by Sophie Hart
‘Oh, yeah,’ he said sheepishly, hanging his head. ‘I was just… trying to send a text. No reception,’ he explained lamely, waving the phone.
‘Right.’ His dad raised a sceptical eyebrow. ‘Must be an important one. I’ve been watching you jumping about like Billy Elliot for the past few minutes.’
‘Oh,’ Simon said again. ‘I was trying to send Zoe a message. She’s on her lunch break.’
‘Someone’s under the thumb,’ Brian teased. ‘Anyway, how are you getting on with the Belle?’
‘The what? Oh, she’s fine,’ Simon said quickly, embarrassed to admit that he’d forgotten all about the boat he was supposed to be painting. ‘I’m just taking a quick break.’
Brian frowned once again. ‘Fair enough. Let me know if you need any help.’ And with that, he strode off in the direction of their storage shed.
As soon as he was out of sight, Simon looked down at his phone to see that he now inexplicably had four bars of reception. Before he could lose them again, he quickly pressed send on the text, then scrolled through his contacts to call Zoe.
‘Hello lover,’ she purred, as she picked up the phone.
‘Hi,’ Simon replied, suddenly feeling shy.
‘I got your text. I was just messaging you back.’
‘I can’t wait,’ Simon groaned. ‘You don’t know what you’re doing to me, Zoe. This is such a turn-on.’
At the other end of the phone, Zoe smiled. ‘Good.’
‘It’s not good,’ Simon protested. ‘I can’t concentrate on work. My dad thinks I’m going mad. And my reception keeps cutting out, which is the most frustrating thing in the world.’
‘Well, my lunch break’s nearly over too,’ Zoe sighed, sounding disappointed. ‘I guess we could press pause on this, and pick up where we left off later.’
‘I don’t know if I’ll last that long.’
‘Exercise some self-discipline. I’ll see you tonight, lover,’ Zoe replied. The last thing Simon heard before she hung up was a naughty little giggle.
19
Chapter Nineteen
‘The problem is that God gives men a brain and a penis, and only enough blood to run one at a time’ – Robin Williams
Nick and Julia were halfway through their therapy session with a somewhat distracted Annie. She was doing her absolute best to concentrate fully on her clients, but Annie found that her mind kept drifting elsewhere, a goofy smile appearing on her face at inappropriate moments.
The cause of this rare unprofessionalism was a certain Mr Jamie Kennedy, who’d appeared in her office at midday, leaning casually against the doorframe and enquiring about her lunch plans. On learning that Annie’s next client wasn’t until three pm, he’d insisted on whisking her away for a couple of hours, driving her out to a charming country pub for a delicious Ploughman’s and a cheeky glass of wine.
It had all felt thrillingly illicit, like playing truant from school, as they sped through the countryside leaving the office far behind. Hidden away in a corner booth, the conversation and laughter flowed easily. Annie opened up about her profession, and her career aspirations, whilst Jamie had told her more about his business and his family. Annie watched him as he talked, suddenly finding herself fascinated by every little detail: the stubborn piece of hair above his right ear that would never quite lay flat; the tiny scar cutting across his left eyebrow; the small patch of stubble that he’d missed when shaving that morning.
While Annie insisted to herself that she was simply an exceptionally observational person, the strange fluttering sensation in her stomach told her there might be another reason why she was paying such close attention to Jamie. A reason she really didn’t want to think about right now...
They’d talked for so long that the time had flown by, and they’d ended up racing back to the office, Jamie putting his foot down to ensure that Annie wasn’t late for her appointment. She’d arrived moments before Nick and Julia, ushering them through to her office where the three of them had been talking for thirty minutes now, working honestly and openly through a variety of tough topics.
Annie was proud of them; Julia, especially, had come a long way. She seemed receptive and responsive, with a clear desire to solve their issues. Surprisingly, Nick was the one who was being distant; his answers were evasive, his body language awkward, and he struggled to make eye contact, one leg jiggling up and down nervously when he spoke.
