by Cas Peace
He nodded. “None whatsoever.”
“But that should not be possible.”
Rienne was frowning, intrigued by the medical turn to the discussion. “So why has this happened?” she asked, eagerly leaning forward. “And what does it mean for Brynne’s chances with the Staff?”
Robin held his breath, and both Bull’s and Taran’s eyes were fixed on Deshan.
“As for her chances of ridding herself of contamination, there is nothing to prevent her except her own strength and determination.” The Master Physician flicked a glance at Sullyan. “As to the how or why, Pharikian and I have had several discussions on the subject. What we have been forced to conclude, Brynne, is that the blood Timar gave your mother all those years ago somehow affected you in the womb. It became part of your physical being. It is unprecedented in any records I can find, but the theory is supported by the color of your eyes, which are so like Timar’s. I cannot fully explain it, but it seems that you are a hybrid, and your blood, which is partly Andaryan, is protecting you from harm. If that is so, then I cannot see any reason why it should not continue to do so indefinitely. Living in our realm should affect you as little as living in your own.”
He fell silent. Sullyan was silent too, a strange mix of emotions surging through her. Her skin felt taut and drained, and she knew her face was white. Seeing this, Pharikian leaned forward in his chair and took hold of her damaged left hand. He stroked the soft new skin and looked deeply into her eyes, eyes that but for their round pupils could be his own.
“Brynne, my dear,” he murmured, “we had to tell you. We wanted you to know that you do not have to risk your life yet again. There is no reason for you to suffer the undeniable agonies which must accompany any use of the Staff, irrespective of failure or success. You have an alternative, and I urge you to consider it carefully. Child, there is a place for you here, in my House and in my heart, should you wish to remain among us. You have become as dear and close to me as my own daughter, and my whole family would be happy to welcome you into our midst. I know it is what your father would have wanted, but I offer you this out of my love for you, not just the love and friendship I felt for Morgan.
“If you are concerned about your career then I can put your mind at ease there too. Anjer has asked me to say that he would value your experience and professional skills, and indeed there is a military post vacant now that we have lost General Kryp. What do you say? Will you think about it?”
His tone was soft and pleading, but her eyes were blank and lost. It was clearly all too much, and he sighed. Releasing her hand, he said, “We have given you much to consider. Perhaps you should leave us now, take some time to discuss this with your friends. Even your general, should you wish. Return to us once you have made your decision. Deshan will be happy to advise you about the procedure should you decide to use the Staff. Just—please—assure me that you will give full consideration to what I have said.”
She looked him full in the eyes, unable to hide the turmoil his astonishing offer had stirred in her. She simply could not comprehend the consequences of what she had heard, and found herself unable to speak. She had to leave, had to be alone with her thoughts. She stood, nodding dumbly. Without a word, she left, her gaze unseeing.
*****
Rienne had tears in her eyes. With shaking fingers, she fumbled for a handkerchief. The Hierarch’s words were echoing round her head, like a chant with no meaning, and she realized she was holding her breath. Sullyan had just been handed the answer to all their prayers, but Rienne had no idea what the younger woman would do. How could she turn her back on her life at the Manor? Yet what Pharikian was offering was the love of a true family, something Sullyan had never known. Surely she would accept?
Taran and Bull were rising, preparing to follow Sullyan, and Rienne hastened to clear her vision. Before she could stand too, Robin moved in front of her, his body stiff and tense.
“Let her be.”
Forgetting her handkerchief, Rienne stared at him. His gaze was fixed on the door through which Sullyan had passed, lines of deep concern on his face. Turning, he faced the Hierarch. There was a moment of silence within the chamber before he spoke again, and his tone carried a sadness and maturity she had not heard from him before.
“Majesty, that was not well done. I wish you had spoken to me before placing such burdens on her. I might have been able to prepare her, and I too would have appreciated some forewarning. This affects us all and will change our lives. After what she’s been through, it was unkind to place the responsibility solely on her shoulders.”
