by Lisa Becker
Subject: Re: A New Woman!
Save up that energy, girl. When you get home, and you’ve finished cleaning out every cupboard in your place, you can come over to my house and organize. Yes, I know. You think I’m so organized. But really, I have a deep dark secret. I’m only organized…on the outside. Open any cupboard, drawer or closet in my house at your own risk. You just might find yourself buried underneath a pile of clothes, plastic storage containers, cosmetics, etc. Let’s just say, “peril abounds!”
But enough about my scandalous secret. Hope you are feeling well, having fun, enjoying yourself, etc. Miss you already and can’t wait to see pix when you return. Hugs to Greg!
From: Ashley Price – June 1, 2012 – 12:43 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: A New Woman!
Wow! I had no idea you were a closet slob – and not just in your closets. Honestly, that makes me feel a bit better – finding out that you’re not so perfect. ;) Yes, for all of my comments, which you now so quickly point out, I do think you’re pretty near perfect. If we could only fix that hair. Okay, I’ve got to sign off. Greg wants me to stay out of the computer center at the hotel. He says I need to relax. I’ll call you when we’re back.
Chapter 3 – New Friendships?
From: cassidy – June 4, 2012 – 10:02 AM
To: Ashley Price, Shelley Manning, Renee Greene
Subject: lets be friends
hi y’all. i hope you dont mind that i got your email addresses off of marks phone. i wanted to tell you that at first, when mark was always talking about these three ladies who were among his best friends, i was a little bit jealous. but after meeting y’all, i know i have nothing to be worried about. i just know it’s really important for marks and my future that you all except me. so i was thinking that maybe we could all do lunch next week since ashley will be back from the honeymoon. i know you guys go to that restaurant mels. we could all meet there.
h’s & k’s,
cassidy
From: Shelley Manning – June 4, 2012 – 10:43 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Fwd: lets be friends
Now that she’s met us, she’s not jealous. What the hell does that mean? And WTF are h’s and k’s? And why is everything lowercase? Clearly she knows how to use the “shift” key because she made an ampersand. Does she not realize she can use it to capitalize letters too? UGH! This girl has a short shelf life!
From: Renee Greene – June 4, 2012 – 10:52 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Fwd: lets be friends
I’m sure she didn’t mean it the way you’re interpreting it. She’s probably just complimenting us for being super nice and supportive of Mark. And I think that’s short for “Hugs and Kisses.” As far as the ampersand comment, I can’t believe you know what an ampersand is. No offense.
From: Shelley Manning – June 4, 2012 – 11:05 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: lets be friends
No offense taken. I may not have graduated magna cum laude like some smarty pants that I know (read: YOU!), but I’m still smart. And I managed to graduate magna come loudly. (Hell, I’m smart and funny!)
I’ll give her some h’s and k’s for hits and kicks. Trying to horn in on our Mel’s lunches? Who does she think she is?
From: Renee Greene – June 4, 2012 – 11:07 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Fwd: lets be friends
LOL! That is brilliant!
Regarding Cassidy, I’m sure she’s just trying to get to know us better.
From: Shelley Manning – June 4, 2012 – 11:09 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: lets be friends
Ugh! She bugs, big time!
From: Renee Greene – June 4, 2012 – 11:11 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Fwd: lets be friends
Well, for Mark’s sake, we should make the effort. He’s already told me he sees a future with her.
From: Shelley Manning – June 4, 2012 – 11:19 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: lets be friends
I’m going to be in Seattle next week. So why don’t you and Ashley have lunch with her and report back to me. Even if I were in town, I have ZERO interest in this dingbat. Trust me, I can mock and judge her from afar. We need to “except” her? (See, mocking and judging already!) I’m surprised you didn’t notice that shit right away.
From: Renee Greene – June 4, 2012 – 11:25 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Fwd: lets be friends
Seattle again? Isn’t that like 4 trips in 4 months? Well, I did notice her grammatical transgression, but I’m trying to be supportive of Mark. He really likes this girl and she seems sweet. Even if I find that I don’t like her, I need to like her. I feel like my hands are tied.
Shel, I know you are not going to like what I’m about to say, but I’m going to say it anyway. Do you think it’s possible you don’t like Cassidy because you have feelings for Mark?
From: Shelley Manning – June 4, 2012 – 11:27 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: lets be friends
Hands tied? Sounds kinky. But Renee, I don’t have feelings for Finlay. I just don’t like her.
From: Renee Greene – June 4, 2012 – 11:28 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Fwd: lets be friends
“The lady doth protest too much, methinks.” (Queen Gertrude)
From: Shelley Manning – June 4, 2012 – 11:31 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: lets be friends
Huh? English, please. Remember, unlike you, I didn’t study literature in college.
