by Tijan
“You pack a bag and then get on a plane with me. That’s how you do it.”
I didn’t respond to his joke that wasn’t really a joke.
“I will die if I can’t be out here.”
He lifted his head again, and I already felt him pulling away, though that was his only movement. His body still was on top of me.
I caught his face, not letting him look away. I held it firmly and tried to implore him. “You opened something inside me, and I thank you for that. I didn’t know it was still there, but . . .” How could I explain it? No words seemed appropriate. “But I’m still not enough.”
His eyebrows pushed together. “What do you mean?”
“I’m not human enough to be with you.”
His shirt molded to his back, showing every muscle and how perfect he was.
I wanted him, but I had to let him go.
I may love him, dream of him, yearn for him, but I could never be what he needed.
Softly, I said, “You have the world at your fingertips. You can’t give it up by staying in one place.”
“And you can’t come with me.”
It’d been the problem from the beginning. He reached for my hand and laced our fingers together. “This sucks.”
I squeezed his hand back because, really, there was nothing else I could do. When he looked at me, I said, “We have tonight.”
His eyes grew hooded in the moonlight, but he nodded. “Yeah.” He slid back into the water and turned to me. Like so many other times, he fit between my legs as if he was meant to be there, and his hands found my waist. He leaned down to me, slowly sliding my shirt up and then pulling it from my body. “Tonight, then I go tomorrow.”
I wanted the lust to push away everything else, but as he made love to me that night, I couldn’t stop the tears from falling.
He was saying goodbye to me.
Brody
I flew the next night to New Zealand.
Gayle flew in a few days after, and she stayed with me most of the time.
I did my scenes. I had everything memorized. I was never late to set, and they didn’t need any retakes because of me.
I was professional. I was calm. I was sober. I was abstinent, and every night in my hotel, I debated leaving and going to her.
Every goddamn night.
I would sit on the edge of my bed, cradling my head in my hands and debating the pros and cons. The phone was within reach. I could call. I could make an excuse. I could get a few days off, fly back, hold her again, but I’d always have to leave.
I’d feel that sensation of having my insides scooped out every time I had to fly back.
It wouldn’t be enough.
I would decide against it, only to have a new debate start in my head.
I could fly her to me. She could stay a few days and then go back to Shiloh. But I always knew she wouldn’t come.
Finn called a few times, but after I shot the first movie and flew to Iceland to begin shooting the next one, it was too hard to hear how she was. He always said the same. She was good. She was spending the day with Shiloh and the herd, and she would be with them for the evenings. Matthew relocated Finn and Abigail to Montana permanently. She was supposed to start building a huge resort that was half a waterpark. Finn was proud, boasting about how it would get national attention.
I could only think about how much more attention it would bring to Morgan, which wasn’t a comment I made. I held it back, and eventually those phone calls to Finn stopped.
Just like the attention of our relationship.
I didn’t ask Gayle if the paparazzi and blog sites were still talking about Morgan, but I knew a few still were. I got the alerts on my phone, and at first, they had been hard to read, but eventually, they became like everything else—nothing but a blur.
They couldn’t get up-close shots of her, and I wondered if Morgan was doing it on purpose to piss them off. If it had become a game to her. There was one where she held up a middle finger, but she was grinning toward the camera.
I had to think it was a game.
She could’ve easily disappeared, evading even the long-distance zoom lens. I told Finn to educate her on the distance they used for those cameras, and he insisted he had.
My phone pinged again, as if it knew I was thinking of her, and I pulled it up.
It was another shot of her, but this time she was running on the side of a cliff.
I sat up straight.
In all the other shots, she’d been staring at the person who took the pictures. She was either standing or sitting. She was never shot when she was on Shiloh, which told me she knew what she was doing, but this shot was different.
I touched the picture on my screen as if I could touch her again.
I was a fool.
I had to let her go. It would never work.
An incoming call replaced the picture, and I grimaced. It was as if Gayle knew I was considering going AWOL and she needed to crush the plan before it got off the ground.
I answered it. “I got your email from Shanna.”
Gayle had forwarded me an email from Shanna that morning. She told about the updated promotion schedule, which was more extensive than the first time I had seen it. The more press the movie got, the higher her allocated budget was for pushing the movie. I had to finish this last movie, and then the plan was to fly back to L.A. for a week before I had to start the press tour.
“That isn’t what this is about.”
Morgan . . .
Dread sank in me. Gayle was serious. “What’s wrong?”
“Okay. You’re going to get pissed at me, but you have to get over that for now.”
“What is it?” I raised my voice.
“Your sister-in-law got in touch with me.”
“Cheryl?”
“Yeah.” Gayle hesitated a moment, but I didn’t have the patience for that crap right then.
“Gayle!” I clipped out. “Spit it out.”
“Okay. Okay. Look, you must’ve talked to her about Morgan. Right?”
That dread was back and doubling.
“Gayle, what the hell happened?”
