by Tate James
I cleared my throat and took a huge gulp of coffee before replying. “Uh, yeah. Finn offered to lend his assistance with a particularly, um, challenging situation. He is motivated to see Bridget stopped in her diabolical plan to rule the world and enslave humans, just the same as us. And he’s kinda handy to have around.”
Finn coughed a laugh. “I couldn’t give two shits about the human race being enslaved. But that whore needs to pay for a whole laundry list of crimes, not the least of which is Lucifer’s death.”
“Same thing,” I muttered, flapping a hand at him in a you can shut the hell up now kind of way. “Anyway, I guess you all want to be caught up on what we’ve been doing?” I forced a casual air, but inside I was a mess of nerves.
“That would be appreciated,” Wesley replied with a small smile, clutching his own mug of coffee just as hard as I was. “You did a remarkable job of staying under the radar. We were pretty damn good at finding people before we became what we are now, so I’m sort of impressed.”
I blushed a little at his semi-compliment. It was pretty impressive that I’d evaded them all, but it would have probably been a whole lot better for everyone involved if I hadn’t been so good at it.
“Yeah. Dark-Kit is a sneaky bitch,” I mumbled, hiding my face in a piece of cheese toast, which tasted like heaven. Where had they even found all this amazing food? Austin had mentioned Finn flirting with cooks, but I didn’t recall seeing any service staff in the cafeteria when I was changing every damn human in sight. Fuck, that was going to be a shitstorm.
“So?” Caleb prompted, bumping me with his shoulder as he sat beside me on the carpet. “Fill us in. Or do I need to let Sam out to insult you a bit first?”
Groaning, I shook my head forcefully. “Please no. I’m too fragile to deal with Sam right now. Okay, let me just gather my thoughts...” I chewed at the inside of my lip while I quickly skimmed over everything that had happened—everything I’d done—in the past six weeks. There was no way in hell I was telling them about the details; they didn’t need to hear about how I had skinned a man alive with my magic and enjoyed it. They certainly didn’t need to hear about the prisoners in Nevada, some of whom had been no older than teenagers, that I’d killed when they didn’t accept my offer.
No, this was one situation where it was a much better idea to gloss over the details. Facts only. A summary, really.
“Well, after I left you all at the... uh, at Lucy’s...” Wow, it was really hard to say the word funeral when I wasn’t all disconnected from my emotions. I cleared my throat again, getting a grip on myself before I did something embarrassing, like cry. “After I left you all, my initial plan was to go after Bridget, but of course we had no leads on where we might find her. Or whatever we did pick up ended in a dead end.”
“Same as us,” Wesley agreed, nodding to himself.
“So, we made a change of tactics and decided to deal with the other faction trying to involve themselves in this... shit fight. The human faction.” I paused to take another sip of coffee and savor the rich taste on my tongue. “We started hunting down those soldiers that Doctor Florsheim had been using his serum shit on. You know, the one he made from my blood? Well, we kind of just followed the breadcrumbs until we found him.”
“What happened after you found him, Vixen?” Cole asked me, his voice all low and growly like he already knew the answer.
I shrugged, like it was no big deal, despite the vivid images flashing across my mind of blood coating the floor of that panic room. The unforgettable memory of a skinned human pinned to the wall, its heart still beating...
“I killed him,” I admitted. “Destroyed all of the research he was keeping on site. We just, sort of, hope that was all of it, or at least enough of it that we can deal with Bridget before the human government becomes a problem.”
There was a long silence where I felt the eyes of everyone—except Finn—glued to me. Waiting for me to say more? What else was there to say?
“Oh, and then we came here and uh, changed everyone. That’s why I was so drained when you guys arrived.” I gave them a sheepish smile. “So, good timing? Thank you?”
Again, no one spoke for a long time, until Vali sighed heavily and leaned forward to peer at me with eyes that saw right through my bullshit. Damn him for having such a thick dark streak in him; it made it easier for him to read between the lines.
