God, so he did go to a boarding school.
Years of lying in bed while reading Harry Potter and fantasizing about what it would be like to live in a castle full of children made me burn with jealousy. “What was it like there?” I said in an awed voice. “Were there houses?”
He tilted his head, and a slow smile spread across his face. "You mean like Gryffindor and Ravenclaw?"
I laughed and took another sip of wine, trying to hide my embarrassment.
“No, I’m afraid not. They’re not all they’re cracked up to be.”
I sank into my chair, my bubble of excitement bursting. "Are you kidding me?"
"The environment could be stifling. You're in this studious environment from sunup to sundown. I was homesick a lot. It was lonely. At first, it was fun, but after a while, you miss your mom and dad."
It was sad to hear that. Luke stared at some point over my shoulder, his eyes echoing with the loss of his mother and the pain of being sent away after her death. I couldn’t imagine what that must have felt like. I wanted to erase that unhappy look on his face.
“You’re ruining my fantasy!”
He laughed and shrugged. Luke looked at me as if he was making his mind about something. His fingers drummed on the table, and he reached inside his jacket.
“I need to ask you to fill out one more thing. You have to understand that I don’t trust easily, and I need you to complete this form so I can do a background check.”
I shrugged. "No problem." I had nothing to hide, right? It wasn't any different from applying for a job. I took the form and filled everything out, which included my address, phone number, and social security number. A voice inside me said that it was a lot of private information to give to a complete stranger. Then Luke slid over the two thousand dollar check already written in my name, and I took it. I felt guilty taking it. It was such a nice dinner.
When I returned the form, he glanced at his watch.
“Well, shall we?”
I took one last sip of wine and stood up as he threw cash on the table. We walked through the bustling restaurant. The hostess reached into the closet to retrieve my sad, synthetic wool coat and I watched as Luke shrugged on his. I noticed his patent leather Italian shoes and felt so cheap by comparison. I was an impostor, a Cinderella, but with his hand on the small of my back, I didn’t feel like one.
The glass doors swung outward, and the chilly air struck my bones. Luke walked beside me with his hands deep in his pockets.
“I’ll walk you to your car.”
“I took the BART and MUNI to get here.”
The cold stung his cheeks with pink. “Oh. Why’s that?”
I tried to look somewhere behind his head, anything to avoid meeting his gaze. "Well, like I said, my car was broken into, and it needed to be fixed."
His voice was flat. “But repairing a windshield only takes an hour.” He wasn’t getting it.
Tears welled in my eyes.
Don’t cry, you idiot.
My hands balled into fists until my fingernails bit painfully into my flesh.
“Yes, well, I couldn’t afford it. So they kept my car.” I couldn’t quite keep the pain out of my voice.
None of us said anything for a while. No doubt, he was looking for some phrase, some appropriate response for this situation he had been taught in his gentlemen classes at his overseas boarding school.
“I’ll call a town car.”
His thumb moved rapidly over his cell phone. I swallowed the lump in my throat.
"No. It's okay. I'm okay with taking the BART. I do it all the time. It’s no big deal.”
“Neither is calling a town car.”
I wanted to argue, but his hand reached out and touched my shoulder, squeezing it.
He wore a light smile on his face, as if he hadn't noticed the tears welling in my eyes, but of course he had and was just trying to make me feel better.
“Okay.”
A few minutes later, a sleek black Mercedes rolled next to the curb. I revolved on the spot with a heavy feeling in my stomach. Well, that’s it.
“Thank you so much for everything, Luke.”
He nodded. “I’ll contact you in a few days if all is well.”
He swept down and planted a swift kiss on my cheek. The spot burned like a hot poker, and the faint smell of his shampoo drifted inside my nose. I could still feel the imprint of his lips on my face.
The kiss surprised me so much that I forgot to say goodbye. I let out an embarrassing giggle and ducked into the security of the smooth, leather car interior. Luke leaned down near the passenger’s side to exchange words and a handful of cash with the driver.
