by Gayle Roper
“Go home, Eddie.” Tori sounded hard and angry.
He held up his hand as he dipped his head. “Sure. I know when I’m not wanted. But first I got something for you. When I said I was coming to see you, I was told to deliver this.” He reached in his pocket, drew out a piece of paper, and held it out to her. Printed on it in black caps so big that Drew could read it was the name TORI.
Tori pulled her hand back as if the paper could burn. “I don’t want it.”
Eddie grabbed her hand and slapped it in her palm, closing her fingers over it. “I gotta be able to say I delivered it.”
He turned, walked to the stairs, and disappeared from view. Tori stood staring at the paper. Then with a gagging noise and a shaking of her hand like she was ridding herself of something foul, she flung the paper to the ground. As diamonds, rubies, emeralds, and sapphires exploded across the black velvet sky, Tori ran down the steps and into the night.
What could possibly cause her such revulsion? Curious, Drew picked up the paper she’d dropped and opened it. He stared in surprise at a crossword puzzle.
When the final shimmer of incandescence burned itself out and the sky fell black and still, I wasn’t certain I dared move. What if Eddie was still here? The thought of having to face him, talk with him, introduce him to Chloe, even if only as Eddie Mancini, old friend, was making me practically hyperventilate.
“He’s gone,” a deep voice said quietly in my ear.
The relief was so great my knees went weak. Thank You, Lord.
“That was so super!” Chloe squealed.
“Now the fireworks at home will seem rinky, Dad,” Jenna said.
“Cozy,” Drew corrected. “Think cozy.”
Jenna snorted.
“I want some dessert,” Chloe announced as if her life depended on it. “I must have some dessert.”
“Come on, then,” Jenna said. “We’ve got to beat all these old guys down there if we’re going to get the best stuff.”
“Don’t forget to thank Tim and Mark,” I called as they took off running for the stairs, cutting in front of one of the professional couples whose name I couldn’t recall. Thankfully the couple had the grace to smile at the fleeing girls.
Drew stared after them with a bemused smile. “Old guys? Now that hurts.” Then he looked at me. “Are you all right?”
I gave a shrug. “I’ll survive.” I ran a hand over my hair, feeling suddenly awkward. It was embarrassing to remember how upset I’d been, and all because I’d kept my secret all these years. I felt my cheeks flame and was glad for the darkness. I found myself staring at the placket on his polo shirt once again rather than look at him. “Thanks for your moral support. It meant a lot.”
This was the second time Drew had come to my rescue. A dead man and a dead romance. I didn’t even want to think about how he must see me, a weak woman without the internal fortitude to speak the truth to her daughter. Or a keeper of secrets, causing her own predicament.
It was past time that I acknowledged that when a secret is known to others, especially untrustworthy others, it’s not a secret. It’s information, and it was a certainty that this knowledge would be passed on whether I wanted it to be or not. It was up to me to see that the information was shared properly and soon.
My stomach cramped at the very idea.
“By the way, your sister dropped this.” Drew held out a piece of paper.
I saw the TORI and my breath hitched. I took the sheet and opened it. A puzzle stared up at me.
Betrayed as I felt over her bringing Eddie here, I was still scared for her. She might not be nice or kind much of the time, and I might not always like her, but she was my twin, and I always loved her.
“Where did she get this?” I spoke more to myself than Drew, but he answered.
“Eddie gave it to her.”
Eddie. How was he involved in all this? Did he have anything to do with the dead guy on our step? Eddie might not be my favorite person, but his being involved in a murder strained my imagination. Still, he had brought this puzzle. Had he brought the others?
I nodded my thanks to Drew and folded the puzzle, slipping it in my slacks pocket. Déjà vu. “I have to find Tori.”
My face must have shown my distress because Drew studied me much too closely.
“She acted like the paper was something dirty she’d stepped in. You’re distressed about it too.” He frowned and waited, not quite asking what was going on but clearly wanting to know.
