by T A. McKay
Into The Deep
T.a. McKay
Into The Deep
Copyright © T.a. McKay, 2014
All Rights Reserved
Edited by Sarah Elizabeth and Megan Noelle
Cover art by K23 Photography and Design~ http://www.k23photo.com
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents are either the product of the authors imagination or used factiously and any resemblance to actual people, dead or alive, business, establishments, locales or events is entirely coincidental. Any reference to real events, businesses or organizations is intended only to give the fiction a sense of realism and authenticity.
All right reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means – electronic, mechanical, photographic (photocopying), recording or otherwise–without prior permission in writing from the author.
Trademark acknowledgements:
The author acknowledges the trademarked status and trademark owners of the following trademarks mentioned in this work of fiction:
Subaru: Fuji Heavy Industries (FHI)
Lexus: Toyota (GB) PLC (Lexus Division)
Dirty Dancer by Enrique Iglesias with Usher featuring Little Wayne:
Writers~ Enrique Iglesias, Nadir Khayat, Evan Bogart, Erika Nuri, David Quinones.
Producer~ RedOne
Label ~ Universal Republic, Universal Latino
Dedication
To my husband, Stuart.
You pushed me at every point during this process even though I was an absent wife and mother. You picked up the slack without complaining…too much!
Thank you for always believing in me.
To my kids ~ Brandon, Xander and Rhianna.
Thank you for understanding that mum lost her mind for a little bit. Yes there were a lot of pyjama days, and days where your dinner was late but you always had a hug for me when I got behind on things.
To my mum, Lorraine.
You always taught me that I needed to follow my dreams. Well I did it! Even if this book isn’t successful I did it! I have a book with my name on it. Thank you for teaching me never to give up.
I love you all more than words can ever say. You all give me the strength I need and the love that keeps me moving forward.
To the moon and back!
Prologue
And, I think I may have just lost my hearing. No, that’s not right. I can still hear him droning on about something and I’m pretty sure he’s trying to tell me something important. Maybe it’s just a dream. Or should that be a nightmare? That’s what it is. I’m asleep and I just need to wake myself up. Yes a dream. That’s why my vision can't focus and I’m having difficulty breathing, or it’s maybe a panic attack? That would make sense, because it feels like something heavy is pressing down hard on my chest.
“Makenzie, are you ok? I know it’s a shock but these things happen.” I look at Carl with his perfect blonde hair and he looks so calm, and suddenly I want to attack him…or push him out the window...or attack him and then push him out of the window.
“These things happen? These things happen? How the fuck can you say that these things just happen?” I scream at him finally losing my cool as the reality of what he has just said to me sinks in. How can he stand there and make it seem as though like I’m the one overreacting to this?
“I really don't think there is any need for that kind of language Makenzie. We’re all adults here and I’m sure we can act like it.” Is. He. Kidding? He’s standing there right in front of me looking as though he has just informed me it’s raining outside. Does he not understand that my life has just changed forever?
“Please tell me that you’re not trying to make me feel bad for swearing, when you have just admitted to me that you are fucking you’re PA! If that wasn’t bad enough, you’ve got her pregnant and now you’re leaving me so you can go and play happy families together!” Oh, this feels good. Screaming at him so everyone around us knows that he can't keep it in his pants during company time feels amazing. I need to keep my anger going or I am going to crumble. A bit like my entire life at the moment, but I refuse to give him the satisfaction of witnessing my pain. Taking a deep breath I move forward and towards where they’re both standing. He’s standing right beside her! At least he has the decency to look embarrassed, though I wish that I knew for certain whether it’s from what he’s putting me through or is it because everyone was looking at the three of us through his open office door. I’m standing on one side of his desk with my hands firmly placed on the top to keep myself upright, Carl ever the gentleman, is standing on the other side of the desk and is slightly in front of Rose with his arm protectively out to the side and over her belly. I don't know if it’s to keep me from her or to keep her quiet. I just think it’s wrong to see him standing with her. Rose the now obvious reason that Carl has been working so late recently. Rose who has been sleeping with my fiancé, while I have been waiting at home for him to finish work so I can cook for him. Rose the bitch with her paid for blonde hair, and her bought perky boobs and her perfect size 10 body. Rose who is now carrying my fiancé’s baby and holding his hand at this moment and I really want to slap the cocky smile of her face! I’m not a violent person but I think I’m justified on this occasion to want to do harm to both of them, just a little and hopefully permanently.
“Makenzie, I’m sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen, I really didn't, but I can't change anything about that now. We’re having a baby and you know I have always wanted a family.” He pleads with me gently.
“Yes, but I thought you meant with me.” This time I can't control the tear that escapes my eye and rolls down my cheek. I wipe it away angrily with the back of my hand and look him in the eye. Those beautiful green eyes that I have spent the last three years looking into while we laughed together, and cried together and made love together.
