by Tijan
I nodded. “Gayle dropped it off when she checked on me.”
“Fabulous.” Shanna waved over my shoulder. “Your trailer is behind you, and you have thirty minutes before your scene starts. Now scoot. We’ve wasted enough time. We only have so much sunlight.”
I didn’t need the thirty.
Fifteen minutes later, Kara and I were running lines until Shanna signaled for us to start filming. I checked my watch. It was exactly another fifteen minutes later. Shanna was punctual, which was a benefit because everything had to run smoothly or our shooting time would’ve lasted until the next day. Instead, she called the final cut for the night ten hours later. It was around eight in the evening.
I was doing the math. I could run home and head out for a “run” if I needed to find Morgan, but when I headed back for Gayle’s car, Kara stopped me.
“What are you doing tonight?”
She picked up her pace to match mine.
I was ready for the pick-up line or the sultry smiles, but neither came. She’d also been professional the whole day of shooting.
“I was planning on heading back and going for a run.”
Her eyebrow rose. She smoothed a hand down her hair, flicking out a piece of grass. “The crew and I were heading to Juan’s. It’s a Mexican restaurant in town. They have good chips and salsa. Want to come?”
I started to decline, but there was an extra look in her eyes. It wasn’t one that I’d seen before, and it gave me pause. I wanted to see Morgan, but having good relationships with co-workers was another leaf I should turn over.
I flashed her a grin. “No bar?”
She ducked her head, the back of her neck reddening as she shrugged. “We’re trying to be supportive of you.”
I had to go.
“Yeah, I’m down.” I turned to Gayle, who joined our conversation. “How about it, boss?”
She barked out a laugh. “Ha!”
“You can have a margarita. I won’t be tempted.” I winked at her. “Promise.”
Her laughter faded. She grew more serious, the old hawk-like look entering her eyes. “Okay. But if you start craving some booze, you tell me right away. I’ll leave with you.”
The only thing I’d be craving was Morgan. “I’ll be fine.”
Her elbow playfully nudged my side. “All right. Let’s head to town.”
Kara asked, “Could I get a ride with you guys?”
“Yeah, yeah.” Gayle waved toward the car. She hollered back, “We can take one or two more!”
And in the end, the actress who played Peter’s sister, one of the production assistants, and Kara rode with us. They’d sectioned off a private area in the back of the restaurant, and when I stepped inside, I felt like a thankful asshole.
Thank God I had come, and an asshole because this whole thing was for me.
A large sign that read Welcome Back, Brody hung from the ceiling against the far wall. Most of the crew was already there, and when they spotted us, they started clapping and whistling.
“You guys.” A large smile spread over my face. I couldn’t take this in. “This was planned for me?”
One of the actors came forward. “If you didn’t come, we were just going to pull the sign down. It was a last-minute idea.” He nodded to Kara.
I turned to her. “Yours?”
An almost shy smile peeked out. “I just wanted to be supportive.”
“Yeah!” A camera guy held up his glass. “All water.”
I laughed and then waved my hands. “You guys, this is amazing, but please, for the love of my sanity, drink. I was drinking too much to deal with my brother’s death, but I’ll be fine. Really.”
Gayle stepped around me, clapping a hand on my shoulder. “He really is doing better. He’s been glowing every time I checked on him the past week.”
“Were you actually resting for the week, or you were jacking off the whole time?” the water guy asked with a wink.
“No comment. How about that?”
They all laughed as we sat. I was at the end with Gayle, Kara, and the girl playing Peter’s sister. At one point during the conversation, Gayle leaned in and said, “Her real name is Kelly.”
“Ah. Thank you.”
Then I remembered I did know. I’d forgotten, but Gayle patted my arm. “Don’t feel bad. You’re at the top. They just have to know your name.”
I lowered my voice. “That makes me sound like an elitist asshole.”
Gayle shrugged. “It is what it is. I guarantee that in your first role, the lead roles didn’t know your name.”
