by Jan Hahn
"Oh, yes, you must be married by special licence, my dear. I am sure Mr. Bingley can see to it, and we will hold the wedding in Longbourne Church. How about in April when the first lilies begin to bloom?"
"How about in February before anything blooms?" I interjected. "That way Jane will be the most beautiful flower in the county."
"February!" Mamá cried. "Oh, no! I cannot possibly plan a wedding by February. We shall have to travel to town for gowns, for that is where all the best warehouses are, and with the inclement weather this time of year, we cannot depend upon getting it all done that soon."
"Why not meet in the middle," Mrs. Gardiner suggested, "and marry in March?"
Jane's eyes lit up and Mamá was soon persuaded to agree. The remainder of the morning was spent in countless re-telling of the entire proposal scene and my mother's endless wedding plans.
~ * ~
That evening Georgiana and I joined Mr. Darcy in the great old hall where we had held the Harvest Ball. All of the servants assembled and after enjoying a feast of venison and turkey, we handed out their gifts. The majority of the boxes held money, of course, the most prized contribution we could give them, but I had selected a singular gift for Fiona. Before our guests arrived to spend Christmas with us, Mr. Darcy and I had spent a day shopping in a neighbouring town. There I had chosen a small gift for Georgiana and others for my sisters and mother when I came across a shawl trimmed with a lovely piece of Irish lace. For some reason it made me think of Fiona, delicate, pretty and yet serviceable, exactly like her. I resolved to purchase it for her then and there. We had already prepared a box of money for her and Georgiana previously found a small toy for Willie, but I wanted to give the maid something special, something just from me.
I now drew her aside in the great hall and offered her the wrapped parcel.
"But Mistress, the Master has already given me my box."
"I know, but this is from me."
Her eyes grew big with wonder as she undid the string and opened the package. "Oh, Ma'am, it is beautiful, truly beautiful!" she said, as she held the lace in her hands. "I have never had anything so fine. Thank you, Ma'am, oh, thank you!"
"You are welcome, Fiona. I believe it was made for you."
She reached out and took my hands in hers, squeezing them, a bold move for a servant, but one I welcomed. I had wronged the girl within my mind and even though this gift did not make right what I had done, it gave her pleasure and I sincerely wanted her to have it. As she curtseyed and walked away to join Betty and Willie and show them her treasure, I looked up and caught Mr. Darcy watching us. Our eyes met and I could feel the warmth of his approval.
We enjoyed mutual approval of each other and nary a discordant word between us during the remaining days of Christmastide, a marvelous feat I rejoiced in, seeing that we endured a house full of company for close to three weeks. Our festivities culminated with the celebration of Twelfth Night. Our closest neighbours, the Darnleys and Ashtons, joined our guests that evening. It was an evening for masks and playacting, an event that required I use all of my powers of persuasion on my dear husband to cause to come about.
"Elizabeth," he said, "we have not observed Twelfth Night in such a manner since I was a child."
"All the more reason to do so this year."
He did not agree with my argument, protesting the masks in particular but he allowed it, perhaps because of my gentle persuasion. Slowly I was learning the man could be more easily swayed by honey than vinegar.
Mamá was almost as excited as Kitty and Georgiana about the thought of a masked evening and she questioned Mr. Darcy thoroughly as to whether either of his neighbours had eligible sons among their family. He thrilled her by announcing that Edward Darnley was an excellent young man and his older brother, as well, and they would be in attendance that evening. She was not quite so thrilled to learn that Mr. Ashton had a pretty daughter whom young Edward was courting.
"But you say there is an elder brother," Mamá said, pursing her lips. "Even better. We shall make what we can of the opportunity." She then went in search of Kitty and Mary to oversee their gowns and masks for the evening. Even this blatant vulgarity on my mother's part did not dissuade Mr. Darcy's good mood, however, and I marveled each day as to how tolerant of my family's foibles he had grown.