I shook my head. I wasn’t about to tell him that my sister was in hock for some unknown amount of money and had someone making threats on her life. It was bad enough he knew about Eddie. I gave him the best smile I could manage, which I imagine was pretty sick. Then I set out to find my sister.
ACROSS DOWN
1 good looking 2 severe anger
5 made rigid 3 three
8 not old 4 patellae
12 precious metal 6 determination
13 a slip 7 require
15 oyster indigestion 9 betting term
17 evergreen or funeral 10 takes hold of
18 marks or pledges 11 taken out on an enemy
20 pancakes or fabrics 14 rises above
21 quick 16 gives for a time
19 narrow opening
I didn’t find her. She’d disappeared for the night, whether with Eddie or someone else, I didn’t know. Instead I sat by myself at the little kitchen table and sweated over the puzzle, finally solving it. The embedded message read, “payuporelse.” PAY UP OR ELSE.
Or else what? She was next? That threat still made no sense. Dead clients do not repay you.
Words embedded in the puzzle leaped off the page at me. Rage, demand, loans, contract. Trey, odds, and slot were gambling words. Of course pretty words like gold and pearls were in the puzzle too. But wreaths could refer to funeral wreaths as well as Christmas ones, and black crepes were what you draped funeral things with. Kneecaps jumped out, and my hand automatically went to my patella, whole and bullet-free.
I shuddered in the comfortable air conditioning of Aunt Stella’s lovely house. Chloe and I were knee deep in Tori’s mess!
Chloe flopped back on her bed in her daffodil room. “Is this not the coolest place in the world?”
Jenna sat in the yellow squishy chair under the window and surveyed the room. “I know. My room’s all shades of pink. It’s sort of like living in the Barbie aisle at Toys “R” Us, but it’s still really pretty. I’ve got this hot purple room at home. Dad says it gives him a headache just looking at it, and I say the better to keep him out.” She grinned.
Hot purple? Chloe thought daffodil was better. More bedroom-y, as in letting you sleep. When she got home, she was going to repaint her room just like this one. “Did you ever live where they had a party like this and the whole street came and everyone went up on the roof for fireworks?”
“We live in a pretty small town. A college town in the middle of nowhere. We definitely don’t have fireworks like the ones tonight, but we have college things and town things. Today there was a parade and all.”
“Haydn has a parade too. It’s pretty hokey,” Chloe said.
“So’s ours. The high school band marches, at least the kids not on vacation, and the mayor and the Little League teams and the girls’ soccer teams and stuff.”
“We’ve got all these little kids riding decorated bikes, running into each other. And there are a bunch of these Shriner guys who drive around in little cars and stuff, and one of the Philadelphia string bands, but they don’t look anywhere as neat as they do in their costumes on New Year’s Day.”
“Did you ever go to a Mummers Parade?”
Chloe shook her head. “Maybe we can stay until January first and go this year.”
“January first. Next year.” Jenna laughed. “Do you march in Haydn’s parade?”
“I used to when I played soccer.”
“Me too. I’ve marched for as long as I can remember. I still do because I still play.
Dad marches too because he’s our coach. When you pass someone you know, they all clap and cheer for you and you wave. It’s fun. One time my mom’s parents came, and they whistled and cheered. It was so embarrassing and so fun.”
“I wonder where we’ll live when we grow up,” Chloe said. “A big city or a small town?”
“Well, one thing. We never had a body show up on our doorstep back home. Bad guys live more in the cities, I think.”
Chloe thought of her grandfather and great-grandfather. “I think there are some in small towns too. Maybe there are more in cities because there are just more people in cities. Population concentration.”
They fell silent as they contemplated this for several seconds. Then Chloe grabbed Princess and rolled over, pinning the dog beneath her, though she was careful to keep all weight off the little animal. Princess went satisfyingly nuts, barking like an off-key soprano stuck on one note. Chloe rolled onto her back and opened her arms. Instead of fleeing, Princess stood on her chest and washed her face thoroughly. After she dried her face on the bedspread, Chloe looked at Jenna.
