by George Takei
Second, though December 21, 2012 is the end of the so-called time cycle for the Maya, the Maya never predicted it as the actual end of the world, as many believe. Like an odometer, it simply meant their calendar would turn over to a new “13th” cycle around that date. As an interesting tidbit, the calendar left to us by the Romans was hardly a model of accuracy, as it had to be corrected by decree in 46 B.C. to account for inaccuracies in year lengths (that confusing year apparently went on for 445 days). So no one knows for certain if 12/21/12 in fact was to be the day the Maya calendar ran out.
Fans with very dark senses of humor pointed out that the death of a certain celebrity in 2012 did not bode well for humanity’s chances.
© Christopher Dodge - Fotolia.com Used with permission.
A second popular indicator of the coming of the end was the pregnancy (and feared but unfounded due date) of a reality television star, whose popularity still perplexes me:
I admit, I had to look up who Snooki was when I saw this, and I still don’t get it.
Fans were also quick to point out that Hostess Twinkies were supposed to survive even a nuclear holocaust, but went out of production just weeks before December 21, 2012. Again, well played, Maya.
I also blame “zombie-philia” in part for our collective end-of-the-world mania. I’ve found that people under 30, in particular, have a keen sense of the undead and how to deal with them in the event they rise:
In 2012, zombies leapt off the big screen and into the headlines with news reports of a homeless man who had his face chewed off by another man — truly the stuff of horror films. Rumor was that the assailant had been hallucinating on some kind of drug, dubbed on the street as “bath salts,” but this was never corroborated. Nevertheless, the zombie apocalypsados pounced on the news as evidence of the “impending ending.”
Right on cue, memes sprung up all over the Internet. My personal favorite poked fun at Carly Rae Jepsen’s cloying “Call Me Maybe” song that seemed to be everywhere:
A popular related meme had Yoda singing this song, in his signature syntax. “Met you I just did, hmm? Call me you will maybe, hmm?” It goes to show, you can’t go wrong with a Yoda post.
During that week, everywhere I looked on the Internet, there were zombie doom references. Fans compiled news stories from around the country that they swore corroborated that flesh-eating creatures were rampant. Mom chews off husband’s penis. Boy bites off own arm. Man chops up roommate, stores in fridge to eat later. My own Facebook wall was full with fan images of zombie inspired attacks: peanut people devouring one another, stick figures dismembering their own, even gentle garden gnomes zombified into a rampaging pack of the undead.
There’s something about zombies that fascinates us beyond what the movies have shown, a morbid fascination with, well, the morbid.
Gross indeed. Other popular 2012 predictions include disturbances within the heavens, everything from unprecedented planetary alignments to massive solar flares destroying our little blue home. Cults predicted the coming of aliens to destroy us, or of the true Second Coming. I began to wonder, what accounts for our collective affinity for the apocalypse? What is it about “the end” that makes it always seem just around the corner? And why do lawns in post-apocalyptic always appear freshly mowed if there’s no one around to do it but the zombies?
It’s one of the few areas in which science and many religions come to the same basic conclusion: We’re doomed. The end is heralded in fire and brimstone, whether it’s the return of the Savior or our sun going supernova in a few billion more years. Man can hasten The End of Days, whether through terrible wars, catastrophic damage to our environment, or even playing at God. Indeed, even some in the scientific world were unnerved at the news that CERN (the European Organization for Nuclear Research) would attempt collision of particles at near light speed, all in service of the search for the subatomic particle known as Higgs boson, which the press dismayingly has dubbed the “God Particle.”
© valdis torms - Fotolia.com. Used with Permission
Here’s another favorite:
© perfectmatch - Fotolia.com. Used with Permission
Our musings about our own destruction in some ways marks us as self-aware and separates us from other species on Earth. Our own attempts to defy our own temporal and physical limitations provide ample fodder for apocalypse watchers.
Many point to humankind’s bold but, some caution, foolhardy attempt to unlock the secrets of the physical and natural world, unleashing devastation and misery instead of enlightenment. The atom bomb, a man-made super virus run amok, robot armies taking control — all are cautionary tales, where our technology vastly exceeds our collective social wisdom, allowing our discoveries to turn upon and destroy us. It is the ultimate evolutionary irony that our own overdeveloped brains may be our undoing. Perhaps it is no secret, then, that it is the brain that zombies find so delectable.
© Steve Young - Fotolia.com. Used with Permission
Perhaps our obsession with the apocalypse stems from the now irrefutable evidence that It. Has. Happened. Before. The sudden disappearance of the mighty dinosaurs, many posit from a huge meteor strike, is now part of our common understanding, affecting our own sense of vulnerability.
