Tears flooded her eyes. “I’m… I’m kinda hooked on you, too, Caleb,” she said, her voice hitching as she spoke the words. “I wasn’t expecting you to say that.”
Caleb breathed an internal sigh of relief. “Yeah, well, in a way, neither was I. I wasn’t exactly expecting any of this at all, darlin’.”
She leaned forward and brought her lips to his, kissing him deeply.
“You’ve got to go,” he murmured against her lips.
Syd pulled away and grumbled. “Fine. Fine. I’m going.” She stood and smoothed out her pants. “I’ll see you soon?”
He answered softly, hoping she’d believe his words were true and genuine. “You can’t get rid of me that easily. I’m not going anywhere.”
Caleb twisted on the sofa to check the nightstand clock. Sydney was going to be back at the hotel in about half an hour. He grabbed the television remote and flicked off the mindless show he been mildly entertaining himself with and stood, stretching his back.
He sauntered over to the dresser, grabbed his cell phone and hit his brother’s speed dial.
“Hey, baby,” Pat answered.
“Aw, you missed me,” Caleb joked back.
“Haven’t heard from you in a few days. I thought either things went well with Sydney, or you were drowning your sorrows behind that guitar of yours in a blues bar somewhere in Canada.” At Caleb’s silence, he continued. “So…which is it?”
“I guess this is where I thank you.”
“Ah,” Pat said exaggeratedly. “So when you get back to Miami you’ll be all relaxed? You’ll be able to focus on the album and not be all distracted thinking about her?”
Caleb chuffed. “Yes and no. After tonight, I have no idea when we’ll get together again.”
“Why? The badonk-a-donk wasn’t as good as expected?”
“No, you dick. Her calendar is booked.” He paused. “Apparently.” There it is again, he thought, frustrated. Every time he replayed his earlier conversation with Syd in his mind, he kept telling himself that he got it, he understood. She couldn’t, and shouldn’t, shift her whole life around just for him, especially since they were still so new to this.
And yet the fact that she wouldn’t make room for him for even one day made him curious as to what her game really was.
Chapter Twenty-Two
Syd rested the trashy romance novel she had been reading on her stomach and leaned against the pillow. She glanced at the clock and groaned—it was closing in on nine in the evening. Ever since she’d returned from Seattle a week ago, she’d been heading to bed as soon as she was done eating dinner. She hadn’t been able to rest during the night, endlessly tossing and turning. She’d hoped the early nights would at least make up for it a bit, but so far they’d done nothing but allowed more time for her mind to wander, making things impossibly worse.
She needed a friend.
She picked up her phone and punched in Cara’s number.
“Yo!”
“Hey, Cara.”
“Syddie! Where are you, girlfriend? Come out and play!”
Syd strained to understand Cara over the throbbing music in the background. “Are you drunk?” she asked. “It’s only nine!”
Cara snorted. “Meh. Nine shmine. I’m at the Roxy. Come. Meet me. Drink with me. And dance…” Cara’s voice drifted off for a moment. “Well, hello there, hottie.”
Syd had to laugh. “Found a good one to sink your teeth into, Car?”
“He’s my kind of dangerous, Syddie. Yum. So you’ll be here in half an hour?”
“You know me and clubs, Car. Oil and water.”
“So what’s up then? What can I do you for?”
“Oh, um, it’s nothing. You’re out and having fun—it can wait.”
Cara huffed. “Right. It’s nothing. Sure. Because you’re one to call me out of the blue for absolutely no reason. Hang on a sec.” The receiver rustled in Syd’s ear, and a moment later Cara came back on. “Okay, kid. Talk to me.”
“No, no, Cara. We’ll talk tomorrow. It’s okay, really.”
“Syd, come on. Don’t tell me I came all the way outside for nothing. Now speak.”
She sighed, unsure what it was she wanted to tell Cara anyhow. “It… It’s just…”
“It’s Caleb, isn’t it?”
“What? How did you know he came here?” Syd asked, panicked.