“Regina mea, I sense you are holding back a lot, but we are not going to pressure you to tell us until you’re ready. If you ever are.” Caleb opened his mouth to protest, and Vali shot him a look to tell him to shut it. “So, what do you need from us now?”
I blinked at him a couple of times, a bit at a loss for words. I hadn’t truly thought they’d let me off the hook that easily, and guilt gnawed at me for not having them yell more about all the stupid, reckless, and downright amoral shit I’d done.
“Um,” I started, then paused. What did I need from them now? What the hell could we do to right all the wrongs I’d made? Fucking hell, I had really made a mess of things.
“I would venture to say we will need to help all these agents and recruits that you’ve changed,” Wesley suggested, and I gave him a grateful nod.
“Yes,” I agreed, “that should definitely be our priority. I don’t know how long it will all take, seeing as none of them were coming back from the brink of death like you all were, but I’m guessing maybe a couple of days at most.”
“Shall we work out where each of our strengths lie so we’re prepared to help with a wider range of creatures when they transform?” Caleb prompted. “I imagine there will be a range of, uh, things. But between us, we can hit all the main subspecies, don’t you think?”
Nodding, I gave him a tight smile. These guys were all incredible; how could I seriously think they would prefer to yell at me over stupid choices rather than help me move forward with a logical and sensible plan of attack?
“Still, would have probably been more useful if you hadn’t gone on a mass magical healing spree without any plan in place,” Austin observed, and I had to hold back an eye roll. At least some things never changed—like his snark.
“Thank you, guys,” I whispered, swallowing past some pesky emotions clogging my throat. “This all means a lot. The fact that you didn’t give up, that you’re not holding a grudge…” My voice broke, and I sniffled a bit. Maybe it was hay fever season?
Finn groaned dramatically. “Gross, the feelings in this room are getting way out of hand. Just call me if you need me; I’m going back to check on the instructors that you changed first. Maybe because they’re older, they might change faster?” He shrugged. “Who knows. Peace out.”
Finn took off without a second glance, and I fiddled with the sleeve of my sweater.
“Does anyone know where River might have gone?” I asked in a small voice. “I need to go and talk some things out with him. I’m worried about leaving him alone too long.”
The guys all exchanged glances, but no one looked like they had any great suggestions for me.
“Sorry, Vixen, he could be anywhere,” Cole admitted. “I agree you should find him, though; it doesn’t feel right not having him here with us all now that we’re back together. I’ll come with you to look.”
I shook my head. “No, I need to go alone. Thanks though, Cutie.”
Cole gave me a frown but didn’t argue as I grabbed my shoes and got ready to leave. It was one of the things I loved the most about him. He trusted me implicitly… even after I’d fucked-up so bad.
11
When I left the apartment, I really had no idea where I would find River; I just knew I needed to find him. Yes, he had asked for alone time, but he’d had enough, dammit. I was getting worried now, so... too bad.
Wandering through the sleeping residential building, I cast out my mind in the hope that he would sense me looking for him and make it easy on me. No such luck, though.
It amazed me that no one had woken up and come to investigate what had
been going on during Cole and Vali’s rumble with River’s demonic form, but perhaps it was normal to sleep heavily after being healed of a magical plague. I know I usually slept like the dead after healing myself. But I’d also never healed anyone without life-threatening injuries before, so it was all new territory.
“Come on, River. Where the hell are you?” I muttered, stepping out into the cool night air and peering into the darkness. “If I was River, where would I go?”
Of course, it didn’t help that the guys had spent years on this campus while I had barely survived a few months. I probably hadn’t even seen half of the places he might go for alone time. Still, I needed to try and think like River.
My one advantage was that I knew what his head must be looking like right now—probably just as fucked up as mine. The only difference was that I was maintaining surprisingly good control over the guilt.
Control. Of course!