In late 2012, Apophis, an asteroid the size of two football fields, was predicted by astronomers to travel fairly close to the Earth. There is a chance, however small, that it could be deflected just enough by our own gravity to come zipping back to smack straight into us, some predict in 2036. Now, that probably won’t happen, but the point is, for the first time we are keenly aware of celestial doomsday rocks and how close they will visit. Our delectable brains get fired up about it, and Morgan Freeman has to save the Earth again.
What is clear to astronomers and doomsday predictors alike is that we do have to figure a way off this planet, for one day the party will end. Happily for our species, it was never going to be 2012. We still get a very long time to figure out space travel, or come up with the antidote, or dig ourselves giant cities underground to protect against the radioactive clouds. I can’t help but postulate that there is something oddly comforting in imagining an end we share together, rather than alone, and that this feeds our mutual obsession with Doomsday. The apocalypse that wipes out 99.99% of us doesn’t discriminate by race, class, or geography. As it turns out, everyone’s brains do in fact taste the same.
Getting My Facefix
Over the past year and a half, I’ve come to develop a unique bond not only with Facebook, but with some of the folks who work there. As an avid user with a fan base populated by many nerds and geeks, perhaps it shouldn’t have come as a surprise to me that techies who work at Facebook actually follow my page and, as a consequence, might prove responsive to my concerns. In fact, I recall reading an article that claimed my page is more heavily trafficked by Facebook employees than Mark Zuckerberg’s page (sorry, Mark, if that’s true).
I first began a direct line of communication with “Facebook Engineering” in early 2012. At the time, I had been noticing that some of my posts seemed to “disappear” after I posted them, only to reappear minutes or even half an hour later, as if emerging from a wormhole. I was never sure whether the picture was truly “back” — i.e. actually appearing on fans’ newsfeeds — or whether it was simply appearing on my wall and not anywhere else.
The same thing was happening to certain fan posts. Many fans would attempt, as I did when my own post failed to upload properly, to repost the image. And repost. And repost. This had the effect, after some time, of generating multiple copies of the same image on my wall, like so many movie posters on a construction site barrier. In my own case, images often would all upload at once but appear as an “album” rather than individual pictures. (Here’s a Facebook tip: If you want people to actually see your photos, don’t upload them all at once as an album. Upload them one by one, preferably more than two hours apart, otherwise Facebook may lump them
together, and nobody will bo
ther to flip through the album. Think about it — don’t you brace yourself when someone sits you down on a couch to flip through their “album” of pictures?)
It was even more unfortunate when fans concluded that their posted images or links had disappeared because I had deleted them, as if I somehow was offended that they had used my wall to promote their cause. I would receive many of these types of angry wall posts after people went back to my wall to review their posts:
“GEORGE, I’M SORRY THAT YOU TOOK OFFENSE AT MY ATTEMPT TO BRING YOUR ATTENTION TO THE PLIGHT OF CHILDREN WITH MS. I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT A MAN OF YOUR STATURE WHO CLAIMS TO BE COMPASSIONATE WOULD NOT HAVE SO COLDLY DELETED MY MESSAGE OF HOPE. UNFRIEND.”
Good heavens, what a mess. I made a sincere effort to respond to each of these and explain that I never delete fan posts unless they contain hate speech or are obviously spam, that Facebook probably had swallowed up their posts temporarily, and they should be patient. But this happened so often that it became impossible for me to respond to each distraught fan, and so I endured post after tearful post from disenchanted fans.
The problem became acute enough that I actively had to monitor how my own posts were faring to determine whether there was an issue with any given one. In a particularly troubling week, it seemed every post I made failed to make it on to anyone’s newsfeed. I could tell something was wrong because the number of likes and shares would mysteriously drop to negligible numbers, or simply stop rising altogether — meaning they had vanished off of everyone’s feeds. Brad, of course, thought I was being paranoid, but the numbers spoke for themselves.
So I did what any customer would do. I complained.
“Fans,” I asked, “Facebook appears to be acting up today. Could you do me a favor and visit my wall, and let me know whether you saw my two posts from earlier today?”
Hundreds of fans responded that they indeed had not seen my posts. Many assumed I had taken a mysterious hiatus from my daily Facefix. Others asked how they could ensure that they saw all my posts (there is no real way to ensure this, as I explain in a later chapter).
After I posted my alert, imagine my surprise when I received wall posts from members of the Facebook Engineering team, alerting me, in turn, that they were investigating the issue. The nerd in me thrilled. One engineer, Mark Callaghan, blogged about the experience:
GEORGE TAKEI HAS A LOT OF FANS WITH US AND SINCE WE’VE ALL LIKED HIS PAGE, A WHILE BACK SOME OF US SAW AN UPDATE FROM HIM ABOUT AN INCONSISTENCY IN HIS FACEBOOK EXPERIENCE. WE REALIZED WHAT HE WAS EXPERIENCING WAS AN ISSUE WE WERE ALREADY TRYING TO FIX ON THE DATABASE SIDE, SO WHEN WE SAW HIM POST, IT GAVE US MORE INFORMATION THAT HELPED US GET CLOSER TO RESOLVING THE ISSUE. THIS ALLOWED US TO IMPROVE HIS EXPERIENCE, AND IN TURN, THE EXPERIENCE OF EVERYONE ELSE ON FACEBOOK.