Feeling light, I laid my hand across my cheek where he kissed me for a long time, marveling at how something so brief could feel so good.
I still felt like I stumbled into some fairy-tale when the car dropped me at my house. Maybe a fairytale wasn't accurate. It was like a bizarre dream. In what world did a gorgeous billionaire pay women to date him when he could have any woman he wanted?
I stepped out before the driver could open my door and gave him an awkward wave. Whoops.
He gave me a cursory look and sped away when I stepped on the sidewalk. I shrugged as I watched the town car blast down the street. I struggled to open my door for several minutes until I realized I used the wrong key. Finally, I pushed it open and strode inside.
The back of Natalie's head was on the couch. She whirled around as soon as I entered and stood up, looking apprehensive.
“Jess, look, I’m sorry for what I said.”
Seeing her looking so tired in her pajamas stirred my guilt. She waited for me all night and probably wondered if my face would appear on the evening news.
I was too tired to argue.
Her hands fidgeted. “You didn’t text me.”
“Ah, sorry. I forgot,” I said as I hung my coat in the closet.
“Well, how was it?”
A huge grin spread across my face. “I think I’m in love!”
She grinned. “Seriously, what was he like?”
“He’s young and gorgeous. And nice and—” I shivered at the mere memory of him. “I don’t know what he’s like, but he is hot. He looks like Ian Somerhalder!”
Her eyebrows were somewhere in her hair. “Wow. Well, what does he want from you?”
“I don’t know yet. I can pay you back now, at least. And I can get my car.” I slid my feet out of the heels and bounced across the room, brimming with happiness.
“I’ve never seen you like this.” Natalie’s voice was flat. “Am I dreaming?”
I shrugged and backed into my room, laughing at her stunned face. “I’m going to bed. Night!”
I set my purse on the bed and set the two thousand dollar check on my nightstand, feeling myself deflate once again. Don’t get attached to him. He might become my boss, but he’d never be my boyfriend.
Still, it was nice to dream.
4
The following morning, I headed straight for the bank to deposit my check, and then took a bus to the repair shop where my car was. Looking Randy straight in the eye as he swiped my credit card, I breathed a sigh of relief as the charge went through.
After driving home and paying Natalie the two months’ rent I owed, my bank account contained a paltry $432.50. Luke’s money helped tremendously, but I still needed more—and fast. I couldn’t muster the energy to send out another few dozen applications to jobs.
My stomach roared with hunger as I stood in the kitchen. Debating whether to buy food at the grocery store, I dug through my cupboard and found a battered packet of ramen.
Score.
I inhaled the tantalizing smell of the dry noodles and the spice packet as I ripped open the plastic, poured the noodles into a water-filled bowl, shoved it in the microwave, and then blasted it.
Top Ramen fueled my childhood. There were many school lunches where I would rip open the plastic, dump the spice onto the dry noodles, clen
ch the package in my fist to break them into tiny rings, and then shake it to distribute the seasoning. My fingers coated with MSG dust, I ate the whole bag of uncooked noodles.
At least microwaving was a step above eating it raw.
Maneuvering the piping hot bowl to the kitchen table, I gulped down my pitiful supper.
The front door opened. “Hey,” Natalie called out.
Feeling that twist of anxiety that took up residence in my stomach, I looked up. "Hi. I have a check for you on the table."
She put her messenger bag down with a weary shrug of her shoulders and hung her coat inside the closet. “What do you mean?”
“I mean the billionaire paid me two grand last night just for showing up. So I can pay you back.” I slid the check closer to her.
I need to stop calling him ‘the billionaire.’
A slight frown on her lips, she took the check in her hands and peered at it. Her eyes widened in disbelief. “Jess, I still don’t think this is a good idea.”
I knew this was coming the moment she walked inside, and her steely look showed she meant business.
“I don’t even know what he wants from me yet. If he sets up another meeting, I’ll find out.”
