by Jan Hahn
"Oh, Jane," I cried, "do not talk so. You did not fail and we all know it." Kitty and Mary quickly agreed with me. Our oldest sister had chosen the worst possible house in Lancashire in which to be a governess. Even though the master was an earl, he had a lecherous eye, and Jane had not been in residence a week, before he invited her to sit on his lap and help him with his figures. When she refused, he persisted with greater advances. Only last week she had returned home, her beautiful eyes filled with tears, ashamed to admit she could not bear the situation. She even tortured herself that somehow she might have caused the earl's aggression.
"Perhaps he thought I was flirting," she said.
"Jane!" Mamá and I cried in unison. "Never! Not you!"
I was so angry I wanted to throttle the man, but that would have only cast me into prison and deprived my family of what little I could earn. After I calmed down, Jane and I once again submitted letters seeking positions and I was determined this time to go with Jane and check out her employer before I left her without recourse.
Now, neither we nor any of our sisters would be forced to work. That had been the argument that finally convinced me to enter into the arrangement I found myself. About an hour after Mamá and our guests had entered Papá's study, she opened the door and motioned for me to come in. Her eyes were aglow and she positively beamed. I had not seen her thus since before my father's death. Actually, I had seen that look only once before - the day my cousin, Mr. Collins, proposed to me, a match she was highly in favour of and which I refused - but it did not occur to me at the time.
I entered the room and saw Mr. Darcy standing by the window, his tall stature outlined by the reflection of the light behind him. He did not smile; he only stared at me, his expression unreadable. My aunt and uncle did smile, as though they were encouraging me to come in with an accepting manner.
"Lizzy, your uncle has something to say to you," Mamá said, pushing me forward with a slight nudge.
He cleared his throat and asked me to sit, but as everyone else stood, I declined. "Lizzy, Mr. Darcy came to me two days ago with an arrangement that will help your family exceedingly."
"Oh, yes," Mamá said, "exceedingly."
I glanced at him, but he stared at the floor for a change. "What is it?" I asked.
My uncle looked to Mr. Darcy. "Should you prefer to ask my niece, sir?"
"No. It will probably have more chance of success coming from you, sir."
Well, I thought, that is the truest statement you have ever made. It was evident he had not forgotten our last parting. I had scarce thought of the man since I had last seen him in Rosings Park. Oh, I had read his letter and at the time found myself much chagrined at how I had misjudged him by heeding Wickham's false tales, but his letter did little to curry my favour when I read his defense of participating in the separation of Mr. Bingley from my sister, Jane. And then my father's death shortly thereafter had caused my life to evolve into a downward spiral of duties and worry. Circumstances caused me to dismiss any further consideration of Mr. Darcy or his letter until that day when his presence filled my father's library at Longbourn.
"Uncle, please tell me what it is."
"Mr. Darcy comes to Longbourne, my dear, to ask for your hand in marriage."
That is when I sat down. Quickly. I felt as though I had been struck. How could he possibly still wish to marry me? I could not grasp the idea after all the harsh words that had passed between us. The shock caused me to temporarily block the remainder of my uncle's statement. I had to ask him to repeat it and that is when my mother broke in with great impatience.
"Oh, Lizzy, are you not listening? Mr. Darcy wants to marry you! Mr. Darcy! Just think of it. Our problems are over! And he not only will marry you, but he has arranged with Mr. Collins for our family to remain at Longbourne for as long as we need to, for life!"
I turned in amazement to look at him again. "How can you do that, sir? The estate is entailed upon my cousin."
He did not have a chance to speak, because Mamá took over once again. "A man of Mr. Darcy's resources can do anything. Mr. Collins is only too willing to forego possession of Longbourn for the remuneration offered, although he does still technically own the estate, I guess. Is that not correct, brother?"
My uncle nodded. "Yes, Mr. Collins has agreed to rent Longbourne to your mother, Lizzy, and Mr. Darcy is willing to pay the rental for as long as your family lives here. In addition, he is willing to settle a generous monthly stipend on your mother and establish dowries for your sisters."
