by Ava Alise
I hit the speakerphone button on my phone.
“Not sure, to be honest. But it has to happen, and it has to happen here.”
“I get it, man. So why are you there now? Without her.”
“I’m hoping to do a little damage control with Tara.”
“Ehh,” he says. “Good luck, let me know how it goes.”
“Thanks.”
Pulling in a deep breath, I watch the rain roll smoothly down my windshield as a roll of thunder echoes through the clouds. My passenger seat holds a double bouquet of red roses neatly placed and waiting for Kelsa. I won’t lie, I’m a little nervous about this dinner. Not because of Tara, but because of Kelsa. I understand her pain now, why she places the blame on herself. I understand why she’s so hesitant to face my family and I love her even more for fighting through this… for us. Over the last four months we have taken things slowly when it comes to the past and my family’s thoughts about our relationship. Our time together has been solely about us, and we are usually together unless there’s a reason we can’t be. Let’s just say all that time we were forced to stay apart, either by our own choice like when we played our flirty game at Martin’s, or limiting ourselves to various “fuck bubbles,” we have made up for tenfold. She has pretty much moved into my place. Well, nothing is official, but after having to do the “walk of shame” to her apartment too many times, I encouraged her to start leaving some clothes at my house. I half expected her to freak out. Hell, in the back of my mind I wondered how I’d feel seeing her toothbrush as a permanent fixture in my bathroom, but neither of us blinked twice. Everything feels so natural with her. It’s easy, meant to be. That’s why tonight needs to happen with my family. No more games, no more pretend, this is the last stack we need to beat and I finally think she’s ready.
My eyes fall away from the large bouquet of roses and I slide my hand next to it and grab the box that holds one long stemmed rose. I hop out of my car and dash quickly to the front door, hoping to avoid getting soaked.
“Drexel.” My mother smiles. She, Tara, and Amy are all huddled around the table performing something like an assembly line as they stuff small plastic bags with various treats and keepsakes. It’s all for Tara’s baby shower in a few days.
“Hey Mom… ladies.” Amy looks up and smiles whereas Tara doesn’t even turn around. I hang my coat and make my way to the dining table taking a seat next to Tara. She’s wearing an oversized pink hoodie that reads, “It’s a girl” across the top. A gift Kimberly sent her from Michigan. The baby is due in four weeks and no matter how much fabric she layers, there’s no hiding that bump.
“Where’s Kelsa?” Amy asks.
“She had some things to take care of,” I say, pulling my phone from my pocket and noticing that both Renee and Cameron have sent me thumbs-up emojis. I set it in the table. “I’m waiting on her text to let me know when to pick her up.” When I spoke to her this morning, she told me she'd be going home after her errands and would meet me at my place, but she seems to be running a little later than expected.
“Oh, she has a key?”
“Not yet. But she knows where I keep the spare.”
“Not yet?” My mother gives me a knowing look. I shrug and bite back the boyish grin that’s fighting to take over my face. “Can I speak with you in the kitchen a sec?”
I nod and stand to follow her through the doorway.
“Are you sure you're ready for this, son? It’s a pretty big move.”
“Yeah. I am,” I say as I take a seat at the bar. I place the rose on the counter as she goes to check the food in the oven. The counters are beginning to fill with various containers of treats. Cookies shaped as pacifiers, cake pops shaped as baby bottles, and a huge assortment of cupcakes. My hand slides into my suit pocket as I feel for the small box I’ve checked for no less than ten times today. I feel like it’s burning a hole through my chest. “She’s it for me and I’m tired of outside circumstances getting in the way.”
“But what about the baby? Do you think Kelsa is ready to be as involved in raising her as she may end up being?”
“The baby isn’t a factor at all, Kelsa has made that very clear. If anything, it’s Tara causing the hesitation.” I exhale a frustrated breath. “She’s hurting, I get it, but does that mean I have to be miserable until she heals?”