‘Julia, we touched a little on your background,’ Annie continued, glancing at her notes and trying to push all thoughts of Jamie out of her head. ‘I’d like to expand on that. What sort of words come to mind when thinking about your childhood?’
‘Um…’ Julia hesitated. ‘Insecure, maybe? Anxious. Lonely? I don’t want to make it sound too depressing. Mum did a great job trying to bring me up but… I was an only child, so I didn’t have that support system of siblings,’ she explained to Annie. ‘And my dad left us when I was tiny. It just made life really unstable, I suppose. Things were always tight with money, and I was really aware at school – when you had to draw pictures of your family and stuff – that I didn’t have the typical mum, dad, brothers and sisters like everyone else seemed to.’
Annie was nodding. ‘And can you remember wanting to have a family from a young age?’
‘Yes, absolutely. I created my own little gang of dolls and teddy bears, and I would look after them, pretending to be the mummy. I always felt sure that I’d have a big family – definitely more than one child – and I desperately wanted a happy marriage. One that was stable, and secure, and where I could be sure I was with a good man who wouldn’t walk out on me.’
She glanced across at Nick with a hesitant smile, but he wouldn’t meet her gaze, his eyes fixed steadfastly on the floor.
‘And do you think it might be possible that you put that desire for a child above maintaining that stable relationship?’ Annie suggested.
Julia thought for a moment before she eventually spoke. ‘Yes. Yes, I can see that perhaps I did. I’ve been so caught up in this desire to create the perfect life – the image that I had in my head, with the career and the kids and the man – that I probably neglected my husband. I did neglect him,’ Julia realised, looking across at Nick once again. ‘But to tell you the truth, I just felt so scared that if I couldn’t have a baby, everything would fall apart. My dream wouldn’t come true the way I planned it.’
She looked close to tears, and Annie smiled supportively.
‘Here,’ she said, pushing a box of tissues across her desk towards Julia. Annie always made sure to keep a supply, as clients regularly needed them.
‘Sorry, I’m being silly,’ Julia sniffed, as she dabbed at her eyes, worried that her mascara had run.
‘No, you’re not at all,’ Annie insisted. ‘You’re being extremely honest, allowing yourself to be vulnerable, and you’ve taken some huge strides forward.’
‘Thank you,’ Julia murmured, looking visibly relieved.
‘Nick.’ Annie turned to him. ‘Julia’s just shared a lot with you. How does that make you feel?’
Nick grimaced, looking as though he was waiting to be executed. His expression indicated that he wanted to be anywhere apart from in that room, and Annie was surprised. He’d always been the one who was so enthusiastic about therapy, the one who’d taken the lead in fixing their relationship.
‘I don’t know, really,’ he shrugged, still refusing to look directly at Annie.
‘Can you understand now why Julia’s been behaving the way that she has? Why having a baby is such a priority for her?’
‘Yeah, I guess.’
Annie stared at him, her frustration building. ‘Is everything okay with you today, Nick?’
‘Yes, of course. Why wouldn’t it be?’ Nick sounded irritated.
‘I don’t know,’ Annie replied honestly. ‘You don’t seem as open as you usually do. You seem like you don’t want to be here.’
‘Is there something the matter?’ Julia asked worriedly.
‘Everything’s fine. Can we just drop it?’
The truth was that Nick was feeling hideously guilty over what had happened with Nina, and hearing everything that Julia had to say only made it worse. The fact that she saw him as some kind of saviour figure – a good man, who she could trust, and with who she desperately wanted to start a family – merely served to make him feel ten times worse.
It had only been a kiss, Nick tried to tell himself. Just one, very brief, kiss and he’d stopped it before they went any further. It wasn’t as though the situation was wholly his fault either; Nina had been blatantly flirting with him, practically offering herself to him on a plate and—
No, Nick realised, shaking his head. However he tried to spin it, he knew that he bore the brunt of the responsibility. He was older than Nina, her senior at work, and he’d been the one to make the first move. If he was being honest, he knew that he’d enjoyed the flattery and the admiration of an attractive young woman. But he’d been bloody stupid, he could see that clearly, and now he had to deal with the consequences.
