by T A. McKay
“Rocco, please. Tell me who told you this?” He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath as my hand makes contact with him. His hand comes up and rests on top of mine on his chest, his fingers work their way in between mine and he grasps them tightly. His head drops again and he rests his mouth on top of our joined fingers.
“Rocco?”
“Elle.” One simple word whispered. That was all he says but I can see the pain it causes to say it. My heart shatter’s for him. How could someone you love make you feel like that? I can't speak, I don't know what to say so I do the only thing I can think of. I climb onto him and straddle his lap. I put my arms around his neck and hold him, and in my mind I know I never want to let go. It takes a few moments but I soon feel Rocco’s arms working their way around my waist, he holds me so tight and places his face into the crook of my neck. I just hold him, trying to show him how I feel about him. It’s the closest we have been since the kiss, but I know that neither of us is feeling the sexual tension that is usually there, this is all about comfort and need of another kind.
I’m not sure how long we sit there holding each other, but he never eases his hold around me. I can still feel his breath on my neck, where his mouth is gently placed against it. I am trying not to be affected by his closeness, the last thing he needs at this moment is for me to get turned on, but the longer I am in his arms the harder it is not to feel his body pushing against me. His hands on the bare skin of my waist, the way his breath is creating heat on my neck. I find myself running my hands up the back of his neck and through his hair. I feel unaware of what I'm doing and my hands seem to have a mind of their own. When I feel his body tense underneath mine and I realise I’ve made a big mistake. I start to pull away from him but his arms tighten even more around me making me relax back into his hold. I am trying desperately to calm my erratic breathing before I make a total fool of myself, but he really doesn't help me when I fell his lips make full contact with my neck. I am thinking that my heart is about to beat out of my chest and I am convincing myself that it was an accident when they make contact again, this time with a little more pressure making it obvious that he is meaning to do it. His lips part as he kisses my neck again and I feel his warm tongue flick out to taste me. My breath catches in my throat and I have to remind myself to start to breath. Rocco’s lips gently move up my throat towards my jaw while one of his hands move up to the back of my head and gently grabs my hair, pulling my head back to give him better access. The pressure he has on my hair is bordering on pain but all I feel is pleasure. I can't stop the moan that leaves me as his mouth makes contact with that sensitive spot behind ear, I also can't stop my hips that automatically grind onto his lap. It’s now his turn to let out a groan. Goosebumps instantly appear all over my body, how can a man have such an effect on me? I was with Carl for 3 years and I never had this reaction to him, not even at the beginning. I was so focused on the feeling of him under my body that I start a little when he speaks into my ear.
“I want to kiss you Makenzie. It’s all I ever think about, the taste of you on my tongue. I can still remember it from our last kiss, you are the sweetest thing I have ever tasted. I need more, so I am going to kiss you now…..but I can't be with you.” My breathing has gone erratic at the words breathed into my ear. I want to give him everything he needs, but I also want to give him more so I need to ask him,
“You don't want to be with me?”
“No Makenzie. I want to be with you, I said I can't be with you.” All thought of asking him to clarify what he means flees from my mind when his lips crashed down onto mine. Gone is the gentleness of his lips from before, this kiss is claiming, he is taking what he wants from me but I am more than willing to give it all to him. I move my hands from around his neck and run them down his chest, feeling the contours of his abs through his shirt. He is hard and defined, his body is every woman dream. I release another involuntary moan into his mouth as I continue my exploration of his body. The hand that he still has on my waist grips harder, hard enough that I am sure there will be a bruise left tomorrow, and he pulls me closer so that we are now chest to chest. I can feel the hardness of his erection pushing up into me where I sit, with only my little shorts and his jeans between us there is no way to hide how excited he is, also how big he is. Part of my mind starts wishing that our clothes would magically vanish, but that thought…or any thought really doesn't last long as his hand slips inside my T-shirt and up over my ribs. Rocco’s lips pull away from mine and he touches his forehead to mine, we are both breathing hard now, his fingers are still rubbing a pattern just below the underside of my breast and I’m willing him to move his hand up. I want to feel his hands on me, my nipples have already gone hard in anticipation of his touch. I am just about to physically move his hand up onto my breast when his phone starts to ring. He lets out a long stuttered breath before reaching under my leg to retrieve the phone from his pocket.