River sought control over everything in his life. It was his constant, and the hellhound version of him had stripped that away. So where would he go to rebuild it? Where had I seen him most relaxed? Most in control?
A grin spread over my face as a memory formed, one of him behind the wheel of a dark gray Aston Martin, stroking the expensive upholstery and telling me that I was never allowed to drive his baby.
Was there a garage somewhere on campus? Surely there had to be. I hadn’t seen that car of his in months. Could it be here?
Hurrying to the front of the building, I searched for any sort of entrance to an undercover parking lot. Of course, there was an outdoor one where I had parked my Prius when we’d lived here, but any car of River’s would be secure from the weather.
“Bingo!” I cheered, spotting a driveway that disappeared along the side of the residential building and led up to a rolling garage door. Skipping over to it, I frowned at the magnetic swipe box that would open the door. I could break it, but hadn’t I done enough damage lately?
Glancing around, I searched for alternative options. Beside the rolling door, a nondescript service door held a simple deadbolt which would be easy to pick. Hopefully it would take me into the parking lot and not a maintenance closet.
Humming to myself, I took a couple of pins that were incorporated into the design of my shirt—a trick I had picked up from Austin—and used them to open the door in a matter of seconds.
Win! Still got it.
Sure, the same thing could have been achieved with magic, but I hadn’t really fine-tuned my small magic enough to get away without damaging the door. My magic, as it currently stood, was a little more brute force than subtlety.
Inside the dark parking lot, my heels clicked on the concrete floor. The sound bounced and echoed in a creepy, horror movie kind of way, and I would have been scared, had I not been the biggest and baddest thing around right now.
“If I were River’s car...” I muttered to myself, walking slowly down the line of cars and checking each of the badges on the back. This was definitely a parking lot for the higher-ranking agents. No recruit could have afforded the type of machinery stored within this lot.
“Aston Martin Rapide,” I read out quietly, pausing behind a jet-black car. “I bet I know who owns you.” Circling around to the passenger door, I opened it and slid inside.
The soft sound of the door closing was all the hello I needed, so I sat there and said nothing. I’d done the hard work of searching the whole fucking campus for him; it was his turn.
“How’d you find me?” River asked finally, not looking away from the steering wheel where his fingers traced the little silver wings of the car badge.
I shrugged. “It wasn’t hard,” I lied. “Is this one of yours? I haven’t seen it before.”
“Yep, this was my first Aston. I actually forgot I had it stored here until...” He trailed off with a sigh.
“Until you needed to reconnect with the old you?” I finished for him. “I get that. I just picked a lock the old-fashioned way, and it made me surprisingly happy.”
River’s mouth tilted up in a tiny smile, and he glanced over at me. “How are you doing so okay? After everything we did... everything I did...” A deep shudder ran through him, and I resisted the urge to hug him. Hugs weren’t going to fix the torment inside his soul.
“I’m not okay. Not by a long shot,” I admitted. “But I think the bonds are helping me. Dulling the... madness. You know?”
He nodded slowly, turning his attention back to the logo on the steering wheel. “That makes sense. You’re lucky to have that. I don’t.” He sucked in a deep breath and blew it out, his shoulders slumping. “I’ve blended with the hound, and now I no longer feel like me. There is this lurking crazy in the back of my mind, making me feel just unpredictable. Totally out of control, like the second something angers me, I might snap and turn into him again.”
“He is still you. I don’t think you’ll have the same thing happen again, even if you did shift. The whole mass murder spree in hound form situation, I mean.” I studied the side of his face, clenching my fingers to keep from reaching out and touching him. “My half-baked theory is that you’ve got two forms. The white wolf, and then the hellhound. I have no idea how that works, but I assume you’ll be able to choose depending on situation.”
River murmured a sound of acknowledgement, but still seemed a bit lost in thought.
