by Sophie Hart
Linda paused, desperately racking her brains. Could she really not think of three things she liked about her husband?
‘Our children,’ she finished finally. ‘He gave me three wonderful children.’
‘Uh uh.’ Simon shook his head, making a noise like a quiz show contestant giving the wrong answer. ‘That doesn’t count.’
‘Yes it does,’ Linda argued.
‘Sorry, no. Do you want me to check the rules with Annie?’
Linda pretended to glare at him. ‘Okay, okay. Well then I’d have to say… his eyes,’ she finished finally, sounding very underwhelmed. ‘Don’t look at me like that!’ she protested. ‘It’s all right for you and Zoe, you’re love’s young dream, but it’s much harder when you get to our age. Come back to me once you’ve been married thirty-odd years and had three children, then we’ll see how enthusiastic you feel.’
She saw Simon’s face drop and immediately felt bad.
‘All I’m saying is don’t take each other for granted,’ Linda told him softly. ‘It’s wonderful to see you two so happy and in love – I’ve no idea why you’re coming to these sessions, but that’s your own business. And I know you probably think I’m a daft old bat, but I’m speaking from experience, and I don’t want to see another couple make the mistakes that we did. If you love Zoe, tell her every day. Cherish her, make her feel special, and let her know that she’s the centre of your world.’
Simon smiled. ‘I will. You know, your husband’s a very lucky man.’
Linda stared across the room at Ray, deep in conversation with Nick. She wondered what he was saying, what the three things he loved about her were.
‘I just wish someone would tell him that,’ she finished ruefully.
* * *
‘It’s clever, isn’t it?’ Linda said. She and Ray were in the car, heading back from their group session with Annie.
‘What’s that, love?’ Ray asked, slowing down to overtake a woman on a horse. She held up her hand in thanks as Ray drove safely past.
‘These sessions. Well, Annie really. It certainly gives you food for thought, the questions she asks.’
‘So you’re feeling a little more well disposed towards the idea of therapy?’ Ray couldn’t resist asking.
‘I suppose I am. I wouldn’t have thought it was for me in a million years, but I can see that it has its value.’
Ray smiled, knowing that was the closest Linda would come to admitting he’d been right, and acknowledging that there was a problem between them.
‘You know, you gave Annie a pretty hard time at that first meeting.’
Linda pulled a face, looking embarrassed. ‘I know. I really should apologise to her. But I suppose she’s used to it – not everyone who goes to see her can be open and embracing from the start, can they?’
Ray said nothing, just carried on driving, and they lapsed into silence.
‘So what did you say?’ Linda asked eventually, curiosity getting the better of her.
‘Hmm?’
‘What did you say to that chap Nick – your three things that you loved about me?’
‘Oh, that,’ Ray chuckled to himself. ‘I’m not really sure if I should tell you. Aren’t these workshops supposed to be confidential?’
Linda leant across and hit him with her handbag.
‘Hey!’ Ray protested. ‘I’m driving. That’s dangerous behaviour.’
‘I’ll do something even more dangerous in a minute if you don’t tell me,’ Linda threatened, as Ray laughed even harder.
‘Okay, okay, I’ll tell you. First of all, I said your creativity. I really admire what you do with the flowers – how you make those bouquets look so beautiful – and I’m so proud at how you’ve built up your business. I could never do that.’
‘Really?’ Linda was surprised. ‘You’ve never, ever told me that before. You’ve never said you were proud of me.’
‘Haven’t I? Well, I suppose I’ve always thought it. The occasion didn’t really arise to mention it.’
‘I suppose not,’ Linda replied, feeling quietly pleased with his response. ‘Number two?’
Ray’s grin got even wider. ‘Your legs,’ he told her, taking his eyes off the road for a cheeky glance. ‘Never seen a better pair in all my days. I was raving to Nick about when we first met, and how good you looked in that little tartan skirt with the long socks.’
‘Yes, well, I think my mini skirt days are long gone.’
‘Ah, but you’ve still got cracking legs,’ Ray insisted. ‘I manage to get a glimpse when I can!’
