“Aunt Betty, I want you to tell me what you know about my mom’s secret. I’m sure you know something, so please just tell me.”
“You know very well that I don’t explain anything.”
“Oh, for heaven’s sake, would you quit with that crap?” I ask. “Ma’am,” I add.
She’s quiet for a while. I watch a string of pelicans fly just above the wave tops.
“I’m sorry about your father,” Aunt Betty says, out of the blue. “He was charming.”
“Wait. You knew him?” I ask.
“Yes, Merry.”
“How did you know him? When?”
I hear her take a deep breath and let it out.
“Do you know what I’ve been doing tonight, Merry?” she asks.
I don’t say it out loud, but I guess she’s been sitting in her one and only comfortable chair in her all-white living room watching a Spanish-language drama.
“No, ma’am,” I say.
“I’ve been going through a file folder that I keep locked in a desk drawer. Do you know what’s in it?”
“No, ma’am.”
“Dozens of pictures of you, Merry, from the time you were a baby until now. One of my favorites is you as a newborn. You were so pink and helpless, so terrifying. I thought it would be the only picture of you I would ever have.”
She pauses, but I don’t say anything.
“Every one of these photographs is precious to me. But I’ll shut the file now and put it back into the drawer, next to a copy of the letter that I sent to your father. I can’t indulge in the pictures anymore tonight because I think it’s finally time for me to explain everything to you.”
You could knock me over with a feather!
“You sent a letter to Claude Pershing?” I ask. Pieces of a puzzle are beginning to fall into place. I wish I could stop them.
“I did, and that’s what originally sent Fritz to you, though I didn’t know for certain that the two things were related at first. I didn’t expect such a convoluted chain reaction from what I’d tried to frame as a straightforward note, only a few lines long. I only wanted to make sure that you and Fanny and your grandmother didn’t lose your home. I would have preferred a simple yes or no answer.”
“So you sent a letter to my father asking for money?”
“If you can please try not to interrupt me, Merry, I’ll tell you everything,” she says. And she launches right in.
“I turned nineteen years old the summer before college began. My mom had originally held me back from school for a year, which may have contributed to my boredom. At least she didn’t hold me back for life, like she’s done to poor Fanny.
“Though I turned nineteen, I looked much older than my years. I think my age finally caught up to my face when I turned forty; it took that long. I had saved money from babysitting and working in the ice cream parlor for years on end and had accumulated enough to move to Wilmington early. I wanted to spend the summer having a little fun before the dorms claimed me as an academic scholarship student to the University of North Carolina–Wilmington.
“I sublet a tiny apartment overlooking the Cape Fear River. Though my mom and Fanny strongly urged and pleaded that I stay home until college began, until the last possible moment, I went.
“I first saw Claude Pershing as he sauntered along the river walk below my apartment balcony. I was up there reading and sipping a gin and tonic. He was distinguished and very upright, with a jaunty air about him. Though I could see he was very old compared to me, I was instantly drawn to him.
“I had dated boys, of course, but I suppose I thought I was ready for a real relationship, perhaps even overdue to fall in love. I called down to him and we talked that way, like Romeo and Juliet.”
A much younger Aunt Betty and a much younger Claude; it’s strange to picture either of them at all, let alone together.
“That summer, Claude seemed more essential to me than air. I never felt more free, or happy, or alive, than that one summer when I was in love.”
In love…
“I had been attempting to write a short story when I met Claude. He saw the evidence of it and assumed I was a struggling writer waiting for a break. I didn’t correct him; it saved me from having to confess how young I was. He was nearly fifty then, you see, and I feared he would balk if he knew my age.
“Claude didn’t ask a lot of questions. He preferred to talk about himself, which suited me, because there wasn’t a more fascinating subject in the entire world. We spent a great deal of time together over the course of that summer, but if I’d had my wish, we would have spent all day, every day, all night, every night. He was a busy man, though, who only happened to be in North Carolina on business.
“Claude fell in love that summer, too. Not with me, but with an island down the coast. He purchased a large lot on which he planned to have a vacation home built.”
I look around the room, through the patio doors to the ocean, at the sun getting lower in the sky.
“I knew Claude was rich. I suppose, looking back, that was part of his original appeal to me. I loved the way he carried himself, too, and his accent, and his sense of humor, and his passionate temper. He often spoke of London, where he had grown up and where he still lived. It sounded cultured and sophisticated. I dreamed of him taking me back to England with him and marrying me. I dreamed we would visit the ocean house on holidays. I would, of course, attend college; I knew I had a good mind, and I didn’t want to waste it.”
I want to keep the pieces of the puzzle apart, but I’ve already seen the image, so it’s too late. “Can we cut to the chase, Aunt Betty?” I say, my voice shaking a bit.
“Please let me finish, Merry. I want you to know how it was. May I continue?”
Outside the window, a family is walking their black lab along the beach. The dad throws a Frisbee and the dog runs, jumps high into the air, and catches it.
“Go ahead,” I whisper.