It didn’t matter. I wasn’t above these guys. I just had more lines and got a bigger check. We were all together in this project, and I hadn’t been pulling my weight. Feeling a good dose of humility, I signaled one of the waitresses down. “At the end of the night, make sure I get the bill?”
Her eyes darted around. “We were told to bill the director.”
I looked too. “And she isn’t here, so it’s on me.”
She nodded. “Okay.” She gestured to my empty glass. “Would you like anything stronger than water?”
“Yes.”
Gayle stilled, overhearing.
I added, “I’ll take a soda.”
Gayle glared. “Jerk.”
As the waitress left, I grinned. “That’s what you get for eavesdropping.”
“That’s my job. I eavesdrop on you in general. Haven’t you figured that out?”
“Shit.” I’d never thought of it that way. “You’re right, you do.”
“And I’m good at my job.”
I saluted her with my empty glass. “Cheers to you for being my own personal busybody.”
She laughed and then rolled her eyes. “You aren’t that bad of a client.”
I grinned lazily at her. I was a hot mess when she took me on, and she knew it. “Really. Thank you.”
She nodded back, a tear forming in the corner of her eye. She flicked it away and laughed a little too loudly. “I’m taking you up on that margarita.” She raised her hand for a waitress, saying to me, “You might be driving yourself back tonight.”
I could do that. Happily. Which is what happened.
I stayed until karaoke began and three of the crewmembers were croaking out “Sweet Caroline” in their best rendition of Blue Whale. Kara promised to take Gayle with them to the hotel, and with that, I took the keys and headed out. I didn’t quite remember the way back to the Kellerman estate, so I programmed it into the GPS and kept a cautious eye out for the mustang herd.
The drive there was longer than I expected, but it was uneventful.
I was driving past the main house when the front door flew open and someone started waving frantically, trying to get my attention. Pulling to the garage, I got out. I was pocketing the keys when I got a good look at who was coming down the walkway in my direction.
“Jenny? Is that you?”
She had the same long brown hair, smatter of freckles over her smooth complexion, and dark brown eyes. She ran up to me, looking exactly the same as the last time I saw her, only this time she was dressed.
“You look good.” I patted her on the back before stepping back and adding, “Strong.”
“Marathon training. I’m hoping to get Finn to run with me.”
“How long’s it been?”
“Eight months.” Her sparkling brown eyes turned somber, and it clicked then.
I was with her that weekend. We had our three-day affair right before the movie premiere. Right before . . . Kyle.
I raked a hand through my hair. The air was suddenly not so light anymore. “I never called you back.” At all. “I’m sorry, Jen.”
She lifted a shoulder, but her smile slipped a little. “I understood. I tried reaching out.”
She had. I wanted to tell her it meant something to me. I listened to her message. Her voice had been friendly. There’d been no anger, or resentment, but I never called her back because I hadn’t cared one bit.
I
didn’t want to lie so I only gave her a half-grin. “I blacked out a lot of that time.”
Which wasn’t completely true. I forgot parties. I forgot whomever I was using to make myself forget, because the truth was that I couldn’t forget anything about Kyle, about the funeral, about the phone call, about the noise of the crash, about the dial tone.
I was raw all over again and needed a drink . . . or Morgan.
I needed Morgan.
“I hear congratulations are in order for you.” I made sure to put a cheerful ring in my voice.
She grasped my arm, squeezing me from excitement. “I met Finn that week, actually. Everything worked out.”
No.
Everything hadn’t.
Kyle hadn’t.
“Uh, yeah.”
Fuck. Where was Morgan? I had to go.
The front door opened, and Jen glanced over her shoulder, sighing a little. “He makes me really happy, and”—she stepped close—“he’s really nervous about you because you’re the big-time actor. I know you’ve technically met, but he knows about you and me. Be nice? Please?”
I heard footsteps on the sidewalk drawing close.