“Hello.” He listens to the person on the other side of the phone but his eyes never leave mine.
“Can’t you deal with it yourself Mason? I haven't even been home yet.” I don't want to be nosey and listen to his call but his hand has moved back to waist and is holding me on his lap. His lap where I can still feel the evidence of his arousal, I try to be good but I just can’t help myself now that I know its Mason on the phone. I push my knees out so I sit further into his lap, pushing against his erection. His eyes roll into the back into his head and he growls slightly in his throat. The phone drops slightly away from his ear and I can hear Mason shouting through the earpiece.
“Rocco. Rocco man, where are you? I need to you to come to the garage ASAP. Rocco! Rocco are you there?” Opening his eyes Rocco looks at me with a small smile playing at the side of his mouth, and oh how I love that look on his face.
“Yeah Mason, I’m here. I’m on my way. No I told you I’m not at home. No. No. I am just not at home just now, ok? I will see you soon…bye Mason.” I can still hear Mason talking as Rocco presses the end call button, he puts his phone back into his pocket and reaches his hand up to hold my jaw. Running his fingers across my lips he says quietly,
“I’m sorry. I need to go, there is a problem at the garage and Mason says he can't handle it himself.” Even though he is saying the words, he is making no effort to move away from me. I open my lips slightly and suck his thumb into my mouth as he tries to run it over them again.
“I swear Makenzie, if you keep doing things like that I won't be able to walk never mind move.” He pulls his thumb from my mouth and with both hands on my waist he lift me from his lap and onto the couch next to him. He rises quickly before I can say anything, he runs his hands down the legs of his jeans trying to remove the creases on them and then readjusts himself as discreetly as he can. Turning he holds his hand out to me and when I place my hand in his he pulls me from the couch.
“Thank you for the tea.” He says as he walks towards the front door.
“You’re very welcome,” I say with a huge grin on my face.
“If you ever feel like another one, just text me.” Rocco lets out a small laugh before placing a gentle kiss on my cheek.
“I’ll call you soon.” I watch him as he makes his way down the stairs, once he has turned the corner I close the door, leaning back on it I slide down until I am sitting on the floor. With a smile on my face I think about how well that had gone, not only did he kiss me again, he kissed me and didn't run away afterwards. As much as I would love to sit on the floor all day and think about how it felt to have Rocco’s lips and hands on me, it was time to get this painting finished.
Chapter Ten
I arrived to work the next morning and was greeted with a single red rose sitting on the top of my desk. There was no card attached, but I knew instantly who it was from.
I’m getting so used to him not signing anything. He never seems to be able to admit that he likes to do sweet things.
I’m now sitting here, three days later with the same silly grin ove
r my face as I had that day. I just can't seem to stop smiling and even Matt has noticed. He first thought that I’d won the lottery or something, but the thing is, I truly feel like I have.
Rocco and I haven’t spoken since we kissed, but we have been messaging each other, and every day when he leaves the pool, I’m rewarded with a huge smile from him that truly melts my heart.
Every. Single. Time.
I know how closed off he is, so the fact that he’s still texting me is a massive step forward for him. He isn't shutting me out this time and I know that he’s trying to give me at least some small part of him. I’m happy to get just a little piece of him at a time.
I notice the time on my computer and realise that I’m way behind on my shift already. I think that I’ve just spent the past ten minutes sitting here and daydreaming about him. Giving myself a mental telling off, I complete the start of the shift checks on the computer and then take a last sip of my coffee.
I next make my way over to check out the changing rooms and upstairs areas. The changing rooms look fine and each of the racks are still filled high with towels, obviously no one has needed to use any since they were refilled on the last shift. I make my way through to the spectator’s area so I can reach the back steps that lead to the functions areas above.