I made several trips to the kitchen before the party, personally overseeing the d?cor of the Twelfth Night cake. I was glad to see that Cook had not disappointed me. The sugar frosting and gilded paper trimmings transformed it into a sight to behold.
"And did you remember to include a bean and pea within before baking?" I asked.
"Yes, Ma'am," Cook replied. "It is just as you ordered."
The old custom had not been observed at Pemberley for many years, but I wished to reinstate it and as I was now mistress of the house, I made that decision on my own. The beautiful cake was brought in and placed as the centerpiece of the dining table. That night, after music and a clumsy but hilarious theatrical of A Midsummer's Night Dream playacted by the younger members of the family, we sat down to a lavish dinner of boar's head and turkey, plum pudding and gingerbread. Then the cake was cut and everyone served a piece. It seemed quite fitting that Mr. Darcy found the bean contained in his slice of cake and thus served as king for the night; however, we were all in uproar when Mamá discovered the pea in her serving and was proclaimed queen for the evening. They took their "thrones" (chairs that Georgiana and Kitty had decorated with garlands of white paper flowers) in the smaller ballroom and from there we were obliged to do any and everything they commanded.
I knew Mr. Darcy was born for the role, but he had his hands full when Mamá ordered him around along with everyone else. Her natural proclivity for being in command only added to his dismay. She decreed that Mary should play a jig and Mr. Darcy and I should lead the dance. She then paired the remaining unmarried couples, beginning with Jane and Mr. Bingley, of course, and ending with Kitty and the Darnley's older son. A jig was not Mr. Darcy's cup of tea and certainly not in front of his neighbours, but he carried through nonetheless. After it was over, flushed from the exercise, he made his own law.
"I decree that the king shall not be commanded to dance again this night!" He retired to his throne and welcomed a glass of wine Georgiana fetched for him.
By the time our guests departed at the end of the evening and we retired to our chambers, my husband was only too glad to be alone with me behind closed doors. I commended him for his forbearance during the party and, indeed, throughout the extended visit from my family and Mr. Bingley.
"Do not praise me too highly, Elizabeth, for if truth be known, I look forward to the morrow when they shall leave Pemberley and we shall have our house to ourselves."
I fingered the chain of perfect emeralds around my neck, the Christmas gift he had given me, and thought how truly generous a man I had married. Earlier, Fiona helped me change into my nightgown and robe and brushed out my hair, but I told her to leave the necklace, that I would take it off myself, for I knew the colour flattered my eyes. Now, I joined him before the fireplace in his chamber and slipped my arms around his neck.
"Praise does not exist high enough for you, William. You are truly the best of men."
He smiled and gazed into my eyes, took me into his arms and kissed me tenderly before speaking. "I am far from that, my love, but I believe I do deserve some commendation. This Christmastide has been, by far, the liveliest either Pemberley or I have experienced. I truly hope for a quieter time the remainder of January."
"My poor darling." I rested my head against his chest. "I am afraid you shall rue the day you ever brought me into your house."
"Elizabeth! How can you say that?" He held me at arms' length where we could face each other.
"You must admit I have disrupted your life entirely. And when you married me, you acquired a bag full of relatives that I know have tried you sorely and shall continue to do so."
He shook his head. "You are wrong. M
y life was not one of contentment before you came into it, but rather loneliness and tedium. Oh, I had friends enough, my home, my place in society, but none of it meant anything nor could it ever mean anything to me again without you. And yes, your family is interesting, but I now take them as they are and I am grateful for them."
"Grateful? Jane, perhaps, and Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner, but surely you are not grateful for all of them."
"I am," he said, pulling me onto his lap as he sat on the sofa before the fire. "For without them, there would be no Elizabeth, no dearest, loveliest Elizabeth. You are a part of them and they of you, and I would not have it any other way."
I began to kiss him then, softly at first, tenderly caressing his lips until our passion caught fire and soon blazed brighter and higher than the flames before which we sat.
