They passed Drew’s house as they took Porter Pike, and she almost breathed a sigh of relief because then she knew for sure they were going to the clubhouse. As they pulled into the drive, she almost cried when the building came into view. The gate that surrounded the compound had been closed, but as they got closer, it was opened for them to come through.
Stopping her vehicle with a skid, she parked next to a group of other vehicles and with shaking hands put it in park. Leaning her head against the steering wheel, Charity let the fear wash through her, something she hadn’t allowed herself to do while she’d been driving.
Her teeth chattered and her body shook as she heard the door open and felt warm hands on her.
“C’mon, let’s get you inside.”
She knew that voice was Drew, but she couldn’t seem to acknowledge it, couldn’t let him know she heard him and understood. Never in her life had she felt this way. Violated, almost, that someone had taken a shot at her.
As they entered the clubhouse, she heard Dalton. “Thank God she was where you thought she would be. They tossed her apartment. We went and got Jasmine just in case.”
Perfect. They brought her mother to the one place she knew she should feel safe. The two of them still hadn’t seen one another. The only thing she’d done for her mom was send her a text to let her know she was back in town.
Drew pushed her hair back from her face. “You tell me what you want, and I’ll make it happen.”
Her teeth chattered and she shivered in his arms. “A hot shower.”
“Then that’s what you’ll get.”
He carried her into his dorm room and shut the door with his booted foot before engaging the lock to make sure they were alone. No one would be barging in on his watch. His job was to make sure she was okay, and he took that job fucking seriously.
“Are you okay?” he asked softly as he kneeled in front of her.
She nodded, but her eyes didn’t meet his. The shivering didn’t stop, and her chin quivered.
“Hey, it’s okay to be scared.” He pushed her hair out of her face. “It took ten years off my life when I heard the round of gunfire and then saw your back window explode.”
She lifted her head so that she could look at him, her breath coming in gasps. “If I hadn’t already had it in drive, they probably would have gotten me in the head, Drew. I could have died today.”
The tears started, and he gathered her against his chest, knowing they were lucky. It was pure luck that she hadn’t been hurt or even died. He knew that tonight when he went to bed, he’d be thanking his stars. “I know, Char. God, I know. You try being on the other end.” He pushed his palm against her jawline, tipping her chin back, forcing her to look at him.
“You try being the person who sits there, sees and hears it go down, and not do anything to stop it. I told you I’d protect you, and then this happens.”
“It’s not your fault.”
She was comforting him. He almost laughed at the situation. This should be the other way around. “I should have looked out better; I shouldn’t have ignored the tingling at the back of my neck, the feeling down deep in my gut. Those two things have saved me a million times in my life. I don’t know why I ignored them today.”
Her voice was stronger than it had been minutes ago. “Stop, there’s nothing either of us could have done. Now though, there is something I need you to do.”
“Anything.” His voice was rough as he thought about how close he’d come to losing her—before he’d even really had her. They hadn’t had enough time, hadn’t been able to talk through the things they needed to.
Time, he realized, was a valuable and tangible thing, and it was something they had been wasting. Wanting to do whatever she needed him to do, he leaned in closer.
“First I need you to kiss me like you’ve never kissed me before, and then I need that hot shower. I feel like I’m never going to get warm again.” She took a deep breath. “When that’s done, I want you to lie here with me, hold me, and promise me that you’re never going to let go. Promise me that even if I fight, even I struggle and beg you, you won’t let me leave, you won’t let me walk away from us again. My life flashed before my eyes when I was driving here. I thought of all the things in the world I could have done differently. Leaving you was the first thing that popped into my head. I don’t want to wonder about that ever again.”
He leaned in, captured her lips, and kissed her until neither one of them could breathe. This was a promise he could make sure never got broken.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
“Was it Dixon?” Tyler asked as he sat down next to Liam. The two of them were sitting on the back deck at the clubhouse, trying to decompress. They’d heard the news secondhand, and neither one of them had been in any kind of position to help.
“Yeah.” Liam took a drag off his cigarette, stretching his legs out in front of him. He grimaced when his knee popped. He tried to keep in shape, but after years of riding his bike and the physical altercations he’d been in with the club, time had started to take its toll. “Remy saw it all go down. He was leaving Harper’s shop. Dixon’s brother was across the street. Pretty ballsy if you ask me. It sent a clear message. One we can’t ignore.”
“No, we can’t ignore it. He did it knowing Drew was there, knowing that backup could have been around the corner. He’s going to keep poking Drew until he can’t poke anymore. That boy will explode at some point, and it’s not going to be pretty.” Tyler grabbed a cigarette out of his own pack and lit it. “Did you extend a thank you to Remy?”
Liam nodded, blowing a perfect smoke ring. “I did, and funny thing, he wants to prospect.”
“No shit?”
“Surprised the fuck outta me too, but I told him I’d consider it. He’s a good kid.”
Tyler was quiet for a few minutes. “It will be interesting to see what Cash thinks.”