‘Do you think so?’ Linda couldn’t help asking, as she stared down at her trouser-covered thighs.
‘Absolutely,’ Ray insisted, noticing the way Linda was soaking up the flattery. ‘I wouldn’t mind seeing a bit more of them. In fact, I wouldn’t mind spending a bit of time between them now and again.’
‘Raymond Anderson!’ Linda burst out, sounding shocked. For a moment, Ray wondered whether he’d overstepped the mark. They’d been chatting away, communicating better than they had done for months, and he hoped Linda didn’t clam up again. Instead, she burst out laughing, wiping the tears from her eyes.
‘You’re a devil, you are,’ she insisted. ‘My mother always warned me about men like you.’
‘We’re the best kind,’ Ray winked. ‘And there’s still number three to come.’
‘Let’s see you top the last one, then. What’s number three?’
‘Your smile,’ Ray said softly. ‘You always look beautiful to me, but you’re at your most beautiful when you smile.’
‘I feel all self-conscious now,’ Linda protested, putting a hand over her mouth.
‘Don’t be,’ Ray told her. He took a deep breath before adding, ‘But, like your legs, it’s something I don’t see very much these days. You don’t smile as often as you used to, and I’d give anything to change that.’
Linda paused for a moment, taking in what her husband had said. Then she leant across to where his hand was resting on the gear stick and clasped it with her own. Ray held onto it tightly, their fingers linking together as he stroked her hand with his thumb.
They were almost home, about to turn off the ring road towards Little Plumstead, when Ray suddenly hit the brake, pulling over to the side of the road.
‘What are you doing?’ Linda asked in alarm.
‘I’ve had an idea! It’s only early still – not even midday yet – so why don’t we go out somewhere for the day, just the two of us? We haven’t done that for years.’
‘I don’t know,’ Linda began reluctantly. ‘I promised Rose I’d pop into the shop this afternoon, and then I’ve got bits to do around the house.’
‘Rose’ll be fine,’ Ray insisted. ‘You know she will, and she’s got Katie there to help her today. And any jobs you’ve got at home can wait until later. I’ll give you a hand with them tomorrow, if you want.’
‘Wonders will never cease,’ Linda said tartly, raising an eyebrow. ‘Would you really know what to do with it if I gave you a duster?’
Ray ignored her. ‘Come on, love. Why don’t we have a ride out to Cromer?’ he suggested, mentioning the pretty seaside town. ‘We haven’t been there for years. It’d be lovely to have a look round.’
‘We can’t!’ Linda insisted.
‘Why not?’
‘We’re not teenagers. We can’t just go running off as though we’ve got no responsibilities.’
‘But we don’t have any responsibilities,’ Ray replied calmly. ‘We don’t have anywhere we need to be, or anything we need to do, so we might as well please ourselves.’
He looked over at his wife, who seemed far from convinced.
‘So what do you say?’
Linda shrugged helplessly. ‘Cromer it is then.’
* * *
It took them just under forty-five minutes to reach the seaside resort of Cromer. They stepped out of the car to a chorus of crying seagulls, and the smell of fish and chips, candyfloss and waffles
floating on the air. The day was overcast, but not raining, and the breeze from the North Sea was light, for once.
‘Ah, smell that sea air,’ Ray exclaimed, as he took in the view stretching out ahead of them. They’d managed to get a parking space right along the front, and below them lay the blue-grey sea with its foamy white waves. On the beach, dog walkers were out in force, along with half a dozen families picnicking, and a handful of hardy children playing in the shallows. Further out, wet-suited paddle boarders tried to catch a swell, whilst a few big ships lurked on the horizon.
‘So what do you fancy doing?’ Ray asked. ‘Shall we have a quick dip in the sea?’
‘I don’t want to get hypothermia, thank you very much,’ Linda retorted, pulling her coat more tightly around her. ‘Let’s walk along the esplanade, past the pier.’
‘Your wish is my command.’ Ray held out his arm and, after a moment’s hesitation, Linda took it, linking her arm through his as they strolled along.