“He came to visit you? Holy crap, are you kidding me? I was just guessing it had something to do with him, but, oh my God!”
Syd groaned. “Yeah, he dropped by last week.”
“And you didn’t tell me?” Cara shrieked incredulously. “But… But you’re my friend! My best friend! And… And he’s Caleb Jones!”
“I know, I know. I’m sorry. I’ve been trying to figure it all out myself.”
“But you didn’t tell me! I could’ve helped you figure it out if you told me, or at the very least I could have drooled all over him,” Cara continued. “So, what happened? Uch, I can’t believe I’m out, tonight of all nights!”
Syd twirled a strand of hair around her forefinger. “Long story short, he showed up at my door on Saturday night.”
“And?” Cara prompted.
“And it was great to see him.” She paused, debating how much she should tell her friend. “And he stayed the night and then he came with me to Seattle,” she blurted out, bringing one hand up to cover her face in embarrassment.
Silence.
“Cara?”
“Sorry, Syd. I needed a sec to pick my jaw up off the sidewalk.”
“I know, believe me, I’ve done that a few times myself.” She took a deep breath and pulled the green comforter up around her waist.
“Is he still there?” Cara whispered conspiratorially.
Syd frowned. “No. I, uh, told him I was busy for, like, the next month.”
“You did what? Why on earth would you do that, Syddie?”
“Remember Brett, Car? And how impulsive he is? He could pop by the house at any minute. I needed an excuse to keep him away. I mean, I really, really, enjoyed my time with Caleb, but… Cara, what I’m doing, it’s not right, even if I am being forced into this bullshit with Brett.” Syd closed her eyes tight against the impending tears. “I don’t know how to fix this.”
“Fix it…” Cara said.
“Yeah, I mean, CJ’s a good guy, Cara.”
“Fix it,” she repeated, “You really like him, don’t you?”
Her turn for silence.
“Aw, Syd.”
“Christ, Cara, it’s terrible lying to Caleb, but I feel like I can’t let him go just yet. It’s self-centered, and awful, and I’m a bitch, and I see that, but he makes me crazy happy.”
“I don’t know, Syd. You don’t sound happy at the moment. You sound even more stressed out than usual, and that says a ton in and of itself, girl.” Cara said, her voice bubbling with concern. “I’m all for you having some light in your life, sweetie, but are you sure this isn’t going to do more damage than good in the long run?”
“I don’t know anything anymore.”
“Well, you’ve got to figure it out, and quick, before either Brett finds out or Caleb gets too hurt.”
“I don’t really have much of a choice, do I?” Syd asked, resigned.
“With the situation Brett’s put you guys in… Look, hun, try not to think too much about it tonight. Get some sleep and we’ll talk tomorrow and figure this all out. You gonna be okay?”
She smiled. “Yeah, Car. I’ll be fine.”
Sydney put the receiver back in its cradle and switched off the nightstand lamp, determined to get some rest and start the day with a fresh perspective in the morning.
Syd’s eyes popped open and she turned over onto her back. It was only four-thirty and this was the fourth time she’d woken up. Yet another night with pretty much zero sleep.
She stared at the dark ceiling, trying to figure out what was wrong with her. She used to sleep solidly through the night, but the past
week she’d flipped and flopped all night, hardly able to keep still, hardly able to be at rest.
What’s my problem?
My problem, she told herself for the umpteenth time, is that I miss Caleb. She missed talking to him and the sound of his voice. She missed seeing him smile, and those adorably perfect dimples of his. She missed the way his calloused fingers felt as they stroked her cheek right before he kissed her. She missed the way his blue eyes twinkled when he looked at her, and she missed the way he lov…
Oh hell no, I’m not going there!
She grabbed a pillow, put it over her face and screamed into it. Puff, startled by the sudden sound in the middle of the night, popped to her feet fully alert, barking her head off.
“Puff! Shush, come here, girl.”