From: Renee Greene – June 4, 2012 – 11:36 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Fwd: lets be friends
English? That’s Shakespeare…from Hamlet. It doesn’t get more English than that! But I digress. What I’m trying to say is that sometimes when a person protests too much about not having feelings for someone, they are in fact really attracted to them. You see it in the movies all the time. If it’s in a “rom com,” as you call them, then heck, it must be true. ;)
From: Shelley Manning – June 4, 2012 – 11:38 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: lets be friends
Renee, trust me. I don’t have feelings for Finlay.
From: Renee Greene – June 4, 2012 – 11:42 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Fwd: lets be friends
I hear what you are saying, but perhaps you don’t even want to admit to yourself that you care about him as more than a friend.
From: Shelley Manning – June 4, 2012 – 11:43 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: lets be friends
I hereby admit to myself and to you: I DON’T have feelings for Finlay. Got it?!?
From: Renee Greene – June 4, 2012 – 11:44 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Fwd: lets be friends
Okay, okay. I get it. Drinks tomorrow at Flint’s…are we still on?
From: Shelley Manning – June 4, 2012 – 11:47 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Fwd: lets be friends
I don’t think I can make it. I’ve got a lot to do before my trip. Let’s reschedule. I gotta go.
From: Renee Greene – June 4, 2012 – 11:48 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Fwd: lets be friends
Okay. I’ll talk with you later.
From: Renee Greene – June 4, 2012 – 11:58 AM
To: PBCupLover
Subject: In the dog house
Yikes! I think I just really pissed Shel off. We got an email from Cassidy and Shel was going on and on that she can’t stand her and I suggested that maybe she has feelings for Mark. She kind of blew up at me.
From: PBCupLover – June 4, 2012 – 12:54 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: In the dog house
Boy, when I read the subject line, I thought I had screwed something up, like forgetting an anniversary of something. What a relief! Now, on to the topic at hand. Really? You think Shelley likes Mark? I don’t think so. To address your other point: knowing I was one of Shelley’s boy toys, just another notch in her bedpost, well, it just makes me feel dirty. ;)
From: Renee Greene – June 4, 2012 – 12:59 PM
To: PBCupLover
Subject: Re: In the dog house
You may feel like a notch, but know that you are “top-notch” at putting my mind at ease.
Regarding Shelley, I know, I know. She’s always talking about how annoying he is. But I really think that maybe deep down, she likes him.
From: PBCupLover – June 4, 2012 – 1:04 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: In the dog house
Ah, a lady-doth-protest-too-much-from-Hamlet scenario.
From: Renee Greene – June 4, 2012 – 1:04 PM
To: PBCupLover
Subject: Re: In the dog house
We are so in sync! I love you!
From: PBCupLover – June 4, 2012 – 1:06 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: In the dog house
I love you, too. So what are you going to do?
From: Renee Greene – June 4, 2012 – 1:08 PM
To: PBCupLover
Subject: Re: In the dog house
(1) I’m not going to bring it up again and (2) I’m going to give her the time away in Seattle before I stop by with a peace offering of red velvet cupcakes.
From: PBCupLover – June 4, 2012 – 1:10 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: In the dog house
Good plan. You sure know her well.
From: Renee Greene – June 4, 2012 – 1:13 PM
To: PBCupLover
Subject: Re: In the dog house
That’s the thing. I think I do know her well. She’s acting weird. She either is secretly in love with Mark and insanely jealous of Cassidy or there’s something else going on. Not to worry. I’ll get to the bottom of it.
From: PBCupLover – June 4, 2012 – 1:15 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: In the dog house
I think your original plan is a good one. Don’t bring it up again. If and when she wants to talk about it, she will.
From: Renee Greene – June 4, 2012 – 1:18 PM
To: PBCupLover
Subject: Re: In the dog house
You’re right. You’re right. Okay. See you at home later? I hope so. You’ve been working so much. Miss you!
XOXO, Me
Chapter 4 – Lunch With A Loon
From: Renee Greene – June 4, 2012 – 3:00 PM
To: cassidy
Cc: Ashley Price, Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: lets be friends
Thanks for getting in touch with us, Cassidy. I think it’s a great idea for us to get to know each other better. Shelley mentioned to me that she is going to be out of town, and we’ll have to see what Ashley says when she returns from the honeymoon. But I’m happy to do lunch. What about Tuesday the 12th at noon? Would you mind if we did someplace other than Mel’s though?
From: cassidy– June 4, 2012 – 5:02 PM
To: Renee Greene
Cc: Ashley Price, Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: lets be friends
sounds good to me. how about the o in venice? im working with a client nearby in the morning. do you know it?
h’s & k’s,
cassidy
From: Renee Greene – June 5, 2012 – 9:14 AM
To: cassidy
Cc: Ashley Price, Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: lets be friends
I am familiar with the O in Venice. Had a weird first date there once. I’ll tell you all about it. See you on the 12th.