Mamá then began to enthuse prodigiously on the benefits of such a transaction, how neither she nor my sisters would have to move to that horrible little cottage in Surrey where her daughters would have absolutely no opportunity to meet suitable young men of fortune (never mind the fact that Lydia's scandal had already prohibited such occurrence), how she could keep her carriage, her servants, and her place in Hertfordshire society. She went on and on while I sat there, completely baffled.
At last, my aunt sat beside me. She took my hand in hers. "What say you, Lizzy? Are you up for this marriage?"
I struggled to control my breathing and keep my lip from trembling. "How can you ask me that, Aunt? And you, Mamá? All of you? Am I nothing more to you than a bargaining piece? Do I not have a say in all of this?"
"Of course you do, my dear," my aunt replied.
"Lizzy, these kind of arrangements are made all the time," my uncle added. "This is a most fortunate offer, especially since your father is gone."
"If my father was here, he would not push me into such an arrangement! Mr. Darcy is well aware that I do not wish to marry him. He proposed to me six months ago. I refused him then and I refuse him today."
"Lizzy!" Mamá cried, sinking down on the chaise and vigorously fanning herself with her handkerchief. "Do you mean to say you refused such a man at Hunsford? That we could have been free of worry all these months but for your selfish nature?"
"I do not think I am selfish, Mamá," I pleaded. "I am willing to work to support you. I have searched everywhere for suitable housing that we can afford. I will do anything, but do not ask me to marry where I have no desire to do so."
"I knew it! I knew she would not do it. She has always been headstrong, stubborn - her father coddled her, you know - I knew she would let me down again! Mr. Darcy, I have three more daughters, the eldest much prettier than Lizzy and she possesses a much more compliant nature. Will you not take one of them?"
"Mamá!" I cried, unable to believe what I heard.
Mr. Darcy spoke then. "Mr. Gardiner, might I be afforded time alone with Miss Bennet?"
"Oh, yes, that is what you need," Mamá cried, "time to plead your case. Come, brother, come Madeline, let them talk alone."
"Mamá, there is no need for you to leave. I shall not change my mind."
"You will stay and hear Mr. Darcy, Elizabeth! You can do at least that much for me. I insist upon it!"
Seeing the look on my mother's face, I knew argument was futile. I watched the members of my family leave the room, closing the door behind them.
A good five minutes passed wherein neither of us said a word. I had stood when the others left the room; now I sat, waiting. He turned and looked out the window for what seemed like forever and then he walked behind my father's desk, picked up some papers and put them back down. The man was slower than waking Kitty in the mornings! At last, I could stand it no longer.
"Mr. Darcy, do you have anything to say? If not, I shall ask you to refrain from wasting my time."
He raised his head with a look that silenced me. I cannot describe it, but the certainty crossed my mind that one could push this man so far and no farther. I closed my mouth and waited. He took the papers, walked around the desk and sat in the chair next to me.
"Miss Bennet, this marriage contract is the only way to save your family from suffering great disadvantage both economically and socially. If you would look at the figures, I think you will see that I am prepared to prov
ide generously for all three of your sisters, as well as your mother."
"I do not need to look at numbers, sir. I need an answer. Why are you doing this? Why do you want to marry me?"
"You have no other options. You and your sisters cannot attract men of fortune; your youngest sister's unfortunate escapade will essentially bar all of you from the best of society."
I groaned silently to think he knew of Lydia's marriage. I forgot how fast such news traveled. Mr. Collins must have told Mr. Darcy's aunt, Lady Catherine de Bourgh. What great delight she would have experienced in relaying the gossip, for she gloried in her superiority.
"I would think, sir, that Lydia's marriage would certainly bar you from the slightest consideration of making any connection with my family. Do not forget that if you do, Mr. Wickham shall be your brother-in-law."
He winced at my words, but he did not back down. "Mr. Wickham shall never, of course, be permitted to visit Pemberley or my house in London, but your sister is welcome, as is the rest of your family."