‘The kids used to love it here when they were little, didn’t they?’ Linda reminisced, as she watched a young boy, only a few years old, fill a bucket with sand and turn it upside down, his face lighting up with joy as he pulled the bucket off to reveal the lopsided castle beneath.
‘They did,’ Ray agreed. ‘I remember our Rose playing for so long in the water that her lips turned blue. She still didn’t want to get out, even though she was freezing!’
‘And do you remember when that seagull tried to steal Marianne’s ice cream? It was a huge thing, and it flew right at her. She couldn’t stop crying. She’s always been a bit nervous of birds ever since.’
The pair of them laughed, and Ray instinctively knew that he’d done the right thing by suggesting that they come here. Already, they felt closer than they had in years.
They passed by the pier, with its adverts for the upcoming summer show, and completed the loop of the esplanade, walking back up towards the town itself. As they passed a row of tall townhouses overlooking the sea, Linda stopped suddenly.
‘What is it?’ Ray asked.
‘That one there,’ Linda replied, nodding at a pink-coloured house in the middle of the block. The paint was peeling and the windows were shabby; a sign outside read ‘Robin’s Nest Guest House’. ‘Don’t you remember?’
Ray stared at it for a moment, frowning.
‘Of course, it’s changed its name. It was called “Sunnyside B&B” back then,’ Linda prompted him.
The penny dropped for Ray, and his mouth fell open. ‘Oh my goodness! I can’t believe I forgot! That’s where we stayed, isn’t it? Back when we were dating.’
Linda was nodding her head. ‘I had to lie to my mother – I told her I was going away for the weekend with Margaret Scott. She’d have had a fit if she knew I was going away with you!’
‘And then we had to pretend to the B&B owner that we were married, otherwise she wouldn’t have let us stay. Right old battleaxe she was.’
‘We spent the weekend calling each other “Mr and Mrs Anderson”,’ Linda chuckled.
‘Ah, we had a great time, didn’t we?’
‘Do you know, our Rose was probably conceived in that building,’ Linda said thoughtfully.
‘And I don’t regret a single minute of it,’ Ray told her. ‘Any of it.’
‘Don’t you?’ Linda asked, unable to keep the note of bitterness out of her voice. ‘You never think what life would have been like if I hadn’t got pregnant? You’d have been free to chase Susie Townsend, or whoever you wanted, and we wouldn’t have been forced into some shotgun marriage.’
Ray sighed. ‘Linda, I don’t know how else to convince you of this, but I didn’t want to go chasing after Susan, or anyone else for that matter. The only person I’ve ever wanted is you. How can I regret you getting pregnant when we’ve got our Rose – not to mention Marianne and Robbie? I couldn’t be more thrilled that you’re my wife, and I hope you’re just as happy that I’m your husband.’
Linda went quiet for a moment, seemingly taking in everything that Ray had just said. Then she leant across and kissed him, her eyes closed, leaving her lips on his for several seconds. When she pulled away, Ray looked shocked, but thrilled, unable to believe what had just happened. He couldn’t even remember the last time that he and Linda had kissed, and it was a struggle to keep the smile off his face.
‘Well, Linda Anderson!’ he exclaimed. ‘My mother warned me about forward girls like you.’
Linda hit him playfully on the arm. ‘Oh, shut up, you silly old thing,’ she laughed affectionately. ‘Now come on. If you’re really good, I’ll let you treat me to fish and chips.’
‘You’re on,’ Ray replied, grinning happily as he took his wife’s hand and they walked contentedly up the hill towards the town.
22
Chapter Twenty-two
‘Make love when you can. It’s good for you’ – Kurt Vonnegut
Julia stirred in her sleep, as Nick slowly pulled back the duvet and climbed out of bed. It was a Sunday morning, and the two of them were enjoying a much needed lie-in. Julia was due to meet Zoe and Simon later, for a cake tasting appointment, but for now she luxuriated in the comfort of her pillows and the warmth of the duvet as she drifted back to sleep.
Some time later – possibly minutes, possibly hours – she became aware of the smell of freshly ground coffee and buttered toast filling the room. Then Nick was shaking her gently, murmuring: ‘Wake up, sleepyhead. I made you breakfast.’
