by E. L. Todd
He did? “Me too…”
“We should do this again.”
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to do it again. For knowing the man for years, our conversations were extremely awkward and forced. I stared at his lips and didn’t say anything.
Nathan leaned in and pressed his lips to mine.
I didn’t see it happen so I couldn’t react. All I felt was his mouth on mine. His lips were soft like I expected them to be. They were thin but moved in just the right away. His mouth massaged mine like he knew exactly what he was doing.
But I didn’t feel anything.
In fact, I fought the urge to yawn. I expected our kiss to be packed with heat and lust. I assumed we wouldn’t be able to get enough of one another, and we would feed on each other like animals.
Kissing Nathan felt like I was kissing a distant cousin.
With River it was always hot. I breathed hard into his mouth because I couldn’t control the excitement flushing through my body. My hands glided everywhere because I needed to grasp him wherever I could. And the area between my legs was always soaked.
But now, I was drier than a desert.
In the middle of our kiss, it hit me hard. It was like being run over by a train. It happened quickly and suddenly, not giving me any time to react or process the truth. Nathan wasn’t the man I wanted. I already found the man I wanted—and I lost him.
River.
I loved River.
I gently pushed Nathan away and got my lips free.
Nathan looked at me like he wanted to keep going. It was obvious he felt some form of heat. It wasn’t like kissing a cousin for him.
“Uh…” I didn’t know what I was trying to say. I was at a loss of words.
Nathan stared at me, his eyes glued to my lips.
“I quit.”
All desire evaporated from his eyes. Confusion quickly settled in. “Sorry?”
“I quit,” I repeated. “I need to work in my field. Being your secretary isn’t getting me anywhere.”
“Okay…” He clearly didn’t know where this was coming from.
“And, this isn’t going to work out. But thank you for dinner.”
Nathan clearly had never been rejected before, judging the quizzical expression on his face.
“Good night.” I walked inside and quickly shut the door behind me, not wanting to look at him anymore. Once I was alone in my apartment, I realized what I should have known a long time ago. River was the man I wanted. Why did it take me so long to realize it? I was so focused on Nathan that I hadn’t taken the time to evaluate whatever the hell I had with River. But now I knew what I wanted.
The question was, how would I get him back?
When I went to his apartment, he wasn’t there. Or he just wouldn’t answer the door. But I didn’t hear a single sound inside so I assumed he wasn’t around. I wasn’t sure where to look for him next. Every time I called him, it rang once and went to voicemail. He was clearly ignoring my calls as soon as he saw my name. I left voicemails but I assumed he didn’t listen to them since he never called me back.
There was a chance he was visiting his sister, but I found that unlikely. He couldn’t be there all the time because they had a schedule for Sarah so she was always busy.
I knew who his friends were but I didn’t have their numbers or addresses. All I could do was lurk outside his apartment and wait for him to come and go like a creeper. But that made me a huge stalker.
I kept going over my options until I realized there was one thing I could do. It was far-fetched and probably wouldn’t lead anywhere but I may as well try. I decided to head to Beautiful Entourage.
When I walked inside, the bell rang overhead. Danielle was sitting at her desk, and she glanced over her shoulder and spotted me. Then she turned back to the man she was conversing with. Upon closer inspection, I recognized River’s friend Jett.
He was holding a yellow folder while he faced Danielle. Then he glanced up and looked at me quickly before he looked down again. But then he did a double take, clearly recognizing me.
When he didn’t stop staring at me, Danielle turned to me again. Her look wasn’t friendly, whatsoever. “You need something?” Her voice was full of irritation and disdain.
I crept inside and kept my back straight. Cowering to Danielle wouldn’t get me anywhere. She was like a bear. I had to stand up to her or she would just charge. “Hey, how are you?”
She gave me a look that said, “How do you think?”
River clearly told them everything that happened, and his side of the story didn’t make me look good—at all.
I turned to Jett. “Hi.”
“Hi.” He wasn’t as cold as Danielle but he wasn’t warm either.
“I was hoping we could talk…”
“About?” he asked. “I’m working.”
He was sitting in a chair with a glass of scotch on the table. That didn’t look like work to me. “I really need to talk to River. I can’t find him anywhere and he won’t return my phone calls.”
“Maybe you should take a hint,” Danielle snapped.
Jett remained civil to me, and I had a feeling it was only because he knew River cared about me. “River isn’t happy right now. I know you feel bad about everything that went down but just let it go. Apologizing to him isn’t going to make anything better. The best thing you can do is to leave him alone.”
“I’m not looking for him to apologize. I already did.”
Jett continued to watch me like he didn’t trust me. “Then why do you want to talk to him?”
“Because I’m in love with him.” I didn’t want to say this to Jett and Danielle. I wanted River to hear it from me, nobody else. But I didn’t have that luxury. I put all my cards on the table.
Jett flinched slightly and he loosened his hold on the folder.
Danielle looked surprised.