"You say I have no other options, but you are wrong, Mr. Darcy. As soon as I see my mother and sisters settled in their new place, I shall secure a position as governess, as will Jane. We thank you for your offer, but we are quite able to provide for ourselves and our family."
"Are you? Come now, Miss Bennet. Governesses make hardly enough to keep themselves clothed. There will be precious little to spare to send home to your family and, knowing the habits of your mother, frugality is not in her nature. Besides that, Miss Bennet is far too fine for the governess trade...as are you."
I could not think of a reply. I never had a head for numbers and I feared he was right about governess salaries. Still, how could I enter into such a marriage?
"Miss Bennet, as you know, I have a younger sister. She is in need of someone like you. Since the...mistreatment by Wickham, which we never speak of and which I insist shall not be mentioned in her presence, she is withdrawn and melancholy. It has been more than a year and still she is timid and shy of everything and everyone."
"Then, could not Jane or I be employed as her companion?"
"You could, although she has a fine companion in Mrs. Annesley, but I want someone permanent in her life, someone full of wit and vitality, able to tease and enjoy life, as you do. Georgiana needs a sister."
"And you would ask me to marry you just to give your sister an outgoing companion? Really, Mr. Darcy, I find that hard to believe. No one is that unselfish when it comes to family members."
He bristled at my remarks. I could see a cold anger descend upon his countenance. "Perhaps you are not that unselfish, but I take my family responsibilities seriously."
"So now you agree with my mother and say that I am selfish because I shall not sell myself to you! Mr. Darcy, there are many other women with wit and vitality and love of life whom you could marry who would assist your sister. Why must it be me? Why do you want to marry me?"
He rose and walked to the window and back. "I have my reasons, Miss Bennet."
"And they are?"
"My reasons."
When he could see that I was not impressed with his lack of candor, he went on to tell me expressly what he would require: in public I was to act as though we were perfectly amiable; I was to serve as hostess and mistress of his houses; however, he would not impose upon me privately until I was ready. That is when I turned on him like a cat and he answered with like anger (which conversation I have related earlier).
I rose, ready to flee the room when he stopped me by catching my hand. "Miss Bennet, do not refuse me today. You have much to think about. Consider it overnight at least and give me your answer on the morrow. If your answer remains in the negative, it will silence me on this subject forever."
My first thought was to cry, "No, a thousand times no!" at him, but something about his eyes, the look in them, a sort of softness I had never seen before, caused me to reluctantly agree to sleep on my decision. The relief on his face at my answer almost made me ashamed and when he released my hand, I could still feel its warmth.
That night my mind was too weary to think straight. Mamá had lectured me for what seemed like hours; my uncle and aunt both took me aside privately to persuade me how beneficial the match would be to all concerned; and at length, even Jane entreated me to consider its benefits. That broke me - the look in Jane's eyes. What she had endured during her brief sojourn in Lancashire had scarred her. She truly feared for either of us to go into service.
"Lizzy," she said, "I wish I was the one Mr. Darcy wanted. I would go in your place if I could."
"How can you say that, Jane, when in your heart you know it is Mr. Bingley that you love? How could you give yourself to another?"
She stopped plaiting her hair and looked away for a moment. It was after midnight and we sat on my bed, spending our last waking moments of the day sharing confidences as we had done almost every night since childhood. "Mr. Bingley does not love me, Lizzy. I have accepted that and I am determined to be practical from now on. I shall marry the first kind, respectable man who asks me. I no longer look for a love match."
"But, Jane! I know love is what you desire."
Her eyes filled with tears. "Not with any other man, Lizzy. I shall love Mr. Bingley the rest of my life."
"Oh, Jane," I cried, pulling her close and kissing her hair. And that is what made me do it. For some reason I felt certain that Mr. Bingley still loved Jane, in spite of his apparent disinterestedness. I suspected he had ceased his attentions to her only because of the influence of his sisters and Mr. Darcy. I did not have power over Mr. Bingley's sisters, but I could make it a condition of marriage that Mr. Darcy right the wrong he had committed upon my sister. At least one of us should be happy in marriage.
