by T A. McKay
“Sorry, we haven't been introduced. I’m Carl. Mackenzie's fiancé.” Rocco’s eyes flash towards mine in an instant and I can already see the realisation flickering into them as he finally puts two and two together.
“EX! You’re my ex fiancé, Carl. With a very pregnant girlfriend waiting for you at home! You know, the one who you got pregnant while we were engaged?” I angrily say while throwing Carl an evil glare.
How dare he still call himself my fiancé? Rocco looks down at Carls hand for a couple of seconds before bringing his gaze back up to his face, refusing to shake his hand. I feel relieved and smile to myself, knowing that there’s no way in hell that Rocco will believe anything that Carl has to say.
“I’m gonna leave you guys to it, Makenzie. Give you some time here with your … visitor.” I have to try and hold back a laugh when I see Rocco totally blanking Carl, but then what he’s just said seems to finally sink in.
“Wait. You don't need to go anywhere. I’m sure Carl is just leaving now that he can see that I’m okay. Aren't you Carl?” I say firmly, while narrowing my eyes over on him.
“Actually, I was planning on staying for a while. I think you and I have some things we need to talk about.”
No, no, no. Stop talking!
“No, we don't have anything left to talk about. Rocco, please stay? Carl really is just about to leave.” I turn around to Rocco and stare at him with pleading eyes. I really don't want to be left alone with Carl. Surely he must see that?
The happiness that was present in his eyes just a few minutes ago has now vanished, and all I can see are the walls I’d finally managed to break down not so long ago, building right back high up around him again.
He’s looking at me with distance displaying in his eyes and I actually feel like I’m about to cry. I know that he’s about to shut me out again. I didn’t think that it would be possible, but I think I might actually hate Carl more in this very moment than I did during the entire time we were dealing with the Rose scenario.
“No, I really think that it would be for the best if I leave. I hope you feel better soon, Mackenzie” With these words, he turns and begins to walk away and I can only watch as he leaves the room, taking a part of my heart with him. I glare towards Carl. He’s lucky that I’m attached to all of these drips and machines because if I wasn’t, I’d be out of this hospital bed and the staff would have to pry my hands from around his throat.
“Have you lost your freaking mind?”
“Who was he, Makenzie?” I can’t believe that he has the audacity to look upset about me having Rocco in the room.
“It doesn't matter who he is. Why the hell are you here?” I’m getting angrier by the minute, and not just at Carl. I’m mad with Rocco for running away again. What do I have to say to him so he’ll believe that I want him. That I want all of him, damaged pieces and all?
“I would like to know who the guy in my fiancées room is. I don't think it’s too much to ask, is it?” I tilt my head to the side and look directly at him, so I can study him. He doesn't look as though he’s on drugs, but he must be. It’s the only way to explain any of this.
“I swear, Carl! If you call me your fiancée one more time then I’m going to get out of this bed and beat you with my own bare fists!” He looks surprised, though I have no idea why. He looks as though he’s about to say something, but I’m saved by the sound of the door as it begins to open. I’m hoping that Rocco has changed his mind, but he hasn’t. Walking in is the nurse, Elizabeth.
“The doctor will be here soon to do another check of everything and he said that if everything is still okay, then you’ll be free to go. Do you have a way to get home?” She asks as she smiles at me. If she’d have been twenty five minutes earlier then I could have said yes, but now it seems that I’m stranded here.
“Yes, I’ll give her a lift home. Do I need to sign any paperwork?” The nurse looks over at Carl, most probably wondering who he is. So far, the only visitor I’ve had has been Rocco.
“I’m perfectly capable of signing my own damn forms! I’m a grown woman!” I snap at him and then I close my eyes, letting out a deep sigh as I try to calm myself back down.
“But … thank you for offering to give me a lift.” I look at him again, and though he’s smiling, it doesn’t make me feel happy in the slightest. He looks as though he has just gotten his way, and that I will fall into his arms because he came to the hospital. He has a rude awakening coming.