Julia kept her eyes tightly shut. ‘I’m not hungry,’ she replied petulantly. She knew exactly what Nick was doing, and it was going to take more than coffee and toast for him to get back in her good books.
‘I’ll leave it on the side, then.’
Julia heard him put the tray down on the dressing table before slipping back beneath the duvet and cuddling up against her. He wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close as he began kissing her neck.
‘Sunday morning… Nothing to do…’ he whispered. ‘The perfect time to make a baby.’
Julia tensed, wriggling out of his grasp. ‘Not now, Nick.’
She felt his body freeze and knew he’d be confused; usually Julia couldn’t get enough of her husband, eagerly seizing any opportunity to try to conceive.
Nick’s arm retreated, and he sighed. ‘Julia…’
‘No, Nick,’ she shot back. ‘I don’t want to do this right now. I don’t want to have this conversation.’
‘Well, we have to have it some time.’ Julia could hear the frustration in his voice. ‘We can’t go on like this. We’ve talked it out, and I’ve apologised until I’m blue in the face. Like Annie says, we either have to move past it or—’
‘Or what?’
‘Or… not,’ Nick said slowly. He didn’t need to spell out what that meant. Both of them knew that if they decided their relationship was irreparable, they were on the slippery slope to divorce. Despite the vicious arguments and hurtful accusations, neither of them wanted it to come to that.
Julia rolled over to face her husband. She didn’t speak, but simply stared at him for a moment. Their faces were almost touching as she took in the familiar features: the deep lines that had appeared on his forehead in recent weeks; the weekend stubble peppering his jaw line; the pale blue eyes that seemed to have lost their sparkle. Then she stared at his lips. Lips that had whispered words of endearment to another woman, kissed her and…
Julia squeezed her eyes closed. She couldn’t think like that. It was going to be the end of them – the end of their marriage – if she did. Like Annie, and Nick, had said, she needed to make a decision.
‘It’s just hard for me, Nick,’ Julia confessed. She opened her eyes, and Nick saw that they were shining wet with tears.
‘I know it is. And I know it’s all my fault. I’ve been a total and utter idiot, and I’d do anything to take back what I did. But all I can do is tell you a thousand times that you’re the woman for me. I love you, I want to be with you, I want to have babies wit
h you.’
‘Do you?’ Julia swallowed. ‘Because it’s not looking that way at the moment.’
‘Of course I—’ Nick began, then hesitated. He’s been about to insist that he did want children, and that Julia was imagining his reticence, but Nick realised he needed to be honest with her. ‘You know something,’ he tried again. ‘I honestly did want kids. I mean, do,’ he hastily corrected himself. ‘But I think it hit me harder than I expected when we started trying for a baby. It suddenly became real, that this was something that was going to massively change our entire lives.’
Julia bit back a dozen sarcastic retorts and stayed silent, listening to what her husband had to say.
‘And then I think – and I’m not blaming you for this – but it all just became so much pressure. It didn’t seem as though making a baby was something we were doing together. It was like it was your little project, and I was pushed out.’
‘That’s not fair,’ Julia protested.
‘Maybe not,’ Nick acknowledged. ‘But I’m just telling you how I felt. I didn’t say it was logical,’ he said, with a tentative smile.
Julia didn’t smile back, frowning as she thought about his words. ‘So what are you saying? That I pushed you towards Nina?’
‘No,’ Nick insisted, wishing Julia would stop saying her name. ‘I’m not making excuses. I know I have to take responsibility for what I did – however bloody stupid it was. But I regret that moment more than anything I’ve ever done. It could have ruined everything. Everything we’ve built together. Everything we’ve planned for the future.’
‘Do you still love me?’ Julia asked, her voice trembling as she looked at him from beneath lashes heavy with tears.
‘Jules, I love you so much, I really do,’ Nick sighed, moving closer and taking her in his arms. It was heartbreaking, listening to his wife ask him those questions, with such uncertainty in her voice. ‘And I understand, too,’ Nick continued. ‘Since we’ve been seeing Annie, I know why having a family is such a huge thing for you. And I know how badly I must have hurt you because of that.’