In “tech speak,” on his blog, Callaghan was providing technical insight into challenges of scalability with MySQL on Facebook’s multi-core servers. Truthfully, I don’t understand this, but in plain English, it would appear my post had assisted their team with some real world troubleshooting.
Reading this, I suddenly realized what Dorothy must have felt like when meeting The Wizard. These are the live folks behind what happens on Facebook! I had peeked behind the curtain.
At times, I’ve come to the defense of Facebook, as when it rolled out its new Timeline user interface. The Internet was so abuzz with dire warnings and predictions, one would think a cataclysmic event had occurred, rather than an honest attempt to improve the product. So I did what came naturally: I spoofed it in a brief video. In it, I advised that the future of humanity was not threatened by the Timeline change itself, but by the possibility that one could go back in time to change one’s status. Metaphysical purists no doubt will point out here that the concept of backward time travel is theoretically problematic because of the temporal paradox, but that’s another book, probably in another parallel lifetime.
In my spoof video (youtube.com/watch?v=1kNs4pxhRvc) I had a great deal of fun imagining what my own Timeline would look like in the year 2293, with the help of some creative staff members. I’m sure it did little to quell rumors of a feud between Bill Shatner and myself.
Now, on the flip side, I haven’t always been a complete fan of what Facebook is up to. In June of 2012, I saw an advertisement for “promoted posts” and read some articles about how Facebook was planning to make more money by implementing them. Promoted posts, as I understand them, are a way to charge pages and brands to reach more of their fans. This alarmed me, because I wasn’t sure I would be able to maintain the engagement with my fans. I posted this on my page:
“FB USED TO ALLOW FANS TO ELECT TO SEE ALL POSTS BY SELECTING ‘ALL UPDATES’ FROM THE RIGHT HAND CORNER OF A POST. FOR COMMUNITY PAGES SUCH AS THIS, THOUGH, FB RECENTLY DECIDED THAT ONLY CERTAIN FANS WILL SEE CERTAIN POSTS, AND IT PLANS TO ASK ME TO PAY FOR MORE FAN VIEWS.
I UNDERSTAND THAT FB HAS TO MAKE MONEY, ESPECIALLY NOW THAT IT IS PUBLIC, BUT IN MY VIEW THIS DEVELOPMENT TURNS THE NOTION OF ‘FANS’ ON ITS HEAD.”
My general concern was that the wonderful, freewheeling marketplace of ideas was about to be gobbled up by the companies most able to pay to have their messages delivered. I certainly would not be able to fork out thousands of dollars per update to ensure my fans saw something I’d shared.
My frustrations did not go unnoticed. Another engineer at Facebook, Phil Zigoris, responded quickly, respectfully assuring me as follows:
TO THE ESTEEMED MR. GEORGE TAKEI, I SAW YOUR POST EARLIER (AT THE TOP OF MY FEED, IN FACT) ON SUPPOSED CHANGES TO THE WAY YOUR POSTS WERE DELIVERED TO FANS. I WORK AT FB AND EVEN WORK ON THE PRODUCT YOU DESCRIBE, AND I WANTED TO DROP A NOTE TO SAY THAT WE’VE CHANGED NOTHING ABOUT THE WAY PAGE POSTS ARE DELIVERED TO FANS. I STILL SEE YOUR POSTS IN MY FEED ALL THE TIME (KEEP ‘EM COMING). THE MAIN POINT OF CONFUSION WE’VE SEEN IS THAT PAGES DON’T REALIZE THAT THEIR POSTS WERE NEVER REACHING 100% OF FANS. IF YOU GO TO YOUR PAGE INSIGHTS, YOU’LL SEE THIS HAS ALWAYS BEEN THE CASE.
AND IT MAKES SENSE IF YOU STOP AND THINK ABOUT IT: THERE IS JUST NO WAY TO SEE ALL OF THE STUFF HAPPENING ON FB IN YOUR FEED. PERSONALLY, I HAVE OVER 700 FRIENDS AND HAVE PROBABLY FANNED 1000S OF PAGES, THERE IS NO WAY I CAN SEE ALL OF THEIR POSTS IN MY FEED EVERYDAY. FORTUNATELY, FB DOES A PRETTY GOOD JOB RANKING CONTENT BASED ON THE PEOPLE AND PAGES I INTERACT WITH THE MOST. SO NATURALLY, GEORGE TAKEI AND TACO BELL ARE USUALLY AT THE TOP OF MY FEED.