“I’m worried about you getting hurt. Last night you were talking about him as if he was your date.”
My fork stabbed at the ramen in my bowl. “I know. He’s just not what I expected at all.”
No, he wasn’t. My cheeks still burned as I thought about his soft kiss goodbye. He could still be an asshole. I didn’t know him at all, but it was hard not to be intrigued by a man planted so firmly in the spotlight.
“Do you know his name?”
Yes, and so do you.
I grinned, bursting to tell her I signed a multi-million dollar NDA. "Can't say, sorry. He made me sign an NDA. And an authorization for a background check."
Her eyes bugged out. “You’re kidding?”
“Wish I was.”
“Well, that’s thorough. Now I’m really curious. I still think you will have to put out, though.”
My cheeks went pink. If he wanted to have sex with me, would I say no?
Of course, you would!
“Then I’ll just end it.”
Natalie knew sex frightened me. She looked at me without blinking. Oh God, she's going to talk about it.
“I hope you aren’t pressured into doing something that traumatizes you.”
My mind recalled a hand pressed against my mouth in the darkness. Heavy alcoholic breath poured into my ear. If you make a sound, I’ll kill you.
A violent feeling surged inside me, and I looked around for a drink to flush it down. A beer. I needed a beer. Maybe an entire case.
“Well, what do you mean?”
She sounded impatient. “Jessica, come on. You know what I’m talking about. You’ve always had issues with men.”
I felt stripped bare, and my face flushed. There was very little I was willing to reveal about myself, yet Natalie appeared to know all my horrible secrets.
“I’m just worried about you throwing yourself into a dangerous situation with a man you hardly know. What are you going to do if he forces himself on you? Can you handle that?”
Could I?
I doubted he would do something like that. “Jesus, Nat. I don’t even know what he wants yet. Will you relax?”
Her arms crossed over her chest, and she drew a shuddering breath. "Look, I know you don't like to talk about your foster parents and everything."
“Here we go,” I said, rolling my eyes. I didn’t care if I was rude.
“You will need to talk about it someday to someone,” Natalie said. “Jess, I’m not saying it has to be me, but you put your life on hold for way too long.”
“Enough.” The rough edge in my voice made Natalie back away. “It’s not that easy for me. For starters, I don’t have health insurance. There's no family supporting me. I’m dealing with it the best way I know how.”
“You have a family.”
“No, I don’t.”
She looked at me like a wounded animal. The hurt splashed over her face and some of her pain transferred to me.
“You’re getting married and starting a life of your own. You’re not going to always be there for me. And that’s fine. I want you to have everything you want. But don’t talk as if it’s that simple. I’ve been kicked and punched since I was a kid and you don’t get over that after a few hours in a therapist’s office.”
Natalie flinched as though I struck her. We never talked about this out in the open, even when I showed up to school with bruises on my legs. I stood and paced the small kitchen, Natalie’s infuriating look of pity following every step. There was no way in hell I was going to talk about this.
“I can’t imagine what it was like—”
Needled past endurance, my head whirled around. “No, you can’t.”
“But you haven’t tried, Jessica. Admit it. You’ve survived everything that happened to you, but you’ve never allowed yourself to live.”
The suffocating fear escalated even more. “What the hell does that mean?”
She was close to shouting now. “I’ve been waiting years for you to get help for yourself! You can’t afford groceries. You’re incapable of getting your shit together. And being alone with men makes you have panic attacks, and it doesn’t take a genius to figure out why. And now you’re turning to this insanely stupid idea that will make your problems worse.”
My knuckles turned white on the head of the chair. I briefly entertained throwing the hot bowl of soup in Natalie’s face. I didn’t trust myself not to scream something I’d regret forever, so I said nothing. Natalie’s half-enraged, half-remorseful face said it all: something had broken between us. I didn’t need to hear her say all of those awful things out loud because I said them to myself every day.