I nodded but pushed her back a little. Once she was at a distance the fiancé wouldn’t want to deck me about, I grinned. “You know me. I’m always nice.”
Finn drew to us, and I ignored Jen’s rolling eyes. My smile widened. “Finn.” I held out my hand. “I know we met the night I arrived, but I never congratulated you on the engagement.”
He seemed cautious but shook my hand in a firm grip before nodding, “Yeah. Thank you.” His eyes darted between her and me. “I wasn’t sure if this would be awkward or not.” He stepped up, his arm going around her shoulders.
“Not awkward. Not at all.” I gestured around us. “Are you two going to tie the knot here? It’d be a beautiful setting.” Most people liked that shit.
“Oh—” Jen started, her head tilting back an inch.
Finn spoke over her, “I’d love that.” His eyes darted around behind me. “Something about this place. It brings the whole family together.”
Family.
Yeah.
I understood whom he was referring to, but the burning was still in my throat from my own situation. It spread to my chest, and it was only going to get worse. Kyle’s ghost was back full-force.
“Yeah,” I said. “I get that.”
And then we heard a soft voice say, “You’re Brody’s friend?”
We turned, and everything stopped in that moment because this was fucking climactic stuff.
Standing behind me, as if materializing out of the darkness was Morgan.
Morgan
I walked forward, saying to Brody, “I was waiting for you.”
After seeing the car’s headlights shut off, I had expected him to walk down to the cabin. When he hadn’t, I went outside, and that was when I heard their voices.
I looked at this girl, who was so beautiful my chest felt tight for some reason.
“Morgan!” Brody glanced from me to Finn and then back again.
Finn’s arm fell from the girl’s shoulders. The blood drained from his face, and he took a faltering step toward me. “Morgan.”
I stepped back.
I wasn’t there to see Finn.
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to see him. It was just, he used to be family. And that word, family, brought pressure I never know how to handle so I stopped trying. It muddied everything up inside of me.
I looked at Brody. “She’s your friend?”
Brody’s eyes were dark, concerned.
I looked away.
But I still heard his soft voice. “She’s going to marry your brother.”
“Brother?” the girl echoed, her eyes darting back to Finn, who was only watching me.
She wasn’t there for Brody. I was beyond relieved to hear that, I felt tears coming to my eyes. I touched one in wonder. When was the last time I had cried? I couldn’t remember.
“Morgan.”
I turned to Finn then. He said my name with such intensity that I couldn’t not look at him. And I saw it all on his face.
There was happiness.
There was contentment.
There was nervousness.
He missed me.
But there was peace amongst all of that. It had me looking at her again. She was the cause. I looked at her fully, dipping my head. “You’re good for Finn.”
“God, Morgan.” Finn’s voice dipped low. A stark and desperate look came to his eyes. “Can I . . .” He lifted his arms. “Can I hug you?”
It was the same question Matthew asked, but it felt different from Finn. Or maybe I was the one different. I held back, surprised myself when I realized the old fear wasn’t there. It hadn’t knocked on the door like before when the other brother asked. It slammed me then.
This time, I felt it open. A small crack.
I glanced to Brody, who nodded his encouragement, and whispered, “Okay.” I braced myself, but he moved forward and his arms came around me so gently and slowly that my lungs expanded from relief. I didn’t feel closed in or suffocated.
He held me, an inch of space between us, and I hugged him back. Tentatively. I placed my palms against the back of his shoulders, which had him sucking in a sharp breath.
“Morgan.” A drop of wetness fell on my shoulder. I leaned back to find that he was crying.
I frowned. “I’m sorry.”
He stepped back, sliding his hands into his pockets. His eyes were raking all of me, studying every inch of my face, and a hoarse laugh filtered past his lips. “No. God, no.” He moved back in to hug me, going slow again. I nodded this time, and he closed the distance, holding me in his arms. His hand cupped the back of my head, and he rested his forehead to mine. “This is . . . I’ve missed you.”