“Did you see that guy my Aunt Tori brought?”
“Ugh.” Jenna made a face. “That Eddie guy.”
“Icky Eddie. I think Aunt Tori and my mom knew him back in high school.”
“All kinds of people go to high school.”
Chloe thought about some of the weird guys she knew. How much weirder would they be by high school? Now there was a scary thought.
“I like your mom.”
Chloe looked at Jenna in surprise. “Thanks. I like your dad.”
“Wouldn’t it be neat—”
“Do you think they—”
And the girls laughed. Like that would ever happen.
11
I WAS BLEARY-EYED SUNDAY MORNING, having spent a restless night tossing in my surprisingly comfortable iron bed, getting up to stare down at the quiet of the garden, even going down there to sit for a half hour, alone, scared, and weepy.
Half the time I was worried about Tori and totally without any kind of idea on how to help her, assuming she’d take my help if offered. The rest of the time, I thought about the mess I’d made of my own life. I had no room to be too upset with Tori.
I was such a fraud. People thought I was this great Christian, standing for Jesus in the face of my family’s opposition and mockery. They thought I had turned my life around and pulled it from the toilet where I had lived pre-Christ.
Ha!
Five minutes with Eddie and all my deceit and weaknesses became much too apparent, at least to me. At the core, I was still me. What a fake!
“You’ve got to tell her, Lib,” Madge had been saying for years. “She needs to hear it from you before someone else tells her. And mark my words, someone will.”
She was right; I knew it. Secrets known by others were not secrets. But how did you tell your lovely and beloved daughter that her father was a stinking rat who deserted our sinking ship?
When I mentioned that to Madge, she’d hooted derisively. “You think she didn’t figure out Eddie’s nature when she was about five? Get real, Lib.”
But it was so embarrassing to acknowledge what a fool I’d been. I’d been so needy that I’d believed Eddie’s assertions of love and fallen into his arms. Jumped into his arms. But it wasn’t only my shame that kept me silent. In all honesty I could also say I wanted to protect Chloe from her father and his ability to be purposefully cruel.
One day, when I was about five months pregnant, I had been standing by my school locker, blocked from view by its open door, when Eddie and two of his cronies came down the hall. I heard his voice and wished I could crawl into the locker so I didn’t have to see him or he me. I’d never sparkled like Tori, and now in the overly big clothes I was wearing to minimize my pregnancy and hopefully get through the school year without the school authorities finding out, I was an even greater embarrassment to myself than usual.
“I’m short of cash for the weekend,” he said. “I sure miss Chief Keating at times like this.”
“Did he ever know about the drugs?” That was not-so-bright-but-oh-so-loyal Rick Woods.
Drugs? Eddie was doing illegal drugs? My hand went to my stomach. What effect would that have on the baby?
“Where do you think I got ’em?” Eddie asked. “You think I’d risk my neck gettin’ involved with the hopheads out there?”
“The chief supplied you?”
“Him and the lieutenant, but only to sell. The deal was that if they ever found out I was keeping any product for myself, I was toast.”
Relief made me lightheaded. My baby didn’t have a druggie for a father. I grabbed the edge of the locker for balance, resting my forehead against the cool metal door.
“Toast? As in dead?” Rick sounded incredulous.
“Who knows? I never pushed it. It was a sweet deal, easy money while it lasted.”
Their voices were so close I knew they were almost on me.
“Aren’t you afraid one of ’em’ll rat you out for a lighter sentence?”
“They know I know too much.”
“What do you know?” Rick asked eagerly.
“I know they were selling to the drug ring in the Camden projects. Those are nasty people, let me tell you, and they’ve got lots of contacts inside the Jersey prison system. It’ll be hard enough for the Keatings to stay alive in prison, them being cops and all, but if they name names, they won’t have a chance, especially the chief, the old man. And then there’s the fact that I could tell the world that I had both twins. Trust me, they don’t want the world to know that sordid little fact.”