~ * ~
If I said that Mr. Darcy and I never had another cross word between us, it would be false, for as married couples throughout time have known, it is impossible to live with someone and always agree. And seeing that we were of different temperaments, we still had much to overcome in a relatively new marriage. The next such difficulty arrived a short time after Georgiana's seventeenth birthday.
She had been much cheered with a house full of guests during the holidays, but once they left, her spirits dampened. She spent many hours at the pianoforte or reading. The only time I saw her countenance brighten was when she or Mr. Darcy received a letter from Colonel Fitzwilliam. Upon receipt of a personal letter to her, she would vanish to read it in private, but when a missive arrived for her brother, she would search for him throughout the house and urge him to immediately read it aloud. I grew more and more anxious as to her reaction when Richard revealed his plans to leave the country.
My foreboding was not in vain.
The colonel arrived the day before Georgiana's birthday, January 30th, and he spent ten days with us, days in which the weather turned bitterly cold and forced us to keep to the house the majority of time. The day before he was to return to his regiment, however, we were blessed with a beautiful, sunny morning. The wind stilled, the temperature rose, and the warmth of the sun felt like heaven's kiss shining upon my face. After breakfast, Mr. Darcy suggested he and the colonel go riding and when Georgiana asked to be included, he agreed. I begged off, as I had not felt well the past few days, and assured my husband I would be content to curl up by the fire with a new novel he recently brought me from the bookstore in Lambton. They were gone for much of the day and I found myself enjoying the unusual solitude. I slept some and by the time they returned, I felt better, a fortunate turn of events, for I needed all my resources to deal with the tempest that blew into our house with the arrival of my sister-in-law.
"Oh, Richard, I cannot believe this! I refuse to believe it!" she cried.
"Georgie, pray listen to me," he pleaded to no avail, for she ran past the drawing room and up the staircase to her room, her sobs evident for all to hear.
I rose from my chair before the fire and walked to the doorway, frowning and worried. "Richard? What has happened? Is someone hurt?"
He started up the stairs, but stopped at my words and the addition of Mr. Darcy, who walked in from outside. I had never seen such worry upon the colonel's expression before and feared that something terrible had happened. I was relieved to see that all three of them were not injured as far as I could tell.
"Her behaviour is insupportable!" William exclaimed. "Why should she be so distressed?"
"Will someone tell me what is the matter?" I asked again.
Both gentlemen accompanied me into the drawing room so that we would no longer discuss matters in front of the servants. William threw his gloves and hat on a small table and began to pace back and forth. "I must go to her. I shall tell her she is acting like a child."
"William, Richard, one of you must tell me what is wrong with Georgiana?"
Colonel Fitzwilliam sighed and gave me a long look. "I told her I would leave for Spain next week."
"Oh, Richard, that soon?"
He nodded and William stopped pacing. "I fail to see why this upsets my sister so. She knows you are an officer and the army is sent abroad from time to time. Does she expect you to be exempt from your duties? Why, Fitz, you were in France a few years ago and I do not remember Georgiana having a strong reaction."
"Perhaps she was not old enough then to think of the danger," I said. "She now is aware that the colonel will face the enemy when he goes to Spain."
"There is little chance of my actual fighting. In my position I usually remain with other commanding officers, overseeing things from a safe distance. Georgie need have little worry for my safety."
"Should you not go up and reassure her?" I suggested.
"No," William announced. "I shall deal with Georgiana. I will not have her behave in this manner." He began to walk toward the door.
"William," I said quickly, "why not let me go to her? A woman's touch may be what she requires right now."
He looked at me just long enough to listen, but shook his head. "You may go after I am done, Elizabeth. For now, I want to know what is at the bottom of all this." With that, he walked out the door and we could hear his rapid ascent up the stairs.
"Oh, I do wish he had listened to me." I sank down upon the sofa. "Colonel, must you truly go? Can you not see that Georgiana will be lost without you?"
"I cannot stay. Once orders are given, there is no going back, and besides, I still think it best that I leave."
"But why? I confess I do not truly understand your reasoning."