With Puff once again cuddled into a tight little ball beside her, Syd lay back and resumed staring at the ceiling, as if seeking out the answers she so desperately needed in the shadows that resided there.
What she was doing to Caleb was wrong, plain and simple. This was not how her mother had raised her, not what she had been taught. She was engaged and had no right to harbor any emotions for Caleb. Forget the circumstances that had brought her and Brett to this place. Those were irrelevant at this point. The fact she was lying to Caleb about her involvement with another man, the fact that she was knowingly stringing him along, made her a bad, bad, person.
And now it looked as if CJ was developing feelings—real feelings—for her. She groaned and swiped at her face in frustration. After all, it wasn’t as if she wasn’t starting to care for him in a serious way. But he had called her his girlfriend, for God’s sake. That was huge. And, idiot that she was, instead of telling him that being his girlfriend would be oh so wonderful, she should’ve nixed the idea altogether. She should have said that all she was aiming for was a wild tumble in the sheets, a few days of great sex and shits and giggles, and nothing more. It would’ve been better to hurt him up front, rather than drag it on as she was doing.
She had to give him up at some point, but she didn’t have the strength to do it yet.
Which of course made her feel even worse, because she was stringing him along to suit her purposes. She wanted him around for as long as possible, and because she was being so bloody selfish, a man who she was growing to care about in a way dangerously close to love was going to get hurt.
She rolled over and switched on the bedside lamp. Puff whined and buried her head beneath the blankets at the sudden brightness. Syd sat up straight, dragging the pillow with her, and leaned against the headboard.
She glanced sideways at her cell phone sitting so innocently on the nightstand and put her hand on it. She sat there, staring at the device for a moment, taking deep breaths to try to settle her quivering nerves. She was about to do something she should have done from the get-go, something she was unable to bear doing in person—and barely had the strength to do even miles apart.
She held the phone to her chest, eyes closed tight, trying to dam in the flood of tears. She thought of her father, the risk to his wellbeing and his future with her and her brother. She thought of her mother, looking down on her disapprovingly for her behavior. She thought about Brett and Caleb, and how differently they made her feel.
Her heart heavy with remorse, she punched in the number and worked to find the strength she so desperately needed.
On the fifth ring, a groggy voice answered, “Hello?”
She bit her lip and took a deep breath. “Caleb, it’s me, Syd.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Caleb sat up straight in bed and raked his long fingers through his knotted hair, sweeping it off his face and out of his eyes. “Syd?”
“Yeah.”
He squinted against the sunlight streaming in through the thin slit between the drapes and hauled himself into a sitting position. He glanced at the clock—it was before eight, which meant it was only around five o’clock in Vancouver. “Is everything okay, Syd? What’s wrong?”
He instantly began calculating how quickly he could get himself to Vancouver if she needed him.
Too long.
He heard her take a deep breath on the other end of the line. She hesitated. Something about her silence unsettled him. “Darlin’, what is it? Talk to me. Please.”
She let out a whoosh of air. “Everything’s okay. I-I’m sorry I worried you. And I’m sorry I called, it’s early over there.”
He shook his head. “That’s okay, baby, it’s earlier where you are, so who am I to complain? Are you sure you’re okay?”
She paused again. “Yeah,” she finally said. “Yeah, I’m sure.”
“Okay.” He swung his legs out of bed and stood. He moved to the window and opened the drapes, enjoying the warmth of the early morning Miami sun on his skin. “So, you calling me at five in the morning was for what, exactly? What can I do for you?”
“It just…I… I don’t think…” she stuttered.
He grinned. “A bit sleep deprived, are we?” he joked.
“Funny boy,” she said, sighing sadly. “Caleb, I… I missed you, that’s all.”
He furrowed his brow. “You sure that’s it, Syd?”
She gave a shaky laugh. “What? Me missing you isn’t enough?”
He knew she’d be able to hear the smile in his voice. “That’s plenty, baby. I miss you, too. It’s killing me, this not being with you.” He went out into the hallway and down the stairs into the kitchen. As he set some coffee to brew, he asked, “How’s your girls’ weekend with Cara going?”