Nick looked up to find Julia and Annie both staring at him, confusion and accusation written across their faces, and suddenly he felt trapped, imagining that both of them could guess exactly what was going through his mind.
‘We can change the subject if you’re not comfortable, Nick,’ Annie said softly. ‘But it’s a shame, as I thought we were really getting somewhere. What would you like to talk about instead?’
Nick took a deep breath, running his hands tiredly across his face. All he knew was that keeping this secret was destroying him, and that Julia deserved to know the truth.
‘I kissed someone else,’ he mumbled, the words spilling out before he knew what he was doing.
Uncertainty flashed across Julia’s eyes, wondering if she’d misheard him. ‘What?’
Even Annie was unsure. ‘Could you repeat what you just said, Nick?’
‘I kissed someone else, okay? Did you get that? I kissed someone else!’ Nick’s voice was getting louder with every word.
Julia stared at him in disbelief. ‘Who? When?’
Annie watched, equally shocked, but trying to maintain her professionalism. She’d had all sorts of bombshells dropped in her office, from couples demanding divorces to one man announcing his intention to change gender. Her instinct was to try to let Nick and Julia work it out for themselves, and step in if needed.
‘Someone at work,’ Nick admitted. His posture slumped, and he looked utterly defeated, his head in his hands.
‘Nina,’ Julia said knowingly. ‘It was her, right?’
Nick looked up in shock. ‘How did you…?’
‘I’m not stupid, Nick,’ Julia lashed out. ‘You’ve mentioned her so many times. It was pretty obvious you had a crush on her.’
‘She had a crush on me! She was the one who encouraged me. She put her hand on my arm, and she said—’
‘Oh, save it, Nick,’ Julia snapped, her face a picture of hurt. ‘That’s pathetic.’
‘I pulled away, told her we couldn’t do it.’ Nick was babbling desperately. ‘I told her I needed to get home to you.’
‘Oh how bloody clichéd. Home to the frumpy, miserable, nagging wife?’ Julia shot back, coming uncomfortably close to the truth.
Nick swallowed, saying nothing.
‘When did it happen?’ Julia knew that she was torturing herself, wanting to know every detail, but she couldn’t help herself.
‘The other week, when I texted you to say I was working late. I went to the pub instead. Everyone else went home, and it was just the two of us left. I’d had a bit to drink, hadn’t eaten…’
A tear slid down Julia’s cheek as she listened to Nick’s explanation. He looked utterly wretched, but Julia didn’t feel any sympathy for him. She felt completely devastated. She’d longed for a happy, stable family life, with as many children as she could physically pop out, and now her husband had cheated on her.
‘You lied to me,’ she realised. ‘You said you were at work.’
Nick nodded slowly. ‘You made me feel like I had to,’ he protested. ‘You make me feel guilty if I’m not with you 24/7, trying to make babies. I’m not allowed to do anything normal like go out for a drink with my colleagues.’
‘Tell me what happened,’ Julia whispered, her voice breaking as she spoke. ‘Why did you do it?’
‘I’ve been so unhappy, Julia,’ Nick confessed, feeling a huge sense of relief despite everything. ‘I feel like you don’t care about me any more – that all you care about is having a baby and, quite frankly, I could be anyone as long as they can get you knocked up.’
Julia looked as though she’d been slapped. ‘I never meant to make you feel that way,’ she stammered. ‘You know I didn’t. Most men would be grateful that their wives wanted them, not run off with the nearest floozy.’
‘But you didn’t make me feel wanted. You made me feel like a bloody sperm donor, not a loving husband.’
‘And what? This Nina –’ Julia practically spat the name ‘– made you feel like a big man, so handsome and so clever. Is that it?’
Nick closed his eyes, sighing heavily. ‘She was… She was fun. Easygoing. And yes, she paid attention to me, flattered me. I can’t remember the last time you and I shared a joke, Jules. The last time we had a laugh, or went out for a drink. I know what I did was wrong, and you have to believe me when I tell you it meant nothing… but all it did was remind me of how much we’ve lost.’