“No. You don’t,” my mother says, taking the seat next to me. “We all had to grieve the situation with Liam, and it was our own fight. Tara has never faced it. If she’s not vocally blaming Kelsa, she’s cursing herself for being so caught up in her own life that she didn't see the signs. Did you know she and Liam had a huge fight before he committed suicide?”
My eyes widen. “Did they? I had no idea.”
“Yeah.” She sighs with a sad nod. “She was so angry with him for dropping out of medical school. They didn’t talk for a few weeks.”
“Wow.” I’m shocked. But it makes so much sense now, why she hasn’t healed. Why she’s hard set on placing the blame on Kelsa. It’s not about Kelsa. Deep down, it’s about her.
“Well. Like I said before, I’m happy you found someone to love, and if she loves you even a fraction as much as you love her you guys will have a lifetime together.”
“I hope so.” I smile. “Hey where’s Dad anyway?” The oven dings and she scurries over, pulling out a large meatloaf and placing it on the counter. She hums happily as she slides the smaller casserole dish into the oven next.
“Dad’s at work,” she says. “He’ll be here in time for dinner.”
“Great.”
We spend a few more minutes chatting about tonight and about Kelsa before we head back into the dining room.
“Thanks for being here tonight, Amy,” I say. “You know how much I love you guys and I think this will be good for everyone. It will provide some healing so we all can take the next step through this.” My eyes fall to Tara briefly.
“No problem,” Amy says, bringing my attention back to her. “I know I haven’t said much about it… how I felt about her being around. But honestly, with me it’s a guilt thing. I’m sort of ashamed. That poor girl went through all that, everything depression had turned Liam into, alone. Even after it ended the way it did, I never once reached out.”
“Pah.” Tara huffs. “You’ve got to be kidding! Has everyone lost their damn minds around here?”
“Tara,” I say, running a hand over my hair. “Can we talk?” I’m still holding the box with the rose, but she doesn’t look at me long enough to even notice.
“Why?” She grabs a handful of mints and shoves them in a gift bag. “What do we need to talk about? Everything has been said,” she spits.
My eyes move to Amy and my mother who takes the hint and immediately stand.
“We will give you two a minute.”
“Tara… come on. We have to be better at dealing with each other. That might be my daughter in there. Think of her, of Isabella.”
“You think of her!” she says, finally looking me. “Don’t you…” her words fall from her lips when she sees the rose.
“I do think of her, but Kelsa is a part of me too. You can’t hate me forever.” I hand her the box and pray she doesn’t immediately throw it to the floor. Her breath hitches slightly and she stares at it for a long time before speaking.
“I don’t hate you, Drex. I hate her. I hate that you trust her.”
“You need healing, you both do. I don’t want to see you walk through life with this hanging on your shoulders. Everything surrounding what happened was unfortunate and tragic. We have to accept that sometimes in life shit lines up in such a fucked up way that all we can do is barrel through it and hope like hell there's a lesson to learn. But we have to accept it as life and I don’t think you have.”
“Oh bullshit. Don’t try to turn this around. I can’t get past it because you’re throwing it in my face.”
“Throwing it in your face? Tara, Liam has been gone for years. It still hurts like fuck, yes, but
it's not a fresh wound.”
“You don’t get to tell me how long I need to grieve my brother!” she says, standing from her seat… or more like rocking out of it. I stand to help her but she snatches her hand away. “You don’t give a shit about me or about the baby.”
I groan. “You know I care about you Tara, and I love that kid. Mine or not she’s still family.”
“You don’t!” she yells. “I’ve been waiting for you to make the right choice, but not even finding out that you may be having a daughter has changed your mind.” Her eyes are on fire and she bores a hole through me with her gaze. “I’ll make it easy for you. It’s either Kelsa or Isabella!”
Now I’m on my feet. “What the fuck, Tara?”