“Please tell me where I can find him,” I said. “I want to say this to him myself. I made a mistake and I know I hurt him a lot. But I want another chance if he’s willing to give me one.”
Jett sighed and exchanged a silent look with Danielle.
“She blew her chance,” Danielle said coldly. “Nobody messes with my boys and gets away with it.”
I knew I was on my own.
Jett sighed. “I’ll take you to him.”
“Really?” I blurted. I expected him to turn his back on me. River was his best friend so I didn’t expect him to give me any sympathy.
“This is for real, right?” he asked.
“What do you mean?”
“You really love him? You want something serious? Because if you don’t, then I’m not doing this. He wants to settle down with a wife and kids. If that’s not even an option for you, don’t waste his time.”
I hadn’t thought about marriage and kids but that didn’t sound so bad with River. “I want him as long as he’ll have me.”
He sighed then stood up. “Then I’ll help you. But he’s really pissed off. Don’t expect him to forgive you right away. Because I really don’t think he will.”
“I’m willing to fight.”
“Okay,” he said. “Come with me.”
We entered his apartment and saw Ophelia sitting on the couch. She looked up from her book. “Hey, babe.”
“Hey, sweetheart.” He leaned down and kissed her. The kiss wasn’t quick. It was sensual and not PG. When he pulled away, Ophelia noticed me.
Judging the surprise in her eyes, she didn’t recognize me right away. But then her eyes narrowed as she recalled how she knew me. Then the dislike moved into her eyes. “What’s she doing here?”
“River is coming over to talk to her. Let’s go get some coffee or something,” Jett said.
“Why are they talking at our apartment?” she demanded.
“I’ll explain later,” he said. “Let’s go.”
“So they can screw all over our furniture?” she asked.
“Like I haven’t done that to River countless�
�” He stopped when he saw the pissed look in her eyes. “Let’s just go…”
She didn’t continue the argument. She tossed her book aside then grabbed her purse. Judging the way she walked and flipped her hair over one shoulder, she wasn’t happy with the turn of events.
Jett grabbed her hand and walked out with her. Then he turned to me. “Good luck.”
“Thanks…”
He shut the door behind him, leaving me alone in their apartment. Ophelia’s book was still on the couch, and the back window was opened, letting natural light flood into the apartment. There was a combination of both of their things. A vase of pink flowers sat on the coffee table but there was also a stack of sports magazines. It was clear Ophelia invaded his space, but it was obvious Jett wanted her to.
I sat on the couch and waited, knowing River would be here soon. I knew my actions were deceitful and I hoped it wouldn’t put a strain between him and Jett. The last thing I wanted to do was hurt a friendship.
Minutes passed but he never showed. I entertained myself by flipping through a magazine. I wasn’t the biggest sports fan but it was better than nothing. Then the doorknob jiggled and turned before the door opened.
“I got Blue Moon,” River said as he walked in without knocking. He walked inside like he owned the place and must have thought I was Ophelia because he didn’t look directly at me. We were both brunettes with green eyes. He set the beer on the table. “Where’s Jett?”
I took a deep breath then stood up. “He’s out.”
River flinched when he recognized my voice. Then he turned to me, and his earlier buoyant attitude faded away. His expression was guarded and distrustful. There was no warmth in his eyes, just frost. “What the hell is this?”
“I wanted to talk. You weren’t returning my phone calls and you’re never home…”
“Because I don’t want to talk to you. Did you think of that?” His voice dripped with more venom than ever before. Last time we spoke, he was angry. But somehow he was even more pissed off. It was like he hated me.
“Well, I want to talk to you. And there’s something I want to say.”
“No.”
“No?”
“I don’t want to be friends,” he snapped. “I don’t want to see you anymore. I want absolutely nothing to do with you. Your apologies mean nothing to me. But if it’ll make you leave me alone, I’ll accept them.”
“I’m not here to apologize.”
“Good,” he said. “Because hearing you speak is like nails scraping a chalkboard.”
I ignored his insults and tried not to get emotional about it. “You think Jett would arrange this unless I had something important to say?”
“Jett is a hopeless romantic,” he said. “He’s been one since his woman came into his life.”
“And he’s a good friend to you, and he obviously thinks you should talk to me.”
“He’s a damn idiot,” he said darkly.
“Just be quiet and listen to me.”
He grabbed a beer and twisted the cap off. “You’re a smooth talker…” His voice was full of sarcasm. He took a long drink of his beer and just stared at me.
“I went out with Nathan.”
“Did he have your glass slipper?” He took another drink.
I ignored the jab. “During dinner, he was extremely boring. Nothing he said was interesting, and the only topics he seems to care about are capital, wealth, and cars.”
“You don’t say?”
“I realized I can never be myself around him. He intimidates me because I know he thinks he’s better than everyone else, including me. When he compliments my appearance he’s staring at my chest and not my face. And he didn’t know I was alive until I became a different person.”
“This sounds familiar…”
“I realized I’d rather be at a hole-in-the-wall restaurant throwing pie at you than out with some pretentious loser. I realized that what I had the entire time was better than what I thought I could have with him. And when he walked me to my apartment, he kissed me.