“A lift, Carl. That’s all.” He nods his head and gives me a tiny salute. Funny how I always used to think that it was really cute when he did that. Now, well it just annoys the hell out of me.
Sitting in the car with Carl on the way home feels strange. I’ve spent the last few months trying to get over him and move on with my life, and here I am, in his company again. I sit quietly and look out the side window because I have no idea what to say to him, and honestly, all I can think about is getting rid of him so I can speak with Rocco.
Discharging myself from the hospital had taken a long time and now I’m tired. My body still hurts and now my head is beginning to hurt from having to deal with Carl. I just want to get home, call Rocco, and then curl up in my own bed so I can sleep for about four days.
Matt had called while I was still in hospital and he told me that if I returned to work this week then he would fire me. I suppose this means I’ll be resting a lot over the next week. I have a smile over my face while I think about Matt. He really does feel like a father figure to me. He’s sweet and always looking out for me. He sounded so upset because I hadn't told him about my water phobia. I think he thinks that if he’d known, then maybe it wouldn't have happened.
I assured him that it was entirely my fault. There was no way for him to have been able to change what had happened. He informed me that he’s planning on having words with Rocco and Josh, so maybe it’s a good thing that I won’t be in this week, after all. I know Rocco feels really bad about what happened and he completely blames himself. When Matt has words, I think that it’s he’s going to make him feel even worse.
“Where can I park, Makenzie?” My thoughts are interrupted by the sound of Carl’s voice. I actually forgot he was here, or maybe that’s just wishful thinking on my part.
“You can just stop outside my door and drop me at the kerb. You don't need to park.” He looks at me with confusion on his face, as though I’ve just spoken to him in a foreign language.
“I’m not dropping you off in the street. I wasn't kidding when I said I wanted to talk to you, and since you’ve managed to avoid any sort of conversation with me so far, it will have to be at your place.” I manage to hold in the groan that I feel ready to escape from my throat. I really don't want this to happen. Why can't he just drop me off and disappear into the sunset, and back to Rose? I actually feel my lip curling up into a snarl when I think of her.
“Carl, I’m tired and I just want to go to bed. We really have nothing to talk about. Nothing’s changed.” Even as I speak, he parks the car next to the kerb just across the street from my apartment. I groan as I climb out of the car, praying that he’ll change his mind and drive away. I completely ignore him as I cross the street and make my way up the stairs. I’m hoping that he’ll take the hint and leave, but he doesn’t. I unlock my door, step inside, but just as I’m about to close it, he puts his hand against the door, stopping me being able to close it fully.
“You’re not stopping this from happening, Makenzie. You can either let me come in now and speak to you, or I can wait out here on your doorstep until you’re ready to hear me out.” I let my head drop, thinking that maybe I should just let him have his say so he’ll leave.
“Fine. You have thirty minutes, Carl. I move away from the door, not even holding it open for him so he can step inside. I make my way over to the sofa while removing my jacket. I sit down wearily and curl my legs under me. Pulling the blanket I keep over the back of the sofa over my legs, I make myself a little more comfortable. I lo
ok to Carl, who’s now sitting down on the chair opposite to me. He’s taken off his jacket, which makes me worry that he’s planning on staying longer than I want him to. He stares at me for a few minutes and he’s beginning to make me feel uncomfortable. I’m about to say something to him, but stop when he finally gets to the point.
“I fucked up, Makenzie.” If Carl is going for the shock factor with this conversation then he’s doing a pretty good job at it. I know he screwed up badly, but I’d never imagined that he would openly admit it.
“I can't believe that I did that to you. You were my everything, Mackenzie” I open my mouth to stop him from saying anything else, but he holds his hand up, silencing me.