"Elizabeth, I have thought about this for a long time, dwelt upon it, in fact. I am sixteen years Georgiana's senior. I remember holding her as a babe; she was the most beautiful child I had ever seen. That is all she was to me for the longest time, my dearest little cousin, and then when her father died and he named me guardian along with Darcy, I felt even closer to her and I suppose more protective, if that is possible. She has always been like a little bird, tiny and fragile. Like Darce, I, too, longed to keep her locked up somewhere...somewhere no one could ever hurt her. But we failed. We both failed." He walked to the window and stared out through the trees at the sunlight now fading.
"Richard, you cannot hold yourself responsible for what happened to Georgiana with Mr. Wickham. You and William did all that you could to provide a safe environment for her. It is neither your fault nor his that all of you were deceived."
"I acknowledge the truth of your statement in my mind, but somehow my heart refuses to accept it. All I know is that when she was recovered and brought back, Georgiana was no longer a child in my eyes. Oh, I still tease her; I think I call her 'Sprout' to cover my own feelings, to try to convince myself she is still but a girl and has not blossomed into a young woman. I confess I have seldom seen a face or figure more pleasing to me than hers, but I am a partial old friend. I love to look at her...indeed, I could look at her forever for I have fallen in love with her." He stood half in shadow. The fading sunlight was just enough that I could see the anguish upon his countenance.
I rose and joined him at the window. "And is it inconceivable that she may love you as well?"
He pressed his lips together and shook his head. "Of course she loves me. We have loved each other as cousins all our lives, but no, she is not old enough to know what mature love is, to return the measure of devotion I feel. Do you not see, Elizabeth, that I cannot place that burden upon her? She needs time...her time in the sun...and with you as her sister, I know she will have it. Oh, Darce will fight you right and left, but you must be strong for her. Work your charm on him and make him see that he must let her go. When she comes out in the spring, he must not discourage the young men who call, only make certain they are worthy. I am not courageous enough for the task and that is why I must leave. But you can, Elizabeth, and you can make Darcy accept it. Let Georgiana have her chance."
"Do you not fear the possibility she may accept a suitor and marry?"
He stared at t
he floor but not before I saw him wince. "I do," he said, his voice barely audible. "Perchance that would be best. I want her to fall in love, to know the ecstasy and misery such feelings cause, and yet I cannot bring myself to witness it. You and Darcy must sustain her through this."
I put my hand on his arm, for I longed to comfort him somehow. If my heart broke to witness this sacrifice, what must he feel? "I shall do what I can, Richard," I said softly, but I did not feel it would be near enough.
William walked into the room just then. "Elizabeth, she wants you."
I nodded and left them, wondering what had transpired between brother and sister. Upstairs I found a subdued, chastened young girl with tearstains still on her face. I poured some water into a basin, moistened a cloth and gently bathed her face. "Can I help you, Georgiana?"
She shook her head and sighed. "Wills says I act like a spoilt child and I know he is right. I do not understand why I am so upset. Richard has gone away time and again and he has always come back. He will return this time, will he not?"
"Of course," I said quickly. I did not want to bring up the chances a soldier takes in war no matter how lightly Richard dismissed them, and I hoped she would not think of them.
"It is just that I am so afraid to face my debut in town without him."
"Your brother and I will be with you, Georgiana, as well as Lord and Lady Matlock. You do not have to do it alone."
"I know that, but Wills cannot dance with me. Richard could and he is a divine dancer."
I turned away and closed my eyes, acknowledging then that the colonel was correct. In many ways Georgiana was still so young, her greatest worry whom she would dance with. "There will be many young men who will dance with you."
"Will there? What if no one asks me?"
I smiled. "You worry in vain. I am sure you will be vastly popular."
"Oh, no, I do not wish to be popular. The thought of making conversation with all those strangers frightens me exceedingly. With Richard there, I should always have someone at my side. If I felt alarmed by one who asked for my hand, I could dance with him instead. Elizabeth, I do not know why I say all this or why his leaving upsets me so. I am confused."