had made an appointment to see Doc Jones at the end of this week,” she admitted.
“Fuck, Mer, why didn’t you say anything to me?” Keeping things like that from him was a hard limit, and it pissed him off. He tried to be understanding, but sometimes it really got to him.
“Because I wasn’t sure what was going on. I wasn’t sure if I was burnt out, or what.”
“We had a vacation.” He said that as if it made everything better.
“Tyler, one vacation does not fix everything. It makes you feel better when you’re there, and even the first few days you come back, but it doesn’t fix the reason you were stressed to begin with.”
“If CRISIS is that stressful for you, then you need to cut back on it,” he told her, his voice no-nonsense.
“I can’t do that. They need me.”
How could she make anyone understand how much the people there needed her, but she needed them too. They had saved her, when she wasn’t sure anything besides him could. They had given her a purpose in life that had yet to fail her.
“I know this is going to be hard for you to hear, but we need you too. You’re gonna have a newborn, a toddler, and me. CRISIS is a wonderful organization, and you’ve done amazing things with it; you should be extremely proud of yourself. Hell, I’m more proud of you than I could ever tell you, but maybe it’s time for you to move on. Maybe CRISIS has fulfilled its purpose for you and it’s time to let it go.”
It was obvious that she had a lot to think about—especially considering the way her life was going. Things that she’d never once thought about were going to become the focal point of her world, and it was going to be a huge adjustment. Maybe he was right.
Chapter Twenty-One
Halloween in South Central Kentucky could be a crap shoot. Sometimes it was so hot that parents worried about heat stroke. This year, it was very cold and none of them could believe that it was snowing.
“I’m not sure if we should get her out in this.” Meredith frowned as she glanced at Tyler. Addie was cute as a button in her Elsa outfit. Frozen was very popular in their household, even though it was a few years old.
“We’ll take her to the clubhouse and she can show off to everybody, and then we’ll see how it is. I think Roni and Rooster are takin’ Carter to the church. They’re doing it inside, and we’ve done some protection stuff for them before, so…”
Her head snapped up. “You did protection for a church?”
“What?” He shrugged. “They had vandals who thought it was cute to spray paint on the side of the building.”
“I swear, you never cease to amaze me.” She laughed as she helped Addie get her shoes on.
“I’ve done lots of things in my life,” he told her plainly. “But the church has always been very nice to us, so if you want to take Addie with Carter, I’m sure Denise and Liam will take Tatum too. That way we can at least get some candy.”
“We?”
“Well, she ain’t eatin’ it all, and you can’t stand the taste of candy right now, so I’m gonna man up and take care of it.” He smiled so broadly that the dimple showed in his cheek.
“So freakin’ cocky.” She stood up from where she’d been helping Addie and popped her back. She’d successfully made it through the first trimester, and was now at around fifteen or sixteen weeks, and she’d sprouted breasts like she’d never had before, along with a small bump. Her back was killing her and her nose was never going to allow her to take a non-congested breath again, she was sure of that. Ashley had told her that congestion wasn’t uncommon and was a good sign that things were going well.
“Let me carry her tonight if she won’t walk,” Tyler cautioned Meredith as she reached down to pick up the little girl. “Your back already hurts.”
“I won’t complain. Let me go change into my shirt, and then I’ll be ready,” she told them both as she went back towards the bedroom.
Last year she’d had a cutesy costume that matched Addie’s—even going so far as to make both of them. This year, she was so tired, she couldn’t do it. Instead, they’d bought Addie’s and she’d ordered a shirt off the internet. Putting on a black long-sleeve shirt to wear underneath to ward off the coldness, she made sure it covered up the elastic band of her maternity jeans and then grabbed the short-sleeve shirt she’d ordered. It had skeleton ribs and arms painted on it, and then a skeleton baby where her and Tyler’s baby rested. She knew she would cherish the shirt forever, because not once had she ever thought she’d have cause to wear a shirt like this. Slipping on her boots and tucking her jeans into them, she grabbed a scarf and her gloves.