The next morning my bed looked like the remains of a wrestler's match, but I was resigned to my fate. Mr. Darcy, surprisingly, did not object to my regulation concerning Mr. Bingley and even asked if I wanted it to be added to the marriage contract. Although I believed that he would do it without such, I asked for it in writing, perhaps because I wished him to know with whom he struck a bargain - not some gullible twit of a girl, but a woman of understanding who would not be taken advantage of.
So, one might say that I married out of purely altruistic reasons, putting the welfare of my family before my own pleasure. Way down deep within, though, and even hidden at the time from my own acknowledgement, there was another reason for the marriage, a reason I was not yet able to put into words, to envision, or admit to myself. Something in me wanted to know Mr. Darcy in his entirety, to put to rest the curiosity excited by his intriguing masculinity. I wanted to understand why my senses quickened in his presence, why I felt every part of life more keenly around him, and what it was that made him want to marry me.
~ * ~
"Elizabeth," Mr. Darcy said, shocking me back to the reality of our journey, "I do not want Georgiana to know the truth of our physical arrangement. I trust that you will honour our contract with discretion."
"Mr. Darcy, if the truth of our physical arrangement were the opposite, do you think that I would be so indiscreet as to share that knowledge with your sister or any other member of your family?" I replied, insulted that he should think I needed cautioning.
"I should hope not, but seeing that you have been reared in circumstances quite different from mine, I shall from time to time admonish you with these warnings just in case."
Oh, the man was an absolute churl! Could he insult my family to any greater degree? Did he think I was a child? With a quick flick of my wrist, I reached over and jerked up the shade on my window. May your head burst, Mr. Darcy!
Chapter 3
We arrived at Mr. Darcy's townhouse in London by mid-afternoon. From the moment we first reached the outskirts, the city's parade of sights and sounds entertained me. I had not been in town for some time and the intensity of the noise, odors, colors, confusion and general uproar proved a welcome diversion to the silence that had ensued during t
he past hour and a half of our carriage ride.
I was not surprised at the stately grandeur of the house, for the Gardiners had described the richness of Mr. Darcy's estate in Derbyshire; I expected no less in London. I was relieved to see upon entering the house that it was tastefully furnished, quietly elegant, without need to impress. Although I did not pretend to know him well, his house reflected the man I thought him to be - a gentleman long used to the best in life, without posturing or affected manner, a certain taking for granted that this was how life was to be. I assumed it had always been that way for him and now it was to be my way of life. That would take adjustment on my part.
In the foyer the butler, Adams, and the housekeeper, Mrs. James, met us. If they were surprised to see a new mistress, their manners were circumspect and unrevealing. Adams informed us that Miss Georgiana entertained callers in the salon and I saw Mr. Darcy frown at the news.
"Did not Colonel Fitzwilliam fetch her last night and take her to the Earl of Matlock's residence?"
"No, sir, the colonel just arrived a short while ago and by that time Mrs. Hurst and Miss Bingley attended Miss Darcy. He has gone above stairs to freshen up before joining them, sir," Adams answered, indicating the direction toward the salon. Mr. Darcy groaned and I almost rolled my eyes at the thought of a visit with my least favourite people.
As he and his butler continued their conversation regarding general news of the household, I ventured a few steps farther so that I might observe the inhabitants of the salon without their seeing me. I wished to have a look at my new sister-in-law before we were thrust upon each other.
I saw a young girl, slender and pale, the opposite in colour to her brother, sitting across from her guests. With what appeared to be caution and some trepidation, Georgiana Darcy poured tea into china cups for her guests. She seemed uneasy with the practice which surprised me, for I assumed she had served as hostess for her brother numerous times in the past, but the presence of Miss Bingley and Mrs. Hurst could contribute to the discomfiture of even the most accomplished of hostesses. How well I knew that!