Holding On To Heaven

by Melyssa Winchester

  *****

  She may not believe that I’m like Gabriel, but I know better. I had been part of a plan destined to drain her of her power. I let her down right from the second I met her and no matter how much I confessed to her, nothing could ever change it.

  When I told her that doing this wouldn't tip off Lucifer, I wasn’t entirely truthful. I have no idea whether or not my power is limited to each individual class or if it encompassed them all. Only time would tell, but I’m hoping that in letting Gabriel in the way Serenity wants, I didn't give Lucifer open access to her too.

  I want to please him, the urge is there under the surface, but the pull to her for whatever reason is much stronger. My purpose is severely distorted. I want to do the right thing by her even though it may differ from the task I’ve been assigned. This feeling inside of me is one I’ve never experienced before. I’ve roamed the Earth for the last twenty-one years with something missing. I had never been able to pinpoint exactly what it was, but the more time spent around her and the affect she’s having on me, I’m beginning to see it.

  For the first time in my life, both human and demonic, I’m beginning to feel love.

  Lucifer will most definitely not like that news. It’s a punishable by death offense. I would be banished to hell for eternity if he ever found out. As I watch her focusing her mind, calling on Gabriel to appear, it’s my only prayer that he didn't.

  The feeling is beautiful in its simplicity. I’m beginning to receive a real look at how the other half lives. For every second I spent trying to divide myself from the humans, I’m finding out that I enjoy the all-encompassing feeling that came with experiencing something that they are able to each and every day. A feeling that eluded me for years.

  “Well I've done everything I can. I focused on the way he made me feel whenever we were together, even going so far as remembering the sound of his voice as he sang to me all of those times. If he really did mean what he said, he heard me call and he'll be here.”

  There’s a burning in my throat hearing her speak of the way she felt when the angel sang to her. It made my blood run hot. I didn't like it that he had been the one to reach out to her that way. That is something I want for us, not the angel.

  Jealousy.

  Yean, that’s exactly what this is. A basic human response to something I didn't like.

  I hate that Gabriel sang to her. That he came to her in the wee hours of the night and been there for weeks before my arrival. That he made such a big impression on her that she could easily bring her feelings to the surface in an effort to call when she needs him. It enraged me. If she hadn't been calling him to help us, I would seriously think about using his arrival as a method to take him out. A sentiment I’m sure he will share.

  The light appeared then, large and blinding, spanning the entire length of the room. If I didn't already know to expect it, it would have been a sight to behold. It’s unlike anything I have ever seen. I’m beginning to see why they are described as beautiful in writings. This might be the most gorgeous sight the human eye can ever witness. It’s all encompassing.

  “Holy shit!” Serenity gasped, her hand instantly slapping over her mouth as the words fell.

  “I told you.” I threw back at her. The level of shock she’s experiencing was expected. With as much as I tried to prepare her for what Gabriel is, it’s obvious she hadn't been ready to believe it. Now with him standing in front of us in his true and natural form, there can be no denial.

  “You didn't say shit about the light!”

  “Well, I had to leave some things to the imagination, Ser. It keeps things interesting.”

  “No kidding.”

  “Serenity.” Gabriel spoke, breaking us away from the random back and forth conversation we found ourselves in. “I heard your call. I have much that I need to speak with you about, but first I must ask. Are you okay?”

  It’s obvious he isn't aware of my presence yet. If he was, then I’m sure he would have ignored his concern for her and dealt with me personally. After all, I am the threat to his master plan.

  “I'm fine, Gabe. We're fine, but we need your help.”

  As she motions with her hand toward me in explanation, I prepare myself for battle. I may only be half demon, standing in the presence of an angel in this way, but I had to prepare myself for the worst case scenario. We are sworn enemies.

  “Ryan.” he stated blandly before turning back to Serenity. “Has he hurt you in any way?”

  “No. He hasn't done a thing, well other than explain some things to me.”

  “What has he told you?”

  “He told me what I really am. Who I am and what my reason for being is. Well, both reasons, good and bad.”

  He immediately turns his gaze back on me and I feel a shiver run straight through my body. When one imagined baring witness to an entity from the other side, they never imagined being met with a cold, unfeeling stare.

  “Demon spawn, what have you told her?”

  Sadly, I’ve been called worse, so his name calling has no lasting effect on me. If he’d been hoping to somehow engage my dark side he was failing. He would have to try something a lot worse than demon spawn.

  “I told her everything she needed to know. Who and what I am and also a little about you, as much as I know anyway. Her destiny, whichever she chooses has also been established. She’s been made aware of her impact on the world, both negative and positive.”

  He turned his attention back to Serenity, as if checking to make sure I’m telling him the truth. I realize that being demonic, I inspired people to immediately believe the worst, but this is ridiculous. What would I gain in lying to him now? If he wanted to, given his power, he could easily take me out. He has to realize that.

  “He's telling you the truth, Gabriel.”

  “He has caused you no harm?”

  “No, other than telling me what I should have been told a long time ago. That's kind of why I called you. I need to talk to you about this. We need your help.”

  “I do not make a habit of helping demons, but I am willing to listen to what you have to say. I also have things of dire urgency that need to be discussed with you, but we must do it privately.”

  I didn’t want to leave him alone with her. If I do, I’m opening the door for her to turn her back on helping me. I also know that pushing her and sticking around when it’s more than obvious I’m not wanted, would lessen the chances of Gabriel agreeing to what Serenity had in mind.

  Ignoring the angels’ dirty looks, I decided to make things easier for them.

  “You can have that time alone now. I'm pretty sure things on my end are quiet, so you can take all the time you need. It's time I got back to being the studious college student anyway.”

  “Are you sure?” Serenity asks, her eyes showing the concern that her voice dared not give away. She’s worried. She has every right to be, but it isn't just worry for herself anymore. She’s worried about me now too. Another basic human emotion that I had yet to experience yet found increasingly pure.

  “Yeah Ser. Everything will be fine and if it’s not, I'll deal with it. Stay, talk with Gabriel and text or call me when you want me to come back.”

  I knew it would cause tension, but given the amount of respect I’m giving him by leaving at all, I no longer care. I make my way over to her and pull her into my arms, as close as I possibly could. Placing my lips to her ear, knowing he'd probably be able to hear me anyway, but wanting to remain as private as possible, I speak my final words to her.

  “If you need me, just focus on us and I'll be here. Despite what happened with others in the past, I will show up.”