“Well, that summer I was very much in love, and as the time drew nearer for me to move to the dorms, I knew I had to explain my situation to Claude. I kept putting it off, though. He stopped by my apartment unexpectedly one day and said he was leaving for London, having concluded his business earlier than expected. I asked when he would be back. He said he would return in the spring, when the ocean house was finished. He said he would love to see me then, if I liked.
“He kissed me in a gentlemanly way. I remember trying to absorb what he’d said. It was hard to catch my breath. I pasted on a smile because he smiled, and apparently that was the polite way to break up. He couldn’t even stay for a drink. He had to catch a flight.
“I had spent the better part of the summer with him, marrying him in my mind, traveling the world with him, and caring for him in his old age. Then, as a lonely widow, consoling myself with how much we had loved each other and how we never let the thirty-year difference in our ages come between us.
“The one consolation I’ve had all these years is that I didn’t tell him how I felt. I didn’t beg him to stay. I didn’t let him know that he was my first—perhaps he’d be my only—love. I didn’t tell him about the castles I had made in the air for us and how they were floating away as he stood there, making hasty excuses and then disappearing before my tear-filled eyes.”
She sounds far away, like she’s watching the scene play out in her mind. The family on the beach has passed out of my view. I watch the sun slowly sink lower in the sky while I wait for Aunt Betty to continue.
“I realized I was pregnant during my second month of school,” she finally says.
Though I knew something to that effect was coming, the world still shifts before me at these words. I close my eyes because I’m suddenly dizzy.
“My first month had kept me so busy getting to know the lay of the land, establishing myself as first in every class, and nursing my broken heart, that I didn’t really notice that I missed my period. When my breasts became tender, I began to suspect. I went to a clinic and ha
d my fears confirmed.
“I only considered telling Claude for one evening. I indulged a fantasy wherein he was in love with me after all and agreed that the baby I carried was cosmic proof we should be together. I imagined us marrying and him whisking me off to London to live in a modified, diaper-filled version of the dreams I had harbored all summer.
“By the time I laid my head on my dorm room pillow that night, I knew it wouldn’t work out that way. Claude had had a fling with me. It was over as far as he was concerned. I knew that. He might help out financially, but having his child wasn’t going to make him fall in love with me any more than all the time we shared over the summer had.
“I wasn’t ready to be a mother. Abortion was out of the question for me; it seemed like punishing someone else for my own naivety. I didn’t have the stomach for it. And so you were born three days after spring term ended.”
I open my eyes to see a framed picture on the desk: my mom and grandma are standing in front of our cabin, wearing cotton dresses and smiling. They have always loved me, and they have always been right there for me. I look at my reflection in the mirror. I see a full-grown, stylish woman, with a good career started and a home of her own. How I began doesn’t matter as much as who I am now.
“Are you still there?” Aunt Betty asks.
“Yes, ma’am.”
“Do you have any questions?” she asks.
“Why did you give me to my mom?”
“Mother and Fanny begged. I had planned to use an adoption agency, but they hounded me and wanted you so much. Finally I said yes. You were legally adopted; Fanny is really your mother.”
“I know she’s my mother,” I say. The motion of the waves outside the window steadies me. “I suppose I do have a question or two.”
“I’ll answer if I can.”
“Why did you change your name?”
“I stayed away from Peaksy Falls, and from you and Fanny and Mother, for five years. When I returned, I was a new woman. As Betty Answers, I moved to the nearest city that had enough people so that I could blend in. I have been Betty Answers for more than twenty years. I barely remembered my former self until you went away and I began to relive our history and to question the wisdom of having sent the letter in the first place.”
I’m glad she sent the letter—too glad to even express it. And I’m glad that I will never feel the way she did. Though I have changed a lot in a short time, I am still the same old me inside.
“Why did you want to come back to live near Peaksy Falls?” I ask.
“I thought that if I were nearer, I might offer advice and guidance to Fanny and Mother and financial assistance when necessary. We set up our ground rules right away. I was to always be Betty Answers, even in private. I’m not going to second-guess if it was too drastic, or silly, or anything else I have been accused of since I took on my new identity. I did it, and I’m not going to look back.
“I set up the barriers I needed, and Fanny and Mother respected them because it was also their secret to protect. I suppose the old girls were scared that I would try to take you from them, which is the nightmare of every adoptive parent. But I never felt equipped to be a mother; I’m amazed anyone ever does.
“Fanny always referred to you as my niece, as her daughter, which was legally true. I have tried to see you that way, too. I think I succeeded as well as I could.
“Occasionally, though, I have felt the loss of you like a road not taken, one that might have led to sunshine and happiness. I sometimes wonder if that path might have branched out into a million others.”
I hear her voice catch.
“It’s OK, Aunt Betty,” I say, because I hate hearing anybody cry, no matter the reasons.
“When financial woes threatened everything, I wrote to Claude, explaining that he had a biological daughter. I wanted him to give you monetary assistance if he could. I hoped he might save your home since it appeared that I would fail to do so in the end. You know what happened next far better than I do.”
“I’m glad you finally told me all this, ma’am.”