“You heard me! I won’t have my child around someone so nasty and cold hearted!” she yells. “You refuse to make the right choice so I’ll fucking make it for you! Go ahead…” She grabs my cell from the table, turns on the lock screen, and waves it at me before she slams it back down. “Call her, cancel this fucked up dinner, because I don’t want that bitch anywhere near me.”
There’s too much anger… I can’t speak. I shouldn’t because if the shit that I’m thinking comes out of my mouth, things will move from a pregnant girl having a fucking hissy fit to something much darker. My jaw is clenched so tight that it almost hurts and it’s hard to breathe through the pressure that’s taken up residence in my chest.
“Are you finished?” I finally say.
She’s still standing near my phone, peering at the screen.
“Are you finished?” I repeat louder this time. Her eyes snap to mine as she scowls. “Your threats… that bullshit ends right here!” I begin to pace. I can’t look at her right now. I’ve never been more disgusted with someone in my life. “My wife will have everything to do with my child, whether you like it or not.”
“Your what? What the hell did you just say?” she asks as an even colder look takes over her face.
“That’s right. I’m proposing to Kelsa after dinner tonight, and if she says yes I’m going to marry her faster than you can blink. I don’t give a fuck what you think at this point.”
“It won’t happen,” she says.
“You just watch,” I say, looking at her with so much anger that I know it’s time to end this conversation. She’s stunned into silence as I walk away toward the front door. I need air, I need a walk, but it’s still pouring so instead I slide into my SUV and crack the windows. Tara is fucking insane. Pure fucking insane. I tried to make this right, tried to understand, but she makes everything impossible. If I have to fight for custody of my child, than so be it. She has no right to give me an ultimatum and she sure as hell won’t stop me from seeing Isabella. I stay in the car for about twenty minutes until I feel my pulse begin to slow. I’m about ready to go back inside when I see Tara storm out the front door wearing a trance like expression. No umbrella, no coat.
She must still be pissed.
Well good.
Hopefully by the time she gets back she will have cooled down a bit. I head inside to retrieve my coat and phone before I leave, but I notice my screen is shattered.
“Fuck.”
“Everything all right?” Amy asks.
“Have you guys heard my phone go off? Like a text alert or call?”
“No,” they say.
“My screen is shattered.” My brow furrows, then I groan when I remember Tara slamming it down on the table.
“Oh no,” my mother says looking up. If they haven’t heard the phone go off, then that means Kelsa hasn’t made it to my house yet, which means she’s probably still at home.
“You sure you haven’t heard it go off?”
“No. We’ve been in here since right after you went outside,” my mother says.
I hesitate as I look down at my screen. If they somehow missed the alert, then Kelsa could be at my apartment waiting, but if I go home first and she’s not there, I’ll only end up checking her place anyway and backtracking.
“All right ladies. I’ll be right back.”
I had no idea that this simple choice, to drive out to Kelsa’s apartment before going home, would end up changing everything about this night. Completely reforming all the reasons it will be unforgettable. All because I didn’t get Kelsa’s text.
Tara did.
Kelsa
I don't know why, but ever since Drex and I officially started our relationship, coming to his apartment gives me goose bumps. They aren't the bad kind, like the ones you'd get walking into a haunted house or anything, but more like an excited shiver. It's crazy because I’d obviously been over here countless times before and never felt that way. Maybe it's because I'm so at peace with all of this… for the most part anyway, that I’m finally free to look forward to the possibility of a real future with him. Finally moving past my commitment issues and hang-ups, I'm able to love him without fear. And that's the biggest thing of all, no fear.
I stride quickly to his front door. I was supposed to text him a while ago and I feel horrible for being so late. With all that happened on the train platform this morning, I was at the hospital with Ms. Teller for most of the day. They had trouble locating her relatives and I couldn't just leave her. She suffered a minor stroke in the subway and I've never been more terrified in my life. We were all shocked to learn that she didn't keep a cellphone and all of her numbers were logged into an address book that was severely worn. Even then, many of those numbers were outdated and it took a while for them to sort through the folded Post-it notes she had crammed inside. It was a total nightmare but everything worked out. She's expected to make a full recovery and they were able to contact her daughter, who came right away.