“I had everything, but at the time I thought that I needed more, that I needed the thrill of the chase again. But, now I realise that what I needed was you all along. Rose … she just isn't you. I’m so sorry I put you through this, but I want you back. Please say you’ll have me? I’m ready to pack up my life and leave Rose. Say it. Just say that you’ll come home with me.” I stare at him with my mouth hanging wide open, I have no idea what to say. But, then it happens. I feel it building inside me and no matter how hard I try, I can't stop it. I laugh. I mean, I seriously laugh. What else am I supposed to do? He cheated on me, got the woman pregnant, and now he’s willing to leave her and come back to me? My life right now feels as though it’s just turned into some Hollywood movie.
“You seriously think I’m going to come back to you, Carl? That I’m going to allow you to leave your PREGNANT girlfriend so that I can have her sloppy seconds? I don’t think so. If you’d loved me so much in the first place then you never would have cheated on me. What’s wrong? Is the grass not greener on the other side like you’d thought it would be?” I should feel angry, but I don’t. I actually feel sorry for him. He lost everything that we had together and has finally realised that he made a big mistake
“Makenzie, please? It has always been you. Always. I don’t know if I can do this without you.”
“Maybe you should have thought about that before you started dipping it in company ink! You made your choice, Carl, and it wasn’t me. The first time that you went with her was the first time you told me you didn’t want me anymore. I'm not coming back. I’m really happy with my life now. I'm happy here, and I’m happy with my friends.” I need to get it through to him that I'm not leaving here, especially not to be with him. I am happy. Happier than I think I’ve ever been in my life.
“It’s because of him, isn’t it? He’s the reason you won’t come home.” I close my eyes and begin to rub my fingers lightly over my temples. I can already sense that this headache won’t be leaving me any time soon.
“No, Carl. Let me explain this to you so you can easily understand. I’m not coming back to you because you cheated on me. You have a pregnant girlfriend at home. I will never be with you again and it has nothing to do with Rocco. This is my life now and I’m happy.” I say this all very slowly and clearly, hoping that he’ll finally hear and understand what I’m telling him. I don’t want to be horrible to him, no matter what he put me through. I know only too well how it feels to lose something you want so badly.
“You need to go home, Carl. Go back and enjoy the life you chose for yourself. It can’t be as bad as you’re making it sound. You have a baby on the way and you said it yourself, you always wanted to have children.” His head drops down and he stares at his hands which are now grasped together in front of him on his lap.
“Yeah. But, now I realise that I wanted to have that family with you. It’s just not the same with Rose. She doesn’t know me the way you do. I wasn’t meant to be with her. I’m meant to be with you. Always, you..” I can hear the pain in his voice but it doesn’t change anything. This is all still fully on him.
“Do you know that she fell pregnant on purpose?” My jaw drops when he utters this statement. I knew there was a reason I hated her, but now I really hate her. How could anyone do that to another person?
“Oh my God, Carl. You can’t be serious? How do you know this?”
“She told me.” He chuckles right after he drops this bomb. But, it isn’t a happy sound. He sounds broken and I can actually feel my heart going out to him.
“She asked me to leave you … not long after we first started sleeping together. I told her that it would never happen. I told her there was no way that I would leave you, so she stopped taking her pill. I was stupid to believe she had everything covered. Once she was pregnant, there was nothing else I could do. I wouldn’t leave her on her own, not when she was carrying my kid, but God Makenzie, it’s hard. She isn’t the person I thought she was, she’s … well, she’s a bitch!”
“Carl, I'm so sorry. I really am, but even if I was willing to come back to you it still wouldn’t change anything. She would still be there between us. You need to deal with the life you chose, and you need to do it without me. I’m not ever going to come back to you.” His shoulders drop low and I know that he has finally started to hear me.
“I know. But, damn I had to try. Surely you can’t blame me for that, can you? This time the smile that appears on his face seems genuine, not forced like before.
“Just know that I’ll always love you, Makenzie. If you ever need me, I’ll always be here for you.” I feel tears appearing in my eyes as he speaks. This is the Carl I used to know and love. The one who cares with his whole heart and doesn’t want anyone to ever be hurting.