Without waiting for a response he headed for the door, casting a glance at Rienne, Bull, Taran, and Marik. “Come. We’ll leave her to think for a while, but she’ll need us later. We ought to talk about this among ourselves before that happens.”
The men followed without question, but Rienne hesitated. Pharikian was staring at the open door, his face pale and his mouth slightly open. She could tell he was devastated. Noticing her, he shook himself and gave her a pale smile.
Aeyron spoke quietly into the awkward silence. “That’s a very mature young man, and one who is deeply in love.”
Pharikian sighed, slumping back into his chair. “I know, I know. I value him highly too, and now I have unwittingly given them both unnecessary pain when I sought only to give them hope.”
He bowed his head into his hands, and Rienne crept softly from the room.
*****
With no real knowledge of what she was doing or where she was headed, Sullyan made her way up the Tower stairs. She didn’t register her surroundings until she opened the heavy double doors and felt the strong westerly wind catch at her hair. It was chilly up here and she hadn’t brought a cloak. Hugging her arms about her body as if to contain her pain, she leaned against the battlements and stared unseeing over the landscape.
She didn’t know what to think. Before Deshan’s startling revelation and Pharikian’s totally unexpected offer, she had swung uncomfortably between the desire to return to Albia and terror in case she could not. Now she had a third choice, and it was hard not to jump at such an easy solution. Yet that had never been her way. She had always met trouble head-on, and besides, staying in Andaryon was not the easy option it might at first seem—not while there was Robin to consider. He had no Andaryan blood and could not remain here with her, and she knew now that her life would not be complete without him.
Yes, she could continue her military career in Andaryon—if she had fully understood, Pharikian had actually offered her the position of general—and she knew she could serve the Hierarch as wholeheartedly as she had served Albia’s High King, Elias. Moreover, the Hierarch was the nearest she would ever come now to having a father. He had opened up a whole new aspect to her life with his tales of her parents and the history that existed between them. This, coupled with his care for her, had birthed an embryo love in her heart, and his offer to accept her into his family proved that he felt the same.
Friendship—Anjer’s, Marik’s, Idrimar’s, and Aeyron’s—would provide her with the companionship she would need until she felt more at home. Yet friendship could never replace the love she had found with Robin, and she could only imagine what it would do to him should she decide to stay. She understood the depth of his love for her. They might not have had the most promising of starts, but once he had recovered from his sister’s tragic death and come to the Manor, they had been virtually inseparable.
She sighed, deeply regretting that it had taken Rykan’s abuse to make her fully appreciate the importance of Robin’s place in her heart. Her irresolution, however, didn’t seem to have caused any lasting damage. Simply put, she couldn’t conceive of life without him, and she knew he felt the same way.
Yet that brought up another matter, one she would have to discuss with him openly and honestly before they made any binding commitments. She knew she had been permanently scarred by what Rykan had done to her, and this damage had been exacerbated by the
poison of his seed. If—or when—she used the Staff she would run the risk of further damage, quite aside from the question of success or failure—or death. She didn’t know how Robin felt about the possibility of having children, but she did know she was now incapable of conceiving. It would be unfair not to tell him. He had a right to know.
As if to leave her disquiet behind, she began to walk slowly around the battlements. Looking out over the Citadel Plains, she could see the great raw scars in the earth where the pyres of Pharikian’s dead had burned. Soon, with the advent of warmer weather, they would become softened with grasses and starred with wild flowers, a fitting tribute to those who had given their lives for their realm. Moving on, she gazed down on the spot where she had fought and triumphed over Rykan, absently massaging the bones of her left wrist as she remembered the day. She could also see the small hill where Bull, Cal, Taran, and Rienne had watched the combat, and from where Taran and Cal had been abducted by Sonten’s men.