“I’m ready,” she told them as she came back into the living room.
Tyler gave her an appreciative glance that moved up and down her body. “Lookin’ good, momma.”
She couldn’t help the grin that covered her face or the giggle that escaped from her throat. The way he made her feel would obviously never go away, and for that, she was thankful above all. “Thanks.” She blushed as she walked over to kiss him on the cheek. “I do appreciate that.” This had been a rough week, when nothing had fit and she’d had to move her seat back in her car a smidge.
“I mean it.” He caressed her hip with his hand, leaning in for a kiss.
Addie kissed her cheek from her perch in Tyler’s arms.
“I feel doubly loved.” She reached out and tickled Addie’s stomach. “You ready to trick or treat?”
They had all worked hard on getting her to say trick or treat, and they were as close as they were ever gonna get.
“Yes!” She clapped her hands together.
“You two go on out to the car, and I’ll lock up here and grab her candy bucket.”
Tyler agreed and put Addie in her jacket and gloves before picking her up and taking her outside.
Meredith smiled as she watched them walk out of the house and off the porch. She couldn’t wait until this baby was here; she thoughtfully cupped the bump at her midsection. They would be able to find out the gender in a few more weeks, and she couldn’t wait for that either. She hoped desperately for a boy, but when she’d voice that hope to Tyler, he’d shook his head and said he wasn’t sure he could take a hell-raiser like himself. She’d not had the heart to tell him she thought Addie had that completely covered. Grabbing Addie’s Olaf candy bucket, she put her jacket on, set the security system, and locked up the house. This was going to be an exciting night.
“Are mom and dad gone yet?” Mandy asked Charity as she snuck out of her upstairs bedroom.
“Yeah, they left about fifteen minute ago, and Drew and I are about to head out too. Are we gonna see you and Dalton at the party tonight?” Charity asked as she fussed with her hair. She wore a fairy costume, showing much more skin than Mandy would have dared do.
“I told Drew that he would see us, but I don’t think he’s going to,” Mandy avoided the question.
“Where are the two of you going?” Charity’s intuition was on high alert. Something wa
s going on.
“I can’t tell you, just know it’ll be okay.”
All of a sudden, it dawned on her where they were going and what they were going to be doing. She sighed and reached over, hugging Mandy to her. “If you need me, call me. I’ll come to you.”
“I told you, it’ll be okay.”
Charity hoped, for her friend’s sake, it would be.
“Can you just get Drew outta here before Dalton shows up?”
That she could do. “Hey, Drew, I don’t know about you, but I’m ready to go. The quicker we get there, the quicker we can make an exit.” She threw a wink at him.
“Sounds awesome.” He leaned in, kissing her neck. Glancing over at Mandy, he raised an eyebrow. “Is Dalton coming to pick you up, or do we need to take you? You aren’t dressed.”
It was hard to lie to him after everything they’d been through together, but she knew she had to. This was something she definitely didn’t need him around for. “He’ll be here in about thirty minutes; he called and said he was runnin’ late. I don’t want my outfit to get wrinkled, so I’ll put it on right before.”
“Alright.” He nodded, buying her lie. “Hopefully we’ll be seeing you later, but if not,” he gave Charity a wolfish grin, “have a good night, sis.”
“You too,” she called out to them as he dragged Charity down the stairs. “Okay.” She breathed deeply. “You can do this,” she told herself. “The only thing keeping you from this is yourself. You trust Dalton.”
Going back into her bedroom, she grabbed her overnight bag. Layla knew that if anyone called looking for her, she needed to cover for Mandy. Tonight was it; her life was going to change. Just as she put her jacket on, she heard Dalton’s car rumble up the driveway. She’d always loved his car. When he’d first bought it, it’d been a rusted out piece of junk, but he and some of the guys from the club had worked hard on it. Now, it turned heads wherever he went, and even the old guys wanted to drive the 1970 Chevy Super Sport, but Dalton would never give it up.
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