“My what?”
“Girls’ weekend? Cara?”
“Oh!” She tittered nervously. “Yeah, it’s going great, thanks. It’s been a while since we did this, and it’s good to catch up.”
“So what does she say about calling the boyfriend during a girlie weekend? Isn’t it a faux pas or something?” he snickered.
She laughed softly. “Cara’s still asleep in the other room and has no idea. I can’t sleep, have barely been able to for days.”
“You couldn’t sleep, and you thought to call me? Which means I’m on your mind,” he stated.
“Maybe.”
“I like that,” he said softly.
She sighed. “You’re almost always on my mind, Mr. Jones.”
His heart rate quickened and he had to focus intently on the coffee he was pouring, otherwise he was pretty sure the mug would overflow. “Well, guess what, Syd? I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you for more than five minutes at a time, and even those five-minute stretches are painful.”
“Yeah, eh? That’s why you’ve called me so often this past week?”
“Hey now! You said you were busy and I was trying to give you space,” he defended. “Unless, of course, you want me to be the overbearing boyfriend.”
“Mmm,” she murmured. “Say that again.”
He took a sip from his mug and moved to sit at the breakfast bar. “Which part?”
“The part about you being my boyfriend.”
“I’m your boyfriend, darlin’.”
“I really, really, really like it when you say that,” she whispered.
He smiled and placed the mug on the white granite countertop. “Sydney,” he said softly, loving the way her name played on his lips, “every time I think about you, I have to pinch myself in disbelief. Here’s this amazing girl and she’s chosen to be a part of my life.”
“Caleb, I—”
“Syd, let me finish. I need to get this out. Please.”
“All right,” she answered quietly.
He stood and began to pace. “Look, it’s been a long time since I’ve been in what I would call a real relationship. I get that relationships take time, and I realize that if anything is supposed to be between us, it will happen. But at the same time,” he said, stopping mid-stride, “at the same time, Syd, as much as I keep telling myself to move slowly, to take things as they come, God you make it difficult.”
“Caleb…”
/> “I’m not usually like this, you see. Usually I’m that typical macho man who’s rough and tough and I know I’m a musician but that doesn’t mean I have to be all soft and sensitive all the time.”
“Caleb, listen, I…” she started again.
“You’re still talking. Stop talking.”
“Yes, sir.”
“Syd, you have no idea how much I hate not being with you right now. It kills me, because more than anything I want to be lying beside you in that bed, with you in my arms, and that little dog of yours between us, just like it was that first night. Whatever it takes, I want us to work.”
He held his breath waiting on her to say something. It was unlike him to open up this way, especially at such an early stage in the relationship. There was something about Syd that made him need to reassure her he wanted her as badly as she wanted him.
He hoped.
There was silence on the other end of the line.
“You can talk now.”
“Oh, okay, I didn’t want to get in trouble again,” she giggled. “Look, give it a couple more weeks and then things should settle, Caleb. I promise.”
He smiled. “All right. A couple more weeks I can handle, darlin’.”
“Listen, I’m going to try to get a bit more shut-eye before Cara wakes up. I’ll call you next weekend, okay?”
“Sounds great. Sweet dreams, babe.”
He snapped the cell shut and placed it on the counter. He headed to the ornate French doors that led into the garden and stepped outside. He smiled and tipped his head back, breathing deeply.
I could get used to waking up to the sound of Syd’s voice, he thought. What a great way to start the day.
What a terrible way to start the day, Syd thought miserably.
She groaned and pulled the blankets up over her. “I suck,” she mumbled.
She was livid with herself. She had fully intended to end things with CJ, and yet the second she heard his voice, she turned into a gooey puddle of emotions. When he had said he missed having her in his arms, with Puff sharing in the love fest no less, she couldn’t do it.
He was everything she wanted and needed, everything she’d dreamed of.
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