She mused on that, her golden eyes unseeing. Just what was Sonten’s role in all this? She remembered seeing him at Rykan’s palace, noting that he had taken no obvious pleasure or part in the Duke’s brutal abuse. But neither had he intervened, and she wondered now, in the light of what they knew about the Staff and Sonten’s frantic efforts to retrieve it, whether he had been involved in the suspected plot to control or eliminate powerful Artesans. If so, where had his and Jaskin’s ill-fated experiments with the weapon fitted in? Had he been connected to whoever had made the Staff, or had he merely seen an opportunity to further his own self-serving greed? She would probably never know. Sonten hadn’t been gifted with Artesan powers, and as both he and his ambitious nephew were dead, along with the commander he had hoped to use in Jaskin’s place, speculation was futile.
Walking on, she made out the other small hill to the north, crowned with its ancient wreath of standing stones—the site of Vanyr’s funeral pyre. Her heart ached at his memory. She recollected their brief and awkward conversation on this very roof when she had tried to apologize for the beating he had received at the pirates’ hands. She also remembered his reluctant concern for her when the sight of Rykan on the battlefield had nearly crippled her with pain. She suddenly wondered what he would have made of the Hierarch’s offer and how he might have advised her. Raising tear-filled eyes to the cloudy sky, she sent a message of love to his memory on the wind. There was no reply.
Completing her circular tour of the battlements, she suddenly came face to face with Robin. Startled by his silent appearance, she halted. He stood unmoving and unspeaking, just watching her with no expression on his face. He had brought her cloak with him, and she suddenly realized she was shivering.
*****
Her startlement told Robin how preoccupied she was. Never before had he been able to come near her without her sensing him, and he experienced a pang of anxiety. Should he have given her more time? But she smiled gently at him and let him place her warm cloak about her shoulders. Although he badly wanted to, he didn’t take her into his arms. Instead, he stood at her side, asking nothing, offering his presence for comfort. She looked over the Plains in silence. Eventually, he had to speak.
“Sullyan.” He was still not entirely at ease with her given name, so in his uncertainty he fell back on the familiar. “I want you to know that should you decide to stay here, should you not want to risk using the Staff, I’ll understand.”
His voice was unsteady and rough, but he got the words out. He surprised himself by doing so. This was one of the hardest things he had ever done.
She turned to look at him, her pupils dilating.
“Will you, Robin?”
Her mind brushed his, but her delicate probe was too much for him and he shut her out, immediately revealing what he was trying to hide.
“Ah.” She looked away again. “I thought not.”
The silence continued. He was ashamed that she had seen through him so easily, but it was his own fault. They were just too close and his control was imperfect where his feelings for her were concerned. After a moment, he tried again.
“Alright. Maybe ‘understand’ was the wrong word.” His own eyes filled with tears and he cursed his lack of self-control. “What I meant was I would never ask you to do something just because it was what I wanted.” He swallowed, fumbling with his sentiments. “My love, you know how I feel about you. I would do anything for you—anything! If saving you from certain agony and the risk of death means giving you up, then I’ll do it. I won’t pretend it’ll be easy and I know it won’t make me happy, but I’ll do it.”
He heard her sigh and saw a tear slide down her cheek. “But what would be the point?” Her whisper was so soft he hardly heard it. “For I could never be happy if I gave you up, no matter what Timar offered me. I cannot deny that I have found more of myself here than I could ever have imagined, but it would all mean less than nothing without you. We belong together, Robin, I know that now. I will not relinquish that without a fight, whatever the risk.”
Joy flared in his heart and he turned to stare at her. Before the emotion of the moment overwhelmed them both, she stepped back, holding up the hand that bore his ring.
“All is not yet settled,” she warned. “There is something I must tell you before you commit to me too deeply.”
His voice was deep and husky. “Oh, you’re far too late.”
Looking away from the naked emotion in his eyes, she continued resolutely. “Nevertheless, this is not a thing we have discussed before. The need has not arisen. Yet if we are to take each other for life, I must tell you—”
“You believe you are unable to bear children.” Seeing her startled expression, he said, “Pharikian and Deshan made sure I was aware of the possibility when they helped you purge yourself after Rykan’s death. And I have to admit, when I first knew exactly what that bastard had done to you, the thought came into my mind.
