Jason leans on the shoulders of Phil as he limps along. The longer I stare at the back of his head, the more the passion I once held for him fades. All I see now when I look at him is the failure he brought me. He lost me the opportunity of killing someone who deserved to die. My mind cannot allow weakness like that to interrupt me from doing what I must to stay alive. Forgiveness is not an option.
I peel my eyes away from him and stare at the road under my feet. The man who was hiding behind the grey truck when we met is walking beside me. He keeps a wary hand close to the strap of his rifle. I learned that his name is Elliot. He doesn’t trust me after pointing a gun to them by the barn, but I tend to not trust others too easily either.
Ryder walks a few paces in front of me, glancing over his shoulder every chance he gets. I don’t know what his deal is. If he thinks I am going to snap back to the person he once knew, he should consider rethinking things. That girl is long gone. Never to be seen again. Although, I have to say that she has good taste in men. Ryder is a good looking man, not as rugged or strong as Jason, but I’m sure he could hold his own in a fight.
I take a deep breath and look up to the sky. Nightfall will be coming soon and it will be interesting to see how things are out here in the wild when the vamps come out to play. I am sure they are a sight to see.
Those creatures get to live the life I was created for. When they bit me, the old me, she didn’t do things the right way. She should have allowed herself to transform into the wild being growing in her unbeating heart. I should have been able to come out that very second instead of waiting until the sadness was too much. I can only imagine the things I could have seen or what I would have done. I would be in charge of the cure and not these people leading me to the city. All they want to do is control it and control me. I am not something to be controlled.
I sense Elliot inching closer and I feel the warmth from his body. I look over at him and he wears a constant scowl on his aging face. He walks with strength in every step and determination in his blue eyes. He moves closer until our shoulders almost touch.
“I have to admit, I expected something different when Ryder told me about you.” He speaks, interrupting my fantasies of living in the wild. “I figured we were going to find this young, scared-out-of-her-mind girl, and instead we found you and you scared the shit out of us.”
I shrug and say, “I have been known to have that effect on people. Just wait until you see what I can do when a zombie is around.”
“He’s told us all about that. The others in the group I was with thought he was crazy, but I believed him. There’s just something about him, his passion maybe, but I knew he wasn’t lying.” Elliot replied.
“Good for him. I’m sure he told you all sorts of wonderful stories about me.” I say.
“He did. He said how you saved him from a group of really bad humans, how you protected the wall at Des Moines. He told me when you were bitten and everything that happened afterward.” Elliot says, then sighs, “That’s when we found him. He was barely alive and about to be eaten. We were able to nurse him back to health, then all he could talk about was you.”
“Is that so.” I reply, not necessarily interested in the story.
Elliot sighs, then rants on, “He told me that you two were in love at one point. After watching you hold a gun to him and threaten to shoot, all I could think of was how twisted one person has to be to do that to someone she cares for.”
“The person he is in love with is gone.”
Elliot shakes his head, “You’re probably right about that, but something kept you from killing him when you had the chance.”
“That seems to be happening to me a lot today.” I say quietly and turn my glare to Jason’s head once more.
I run my fingers through my hair and spot Ryder slowing down to walk with us. He cuts between myself and Elliot and glances between the two of us until his eyes land on Elliot.
“I think we should stop soon.” He says, not saying a word about me. “It’s getting dark and it’ll be too dangerous to travel at night.”
Elliot agrees and says, “There’s an old house just up the road. We’ll stop there, eat, then get some sleep. We should make it to Des Moines the day after tomorrow.”
“Good.” Ryder says, then looks directly at me, “The sooner we get there, the sooner things will get back to normal. Maybe you’ll feel more like yourself once we get back home.”
“Home?” I question.
He nods, “Yeah, you know we have a house and friends behind that wall. I’m sure they’re all dying to see us alive.”
“They’ll be dying to see that a cure actually exists.” Elliot chimes in.
“Bridge?” Ryder says softly, moving closer until his hand touches mine, “Aren’t you happy to be going back home?”
I quickly pull my arm away and glare at him for even thinking about touching me, “Why would I be happy about going to a life that seems more like a prison?”
He shakes his head, “It’s not a prison. It’s our home. The place we fought to get to. Don’t you remember any of that? Don’t you remember Hatfeld or Dwayne and Sherry or meeting me in that town and killing those zombies with your bare hands? There has to be some part of you that still remembers that.”
He sounds sincere but his words mean nothing. The things I remember about my life are disgusting compared to what he wants. I remember death and blood and killing things in order to stay alive. I remember the pain from changing into this glorious creature that I am and that pain was worth it.
I cannot bring myself to think of the memories he wishes me to. The times that drove the old version of myself crazy until she collapsed inside her mind and allowed her world to vanish. Those memories are nothing more than a tiny fragment of time that will never show up in my head again.
“Bridge?” Ryder asks, but I don’t bother turning my eyes to him. “I don’t get why you chose to forget everything. Some really great stuff happened.”