ALL PROMOTED PAGE POSTS DOES IS OFFER AN EASY WAY FOR PAGE ADMINS TO PAY TO PROMOTE A POST USING FB ADS USING FUNCTIONALITY THAT ALREADY EXISTED. A LOT OF BUSINESSES USE POSTS TO PROMOTE SALES, CONCERTS, ETC AND ITS AN EASY WAY TO GET MORE DISTRIBUTION AND WE’VE GOTTEN A LOT OF POSITIVE FEEDBACK FROM PAGES ABOUT THE PRODUCT.
While this addressed some of my technical ignorance, it left open the question of whether money was going to tip the balance in favor of big corporations when it came to Facebook “real estate.”
The question was ripe enough for even The Wall Street Journal to take interest. A reporter called and interviewed me about my thoughts on the matter.
Here is an excerpt from that interview:
WSJ: ARE YOU FRUSTRATED BY THIS NEWS?
MR. TAKEI: I AM STILL LEARNING HOW FACEBOOK WORKS AND TRYING HARD TO KEEP UP WITH ITS MANY CHANGES. AND I UNDERSTAND THAT FACEBOOK HAS TO MAKE MONEY. BUT WHAT IS FRUSTRATING IS THAT THIS OFFER COMES DURING A TIME WHEN I SAW MY GENERAL REACH (43 MILLION PER WEEK) INEXPLICABLY DROPPING BY 25% DOWN TO 34 MILLION, EVEN AS THE NUMBER OF PEOPLE TALKING ABOUT THE PAGE WAS RISING (TO NOW OVER 2.5 MILLION PER WEEK) AND THE NUMBER OF FANS WAS GROWING AT AROUND 7,000 PER DAY.
I ASKED MYSELF, IS FACEBOOK DOING SOMETHING TO SHRINK MY FAN REACH, AT THE SAME TIME IT IS TELLING ME TO PAY TO REACH MORE OF THEM? SO YES, IT WAS FRUSTRATING TO FEEL PRESSURE TO PAY TO REACH FANS.
WSJ: ANY PLANS TO PAY FACEBOOK SO MORE FANS CAN SEE YOUR POSTS?
MR. TAKEI: I DON’T CURRENTLY HAVE ANY SUCH PLANS. NEARLY ALL OF MY POSTS ARE JUST THINGS I FIND FUNNY, OR TOUCHING, OR THOU
GHT-PROVOKING. THEY HAVE LITTLE TO DO WITH ME PERSONALLY, SO I CAN’T SEE MYSELF PAYING EXTRA FOR THOSE.
WSJ: WILL THIS HAVE ANY IMPACT ON YOUR FACEBOOK PRESENCE?
MR. TAKEI: FANS ARE GOING TO HAVE TO BECOME EDUCATED ON HOW THE CONTENT THEY BELIEVE THEY HAVE SIGNED UP FOR IS ACTUALLY HANDLED, AND AT TIMES TAKE PROACTIVE MEASURES TO MAKE SURE THEIR “NEWS FEED” CONTAINS WHAT THEY WANT IT TO CONTAIN. FOR MY PART, I AM GETTING A CRASH COURSE IN WHAT CONTENT MAKES ITS WAY INTO WHAT STREAM, AND WHY. I KNOW THAT TO STAY RELEVANT IN SOCIAL MEDIA, YOU CAN’T GO RADIO SILENT FOR WEEKS ON VACATION AND EXPECT THE WORLD NOT TO HAVE CHANGED. AT LEAST, CERTAINLY NOT ON FACEBOOK.
Despite my initial concerns, the algorithm Facebook is using to determine post placement has caused my page to come out fine. Facebook continues to search for a way to satisfy its investors while maintaining the integrity and core of its free user engagement, a delicate balance that always threatens to set users on edge, myself included. We have become accustomed to this “free” service provided, and are quick to balk at any hint of commercialism, which of course makes no sense when you consider that Facebook ultimately must make gobs of money to justify its stock price. Well, perhaps not gobs any longer given its current stock price, but you get my drift.
After one more recent incident, Facebook Engineering extended an open invitation for me to ask them direct questions rather than post about them on my wall. This happened after I shared a concern that a French newspaper had reported. The rumor was that Facebook had published, in error, its users’ private messages as “wall posts” in the Timeline before the year 2009. This rumor spread rather quickly, in part because wall posts from that era did in fact more closely resemble what today’s more savvy users would identify as private messaging (in fact, private messaging wasn’t even available on Facebook back then). I shared this concern with my fans, but within minutes received contrary information from Facebook Engineering. I decided then to take down the post and investigate the claim more thoroughly.