The Click Trilogy
Page 17
Hi there. About to get on a call with a client and the Wall Street Journal. And I’m so nervous. Crazy, huh? I won’t even be saying a word – just sitting on the phone while the client talks and taking notes. Nonetheless, I’m a bundle of nerves.
Another thing I forgot to put in my Choose Jews profile. I’m slightly – only slightly, neurotic. I know. False advertising. We in PR just like to call it message control.
Anyway, wanted to say happy Month-Aversary and let you know how lucky I feel that I met you one month ago today. Hope you are having a great day and I’ll call you tonight.
From: PBCupLover@easymailusa.com – September 26, 2011 – 10:59 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Happy “Month-Aversary”
What a great surprise. I’m the lucky one. In the middle of a meeting and getting glaring looks for typing on my phone. Call you later.
From: Mark Finlay – September 29, 2011 – 10:56 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: It’s a Man, Baby!
Sorry I have been incommunicado for a while. Working like a mad man on the game sequel. But, wanted to tell you a hilarious story. So, I get a dating service email from…a guy! To quote a great Seinfeld episode, “Not that there’s anything wrong with that,” but I’m not gay. And, I’m pretty sure my profile says I’m only interested in women. But, rather than delete it, I decide to see what it says. It’s actually from a woman using her guy friend’s email account because she doesn’t have one set up of her own yet. She’s a psychologist who just moved here from Portland. I emailed her back, we’ve been talking for a week, and she seems really great. I know how incredibly happy you are with Ethan and I thought you would like to know that I too am finding success with online dating – finally! I’m hoping to meet her for dinner next week.
From: Renee Greene – September 30, 2011 – 9:18 AM
To: Mark Finlay
Subject: Re: It’s a Man, Baby!
OMG! I’m SO SORRY to burst your bubble, but this chick did the SAME THING to Ethan. He told me a story about a psychologist who just moved here from out of town and contacted him using her friend’s account. He went out for dinner with her and he said she’s a total psycho. I’m SO, SO, SO SORRY. But, I figured you’d want to know sooner rather than later.
From: Mark Finlay – September 30, 2011 – 9:58 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: It’s a Man, Baby!
Wow! Thanks for the warning. That sure is disappointing. But you’re right. Better to find out now. So, what do I do? Just not email her back? Call her out on it?
From: Renee Greene – September 30, 2011 – 10:12 AM
To: Mark Finlay
Subject: Re: It’s a Man, Baby!
Well, you know me. I’m the queen of non-confrontation. However, from experience, let me tell you, it’s so much easier to tell someone off online versus in person. So, if you feel comfortable, tell her that you know she’s pulled this stunt with other guys and you’re just not interested in her drama and lies. Ooooh., that sounds pretty good. See what I mean?
From: Mark Finlay – September 30, 2011 – 10:18 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: It’s a Man, Baby!
That does sound good. But I’m not sure I’m there yet. And knowing that she’s done this before, and recalling our conversations about her psychology research, I’m wondering if I’m just part of a big experiment. I think I just won’t email her back.
From: Mark Finlay – October 1, 2011 – 9:56 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Fwd: Is everything okay?
Renee: See below from the psycho psychologist. I guess I’ve really pushed her buttons. I think the tables have turned. The psychology lab rat has become the psychology master. This is the third email she’s sent in three days.
Mark: Is everything okay? I’ve tried now several times to reach you. I thought we were getting along so well. Did I do or say something to offend you?
From: Renee Greene – October 2, 2011 – 8:12 AM
To: Mark Finlay
Subject: Re: Fwd: Is everything okay?
Hilarious. I told Ethan all about it. He (adorable thing he is) blushed and felt a little embarrassed that he didn’t see through the sham. He says you’re his new hero and he looks forward to meeting you soon.
From: Renee Greene – October 3, 2011 – 9:17 AM
To: PBCupLover@easymailusa.com
Subject: Photo
Came out pretty good, huh?
From: PBCupLover@easymailusa.com – October 3, 2011 – 10:50 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Photo
Wow. That picture came out great. I already forwarded it to my folks and my best friend Jason and printed it out on a color printer at work to show you off.
From: Renee Greene – October 3, 2011 – 11:02 AM
To: PBCupLover@easymailusa.com
Subject: Re: Photo
Oh my! I had no idea that by emailing you the picture, I was triggering a forwarding spree across America and that it would be printed out for your entire office to see. Yikes! Next time, “Supermodel Renee” is going to need to get permission from her agent to send a photo out that can easily be duplicated. I can just see these pictures ending up in the National Enquirer or Star Magazine. The paparazzi follow me around incessantly, you know.
From: PBCupLover@easymailusa.com – October 3, 2011 – 11:05 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Photo
Supermodel Renee, huh?