He held me another moment before stepping back. He didn’t go far, just a couple steps back. His fiancée went to his side. She slipped her hand into his, and he used his other to wipe over his face. “Man, Morgan. Wow. I can’t . . .” He trailed off again, just looking me over. “You look amazing.”
His fiancée, Brody’s friend, gave him a quizzical look.
He squeezed his fiancée’s hand. “I’ll tell you later.” He asked me, his thumb pointing back to the house, “Matt’s at a meeting tonight, but Abby’s going to faint when I tell her you’re out here. Can I get her? She and Jen are friends. We were having a few drinks to celebrate her coming tonight.”
I looked past him.
I could go into that house. There was nothing actually stopping me.
Abby would be there. Finn.
Then a surge of need rose inside me. I wanted to see my sister. I wanted to laugh with her and my brother again. I wanted to feel what home used to be like.
I wanted to remember.
Before caution or anything else stopped me, I brushed past everyone, climbed the porch steps two at a time, and strode inside.
This wasn’t like before when they were asleep. There’d been an eeriness in the air then. I paused, taking it in. I smelled the mix of their wine in the air and the aroma of whatever they were eating. I knew they had put fruit on the table before I stepped in. There were older smells, but I liked the fresh ones better.
The home felt alive again.
Then the back patio door opened. Abby was coming back inside, holding her wine glass. She was saying, “Where’d you guys go? I thought we were moving to the patio . . .” Her voice faded, and her wine glass slipped from her hands. “Morgan!”
She started forward, but I yelled, “No! Don’t move.” The wine was spreading everywhere and pooling around shards of glass she was about to step on.
“Wha—” She stopped short and glanced down. “Oh.”
Finn strode forward. He had hiking shoes on, and ignoring the glass, he swept his sister up and moved her closer to me. He signaled to Jen. “Could you grab some paper towels? I’ll get a dustpan and mop.”
They
went to work cleaning the spill at the same time Abby threw herself at me. She wrapped her arms around me without one ounce of hesitancy Finn showed outside. “Oh my gosh. Morgan.” She began sobbing. “Morgan. I’ve been hoping.” She tightened her hold, and as I did with Finn, I patted her on the back. Her body shook as she let me go, her face was drained of color. She continued to stare at me, shaking her head to herself. “I can’t believe it. I just can’t.”
She reached out and touched a strand of my hair. “You’re so tan. Your hair is so blonde.” She laughed to herself, her hand resting on the side of her own face. She continued to look me over. “You look so beautiful, Morgan.” Her voice dropped to a whisper as she added, “Like Karen.”
Finn came up next to Abby, his arm going around her shoulders. She fell into his side, and neither reacted at how natural that movement was for them.
My throat started to burn.
My mother would come up behind me, run a hand over my head, tousling my hair, and I’d lean into her, just how Abby rested against Finn.
“Matt’s going to pop a vein when he finds out you were in the house and talking to us.”
Abby’s eyes lit up. “Do you want a glass of wine? Wait.” She frowned. “Do you drink?”
I glanced to Brody, who had come up beside me. He met my gaze, both of us remembering the time I drank with him.
I was torn.
His eyes softened, as if he were trying to tell me this was okay to do. He shifted on his feet, the back of his hand grazing against mine.
It was the slightest touch, but Finn saw it. He drawled, “So that’s actually happening?”
I tensed.
Brody didn’t.
No, that wasn’t right. I felt the air around him. He was just as tense as I was, but he didn’t look it. He threw a lazy grin back at my brother. “What’s happening?”
Abby’s mouth formed a small O.
Finn gestured between Brody and me with his free hand. “The two of you. Matt said it was, but it’s different seeing it.”
“What?” Finn’s fiancée asked, joining the conversation after putting away the mop and throwing the paper towels into the garbage. Frowning, she looked at us, noticing how close we were. “Oh,” she murmured.
“Matthew did?” Brody clipped out. His jaw clenched. “Really?”