“Sweetheart, you know I love you, but I can't turn my back on Rose now that she’s pregnant.” Rose turns her head so quickly to look at him that pieces of her perfectly styled blonde hair falls across her face, she moves it out of the way while she scowls at Carl. I would feel sorry for her and what she is hearing, I mean he has basically just admitted that he is with her just for the baby, but I just can't bring myself to feel bad. As my mother always told me when I was growing up, she has made her bed and now she will have to lie in it.
“Were you thinking about how much you loved me when this started? I mean, I thought we were going to spend the rest of our lives together. We have booked our wedding, our honeymoon. You must have been sleeping with her when we were organising things. I have my dress ordered, and we have booked the country house to get married in. How can you do this to me? I don't understand? Was I not enough? Did I do something wrong?” I know I’m rambling but I just can't seem to stop myself now that I’ve started. I need answers from him, but instead he is just standing there looking at me with pain in his eyes. He doesn't get to be the one in pain here, he caused all this, and this is all on him! He walks around the desk and pulls me into his strong arms, he feels so good holding me, protecting me from the pain. If I could just stay here forever everything will be ok, nothing can hurt while he is holding me.
“I’m sorry I am putting you through this, if I could go back and change it I would.” He whispers in my ear as tears start to fall without control down my cheeks.
“Carl! What exactly are you saying here?” Her voice pulls me back to reality, I push against his chest until he lets me go, I look up into his sad eyes and I do the only thing I can think to do…I slap him!
Chapter one
“Damn!” I mutter quietly to myself into the dark night. I am such a klutz. I’m pretty sure that I’m the only person
in the whole damn world who could spill coffee all over themselves while just sitting on a park bench. I place the cup down to the side of me on the bench and go to pull my t-shirt away from my skin. I pull the neck of my t-shirt away from my body and blow downwards, the coffee is scalding hot and I’m really hoping it doesn't leave a red mark on my skin. Why this morning? All I wanted was to sit quietly in the park and take some time to collect my thoughts. Why is everything so goddam hard these days? What could I have possibly done in a past life to make Karma want to kick my ass now? Ever since Carl had left me, my world has crumbled before my very eyes. Well, saying that he left is technically a lie. I’m the one who left him, but only after he made my life implode in on itself. I really don’t think that my luck can get any worse at the moment. I’ve lost my fiancé. My house. I’ve even lost my job. I know I really shouldn't complain because the company did offer me a promotion. They said I would get all my moving expenses paid for me, including my accommodation, and other company benefits.
I think they were worried that I’d make a huge fuss if I stayed in my office with Carl. Of course having daddy as one of the main shareholders means that he got to keep his current position in the business, and someone had to leave.
There was only one downside to the new job they offered me. To take the position, it would mean I would have to move across the Atlantic and settle in New York. I have to admit, I was extremely tempted to take them up on the offer. A fresh start in a new country could have been just what I needed, but after thinking about it long and hard I decided that I couldn't just up and leave my family behind in the UK. Even though when I think about it, losing my family doesn’t feel like it would be such a big loss at the moment. As much as I love them they still seem to think that I should have fought harder to hold onto Carl, even after everything he put me through. My parents were highly embarrassed by the whole situation and wanted to act like it never happened. Well at least that's one thing we have in common, I wish that it had never happened either.
I sit and brood over my thoughts as I look out over the park. It’s early. So early in fact that the sun hasn't even started to rise yet. It’s this time of day that I have started to love the most. It’s so peaceful because most people are still in their beds, which is where I should be, but I don’t seem too able to sleep much these days.
The air is already beginning to get warm and I know by lunch it’s going to be another scorcher. Fantastic! It has been unseasonably hot the last few weeks and being the typical Brit that I am, I pray for hot weather. That is until we actually get some. My apartment has been like a pressure cooker even with the windows opened up fully, with not as much as a breeze blowing through the air.
I’m just beginning to settle down again with my coffee and a new list of things to stress about entering my mind, when I hear a noise from behind me. Before I even have the time to react, I hear a deep voice.
“Are you alright?”
I let out a squeal and jump up from the bench. I turn and quickly prepare my flight or fight response. I hadn't taken all of those self-defence classes for nothing. By the time I’ve turned half circle to face him I’ve dropped my coffee to the ground and braced myself to attack. What I see is actually a little funny. The guy is standing with his hands out in front of him and appears to be in a calming stance.
“I’m sorry...I’m really, really sorry. I didn't mean to startle you.”
I relax a little and will my racing heart rate to slow because with my luck recently, I’ll end up having a heart attack or something. I keep my eyes trained on him and take him in. He’s really tall, maybe about 6ft 2, but then everyone and everything seems really tall compared to my 5ft 3inch height. He has dark hair, though I can’t quite tell the true colour because of the lack of lighting. It’s hard to make out his face in the shadows, but I am able to make out his build. He’s lean yet muscly, all at the same time. He has arms that look strong, especially where his muscles are bulging against the sleeves of his workout top. His shoulders are huge and I’m pretty sure that if I were to even try and fight him off, I would fail very quickly.