I turned my back on her before she could speak and walked into the safety of my bedroom. Even though I knew she wouldn’t follow me, I still locked the door. My pinched face and red eyes reflected from my vanity. I saw myself bent at the waist, clutching the bathroom sink as he ripped down my pants. I looked into the mirror and sobbed as his naked body loomed behind me. Then I was trapped, forced to ride out the hell that was my memory until it was over.
The buzzing phone jerked me out of sleep, and I rubbed my tear-encrusted eyes. My heart jumped when I realized I had a new email. I rolled on my stomach to read it.
Hi Jessica,
Hopefully, this hasn't reached you too late. I'd like to schedule another meeting in Napa. I have a company outing there tomorrow. It would be great to have a chat with you while I'm there. My driver can collect you at your apartment around 3 pm. Please reply if this is acceptable.
- Luke
Does this mean I passed?
I doubted it because of his strange business-like tone. Groaning at the thought of going all the way to Napa, but thankful I didn’t have to drive; I punched out a quick email. How the background check complete so quickly? Perhaps he would drive me there just to tell me I didn’t get the position.
Definitely not. He would've sent a polite email thanking me for a lovely time and apologize for selecting another candidate.
After sending off a quick reply, I fell back on my pillows and wondered what the hell I would wear since I didn’t want to borrow anything else from Natalie.
He'll wear something more casual.
I checked the time. It was midnight. Only fifteen hours to go. Restless, I sprang out of bed and blinked as I flipped on the light. I slid open the closet door and rifled through my sad collection. I bit my lip. There was nothing here to impress him. My fingers lingered over a tired skirt, a frayed blouse, and returned to the cocktail dress.
I can’t wear the same thing twice.
Resolving to wait until morning, I threw myself into bed. A shopping trip might be possible, but I didn’t like spending the little money I had on clothes.
The restless thoughts haunted me f
or hours as my body refused to let me sleep. A burnt coffee smell drifted in from the kitchen; Natalie was getting ready for work. I gave up trying to get back to sleep and flipped the light switch. My worry about meeting with Luke dwarfed the slight twinge of annoyance when Natalie knocked and opened my bedroom door.
She stared at all the clothes laid out and blinked. “I wanted to apologize, Jess. Last night was a mess. I’m really sorry about all the things I said. There's been a lot of pressure on me from work.” Natalie squinted at my bed. “What are you doing?”
I wasn’t sure I was ready to forgive her, but I had no energy to stay angry. Desperate for her advice, I waved my hand toward the clothes.
“The billionaire wants to meet me this afternoon in Napa. I’m trying to figure out what to wear.”
Natalie stepped inside and inspected the pile on the bed. She bit her lip, an unmistakable signal she was searching for something delicate to say.
“Just say it—my clothes are crap.”
She avoided my eyes as she picked up a faded blouse sleeve. “Listen, just go in my closet and pick out a dress. Whatever you want.”
I heaved a great sigh of relief. "Thanks so much. You're a lifesaver." Grateful we were the same size, I wasn't worried when I had a full wardrobe of Natalie's cute outfits at my disposal.
“It’s no problem.” She wearily stared into her coffee mug. “Why does he want to see you all the way over there?”
Shrugging, I hung the clothes back in my closet. “I dunno. Well, he mentioned he had a company meeting there. He seems like a busy person.”
It was weird to be talking to her as though nothing happened. Her vicious comments rang in my head. Maybe she sensed I was still hurt because she wished me luck before she left.
I didn't leave my bedroom until I heard the front door close. My thoughts lingered on the mysterious, handsome man I met only a day ago even though I tried to distract myself throughout the day. I tried to resist Googling him but ended up studying his strangely brief Wikipedia page, anyway. In contrast, his father's was very detailed and long. I scanned it to learn Luke was his only child and that his wife, Luke's mother, died in her mid-thirties. Giacomo Pardini was an alcoholic and was dying of terminal lung cancer.
The Secret Arrangement Page 40