‘You still see this woman every day at work’ Julia burst out, her eyes filling with tears at the realisation. ‘I bet it’s all cosy little chats in the canteen and long, lingering glances across the office. Oh my God, has it happened more than once? Did you want it to?’ The questions came tumbling out, as Nick shook his head, frantically trying to reassure his wife.
‘No, of course not. Nothing like that. I spoke to her afterwards – I had to,’ he explained, seeing the look on Julia’s face. ‘I apologised for my behaviour and said it should never have happened. I told her that I’d been confused and stressed and had acted completely out of character, and that I was married and it could never happen again,’ Nick continued, recalling the excruciatingly awkward conversation he’d had with Nina. She’d been gracious and understanding about the whole situation, and the two of them had kept their distance ever since. ‘She’s working with a new team on a different project, so we barely see each other. And I promise you, Jules, I have no desire for it to happen again.’
‘This is… It feels like a nightmare,’ Julia managed, her voice rising as the tears began to flow once again. ‘I wanted this perfect marriage, and perfect family, and you’ve spoilt everything for a quick ego boost with some slapper.’
‘Julia,’ Annie stepped in, seeing how upset she was getting. ‘No relationship is perfect, and if you want to move forward you need to accept that you’re not going to create something perfect. If that’s what you’re expecting, you’ll only be disappointed. The question is, do you want to move forward and move past this?’
Julia looked at Nick. ‘Well, do you?’ she demanded. ‘Or do you want to run off with your bit on the side?’
‘Of course not,’ Nick said desperately. ‘It meant nothing to me, really Jules, you’ve got to believe me. A moment of madness, that’s all. But if anything, it’s shown me just how much work there is to do, and how right we were to come and see Annie.’
‘It wasn’t my fault, Julia rounded on him. ‘You can’t blame it on me, and say that if I’d paid you more attention that you wouldn’t have done it. Are you claiming I drove you into the arms of another woman? That’s ridiculous.’
‘I’ve said what I did was wrong, but I don’t believe if everything was right between us, then I would still have done it. I’m admitting we have a problem, and maybe it’s bigger than we thought. What I’m saying is that we need to sort it out.’
Julia turned to Annie. ‘What do you think?’
‘I think both of you m
ake some valid points,’ Annie began diplomatically. ‘And everything we’ve been discussing in these sessions has led up to this moment. We really are at crisis point, and it’s up to the two of you to make a decision about how you want to carry on.’
Neither of them spoke, both staring at her helplessly.
‘Nick’s explained and apologised, and what you have to do, Julia, is decide whether you’re ready to accept that explanation and apology, and move forward. And Nick, you have to be absolutely certain that you’re not going to put yourself in a situation like this again, however tempting it might be.’
‘I won’t. I know I won’t,’ he insisted. ‘Julia’s the woman I love, and I want to be with her.’
‘Then tell her, not me,’ Annie said softly.
Nick swallowed, turning in his seat to face his wife. ‘I love you, Julia. I really do. You’re the only woman for me. I’m so sorry, but I promise you that I’ll never do anything like this again. I really want things to get better for us, and I’m willing to do whatever it takes to make things right.’
Julia was watching him, her expression dispassionate in the face of Nick’s pleading.
‘I…’ She opened her mouth, then thought better of it and fell quiet. A few moments later, she tried again. ‘I’m sorry, Nick. I need some time. I don’t know what I think right now, and it’s all so fresh…’ She paused, looking up at him with grief-stricken eyes. ‘I’ll let you know when I’ve made my decision.’
20
Chapter Twenty
‘Flirting is a woman’s trade, one must keep in practice’ – Charlotte Brontë, Jane Eyre
Annie was in her bedroom, scrutinising her reflection in the wardrobe mirror. She was currently wearing a long skirt with a loose, cream top, and on the bed behind her lay a pile of discarded clothes. It was very unusual for her to spend so much time getting ready, but she didn’t want to look too overdressed. Then again, she didn’t want to look as though she hadn’t made an effort either, and getting the balance right seemed to be impossible.