“Then you will have to forgive me for being stronger than the girl you used to know and not allowing those thoughts to keep me from serving my purpose here.” I finally say.
Ryder lowers his head and sighs while I watch as Elliot rushes to the front of the group and starts leading them to the small house on the side of the road. It is a shabby brick building with an attached garage. The windows are blacked out but still intact. The front door is wide open so we approach the house with caution.
After a quick but thorough walk-through of the house, Elliot deemed that it was safe enough to stay overnight. There is a fireplace in the living room which is being lit at the moment. The group crowds into the house, scattering through the living room and the very small dining room. Phil helps Jason sit on the old sofa, then goes with his daughter to find some water. Ryder stays by my side, pleading with his eyes for me to recall some memory of him in my life, but I cannot do so.
I walk into the living room while the front door gets nailed shut by two of Elliot’s men. Jason is sitting comfortably in one corner of a faded green couch and I pass my angry eyes over him once more. He glances up at me, then quickly turns his attention to the fire sparking to life.
“What do you want?” he snaps.
“Nothing.” I reply, still keeping my steely eyes fixated on him.
“Then leave me alone.” He demands.
I shake my head and stand perfectly still with my arms hanging at my sides. Ryder steps between us and his eyes dart back and forth from me to Jason.
“What’s going on?” he asked. “Why does it seem like the two of you hate each other?”
“I’m not the one who hates anyone. She is the one holding a grudge right now.” Jason says.
Ryder turns his eyes to me and says, “Why?”
“He kept me from killing Trevor. This could all be over and the world would be safer if he wouldn’t have stopped me.” I reply.
“I kept you from killing Ryder too, are you going to hate me for that as well?” Jas
on snaps.
Ryder ignores Jason’s comment and focuses only on me, “You had a chance to kill him?
“I did. I could have ripped his fucking head off, but Jason stopped me. And to think I saved him and kept him alive while we were there.”
“You only wanted me alive so you could have something to play with.” Jason argues.
“If I remember correctly, you were more than willing to go along with it. You even kissed me back.” I say.
A look of shock crosses Ryder’s face and he whips his whole body around and stands directly in front of Jason. His hands are balled into tight fists as he glares down at the target of both our hatred.
“You kissed her?” he questions.
Jason shakes his head and says, “She kissed me and wouldn’t you know it I’m still alive. If you wanna be pissed at anyone, it should be her.”
Ryder still looks shocked and he shakes his head at Jason. He runs his fingers through his hair, then slowly backs away from both of us. I follow him with my eyes and he disappears into another room with a few other humans that are preparing their food.
“Aren’t you going to chase after him and beg him to forgive you?” Jason asks, catching my attention. “I’m sure he deserves an apology since I will never be getting one.”
I raise an eyebrow and say, “Why should I apologize to you?”
“For letting me think that I had a chance with you. For leaving me after I risked my life to keep you alive. For hurting me even more when I tried stopping you from killing Ryder.” Jason rants on. “The list goes on Bridget, just pick one.”
I fold my arms across my chest, “There is a small part of me that feels sorrow for bringing you more pain after you were shot, but I am not going to ask for your forgiveness. If these people never came along, I still would have left and you would never see me again.”
“Is that what you think I want?” he asks. “I care about you, no matter how much you want to hate me or hurt me, I will always care for you. I want you to be a part of my life. If only you could snap out of it for a moment to see that, you might realize that you want the same thing.”
“You want to be around humans and live in that city.” I say, lowering my eyes. “That is not the life for me.”
“Then what is?”
I run my fingers through my hair and say, “You already know the answer to that. I am meant to be free and live without being threatened by those who are afraid of me. Humans will never be able to accept me for what I am.”
“I can accept you for it and you still hate me.”
“You want me to stop hating you?”
His dark eyes meet with mine and he says, “I do.”
I lean closer to him and say quietly, “I wanted you to let me kill the man who destroyed my life, but we can’t always get what we want.”
I turn away from him and let my feet guide me through the house. I walk down the short hallway and find a closed door on the right side. I grab the doorknob and push it open to reveal a tiny bathroom with no windows to escape through. I glance back toward the living room and spy Elliot standing at the end of the hallway with his rifle in his hands. I pass him a devilish grin, then walk straight into the small room and close the door.
* * *
The house is almost silent. The only sounds I hear are coming from the living room. It is the constant breathing of those that fell asleep. A couple of them snore and the little girl talks in her sleep, giggling at something running through her dreams. The fire is still crackling and every once in a while I hear someone poking at it with a long, metal stick. Other than the few thin blankets some of them carry, that fire is the only source of heat they have throughout the cold night.
I walk out of the old bathroom and stroll down the hallway to scope out the sleeping bodies. Jason is curled up on the sofa where I left him and Phil sleeps beside him with his daughter on his lap. Two others lay on the floor under one blanket and I find Elliot sitting up beside the fire. He nods at me when our eyes meet and he lingers at me for a long moment before turning back to the fire.