My eyes land on Rocco and see that he’s standing by the pool, talking to Josh. I stop for a moment so I can just take him in. Yes, I understand how creepy this must sound, but I can’t help but look at him. I notice that his body is tensed up and his eyes are extremely dark. He doesn’t look happy at all.
I’m just about to walk away and leave them to it, but then I see Josh lifting his hand up and beginning to point right into Rocco's face. I stay where I am and wonder what’s going on.
I’m really not sure what to do. If it’s something to do with the swim team then it’s really none of my business and I should leave them to it, but if it’s the start of something else then I may need to go over and step in. There’s no way I can have them fighting here.
As he continues to speak with Josh, I notice his eyes narrowing with what appears to be pure anger. He turns, noticing that I’m standing here and watching them. His stance begins to relax slightly when his eyes land on mine, but it’s not hard to see that he still isn’t fully relaxed.
Josh turns around and he is also now looking directly at me. The look he’s throwing me seems to be one of hurt, though he quickly recovers and I see anger crossing over his entire features before he turns back towards Rocco.
I’m beginning to wonder what the hell’s going on between the two of them. They’ve always appeared to be such good friends. I then see Josh lifting his hand and pointing into Rocco's face again, and now I know that I’m going to have to go in there and see what’s going on. I can’t just leave and walk away now I know this is happening.
The other guys are standing around them, though no one seems to be moving to step in between the two of them. They seem happy enough to stand around and watch as the two of them go at it. I’m going to have to go in there and do something.
Approaching them, I feel my heart beginning to race, almost out of control and my breaths are doubling their speed. I haven't been this close to a pool since the accident all of those years ago.
Actually, that’s a lie. There has only been one other time, though it hadn’t ended very well. I was with some friends at a pool party when we were in college and some of the guys thought that it would be funny to throw some of the girls into the pool while still fully clothed.
I’d tried to escape through the crowd, but I only managed to draw more attention to myself because the next thing I knew, I was thrown over one of the guy’s shoulders and he was stalking towards the pool.
I completely freaked out. I remember that I’d been screaming as though someone was actually murdering me and kept scratching at the guy’s naked back. The pool area had gone completely quiet when I started to shout and the guy quickly dropped me to my feet, but I couldn't hold myself up and ended up collapsed onto the ground and curled up into the foetal position.
I remember how scared I’d felt. I was so scared that I truly thought my heart was going to stop. As all the memories flood back into my mind, I feel the sweat beginning to form over my neck and back.
I haven’t told Matt about my fear of the water, and thankfully he hadn't taken me in there during my interview.
I look up and see that Rocco and Josh are standing much closer to each other now. As I near, I can hear them shouting, even through the glass divide. I’ll just have to do it. I have to go in there. If I could just get my body to move forward then I would go and intervene somehow.
I inhale a deep breath, urging myself to put my big girl panties on. I can do this. It’s not as though I’m going in the water. I’ll only be standing beside it. I move slowly across the room and push open the dividing door. Trying to stay calm, and walking as far away from the pool as I possibly can, I begin to approach them.
“Is everything ok, guys?” I know it’s far from okay, but I thought that maybe this approach would calm them down a little bit.
“Yeah, everything’s fine, Makenzie. There was just a slight disagreement, but it’s all sorted now.” Rocco turns in my direction and smiles at me. I notice that Josh still doesn't look happy, though. He moves closer to me before almost shouting in my face.
“Tell me, Makenzie. Are you going to be going out with me again? Because I thought that we’d had a pretty great night.” I glance at Josh as he speaks, but I have no idea what to say. We did have a great time together, but I don’t think that it would be fair to go out with him again. Especially because all I want and think about is Rocco.
“Um … well … yeah. We had a good time.”