The small white doorbell casing next to Drex's door doesn't look any different than any other doorbell, but it has a secret compartment that holds his spare key. I pull gently at the edge of the casing and use the key to open the door before I return it to its hiding place.
“Drex?” I call, stepping inside. The place is still, quiet. I pull out of my wet coat and go to turn on the light in the living room. That's when I notice the light in his bedroom is on. “Drex,” I call again, a smile playing across my lips. I push into his bedroom expecting to see him, but I’m met with disappointment when I find this room empty too. Odd. I pull my phone from my pocket to make sure the text I sent him went through.
ME: Hey. I'm so sorry baby. It's been a crazy day. I'll be at your house in an hour.
He definitely got it. Well, maybe he's driving. I'll give him a few minutes before I call.
Putting my dread of having to deal with Tara aside, I'm excited to finally meet Drex's parents. He's told me enough to know they are genuinely happy for us. I walk into his bathroom, head into his closet, and stand in front of his full length mirror, giving myself a once-over. Considering the full day of hell I've had, I don't look half bad. I'm not as put together as I was when I left the house, of course, but I'm presentable. The hospital that Ms. Teller was transported to is a lot closer to Drex's house than mine and since I was already late, I felt bad for having him drive the extra distance to pick me up at home so I could change. My hands brush over the fabric of my blouse and I straighten my skirt.
Ugh. This will have to do.
My hair has been pinned up all day so I do my best to pull it down and shake it out. I'm about to dash back into the living room to grab some lipstick from my purse when a familiar red fabric catches my eye.
Yes!” I squeal, almost running to the dress. “Thank God for date night!” I run my hands over the plastic covering that reads Lou's Dry Cleaning with a smile. About three weeks ago Drex and I went to a play that I had been dying to see. We had drinks afterwards and I ended up staying the night. Most of the clothes I keep here are for work, so I wasn't expecting there to be anything much different than what I'm already wearing. I'm all smiles as I pull the dress from the hanger and freshen up my makeup. My fingers run over the dress’s smooth soft fabric and a blush creeps over
my face when I think of the day I bought it.
“Buy that dress. I guarantee you'll be getting fucked every time you wear it, and I don't mean the sweet kind. It will be raw, dirty, screaming sex… every fucking time.”
“Mmm. Well, Drex, maybe this will be my new favorite dress,” I said.
“It's already mine.” He moved forward, backing me against the dressing room mirror. “Woman, you bring me to my knees,” he said right before he kissed me.
The dress is very sexy. I'll have to a few accessories to dress it down. The straps are too thin, and it's a little tight for what's appropriate for a “meet the parents” type of dinner. Fortunately, I have a few things here I can use to throw over it. I'm sliding back into my pumps when I hear what sounds like the front door opening and then closing with a loud thud.
“Finally.” I smile, grabbing my earrings and walking into the hall. “Thank God I left this dress here baby, I…”
My words freeze in my throat when I see that it's not Drexel who came through the front door, but Tara. Her brown hair is drenched and stuck to her face, her clothes are soaked and dripping all over the floor. She doesn't seem to be bothered by any of this as her eyes are fixated on me with such a hard glare that it gives me pause.
“Tara.” I clear my throat. “What are you doing here? Where's Drex?”
“You just wouldn't go away,” she spits.
“Excuse me?”
“I won't let you do this!”
“You won't let me do what?” I say with a furrowed brow.
“Lie to Drexel. Manipulate him. God, haven't you done enough to my family without forcing us to have to see you all the time?”
“Tara, I don't know what you're talking about,” I say as annoyance begins to seep through me.
“Oh you know exactly what I'm talking about!” She runs a wet hand over her face removing the hair pasted over her eye. “You lied to Liam, called him depressed, then made him believe it so much that he wanted to die.”