From: Renee Greene – October 3, 2011 – 11:20 AM
To: PBCupLover@easymailusa.com
Subject: Re: Photo
Oh yes, Supermodel Renee. I know what you’re thinking. My girlfriend is a supermodel. SCORE! Well, let me explain: So, one time in college I was out at a bar and this guy comes over to me and says, “Hi. Who’s your friend?” That happened a lot with my best friend. She’s one of those really confident, hot chicks that guys fall over themselves to meet.
Anyway, I started talking with the guy and told him my name was Renee. A minute later he asked, “What’s your name again? Sorry. I forgot. I’m just really bad with names.” I said, “It’s Renee. Next time you see me just think of something that reminds you of me and of my name. For example, see that guy over there? He’s a total tool. His last name is Hammer. So, whenever I see him, I remember what
a tool he is and then I remember he’s Marcus Hammer. So, next time you see me, just think Supermodel and Renee – Supermodel Renee.” He laughed. I told him I wasn’t trying to be funny and he laughed again. But, he never forgot my name. And from then forward, I was known in college as Supermodel Renee.
From: PBCupLover@easymailusa.com – October 3, 2011 – 11:25 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Photo
You are a supermodel in my book.
From: Renee Greene – October 3, 2011 – 11:26 AM
To: PBCupLover@easymailusa.com
Subject: Re: Photo
From: Renee Greene – October 5, 2011 – 9:02 AM
To: Shelley Manning, Ashley Price
Subject: Sorry!!!
Sorry I’ve been so out of the loop and haven’t called either of you back. Ethan and I have either been together every night or on the phone into the early mornings.
I fear that I’m become what I’ve always despised: the girl who gives her best pals the shaft when a new guy comes into her life. My sincerest apologies!
Can I make it up to you with lunch – on me! – at Mel’s tomorrow? I promise not to monopolize the conversation with my bliss.
From: Shelley Manning– October 5, 2011 – 10:43 AM
To: Renee Greene, Ashley Price
Subject: Re: Sorry!!!
No worries, sweetie. There’s not much you could do, that I couldn’t forgive. And if anyone deserves the bliss, it’s you. Lunch tomorrow doesn’t work for me, though. How about Friday?
<
br /> From: Ashley Price– October 5, 2011 – 12:23 PM
To: Renee Greene, Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Sorry!!!
As I was reading Shelley’s response, I thought it was going to say, “If anyone deserves the shaft, it’s Ashley.” Friday lunch works for me. See you then.
From: Shelley Manning– October 5, 2011 – 1:12 PM
To: Renee Greene, Ashley Price
Subject: Re: Sorry!!!
HA-LARIOUS! While I may have been thinking that, I wouldn’t have put it in writing, Ashley. ;)
From: Ashley Price– October 5, 2011 – 1:14 PM
To: Renee Greene, Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Sorry!!!
Actually, I wouldn’t put it past you. ;)
From: Renee Greene – October 5, 2011 – 2:34 PM
To: Shelley Manning, Ashley Price
Subject: Re: Sorry!!!
Perfect! I will see you both on Friday.
From: Renee Greene – October 5, 2011 – 2:35 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Fwd: Re: Sorry!!!
My, my. You and Ashley seem to be having a nice little rapport going. Me thinks me smells a friendship blooming.
From: Shelley Manning– October 5, 2011 – 9:02 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Sorry!!!
Okay, you know how I just said there’s not much you could do that I wouldn’t forgive. You’re bordering. See you Fri.
From: PBCupLover@easymailusa.com – October 9, 2011 – 6:02 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Big Apple Bound
Hey there. Have a terrific trip to New York – including a safe flight, my little fraidy cat – and I’ll see you at the airport when you get back.
From: Renee Greene – October 9, 2011 – 6:05 AM
To: PBCupLover@easymailusa.com
Subject: Re: Big Apple Bound
:) !!!!!!!
From: PBCupLover@easymailusa.com – October 13, 2011 – 8:00 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Tomorrow Night!
Looking forward to a romantic night with you tomorrow night. I’ll pick you up at the airport at 6:15.
From: Renee Greene – October 13, 2011 – 11:52 PM
To: PBCupLover@easymailusa.com
Subject: Re: Tomorrow Night
I was hoping for a little less romance and a little more, you know.
From: Renee Greene – October 14, 2011 – 11:53 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Fwd: Re: Tomorrow Night
Yikes! I meant to hit “delete” not “send.” What have I gotten myself into? What do I write back? Looking for your sage advice.
From: PBCupLover@easymailusa.com – October 14, 2011 – 9:02 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Tomorrow Night
REALLY!?!? “You know?” I don’t. Why don’t you tell me? ;) And don’t be stingy with the details.
From: Shelley Manning – October 14, 2011 – 10:57 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Tomorrow Night
HA-LARIOUS! Modern technology can be a real kicker sometimes, huh?
Well, if you’re looking for some dirty talk, you’ve come to the right place. But you clearly already knew that. ;) Why don’t you send him an X-rated fill in the blank.
From: Renee Greene – October 14, 2011 – 11:07 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Tomorrow Night
Wha?!?!