“Cash thinks he’s still a little kid who struggles with asthma.” Liam chuckled. “Like most dads do, he’s always going to see Remy as the little kid he has to protect. Even though they’re brothers, he’s always been the father figure for him. It’s going to be difficult to let him grow up and be his own man.”
“We’ll put it to a vote then.” Tyler squashed the end of his cigarette against the picnic table and threw the butt in a container of sand nearby. “I think if he wants to do it, he should be given the chance. He’s got a good head on his shoulders, and he’s filled out well. He’s strong, and I think he’d be a good asset.”
“Glad to see we’re on the same page.”
They were quiet, in their own thoughts, before Tyler spoke again. “Jasmine was brought in about thirty minutes ago. She wants to see Charity, but she was told it’ll be at least tomorrow.”
Liam groaned. He could remember a situation almost fourteen years ago where they’d had another issue similar to this one going on. His own mother, who at the time he hadn’t spoken with in years, had been brought in for protection. In all honesty, it had made a tense situation worse, and he hated that for Charity. “I wish we didn’t have to be nice about that. It’s not like Charity needs more to worry about.”
“The sins of the mother and alla that…” Tyler trailed off.
Charity lay in Drew’s bed, her arms around his waist, and her head on his shoulder. True to his word, he’d gotten her into a hot shower and was now quietly holding her. So far, neither one of them had talked, even though there were a lot of questions. Finally, the silence was too much for her.
“I hated being Jasmine Thomas’ daughter. I hated it with a passion,” she whispered.
“I know.” He kissed her on the forehead.
She argued. “No, you don’t know. Not the extent of it, because I never told you all of it. Back then, I couldn’t face it, and then for the longest time I didn’t want you to look at me differently. Given what’s going on here, I feel like I need to tell you all of it. Even if it makes you look at me differently.”
His voice w
as soft yet strong at the same time. “Stop that crazy talk. There’s absolutely no way I’d look at you differently. Nothing you could say could change the way I feel about you. I’ve always loved you. I held it in and pushed it down for a long time—only so I could get through the days. Those first days without you were dark, and I convinced myself that I was sometimes happy. Looking back now, knowing how it feels to have you in my arms again—I wasn’t happy. I existed, but I wasn’t living.”
Bless his heart; he’d always been able to see the best in her. Always blinded by the girl he thought he knew. Charity had knowledge of Drew’s life before Liam had come into it and realized it hadn’t been a piece of cake, but there had been an endpoint to that. Liam had given both Drew and Mandy a good life. He’d provided a safe world for them where they could grow up and not worry—for the most part. “Neither was I, but I’m going to tell you—if you think different of me, it’s okay.”
“I told you, I’m not going to do that. You can assume the worst all you want, and I even understand it. You’ve been let down by so many people in your life, but I’m the one you can count on. I’m the one who’s going to be there no matter what.”
Looking into his dark eyes, she wished she could believe that. If there was ever one time in her life that Charity wished she could let go of all her insecurities and believe every word coming out of Drew’s mouth, it was now. But she couldn’t. There was a part of her that wouldn’t allow her to, and she knew that was self-preservation. She knew at some point she’d have to rely on herself again.
Carefully, she opened her mouth and let the words slip out. They were ones she’d kept to herself for a long time, and she wasn’t sure she could even speak them. She’d never shared them with anyone else.
“I know Dixon McCall.”
Chapter Thirty
Drew didn’t understand. Of course, she knew him. She’d seen the pictures of him on his rap sheet and she, at some point, had to have been given a picture of him so she’d know who to watch out for. “I know.”
“No,” she sighed. “You don’t. This is something very few people know.” She couldn’t be this close to him when she told him the sins of her mother, which she hoped didn’t turn into the sins of her youth. Needing desperately to have space to herself and get her head together, she got disentangled herself from his arms and got out of the bed. Pacing helped her, it was what she did in a court room when she was trying to get her opening and closing arguments prepared in her head before speaking them.
“Then explain to me.” Drew sat up in the bed but didn’t try to move. He looked at her as if he were afraid she’d run.
Don’t let me run from you. Those were the words she’d just spoken to him, and she wanted desperately to flee.
“No,” Drew commanded. “I can see it in your eyes. You stay here and talk this out with me. Whatever this is, we will motherfucking make it work, but you will not run from me again.”
She couldn’t—there would be no place for her to go this time. All of her contacts in North Carolina, she’d left. She’d come here, ready to make a go of it, not expecting at all for Dixon’s face to be one of the first she’d see. “One thing neither you nor Mandy knew was that I spent a lot of nights at CRISIS. When I wasn’t sneaking into your room at night, Meredith was quietly letting me stay there, most nights.”
Charity stopped for a moment, pulling herself together. “While my school was paid for and most of my food was paid for from scholarships, there were other things that I needed for me to live in North Carolina. My mom, bless her, wanted me to have the best experience of my life. One that she’d never got to have. When it was apparent that stripping was no longer going to allow her to do that, she took on side jobs.”