From: Shelley Manning – June 5, 2012 – 10:22 AM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: lets be friends
“O” no you didn’t plan another trip to that organic restaurant? I remember that dude. I’m eager to hear which of these lunch dates is worse – an annoying Barbie doll with a Southern accent and incredible calves or an environmental do-gooder that made you feel like the world’s worst polluter. Hard to choose. Either way, good times for you.
From: Renee Greene – June 5, 2012 – 10:28 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: lets be friends
I’m looking forward to it. She seems sweet and this is important to Mark. He’s done so much for me, including being the reason I met Ethan, helping Ethan get that new job, etc. It’s the least I can do. I’ll let you know how it goes.
From: Ashley Price – June 8, 2012 – 7:02 PM
To: Renee Greene
Cc: Shelley Manning, cassidy
Subject: Re: lets be friends
Just returned home from the honeymoon and let’s just say it was nice to see something in my email inbox aside from online coupons, news digest updates and spam emails about Viagra.
Sadly, I have a doctor’s appointment on the 12th and won’t be able to join you.
From: cassidy – June 8, 2012 – 10:13 PM
To: Ashley Price
Cc: Shelley Manning, Renee Greene
Subject: Re: lets be friends
well miss seeing you.
h’s & k’s,
cassidy
From: Ashley Price – June 9, 2012 – 9:23 AM
To:
Cc: Renee Greene, Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: lets be friends
Dying to hear all about it, Renee. Don’t leave out any details. Mark finally has a girlfriend. This. Is. Big.
From: Renee Greene – June 9, 2012 – 11:14 AM
To: Ashley Price
Cc: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: lets be friends
I know. I know. HUGE! I will do my best to ensure she is worthy of our dear friend. And of course I will report back.
From: Renee Greene – June 12, 2012 – 8:04 PM
To: Shelley Manning, Ashley Price
Subject: Lunch with a loon
Holy cow! You are going to be SO glad you didn’t have lunch with Cassidy. She is quite possibly the looniest girl I’ve ever met.
First off, she ordered a salad for lunch. I know, Shel, you can’t stand that whole healthy-eating thing. Right off the bat, she’d have a strike against her. But she didn’t just order a salad. She said it like she was meditating and this was her mantra. “I’ll just have a salad. I’ll just have a salad. Ohhhm.” It was weird.
Next, she talked nonstop about how she believes homeopathic remedies can cure everything from pimples to cancer.
Oh, and here’s the kicker. She has four cats. Their names are Samantha, Carrie, Miranda and – you guessed it – Charlotte. You would have DIED!
From: Ashley Price – June 12, 2012 – 8:59 PM
To: Renee Greene
Cc: Shelley Manning
Subject: Re: Lunch with a loon
Wow! She sounds…interesting. Kind of sorry I missed that train wreck. But I’m sure Mark thinks the cat names are clever. As long as he’s happy, right?
From: Shelley Manning – June 13, 2012 – 9:15 AM
To: Ashley Price
Cc: Renee Greene
Subject: Re: Lunch with a loon
I’m about to piss my pants I’m laughing so hard! She sounds as awful as I knew she would be. Yes, I’m thrilled that I’m out of town. But I love hearing the stories. So are you going to tell Mark to give her the ol’ heave-ho?
From: Rene
e Greene – June 13, 2012 – 11:12 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Cc: Ashley Price
Subject: Re: Lunch with a loon
No. I’m not. Mark really likes her and it’s been forever and a day since he’s been in a relationship where he’s happy. I say, to each his own. If he wants to date a cat-loving, salad-eating, holiopathic (that’s someone who takes a holier-than-thou attitude toward the homeopathic – like it?) girl, then so be it.
From: Shelley Manning – June 13, 2012 – 11:15 AM
To: Renee Greene
Cc: Ashley Price
Subject: Re: Lunch with a loon
Holiopathic? Hilarithetic! (Something so pathetic, it’s hilarious.)
From: Renee Greene – June 13, 2012 – 11:15 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Cc: Ashley Price
Subject: Re: Lunch with a loon
Hilarithetic? Me or her?
From: Shelley Manning – June 13, 2012 – 11:16 AM
To: Renee Greene
Cc: Ashley Price
Subject: Re: Lunch with a loon
Her, Sweetie, her!
From: Renee Greene – June 13, 2012 – 11:17 AM
To: Shelley Manning
Cc: Ashley Price
Subject: Re: Lunch with a loon
Whew! Love it!
From: Shelley Manning – June 13, 2012 – 11:18 AM
To: Renee Greene
Cc: Ashley Price
Subject: Re: Lunch with a loon
Love it right back atcha, sister!
From: cassidy – June 13, 2012 – 3:02 PM
To: Renee Greene
Subject: fun!