“Cheryl knows you’re miserable without Morgan. She said she wanted to meet Morgan, maybe see if there was anything she could do to help get you two together, but she was going to wait until you got back from your last movie. But then—”
She was hesitating again. She was on my last goddamn nerve.
“Gayle!”
“But then she saw a picture of Morgan, where she looked scared, running.”
I knew exactly what image she was talking about.
I checked the time stamp. It was an old alert that hadn’t come through right away.
Gayle kept going, dropping her voice lower, “She asked if I’d make the introductions. She saw that picture and didn’t want to wait anymore. I don’t know why, but she was adamant. She felt something was wrong and didn’t want you to lose your soulmate.”
Like she lost Kyle.
I felt the impending doom coming, though. She was leading up to something bad, and I bit out, “Tell me what’s wrong. Now.”
“Cheryl took your nieces to Montana. They’re missing.”
“What?” Cheryl was there? Cheryl took my nieces there? “What do you mean they’re missing?”
“Right. Okay. They got there. Cheryl was tired, and took a nap, and the girls were gone when she woke up. We don’t know what happened, but Finn called a local tracker. He could track them into the wilderness, but then he lost them. He lost their trail.”
She kept explaining, but I couldn’t hear her words anymore.
My heart was pounding.
A buzz was in the air, filling my ears and making my skin crawl.
It was growing louder and louder. It was blurring my vision.
I felt myself slipping.
Felt the way the phone cut into my hand.
The way I slid to the ground . . .
I couldn’t talk as everyth
ing slammed back into place, came back into focus, and I heard myself saying, “I have to leave.”
I wasn’t slipping anymore. I was back in command.
Gayle’s voice came back to me. “Finn wanted to find Morgan, said she could find the girls, but we can’t find her.”
“What do you mean you can’t find Morgan?”
“She’s been missing for a week.”
That picture. It came back to mind. I had sensed something was different . . . wrong.
“What happened?”
“Nothing. I mean, no one knows. Finn said she had been sleeping at the house every day, but in the last few weeks, she went back to staying out there again. Temps are higher than normal, so maybe that’s why?”
“Are you there now?”
“I just got off the plane.”
“When did my nieces go missing?”
She didn’t reply.
Oh God no.
“Gayle.” I shouldn’t have to prompt this. This was more torture. “How long, Gayle?”
“They’ve been out there for eighteen hours.”
Eighteen goddamn hours.
Sweet Ambrea. Bubbly Alisma.
They were missing, and so was Morgan.
“I’m coming.”
Brody
I left immediately. I was on the next available flight, and a car was waiting for me when I landed in Montana almost a full day later. I hadn’t slept. My eyes were bloodshot, and I wasn’t prepared for the frenzy waiting for me outside the airport.
“Brody!”
Flash!
Flash!
“Are you here for Morgan?”
“Is it true that your nieces are missing?”
I stopped at that question and whirled on the reporter who asked it. She hadn’t expected a sudden response, and her eyes went wide. She began to pull back her microphone, but at the last second, she caught herself and thrust it closer in my face. She asked, “If your nieces were here to visit Morgan, does that mean your relationship is back on?”
Another reporter jostled for attention, pushing his phone in front of me. “We heard a search party is being organized. Is that for Morgan or your nieces?”
I looked at him and then took my sunglasses off. I didn’t care that the cameras were flashing non-stop or this clip would be on the news that night. “Does it goddamn matter? People are missing and you’re asking about my supposed love life?”
“Mr. Asher.”
The driver prompted me. I went past the rest of them and slid into the backseat.
No one was waiting for me, not that I had expected anyone to be. A part of me was glad Gayle wasn’t there. I didn’t want to hear her apologies for connecting Cheryl with the Kellermans, and I didn’t want to feel her sympathy.
I had to find Morgan.
I would find Morgan, and she would find my nieces.
It was that easy to me.
I just had to find her first.
Brody
The entire front yard was a sea of red and orange vests. Red and white tents were being set up, and people were milling all around the Kellerman estate. When the car stopped, a group of people came out of the house.
Cheryl ran into my arms, and I held her for a long moment.
She was crying and hiccupping at the same time. “I only meant to nap for an hour. I didn’t think the jet lag would hit me that hard, but I hadn’t slept the night before, and they’re gone, Brody. They’re gone.”
She kept crying into my shoulder. I looked over her head to Gayle, nodding to her. Finn, Abby, and Jen were with her. Shanna joined the group, and I frowned. “What are you doing here?”
Her eyes darted over my shoulder, but she folded her hands behind her back. “I came to help.”
I looked back, spotted the camera set up on a pedestal, and turned to glare at her.
“Is there press here?”
“No.” Finn shook his head firmly. “No press allowed.”
Shanna gestured to the camera. “It’ll all work out in the end, Brody. I have no doubt.”
She was filming for the movie.
I swore at her. “Are you serious?”
She didn’t respond, slinking away this time.
A man in a red vest approached the group. He was holding a clipboard, and he cleared his throat to announce his presence. He nodded to Finn. “We’re ready to start again.”