“But as for how the bonds are helping me stay afloat from the pool of despair you’re paddling around in, it can help you too.” This grabbed his attention, and he shot me a sharp look. “You need to bond with me, River. A problem shared is a problem halved and all that? Well, I have a weird feeling that when you bond to me, it will create kind of a secondary bond between all of you guys. You’re my sixth dianoch; you’re the missing link.”
“And what, share my crazy with them all? I can’t do that.” He shook his head, but I could see the glint of hope in his eyes.
“They all share mine right now, and it doesn’t seem to be affecting them.” I shrugged and fiddled with the knobs on the dashboard. “Yes, I’m aware that is a very naïve statement, but we are sort of flying by the seats of our pants, aren’t we? We don’t have the luxury of time to run experiments. We just need to take some calculated risks and cross our fingers that they will work out. You know?”
“I know,” River agreed. “But that doesn’t make me okay with dumping my crap on their doorsteps.”
“Would you rather stay like you are right now? Conflicted and guilt ridden? River, I need you. Now more than I ever have before. I can’t face Bridget until we are a united unit. That’s something I am so totally sure about. If we go to her incomplete, we will lose.” I dropped my gaze to my lap, feeling awful for asking so much of him but not knowing what else to do. “More than that, I just want you. I’m so stupidly in love with you and the idea that you might still walk away from us makes me sick. So please, River, please. Please bond with me.”
The tension inside the confined space was almost suffocating as I waited for his response, but I couldn’t push any harder than I already had. Fate of the world or not, it still needed to be his choice.
“Okay,” he finally said, and the air gusted out of me with relief. “For the record, I think this is dangerous and risky as hell. But I also think you’re right. We need to be united in every sense of the word if we are to take on Bridget and whatever army she has at her back.”
Excitement and appreciation choked the words of thanks in my throat, so instead I just handed him the lancet I had borrowed from Caleb earlier.
“Let’s do it outside the car,” he suggested, taking the little pricker from me with warm fingers. “Just in case those runes damage the interior.”
This pulled a broad grin from me, and I hurried out of the car to meet him in front of the hood.
“Do you know the verse?” I asked him, tugging on a piece of my hair nervously. Bonding hurt. There was no two ways about it. But I’d been in love with River for so damn long already I couldn’t wait to tak
e this next step in commitment. Or, it was probably the big step in commitment, wasn’t it? Something told me that bonding to someone for all eternity—especially when you were immortals—was a bit of a step up on traditional marriage.
“I do. We all memorized it, just in case.” He looked almost shy as he admitted this, but it made my heart swell.
Wordlessly, I held my hand out, and he took it in his own, rubbing his thumb over the surface of my Ban Dia ring and frowning just the smallest bit. When he didn’t make any move to start the spell, I touched his cheek with my other hand.
“You okay?” I asked in a soft voice, “We don’t have to do this if you’re not sure or, um, changed your mind.” I was trying really hard not to let my own insecurities seep into my voice, but they were there nonetheless. Had everything we had done recently changed his view of me? Was he no longer committed to us? No longer in love with me?
“Yeah, there was just something I wanted to do first.” He met my eyes with a conflicted look in his eyes. “I don’t suppose you might be able to take us home first? There’s just something... And I didn’t imagine committing eternity to you in a darkened parking lot, you know?”
A short laugh bubbled out of me, and I nodded my understanding. “Yeah, I know what you mean. Let’s go.” Taking the lancet from him, I pricked my own finger and used the blood droplet to cast a rune portal back to our new house.
“This house is beautiful, you know?” I murmured as River linked his fingers with mine and we walked up the front steps. The doors weren’t locked, which was pretty normal for us these days. The house was so far into the middle of nowhere it was highly unlikely anyone would ever stumble across it, and our enemies weren’t really the type to be stopped by conventional door locks anyway.
“Thank you, Kitten.” He acknowledged the compliment with a nod, and I could tell it meant a lot to him that I liked it. “When I saw it advertised, I just knew it was perfect for us.”