What surprises me the most though is his thin waist. I can see that he has muscle there, but compared to his arms it’s just not what you would expect to see, that’s all.
He’s wearing knee length black shorts, accompanied with a black workout top. It looks like a second skin, and let me tell you, if the sight in front of me is anything to go by, the first skin looks as though it could be absolutely glorious. I relax a little bit more. He isn't exactly dressed like he’s out and about to attack some random person.
He has a backpack slung casually over his shoulder and he’s wearing extremely smart trainers on his feet. I’m beginning to wonder where he’s going because he looks as though he’s dressed and ready to hit the gym, though there isn't one around here for miles. Then I wonder why on earth I’m standing here and checking out some guy when he could be anyone. This really isn’t the safest of places or situations to be in, especially in the company of a complete stranger. But for some reason, I can't seem to take my eyes off of him.
“Are you ok?” he asks again, his voice taking me out of the little dream world I’ve found myself in.
“Eh ... yes. Thanks. I’m fine.” I manage, lowering my hands as my gaze drops down to look longingly at the remnants of my coffee.
“I heard you shouting and I wanted to make sure everything was okay. You know, you really shouldn't be out in the park at this time on your own. It’s not safe.” Wow, he has a great voice. Soft, velvety and very deep. You know those voices you hear on the television and they can sell you anything ... twice?
“Oh yeah, I’m fine. I spilt my coffee and it burned a little. I didn't realise I’d been so loud. And there’s really no need to worry. I come out here at this time a lot and you’re actually the first person I’ve seen.”
Why did I just offer that piece of information to him? Talk about inviting trouble, I don't know him from the next guy and now he knows I’m here regularly on my own, with no one within earshot to hear my screams.
“Really? I pass here every morning and I haven't seen you before.”
“Yeah, well you see, I don't usually spill my coffee all over myself. I’m usually pretty quiet.” I say with a smile. The returning smile I receive from him has me almost having to catch my breath. His smile matches his dreamy voice and although I could easily stand here all day with him, I’m beginning to feel a little awkward as we continue to stand and stare at one another, with complete silence taking over the space between us.
“Well, thanks for checking that everything’s okay. Don't let me hold you up any longer.” I say and turn to pick up the now empty cup. As I walk over to put it in the bin next to the bench, he speaks again.
“Well as long as you’re sure you’re okay then I’ll get going. It was nice to meet you.” He begins to walk in the opposite direction than where I’m heading and when I’m only a few steps down the pathway, I hear him shout.
“Hey, beautiful! My name’s Rocco by the way!”
I turn back and see him smiling in my direction as he continues to walk backwards down the path.
“I’m Makenzie.” I shout back.
What harm could it possibly do?
I’m sitting at the small table in my kitchen and I’ve been trying to update my resume on my laptop, but I’m failing miserably. It’s far too hot in here and there’s no relief to be had, even with the window next to me opened up wide. I really wish this place had air conditioning. I begin to wonder how long you can go without food before you starve, because at this moment, I’m considering foregoing all of next week’s meals so I can get it fitted.
My thoughts also keep drifting back to a certain hot guy named Rocco, which doesn’t seem to be helping my body temperature go down any. The sound of his voice and the outline of his amazing body is actually really hard to try and forget. I realise though that thinking about him is wasting time that I don’t have. I need to fin
d a job and fast. My savings aren’t going to last me forever, and I don’t relish the idea of ending up homeless.
I moved into this place after Carl and I split up. I lost a lot when we parted ways. We’d lived together in a beautiful townhouse in the heart of London. The house was in his name only, so I wasn’t entitled to anything, even though I’d helped him pay for it the whole time we were together. Now, here I am, living in a one bedroomed apartment, above a shoe shop in a small town that’s located just outside of Southampton. It’s clean, cheap and it’s quiet, so I can't really ask for much more. No, that's a lie. If I could have one more thing, it would be my old house back. The one with the big garden and the dressing room and the huge Victorian bathtub. Having none of these now just depresses me more. I miss my bath the most. Having to live with just a shower room isn't something that I particularly enjoy. I miss wasting my Sunday afternoons away in the bath with a glass of white wine and my kindle. I still don't understand why I had to lose so much while he was able to walk away with everything. He was the one who made a mess of everything, not me. That should have been my life, and he and that bitch took it all away from me.
Turning and looking at the ever-growing pile of bills, I inwardly groan, I don’t even know where to start being able to catch up with them. Turning back to stare at my resume on the computer screen, I hope to find a little inspiration for what I need to do next. I open another window on my computer and begin to search for any local jobs that are currently being advertised, three must be something that would suit me. I don't drive, so the job must be as local as possible, and it has to be accessible on foot or by bus. This definitely limits what I can take by a large margin.