“Again?”
He looked at me, and when the recognition hit him, his eyes rounded slightly. “Mr. Asher, my name’s Alfred.” He held out his hand for me to shake and then continued, “I’m the search organizer and tracker. These are your nieces, I’m told?”
“They are.”
Cheryl pulled back from my chest, tears still wet on her face. She wiped them away with her hands and rolled her shoulders back. “I want to go this time.”
“No, Cheryl.”
“Cheryl, no.”
Gayle and Finn both spoke at the same time.
My manager reached out and touched her shoulder. “You went on the first search, and I know how exhausted you are.” Her eyes met mine as she continued speaking to my sister-in-law, “Besides, I have a feeling Brody will be too concerned about you to fully do a thorough search himself.”
“How many searches have you done?” I asked the man.
“This will be our fourth. We’ve been trying to hit certain sections at the same time so we can ensure no one in the search party goes missing themselves.” He gestured beyond the field and fence. “We’re doing an arm’s length stretch between people, all moving in a straight line.” He glanced back to Cheryl, who was sniffling into a ball of tissues someone had handed her.
He seemed to want to say more, but stayed silent.
I said to Gayle, “Maybe you want to help Cheryl inside?”
“Of course.”
I gathered her shoulders and gently shifted her toward Gayle, who stepped up and wrapped her arm around Cheryl.
“Go with Gayle now.”
“Brody, find them. Find her too.”
That was the plan.
As soon as they were gone, Alfred started back in, “Uh, Finn said you have a relationship with his sister. He mentioned it’s normal for her to be out there, and you could find her?”
He coughed as he spoke, and I knew the elephant in the room was the paparazzi. He knew full well what Morgan could do and how I knew her. He also didn’t care, and that made me damned peachy.
“Yeah.” I gazed out over the search party. They had around sixty volunteers. “I’ll try.”
Alfred frowned and his brow pinching together in thought. “We’ve been pretty loud. You think there’s a shot she’s heard us, just hasn’t come to help?”
“There’s no way Morgan would hear you guys and ignore you. I need to know all of the sections you’ve covered, because she isn’t in any of those. She’s somewhere else.”
“You think something happened to Morgan?” It was the first trace of fear I heard from Finn since I got here.
I met his eyes once. “I don’t know.” I asked the man, “Have you seen the herd?”
He shook his head. “No, no horses. We were warned about them, but nothing.”
“That might be good.”
Finn said, “Morgan would be by the herd.”
“If they aren’t here, then she might be okay after all. She might just not be within hearing distance.” I turned to Finn. “There was a lot of press at the airport.” I recognized two of those reporters. “Reputable channels were there. Is there anything else going on?”
“Ah.” He scratched at his forehead, thinking.
“Yes.” His hand fell away. “My dad’s trial started today. I hadn’t even considered that with this going on.” He waved behind me. “Today was jury selection. That’s where Matthew is. He told us to handle this, and he’d handle Dad.” He turned to Abby and Jen. “I totally forgot.”
Jen reached for his hand but tried to put on a brave front as she turned to me. “Brody, fin
d Morgan. If anyone can, it’s you.”
No more time was wasted after that.
I took my bag to the cabin I used before, and I felt Morgan’s presence as soon as the door swung open. It wasn’t that she was staying out in the wilderness like they thought; she had been using my place. I could smell her everywhere. She didn’t wear perfumes or lotions. She would’ve bathed out there so she wouldn’t smell like a human. She wouldn’t have wanted the herd to start wondering if she wasn’t one of them. I knew all that, but I still wasn’t ready for the impact. Her presence felt like a punch, even in her absence, and I shoved down the fear that I wouldn’t see her or my nieces again.
It wouldn’t come to that.
I changed into jeans, hiking boots, a shirt with a thermal pack, and a coat. A water bottle was hooked to my pack, and I had the essentials in there. If I had to stay out past a night, I could survive. Aside for the two times I took a walk and accidentally on purpose got lost so she would find me, Morgan and I spent a handful of days out there. Hopefully, some of the things she showed me stuck, and I could find my way back to the little spots she liked.
I made one more side trip to talk to the organizer and have him fill me in on the areas they had already covered.
She could hear better and see better than anyone I knew, but there were still some of her places that would’ve been beyond hearing distance.
I was clinging to that hope.
She was there, somewhere, and I would find her . . . or vice versa.
“You sure you can do this?” Alfred asked, the same worry in his voice that was just in Finn’s.
I grinned briefly. “Think I’m just a pansy-ass Hollywood boy?”
He grunted. “We’re searching for three bodies right now. I don’t want to add a fourth.”
Bodies.
He saw the look and corrected, “We say bodies. We’re always hoping to find them warm and kicking, if you get my drift.”
I did. I still didn’t like hearing it that way.
I nodded toward where the search party was congregating. “You guys are hitting the southwest section now?” More than half had recognized me and were watching us back, but I was grateful none pulled out phones. They weren’t turning this into a different situation than what it was.