“But it doesn’t matter!” He took her by the shoulders, gazing earnestly into her eyes. “Your love and commitment are all I’ve ever wanted. Just to be with you and know that you’re mine is enough for me. What’s in the future is in the future. We’ll face it together. And if it has to be just the two of us for the rest of our lives, then so be it. I’ve never wished for anything more.”
She took a gulp of breath and he feared she would dissolve into tears. Instead, she stepped into his embrace and nestled her head on his chest. He felt the rapid thud of her pulse and the warm clasp of her arms around him. He thought his heart would burst.
“Will you come with me and tell the others, love?” he murmured. “Bull and Rienne are so very worried. And poor Taran—I just don’t know what we’re going to do with him. He’s so helplessly in love with you, you know.”
She raised her head and smiled, dashing tears from her eyes. “Yes, I had noticed. He is very obvious with it. We will have to pay some attention to finding him a partner. He has so much to give, so much passion in his soul, and I would hate to see it wasted. Very well, we will go and find the others and then tell Pharikian our decision. But I warn you, if I am going to attempt this then I need some time to prepare and think. It is not something to be undertaken lightly. And someone has to inform General Blaine. I think, under the circumstances, it had better come from you. You and the others should return to Albia for a while anyway. You do not have the advantage of my hybrid blood. Poor Cal must be desperate to see Rienne, and I know she has been missing him. You can come back and help me prepare once you have spoken to the General. But I am still very afraid, Robin, and success is by no means guaranteed. This may well prove to be beyond my powers.”
“Don’t worry, love,” soothed Robin. “We’ll all help and support you, you know that. Together, we can cope with anything. I just know you’re going to succeed.”
Putting his arm around her, he guided her toward the Tower doors.
*****
It was a chilly, rainy, windswept day when Robin, Bull, Taran, and Rienne prepared to leave Andar
yon for the Manor. Rienne was torn, for eager as she was to see Cal and hold him in her arms, she couldn’t help but feel she was deserting her friend again just when she was needed. Sullyan understood her turmoil and took the healer aside to reassure her. They talked at length and, eventually, Rienne was pacified. But as they gathered on the Citadel Plains just outside the south gate, she still felt more than a little disloyal.
Bull was also feeling ambiguous about the trip. He had no real need to return to Albia as his duties would only resume if and when the Major returned. But she was concerned about his heart, so Bull didn’t voice his reluctance. After the last time, he didn’t intend to disobey her orders ever again. She already had enough to think about, and only Robin could help her now. So he made no protest, merely accepted her wishes, and saw the grateful thanks in her eyes.
Taran was uneasy for quite a different reason, and this time his feelings had nothing to do with Sullyan. He was unsure of the reception he would find at the Manor. After all, good swordsmen had lost their lives in lifting Sonten’s siege of Hyecombe, and blame for their deaths could be laid literally and squarely at Taran’s door. He didn’t speak of his concern, but Robin had a flash of intuition, realizing what was troubling the older man.
“No one blames you, Taran,” he assured the Adept. “All of our company were impressed with you and Cal when you helped us repel the invasion, and that hasn’t changed. And Blaine has said nothing, as far as I know. So put it out of your mind, man. You’re one of us now. Just think how relieved Cal will be to have you and Rienne back. You all deserve a rest. We’ll think about the future later.”
Surprised and grateful for this reassurance, Taran resolved to heed Robin’s words. He certainly didn’t want to cause any more problems.
Gathering outside the Citadel gates, they once more bade farewell to Sullyan. The circumstances were not so different from the last time and they were all reminded of it, but no one let their emotions overspill. The Major stood back while Robin opened the tunnel, and her pride in his growing skills and strength filtered through to the handsome young man.