Chapter Thirty-Two
Graham
I am the king of bonehead moves. I was the king two years ago and apparently I'm still the keeper of the crown now.
I'm a guy. When the girl you've been in love with for what feels like your entire life tells you she loves another man, the caveman instinct kick in. It's like all rational thought leaves your body and you become a Neanderthal. I swear if they would allow it, I'd fit right in at the zoo with the other apes.
I became territorial, I admit it. I saw red, but for more than one reason. She’s in love with a guy that I know is bad for her. He’s a demon for crying out loud. How that’s any good for someone is beyond me, but what do I know? I’m just a silly human who never seems to get the one thing in any lifetime that I want more than anything. Jealousy does not become me. A lesson I never had to learn before now, so I didn't exactly handle it the best.
In fact I chased her off. Like I said, king of bonehead moves.
Instead of listening to her, hearing her out, I went caveman and proceeded to tell her how stupid I found her feelings to be. The same girl that years ago had gotten herself moderately drunk so she could kiss me without fear, I told that her feelings were shit. There wasn't an award special enough for the idiocy that I let fly out of my mouth.
I did all of this because I love her. I’ve been with random girls over the years since she walked out of my life, but none of them clicked the way she did. Whether that has something to do with our bond or because she’s different than ninety percent of the girls out there, doesn’t matter. There wasn't another soul alive that seems to get me the way that she did then and the way she seems to now.
Even though she yelled at me I couldn't help but feel proud. For years she had hidden herself away, been the silent type, letting people walk over her like she was dirt under their feet and I wanted her to change that, to be the girl I knew she could be, sarcasm and all, but it never materialized. At least until today it hadn't. No, today she had told me off and walked away and as depressed as her leaving makes me, I’m still proud.
Taking Gabriel's words and throwing them back in her face may not have been the smartest move, but if there was a choice between an angel and a demon, whether he was half human or not, I would always choose the angel.
So I used him against her. I had taken her heart, which part of me believed after the night we spent in each other arms had been open and ready for me and I stomped on it all because she wanted to be honest with me about her feelings.
I really am the lowest of the low.
Even with as pissed off and upset with myself as I am, I still can't allow myself to understand where she’s coming from where Ryan is concerned. In the end I just know he will screw her over and I don’t want to be there when it happens. Serenity is strong, there’s no doubt about it, but if someone who claims to love her, hurts her, I’m positive she won’t ever recover. For as strong as she is now, she’s still that fragile girl underneath.
“Graham...”
Turning around in my seat I scanned the crowd of people around me, looking for the voice. I heard my name, crystal clear, but not recognizing anyone as I scanned each of the faces, I had no idea who was calling out to me. At least until they spoke again.
“Graham, its Gabriel. I need to speak with you. It is important.”
“Isn't that what you're doing right now?” I ask, amazed at my ability to speak in my mind even though Gabriel is no longer sharing my body. This must be a side effect of spending time being a host.
“Yes, I suppose it is. I need your help.”
“Didn't you make a big enough mess the last time we tried this? Why come back for more?”
“Because just as before, you are the only one that can do this and it is for the reason you think. I need the bond between you and Serenity.”
“Sorry to burst your bubble man, but I think I'm the last person that can get through to Serenity now. I sort of fucked it all up.”
“I am aware of that. I witnessed the entire thing. I need the bond in this regard, but I do not need you. Just your body.”
I know he’s serious, but I couldn't help laughing at the way he worded things. Someone needs to teach the angel the proper way to speak. Gabriel wanting my body isn't something that appealed to me very much.
“Why do people always just want me for my body?” I ask unable to stop myself. I'll be damned if I wouldn't get a little entertainment out of it considering the way my day started.
“This is not the time for humor, Graham. This is a matter of life or death. More importantly, Serenity's. She has gone and done the unthinkable.”
Of course he has my full attention the minute he mentions her name. No matter how I felt about her, or her choices as far as Ryan went, I would always look out for her and want her safe. Just what had she gotten herself into?
“What happened?”
“She's gone to Ryan and despite his attempts at changing her mind, she made her decision.”
Her decision. I know what that means and none of it is good. If Gabriel is here than it’s painfully obvious that her choice had not been to side with him and Heaven. If she chose Ryan and in turn Lucifer, it means that it had everything to do with what had happened between us.
I caused this.
“How do I help?”
“Be my vessel one final time. Let me right my wrong here. Let me get to her, use the bond between the two of you and save her life before she is lost to both of us forever.”
“How do you plan on doing that?”
“The bond between the two of you is stronger than anything both made of darkness and light. It is the only thing that can save her now. I know I have not been honest with you in the past, but this time, I need you and I need to save her before it is too late. Please help me right my wrongs.”
“Of course I'll help you, but before we get this show on the road, I need you to answer me one thing.”
“Time is really of the essence here. We only have a few hours left.”
“Then I figure you better answer my question so we can get moving.”
“Fine. What would you like to know?”
“Why do you think this is your fault?”
“I do not think it is my fault, I know it is and if Lucifer is allowed to go through with this, I will spend the rest of my existence paying for it. I handed her over to him, all because I let him get into my mind and manipulate me. All of this is happening because of me.”
“Not just because of you. I played a giant sized part in it too. So what do you need me to do?”
“Go back to your room. Once there, we will join together and I will proceed. I only hope that I am not too late.”
I wasn't entirely sure how I knew it, but he vanished then, out of my head off to god knows where. Standing up from the table and making my way in the direction of my dorm, I thought about everything he said.
He’s taking the blame for everything despite the fact that he witnessed what was probably the single event that threw her over the edge.
Gabriel isn't the only one that needs to make things right.
I couldn’t let it happen this way. After spending the night with her, hearing her tell me what she was facing in the future, I knew with every fiber of my being that I couldn’t let her go through with this. This is not what she was meant to do. She’s meant for so much more and if I die trying, I’m going to make her see it.
I just have to.
Holding On To Heaven Page 49