“I know, but it just wasn’t meant to be. You’ll always be my first love, Carl. You’re just not going to be my last love, that’s all.” He looks up at me, and it’s as though he’s seeing me for the first time.
“Yeah, I see that. So, do you love him?” I look directly into his eyes and say with a conviction that I haven’t felt in a long time.
“No, not yet. But, I think he may be the last person that I will love.” It’s more than I’ve even admitted to myself, and it feels liberating to finally admit my feelings to someone. To let it out into the universe that I’m falling for Rocco in a big way. That I’m truly not going to give up on him or let him run away from me again. Rocco Cole had better watch out because I’m not willing to let him go.
Carl stands up from the chair and grabs his jacket. Walking over to me, he crouches down before placing a feather light kiss on my right cheek.
“Be happy, Makenzie. I hope he gives you everything that I couldn’t. But I’m always at the end of the phone if need me.” With those words, he walks away, leaving me on the sofa.
I hear the front door close behind him and know that it might be the last time I ever see Carl. I know I should feel sad, but I don’t. He’s a part of the life I’m trying to leave behind me. Now is the time to fully start living the life I want, starting with me kicking the arse of an extremely infuriating man.
I pick up my phone and dial Mason’s number. I know Rocco won’t pick up, so there isn’t any point in attempting to call him. Sorting things with him will need to be done face to face, so he has no way of avoiding me. He needs to know exactly what I'm thinking and how infuriating I find him.
“Hello?”
“Mason? It’s Makenzie.” I'm not sure how much to tell him, but I know that I need to get Rocco’s address from him. That is a must.
“Makenzie, how are you doing? I heard about what happened. Shit, I can’t believe you nearly died!” That's what I like the most about Mason. He doesn’t have a filter. He just tells you how it is and exactly what’s on his mind. Most people would try and be gentle about what happened, but no, not Mason. He’s just straight in there with the bad stuff.
“I'm fine. A little tired just now, but I feel okay. I’m actually calling you for a favour.
“Anything you need, Makenzie. You know that.” I smile. Mason may be a big man whore, but he really does have a heart of gold deep down.
“I need Rocco’s address.”
“But isn’t Rocco with you? I thought he was at the hospital?” I can feel my anger begin
ning to build again, but try my hardest to push it back down. It’s not Mason’s fault that Rocco is immensely frustrating.
“No, Mason. Rocco left the hospital a little while ago and I need his address so I can go and kick his arse.” The sound of booming laughter travels through the line. Well, at least someone’s finding this whole situation amusing.
“Damn, woman. I knew there was a reason why I like you so much. You’re just what Rocco needs. Someone to knock him into shape and stop him from hiding from the world.”
“I hope you’re right on this one, Mason. What I do know is that I'm not giving up on him without a fight. So, are you going give me his address or not?” Mason laughs again before giving me Rocco’s address.
“Thanks, Mason. I owe you one.”
“Makenzie, if you can get Rocco back to living properly, then I’ll I owe you ten!” With that comment, we say our goodbyes.
I lean myself against the back of the sofa with exhaustion. There has been so much drama over the past few days, and even though I slept for the best part of the last twenty four hours, it all seems to be catching up with me now.
There’s no way that I’m going to be able to go over to Rocco’s house and have it out with him while I’m feeling like this. I know I need to sleep before I head out.
I lay down and curl up on the sofa, pulling the blanket up to my chin. I close my eyes and begin to think about everything that’s happened, still trying to get my head around it all. The rate of my breathing increases slightly as I think about the accident. I almost died. Actually, if what the doctor said is true, then I had died. It wasn’t until Rocco resuscitated me that I began breathing again. He saved my life. And I don’t mean in the love story he saved my life way, I mean in the ‘he really made me breath again’ saved my life way.
He’s my real life hero. My knight in shining armour. Thinking about Rocco has calmed my breathing and my body is beginning to relax as my nerves settle.