“I’m sorry it took so long. Are you well and happy, Merry?” she asks.
“Very well and very happy,” I answer.
“I’m so pleased.”
“I have to go now, though, because I have something important to do at sunset.”
“I’ll let you go then,” she says. “Goodbye.”
“I see you’re reverting back to your old ways,” Fritz says, motioning toward my Dollywood T-shirt when I reach the top of the stairs. He has the kitchen polished to a shine.
“No, sir, but I never want to forget who I am, either,” I say. I didn’t think I was sad or anything, but somehow I feel tears on my cheeks.
He comes over and hugs me. “That would be a terrible tragedy indeed,” he says.
I point to the sky through the windows. “It’s almost sunset.”
“We can wait until tomorrow if you like,” he suggests.
“Look how gorgeous the colors are! He would love this view.” I tuck some dried coconut flakes into my pocket and pick up the urn from the bookshelf very carefully.
Fritz opens the door to the deck and shuts it behind us.
Our clothes blow in the wind. Our short hairstyles are mussed by it.
I hand the urn to Fritz and toss some of the flakes into the air to test the wind. We watch them fly in the direction of the waves. Some probably only make it to the dune, others to the soft sand, and others soar so high and far that I’m sure they dive straight into the ocean.
Chapter Twenty-Three
IN WHICH JACK DRAMATICALLY REDUCES HIS REAL ESTATE HOLDINGS
As told by lucky Jack Morningstar
“We have big news,” Jaycee says.
“Why do you have me on speakerphone?” I ask.
“Because Martin is here, too. He’s back in the office.”
“Ok. So what’s the news?”
“We got the Langdon Logistics contract!” Jaycee yells.
This is huge for our company. To have landed this lucrative software project, which we’ve been working on in turn for months, is a huge relief to me. And I’m sure to Martin. And to everyone else on down to the student interns. Jaycee worked the hardest, and we all know it.
“I’m ready to throw myself into work,” Martin says.
“Can you help out, too, Jack?” Jaycee asks.
“I’ll work remotely. I know it hasn’t been optimal, but I’m committed to really focusing on the company again. It’ll be so seamless you’ll forget I’m not across the hall.”
“I’m taking your office,” she says.
“Do it,” I tell her, seizing at the idea because it seems so obviously right. “Really, Jay, you deserve it. Move on over there.”
“I was kidding…”
“I’m not. I don’t know if I ever want to work nine-to-five in Chicago again, and if I do, we can duke it out then.”
“I understand you knocked your head pretty hard. I’ll wait until your concussion is gone and then see if you’re still singing the same song.”
“That’s fine; if you don’t want it, I’ll give it to that skinny intern with the goatee. What’s his name again? Aaron? Owen?”
“OK, fine, I’ll take it.”
I can almost see her packing up a cardboard box right now. I bet she has moved over to the big office by the end of the day.
I have a sudden thought. “Are you still interested in my apartment, Jay?”
“Just how bad were you conked, Jack?”
I close my eyes for a moment and see Katie’s perfectly organized closet. Her shoes lined up on shelves and all her clothes…I know they are arranged by color, I remember that, but I can only see them in gray tones in my mind. Every visual image of the apartment that comes to me is black and white.
I know there’s nothing there that I can’t live without.
“I’m serious, Jay. Once it’s emptied, you can take over my lease.”
“Why do
n’t you think that one over for a while, Jack?” Jaycee suggests.
“I’ve decided to let it go anyway. If you want the place, you better take it.”
“If you’re sure you’re ready to move on…” she says.
“I am.”
I am.
When we finish our business and I hang up the phone, I go straight next door. I need to bask in joy and positive energy, rays of sunshine and saturated color, and the most beautiful smile that has ever been seen.
I need Merry.
She has amazed me over and over again. She has been through so much, yet never complained, never threatened to throw in the towel, never stopped working hard and trying harder.
She has had more curveballs and revelations hurled at her in the past few months than most people deal with in a lifetime, but she has absorbed them and moved on. She has started a business, found out that her father was dead, then alive, then dead again, that her aunt is really her mother, and that maybe she’s in love with a man who isn’t sure he can ever deserve her, but would really love to try.
Merry hasn’t confined her tireless optimism to her own life, either. She has agreed to visit my parents with me next month. Though it means I’ll also have to see Martin, Merry has convinced me that I’ll likely survive it. And she didn’t even blink when she found out that Phil, her ex, got engaged to a girl named Sarah the day after she turned him down. She baked them some cookies.
Merry is a mermaid, a sorceress in the kitchen, and she’s impossible to resist. And I am the luckiest guy in the world.
Chapter Twenty-Four
IN WHICH FRITZ’S WISH COMES TRUE
As told by Fritz Forth, who says: “Yes, sir”
I have helped Merry with all the financial legalities and paperwork regarding her mum, grandmother, and Betty Answers. To prove the maxim that no good deed goes unpunished, the three of them have descended upon us en masse. They claim that three nights is a short visit (two down, one to go), but I humbly beg to differ.
Help Yourself Page 21