“That wasn't the question! Are you going to go out with me again?” His voice is almost demanding now and I can see him clenching his jaw firmly together, while grinding the words out through his teeth,
“Josh, leave it there. Don't take your bad mood with me out on Makenzie. Be a man and deal with me.” I had never heard Rocco sound so angry in all the time I had known him, I’m shocked and I’m really not sure how to answer now.
“I am asking a simple question. She either wants to see me again or she doesn't! This has nothing to do with you Rocco. Nothing!” I really need to say something here but I’m standing opened mouthed and in complete shock watching this unfold between the guys.
“I …uh…I,” It’s all I manage to get out but I find myself moving closer to Rocco, putting more distance between me and Josh. He always seems like a nice guy but I don't really know him and he is really angry with me at the moment. I'm not sure where the anger is coming from, we have only been out the once and even though it was fun there was nothing more.
“Please answer me Makenzie. I asked you, will you be going out on another date with me?” His voice is getting louder and the other guys are still standing about watching us having our…discussion.
“Josh, I had a really great time and you are such a great guy, but I don't think I will be able to go out with you again.” I’m so happy I finally manage to get a full sentence out and the fact that my voice sounds strong while I speak is an added bonus.
“Why not?” Josh’s voice had quietened a lot but I could still see the darkness in his eyes and I was actually a little scared of him. From the corner of my eye I can see Rocco moving towards me, I am now standing a little behind him so I don't have the full force of Josh’s glare straight on me.
“Look, Josh, you know why she won’t go out with you again. I told you that I was interested in her and I want you to step back, this is on me, not Makenzie. So if you want to be angry at someone be angry at me, I’m the dick in this equation.” Rocco told Josh he was interested in me? It’s strange that even in this situation that his words actually make me tingle.
“I’m not blaming her Rocco, I’m putting this fully on you. I thought we were friends and you move in on the girl I like, I thought you
were a better guy than that.” I have a funny thought run through my head while these two guys go at it. Even in this awkward situation I feel like we are in high school with the guys fighting over a girl.
“If we are putting it like that, you moved in on my girl. Everyone knew that I liked her, but no one took it seriously because it’s me. Well I'm sorry but this time I am going to fight for what I want.”
“You are such a dick!” Josh growls at Rocco through clenched teeth, he reaches out and pushes Rocco on the chest with enough strength that it makes him take a step back. As Rocco moves back he catches me on the chest making me stumble. The first of me realising that things aren't going to end well is when my foot goes out behind me and I can't feel the ground. While we have been arguing and I made my way behind Rocco I have been getting closer to the edge of the pool without realising it. Now I’m fully aware of what is about to happen and I can't do anything to stop it. I feel my body tip back as I wave my arms trying to find something, anything to grab onto to stop the inevitable from happening. I slam into the water back first and I feel my breath leaving my lungs in a painful gush from the force of the hit. I sink quickly, my panicked movements making no difference at all. I open my mouth to scream, realising instantly what a stupid thing it is to do, the water rushes into my mouth hitting the back of my throat before I even think to close my mouth again. I am sinking fast and I watch as the light at the top of the pool get further away. I try not to panic, thinking if I relax I might float to the top of the pool again, but feel the bottom of the pool on my back as I look up through the water. I can see the top of the pool but I can't control my body enough to get up there. There was a time I could swim and I try to remember what to do but the only visions in my head are of my baby sister, how she looked on the bottom of the pool that day many years ago. Her pale face as lay there with the life drained out of her. I was the big sister, I should have tried to do something to save her. My thoughts are crowding my head and I try to focus but it is so hard to do. I try to make my body work, make it do anything. The water is blocking my throat. I need to breathe. I am suffocating. I want to escape. I don't want to die, especially not this way. There is a darkness making its way into the edge of my vision, I try to blink it away but it is only getting larger. My lungs are burning and I feel like my chest will explode. The blackness has nearly blocked my vision. I can't feel anything anymore. I’m numb. Just as the blackness takes over everything I feel an arm going around my waist and a chest pushing into my back. It’s the last thing I remember.