“So you’re out of business.”
“Let’s just say I’m exploring other possibilities.”
Rick laughed. “You are the man, Eddie. You are the man!”
“You had both of them?” That was Jim Sarnoff, true to his one-track mind. He thought himself a modern-day Casanova, but he lacked any of the charm and charisma of the legendary ladies’ man. He made my stomach curdle with his “accidental” brushing against the girls, his groping hands touching anywhere they could. “Which one was best?”
There was a silence. With my neck prickling, I could feel them right behind me. Even as I told myself not to turn, I was unable to help myself. Rick and Jim had their backs to me, so only Eddie saw me. His eyes locked with mine.
He smirked. “Which one do you think?”
“Tori,” Jim said right away. “She’s got fire.” He wasn’t quite drooling, but close.
“Poor little Libby.” Rick shook his head. What was so awful was that his pity was genuine. Dumb Rick pitied me!
“Yeah,” Eddie agreed, his smirk deepening. “A distant second. Very distant.”
Even today that spear of agony hurt, which I knew was absolutely ridiculous, but there it was. Fortunately I rarely had occasion to think of that scene. Still, Eddie’s deliberate nastiness had always made me extremely leery about letting Chloe know anything about him. What if he turned that ruthless cruelty loose on her?
And here I was living with the one person besides Madge who could bring both Chloe and me great pain. And given last night, apparently she planned to, though I had no idea why. Try as I would, I could see nothing for her to gain by bringing Eddie around.
Though as I thought of the puzzle Eddie’d delivered, maybe I had it backwards. Maybe Eddie had sought Tori out, which was not a comforting thought.
I finally managed to fall asleep around five. I dragged myself out of bed at nine and went down for some tea. When the best thing about the day so far was that Tori appeared to be sleeping in and I didn’t have to deal with her, I once again felt like a bogus Christian. I certainly wasn’t loving my sister as Scripture said I should.
Chloe came to breakfast full of limitless curiosity.
“Aunt Tori says you guys knew Eddie back in high school.” She shook cinnamon and sugar onto her toast.
“We did.” I forced myself to take an unhurried sip of
tea. What else had Tori told her?
“She said you both dated him.”
“We did.”
“Mom! He’s slimy.”
I grinned at her unexpected comment. I was just shallow enough and unspiritual enough to love her insight. “Let’s just say it was at a time when I wasn’t very perceptive.”
“Why’d you break up with him?”
I made a little puff of self-disparagement. “I didn’t. He broke up with me.”
She looked at me in surprise. “Really?”
I nodded. “For Aunt Tori.”
She laughed.
I gave her the eyebrow. “And what’s so funny? It broke my heart.”
“It’s sort of like a TV soap. Over-the-top family drama and deceit. Sister against sister, the eternal triangle, all that stuff.”
If she only knew. “Yeah, well, it’s almost time to leave for church. Ready?” I had to get her moving before she asked how old I’d been when I went with Eddie and then did some math. I stood and collected our dirty dishes.
“Just gotta brush my teeth.” She rushed from the kitchen, only to come rushing back. She leaned in and kissed me on the cheek. “He didn’t know quality when he had it.” And she raced away again.
I had tears in my eyes as I brushed my own teeth.
The soothing calm of the sanctuary at the historic Tenth Presbyterian Church was balm to my frayed emotions. It was a spiritual adventure to be in the place where the renowned James Montgomery Boice had preached for years before cancer took him prematurely. Even today, several years after his death, his raspy bass could be heard preaching on the local airwaves every Sunday morning.
Oh, Lord, forgive me for resenting Tori so. Help me find where the boundaries should be. And help me tell Chloe.
By the time the final chords of the music died and it was time to go into the world again, I felt much calmer. I turned and came face to face with Jenna and Drew.
“Hey,” Drew said.
“What are you doing here?” I demanded.
He just looked at me with a slow, slightly mocking but totally nonoffensive smile. “Going to church?”