As I move, the eyes of the guard by the front door move right along with me. He tightens his grip on his gun and I pass him a little smile. He could shoot me if he really wanted to. He’d be waking up everyone in this small house as well as drawing the attention of any vampires or zombies within earshot. It would add a bit of excitement to this otherwise tranquil evening. Excitement is not what I am granted and he turns away from me.
I walk away from the sleeping group and go back down the hallway to explore the rest of the house. There are faded squares on the wall to my right where I assume pictures used to hang. Rusted nails jut out from the wall with cobwebs draping off of them. There is a door to my left, across from the bathroom and I peer into the dark area. The window is covered by a piece of thick black plastic and duct tape. The small bed is occupied with a man and a woman. Their arms are wrapped around one another to keep warm while they sleep peacefully.
I turn away from them and walk to the other door and see another bedroom. This one is empty and only dark brown curtains cover the windows. A moldy odor is emanating from inside and I can see the black stuff growing in the corners by the floor. The ceiling has brown spots from where rain water has seeped through and the old, shag carpet is ruined because of it.
I step backwards out of that room and turn around to head for the kitchen. I get one step away from the door, then I feel a tight grip on my arm and get wrenched into the third bedroom across from the moldy one. This person shoves me against the wall, then quietly but firmly closes the door for a private meeting.
Ryder has me pinned against the wall, holding me in place. With the anger from being surprised just now coursing through me, I could take him out in a heartbeat. I actually wouldn’t mind doing that. There is something holding me back and it isn’t his hands on my arms.
He is seething as he stares into my eyes and his grip is getting stronger against me. There is pain written across his face and a sense of sadness is radiating from him like steam coming from a hot bath.
“How could you do this to me?” he asks, trying to keep his pissed off tone quiet.
“Do what?” I snap in response.
He shakes his head and says, “You know what I’m talking about. Jason said you kissed him. What the hell is wrong with you?”
I raise an eyebrow and say, “There is nothing wrong with me. I am perfectly fine. I think it’s you that has a problem right now.”
Ryder grits his teeth and his grip on my arms gets tighter, “Don’t bullshit with me, Bridge, this isn’t you. Whatever the hell happened back there with Trevor, it’s over now. You are free and you can be yourself again. You don’t need to be this tough bitch that wants to break my heart.”
“Who says I’m not being myself? Who says this isn’t the version of me that is supposed to be here?” I reply, letting my hands tense into fists.
“No, this isn’t you. You would never give up on anything, especially not me. You would never want to forget your life.” He says, then lowers his eyes. “You would never want to forget me or hurt me like this.”
“Then explain something to me,” I say and he quickly looks back up, “why did she let it happen? If you know so much about me, why did the old me want to forget everything? What would cause her to shut down and let me have a life?”
He looks away from me for a brief moment to think. His grip on my arms slowly loosens and the pain on his face is spreading. He has no idea why the girl of his dreams wanted to forget all about him, but I do. I could tell him a million times why she isn’t here anymore, but he would never want to listen. I can tell by the look on his face that he will never want to believe that she is gone.
His hands drop away from me and a sigh escapes his lips, “I don’t know why she would want to do that. I know she had to have a good reason and I wish you would tell me what that is.”
I stay pressed against the wall and say, “Is that something you really want to k
now?”
He nods, then shrugs, “I know you’re going to tell me that she wasn’t strong enough, but I know she was. She is strong enough.”
I let out a quiet chuckle, “You have no idea how wrong you are. That girl wasn’t strong and she couldn’t deal with anything that was going on in her life. She begged me to take over so she could forget everything. All she wanted was to be at peace and I showed her a way to do that. I let her disappear.”
I see a tear drift from his left eye and fall to his cheek. He quickly wipes it from his face and sniffles back the rest of them. Ryder is much more sensitive of a man than Jason and I can tell that he isn’t shy about it. Maybe this is a quality that brought us to fall in love in the first place. He is sweet and kind, a part of me actually feels bad for hurting him just now. The human part of me feels a hint of regret, but he asked and I gave him an honest answer.
He runs his fingers through his hair, then finally looks back at me, “So, since you aren’t the same Bridget I fell in love, that must mean you want nothing to do with me. You’d rather be with Jason wouldn’t you?”
“I would rather be alone, but I am stuck with all of you at the moment.” I reply.
“That’s not what I’m asking.” He retorts. “Jason said you kissed him. You were too afraid to touch me after you were bitten, because you were afraid that I would turn into something like you. Did you even think twice about that with him?”
“I don’t think twice about anything. I am not being afraid to take what I want. She didn’t know what we were capable of and didn’t know how to handle things. What courses through me will have no effect on humans so long as I don’t bite them. My blood is only meant to cure you people.”
“What happens if you bite one?” he asks.
“They would die.” I reply, not bothering to mention the man with the Mohawk and how amazing his blood tasted.
The Human Race (Book 3): The Main Event Page 15