His eyes darkened in irritation.
“But it felt like I was kissing my cousin.”
He took another drink and his shoulders relaxed slightly.
“I didn’t feel anything at all. And all I could think about was you.”
River held his drink in his hand but didn’t move it to his lips again.
“I told Nathan I wouldn’t be seeing him again. And I quit my job.”
He still didn’t react.
I had no idea what he was thinking. “I’d really like another chance with you. I know I messed up and I obsessed over a man who wasn’t even who I thought he was. I should have noticed the amazing man right in front of me. And…I’ve fallen in love with you.” I swallowed the lump in my throat while I felt my eyes burn. He still stared at me with the exact same expression.
River put his empty bottle on the table then crossed his arms over his chest. He looked at the ground below his feet.
I waited for a response, for him to say something.
He held his silence.
“River?”
He turned his gaze on me.
“Please give me another chance. What we have is really amazing, and I want it for the rest of my life. I want to have slumber parties and play video games. I want to sleep with you every night. I want to have a pie-eating contest with you every weekend. I want you.”
River still had a guarded look on his face.
What else could I say? What else could I do to convince him to trust me again?
“You quit?” His voice came out quiet.
Hope erupted in my heart. “Yeah.”
“You aren’t going to work there anymore?”
“Whether you give me a chance or not. I’m going to start my own design business, making websites and posters. It might take me a while to make any real money doing it but it’s worth a shot.”
“That sounds a lot better than being some douchebag’s secretary.”
My heart started to race. “But I won’t have any money to pay the bills for a while. I was hoping I could stay with you.”
A slight smirk formed on his lips. “You’re already asking for a favor?”
“I thought we could have a slumber party every night.”
“That sounds nice.”
“Yeah?” My voice cracked with emotion. I didn’t realize the full extent of my feelings until then. Seeing him just reminded me how much I missed him. Watching the hurt in his eyes told me how much I hurt him. And the pain in my heart told me how much he loved me.
He came closer to me, taking his time. “I can’t accept this unless you tell me something.”
The joy in my heart disappeared. “Okay…”
“I’ve fallen head-over-heels for you. I’ve been looking for the right girl for a long time, and I went through them faster than a carton of eggs. You came into my life and gave me hope that I could find someone to love, to cherish. If I’m not the right guy and you have any doubt, then walk away. Because I can’t lose you again. I just can’t.”
My eyes burned with tears. “You’re the one.”
Emotion moved into his eyes and his hands found my hips. “You’re mine?”
“I’ve always been yours.”
He pressed his forehead to mine while he held me close. “Then I’m yours too.”
“We can start over?”
“No. Let’s pick up where we left off.” He picked me up and placed me on the table next to his pack of beer.
“Maybe we should wait until we’re home…”
“Jett has fucked a lot of girls at my place. He’ll understand.”
“Well, you aren’t going to fuck me, right?”
His hand fisted my hair and he tilted my head back slightly, forcing me to look at him. “No, I’m not. And I’ve never had before.”
Epilogue
River walked inside and shut the door. “Sweetheart, I’m home.”
“Finally!” I left the
kitchen table and ran to him. My arms moved around his neck. “Why are you home so late?”
“Game went into overtime.” He smirked while he looked down at me. “But if this is the kind of greeting I’m going to get, then I’ll be late more often.” He kissed the corner of my mouth.
“I guess I’m excited because I’m horny,” I said honestly.
His grin widened. “Yeah? I can help with that.” His lips found my neck and gave me a few kisses.
“Before we get into that…” I stepped away and headed back to my computer at the kitchen table.
He growled. “What a tease.”
“I got a huge job working for a publishing house. I’ll be a book cover designer.” I was practically hopping on my toes.
“Seriously?” His eyes were wide.
“Yep.” Then I started jumping up and down. “I’m so excited.”
“Congratulations, sweetheart.” His arms moved around my waist and he smiled down at me. “I’m proud of you. You deserve to do what you love.”
“It wouldn’t have happened if it weren’t for you. Thanks for letting me live here…”
“You earned it with all the sex you gave me.”
“It was still really sweet.” I moved into his chest and hugged him. “But now that I have a full-time job I guess it’s time for me to leave…” There was distinct sadness in my voice, like I didn’t want to be anywhere but here.
“And go where?”
“Get my own apartment.”
“Hmm…that’s an idea. But I have a better one.”
“Yeah?” I said it a little too enthusiastically, like I was praying he would ask me to stay.
He smiled. “Live with me permanently.”
Joy radiated through me. “Yeah?”
“Yeah. You think I’d ever let you leave?”
“I guess not…”
He kissed my forehead. “This place is too big for one person anyway. I need a woman to keep me in line.”
“And I need you to cook for me.”
“And make you come,” he blurted. He shut my laptop. “Now, let’s celebrate in the bedroom.”
“What are we celebrating? My new job or the fact I’m staying here?”