From: Shelley Manning – October 14, 2011 – 12:30 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Tomorrow Night
You know – a fill in the blank. A little story with fill in the blank verbs, adjectives, objects, etc. For example, I want to
From: Renee Greene – October 14, 2011 – 12:37 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Tomorrow Night
OMG! I’m not sure I can do that!
From: Shelley Manning – October 14, 2011 – 12:39 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Tomorrow Night
Sure you can. Just use your imagination. Go for it. I guarantee he will LOVE it. And feel free to bcc me if you want.
From: Renee Greene – October 14, 2011 – 12:40 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Tomorrow Night
No “bcc” here.
From: Shelley Manning – October 14, 2011 – 12:41 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: Re: Tomorrow Night
Darn!
From: Renee Greene – October 14, 2011 – 1:30 PM
To: PBCupLover@easymailusa.com
Subject: Re: Tomorrow Night
Fill in the blanks…
When I get back, I can’t wait to put my
From: PBCupLover@easymailusa.com – October 14, 2011 – 1:35 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Tomorrow Night
ZING! I’m in an inter-company meeting right now. Thank god I’m sitting at the conference table. Where is a cold shower when I need one? See you in a few hours.
p.s. I’m going to
From: Renee Greene – October 14, 2011 – 1:38 PM
To: PBCupLover@easymailusa.com
Subject: Re: Tomorrow Night
ZING!
From: Renee Greene – October 14, 2011 – 4:07 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: EW!
Thank GOD for inflight WiFi!
The CREEPIEST thing just happened to me. So I’m exhausted, absolutely exhausted from a week of trade show madness. Ethan is picking me up from the airport tonight and after the racy fill-in-the-blank I sent him, (Thanks by the way. I channeled my inner Shelley and it was an erotic masterpiece, if I do say so myself!) I know tonight is going to be THE night.
I get on the plane and sit in my usual aisle seat as close to an exit as possible. Yes, I know. I’m paranoid and crazy. Flying is the safest mode of transportation, blah, blah, blah. It’s an irrational fear, but I’ve embraced it wholeheartedly. But I digress. There is no one in my row, so I tilt my seat back, stuff my pillow onto the seat next to me and promptly fall asleep.
Apparently, we take off from LaGuardia, land in Philly, take off from Philly and I’m still sound asleep. I slowly awake, yawn and stretch to find a strange little man sitting next to me in the window seat. Apparently, unbeknownst to me, he boarded in Philly and CRAWLED over me into his seat.
He is leaning over the middle seat staring at me. And in a squeaky, high pitched voice says, “You’ve been asleep for a loooonnnng time.” I reply, “Why, yes, I have.” And he says, “You have really long eyelashes.” EW! I explained that I have a tremendous amount of work I need to do prior to landing in LA and have buried myself in my laptop click clacking away furiously to you. EW! EW! EW!
But, thoughts of Ethan are dancing in my head and I can’t wait for tonight. There is something truly special about this guy. I’ve never felt this way. Not even with Derrick.
From: Shelley Manning – October 14, 2011 – 4:22 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Ew!
Oh sweetie. I’m so happy for you. Not happy that some squeaky little man was getting his jollies watching your eyelashes flutter up and down as you slept. But happy that you are so content in this relationship. Now let’s just hope the chemistry in the bedroom lives up to expectations. Can’t wait to hear the details. Safe travels, sweetie! Mwah! Mwah!
From: Renee Greene –
October 14, 2011 – 5:53 PM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: EW!
Thanks. I’ve been asked to shut down since we are preparing for landing. My little squeaky friend is giddy with excitement, as he realizes I’ll be a captive audience for the next 25 minutes. Lord help me!
From: Shelley Manning – October 16, 2011 – 9:53 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: DETAILS, PLEASE
Welcome home. How was the trade show? How was your homecoming, or should I say homeCOMING? If it was anything like my homecoming from El Camino High, you had a FANTASTIC night. ;)
From: Renee Greene – October 16, 2011 – 10:02 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: DETAILS, PLEASE
I’m telling you, we pretty much jumped each other the moment we opened the door. It lasted for less than five minutes! I felt like I had been punched in the gut. Finally, I meet the man of my dreams and he just can’t keep it going. He was totally embarrassed and said that I had just gotten him so turned on with my risqué mad lib – and the fact that we waited so long to finally do it – he just couldn’t help but explode. We waited about a half hour, did it again, and it was WONDERFUL. He’s WONDERFUL. Life is WONDERFUL.
As we lay in bed together, we started talking about all sorts of things and then had “the talk.” Very interesting. I told him about all of my sexual conquests – all 4 of them including Surfer Dave from the dorm who I slept with on the first night of college just to lose my virginity. I also told him about Derrick. Don’t worry. I didn’t go into horrible details like I do with you. I just explained that I thought we were in love and on our three-year anniversary instead of proposing, he told me that he didn’t see marriage in our future and it was probably better to end things.