Drew’s stomach dropped when he heard the way she said side jobs. A very clear idea of what she was talking about formed in his head, but he knew he had to wait this out. He had to let Charity come to him, she had to let her guard down and invite him into her inner thoughts. If he rushed her, this could be over before it even began. Instead of speaking, he reached out for her hand. She probably hadn’t even noticed she’d come closer the more she talked. Almost like he was her anchor in the storm. He grounded her, whether she wanted to admit it or not.
She let him hold her hand but didn’t have a seat next to him. That felt too intimate. She wasn’t sure if she could get out what she needed to if she sat next to him, if she felt the heat of his body. Knowing he was here was already making it hard enough on her.
“Men started to show up after her shift at Wet Wanda’s,” she started, talking almost as if she was talking about someone else and not the life she had lived. “I didn’t think anything about it,” she shrugged. “Mom always had men around. She was friends with a lot of men. Most of them were around because they thought they had a chance with her. Some she dated and some were true-blue friends. This though,” she pushed her hair back from her face, “this was different.”
He hated to ask, but he had to. “In what way?”
“You could tell as soon as they came to the house they were looking for one thing and that was it. They started looking at me in a way that made me uncomfortable.” She blew out a breath. “That’s when I started sneaking into your room. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be with you, but you made me feel safe.”
“Did anyone ever fucking touch you?”
This was what she had wanted to avoid, this was what she had been scared of. Drew’s anger. Explaining to him why she hadn’t told him back then, but still trying to keep what they had built now together. It was all a clever balancing act; a life-size game of Jenga. “Dixon did.”
She hoped he understood, now more than ever, why she had to help these women, why she had to get them out of the situation they were in. If she didn’t, she knew without a doubt there would never be another way for them to get out. Ever. “He cornered me one night when you dropped me off. I didn’t know he was on the carport; he was in the shadows. He said some pretty lewd things to an almost eighteen-year-old kid. I’m sure what he wanted to do was scare me, and he did.”
Drew ground his back molars together and flexed his free hand against the sheet. In a way, he could understand why she hadn’t told him. Back then he’d been even more of a hot head than he was now. Maturity had made him be more selective in the fists he threw, but he promised himself that the next time he had Dixon at the end of his; he’d kick his fucking ass into Allen County. “I know I don’t have a right to ask you this, and it shouldn’t even matter. What did he do?”
She closed her eyes. She’d known he was going to ask this question, he wouldn’t be Drew if he didn’t. “He shoved me up against the house, put his hand up my skirt, and ripped my shirt. I bit him when he tried to kiss me, and that made him stop.”
“I will kill him. I will rip him apart and feed his ass to any feral animal I can find.”
She allowed herself to smile shakily at him. “That’s where Tyler being a part of your formative years has affected you.”
“I’m serious.”
“So am I.” she leaned down and kissed him on the cheek. “After that, if I couldn’t make my way over to your house, I would call Meredith. She’s the only person I trusted with this info, not even Mandy. I knew Meredith wouldn’t judge me and she would make sure I was safe. I spent many nights at CRISIS. It saved my life—in more ways than one.”
They were quiet for a moment. Each taking in what she’d said to him, trying to figure where they fit now into each other’s lives.
“That’s why I had to come back,” she whispered. “When I heard he had something to do with it, I knew I had to come back here.”
Drew swallowed roughly. “And here I kinda thought it was me.”
Chapter Thirty-One
“Part of it was you,” she admitted. “There still is a huge part of me that wishes to God I hadn’t left here when I did. I wonder where we would be. Would we be celebrating our tenth wedding anniversary? Would we have kids? What woul
d you be doing? What would I be doing? I wonder that all the time.”
“I do too.” Drew grabbed her hands and pulled her down to his level. “Back then I thought of it every day. There wasn’t a day that went by that I didn’t see something in another couple that I had envisioned us doing. For the first few years, it killed me. Finally, I got to where I could function, but it never felt right.”
“It didn’t,” Charity agreed. “But I had to get away, not only for myself, but for you too. After biting Dixon, he came back, but this time he came when my mom wasn’t there.”
She felt sick telling Drew the things that had happened, and she knew now, like she knew then, that she shouldn’t be ashamed. She wasn’t, but it was still hard to tell anyone what had happened those years ago.
“It was two weeks before I left. You and I had been out on the bike, and it’d been hot, so when you dropped me off, I immediately went to take a shower.”
Charity watched as Drew closed his eyes, a pained expression on his face. She didn’t want to cause him pain, didn’t want to tell him any of this, but he had to know her motivations. This had to be fair for the both of them. If they were going to exchange the “L” word, which she hadn’t said to him yet, she had to know he loved her. Truly loved her, warts and all.
She tried to put herself in his shoes. If he were spilling his guts like this, how would she feel? The feeling wouldn’t come; she couldn’t even make herself go there.
“Halfway through the shower,” she started again, “I heard the front door open. Thinking it was my mom, I yelled out, telling her about our day together. At that point I was deep in the depression and sadness about having to leave you. Maybe my head wasn’t all there, maybe I wasn’t as observant as I should have been, I don’t know. The bathroom door opened, which wasn’t unusual—Mom and I had our best conversations when one of us was showering. It was our thing.”
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