He frowns but walks over to me, sitting down beside me. “I have things to do before my next class, Presley.”
I hate that he called me Presley in that tone. “It will only be a few minutes, please.”
“Fine. Three minutes.”
“Levi, what you saw isn’t what you think. Zack kissed me and it didn’t mean anything, I swear.”
“Tell me something you haven’t already texted me, Presley. You’re wasting my time.”
“Okay, I lied. I have been hanging out with Zack, but I didn’t tell you because I didn’t want you to be upset. He told me that he quit drinking and that we could be friends again. I’ve known him almost as long as I have known Marley. I didn’t think he was deceiving me.”
“Is that all?”
“Levi, please. I love you and I don’t want us to break up. Please forgive me and we can move on.” I would beg for his forgiveness for as long as I need to.
“You know, part of me feels like I shouldn’t be mad because I lied to you before. But then again, when I lied, I wasn’t in love you. You lied after and got jealous over me running into Sunny at the library. I didn’t sneak around. So yeah, I’m still mad.”
“Levi, please, don’t be mad. I know that I hurt you, but I’m begging you. Please forgive me. Please come home with me and we can work this all out.” I reach for his hand. I miss touching him.
“Don’t,” he starts, not moving away, but simply looking at my hand. “Nothing you say is going to matter until I quit being pissed off. Didn’t my dad tell you to just let me cool off? You’re not exactly helping me here.”
“Your dad told me that, but I wanted to tell you face to face. Levi, I love you and I’m so sorry.”
“I know, Presley. Look, when I’m ready to talk to you, I’ll find ya, okay? Until then, just leave me alone.”
“I’ll be waiting, whenever that is, I’ll be there.” I lean over and kiss his cheek. I walk to my car, without crying, and make it all the way to my apartment before the tears fall.
Chapter Twenty-Six
Levi
I wish I hadn’t seen her today. It’s so much easier to stay mad and not miss her as much if I don’t see her or hear her voice. The texts were starting to piss me off though. At the same time, I get it. The roles were reversed not too long ago, but I tried and then let her be until she was ready. Presley needs to let me do that and after today, I think she understands.
But God, do I want to go over there right now and forget this ever happened. I just can’t. Not yet. That kiss on my cheek was almost my undoing. That’s why I didn’t want her to take my hand because I knew that if she intertwined her fingers with mine, I would be a goner. I can’t have her soft skin invade my thoughts any more than it already has. I’ve got to process all that she said.
She lied. I already knew that. She went behind my back. Knew that too. But she says it was because she didn’t want to upset me. And I would have been upset for sure. On the other hand, she still should have told me because if she truly believed whatever it was he told her, I wouldn’t stop her from hanging out with him. Would I like it? Hell, no. But I don’t want to be that ‘overbearing jealous jackass’ either.
I run a hand through my hair because it all still just pisses me the fuck off. All she had to do was say, “Hey, Levi, I’m going to hang out with Zack because supposedly, he’s not the asshole you think he is.” Or something like that, even though, I was completely right.
Wait.
What about the holding hands thing? What’s her explanation for that? Ugh, I just want this to be over with already. I’m tired of thinking about it all the time and then re-examining everything that’s happened in the past three months, searching for any other times where she lied to me.
Another day passes and Presley doesn’t text once. Now I kind of miss all those texts even though they all had a variation of the same message. When I talked to Pops earlier, he didn’t ask me about everything going on with her either. Part of me is so happy, but then again, if he doesn’t ask, I don’t have an excuse to think or talk about her.
This is so fucked up.
I feel like I need to go play hockey or cut down a tree or something manly instead of feeling like freaking chick who just got her heart broken and eats ice cream all day for a week. A banging on the door followed by an, “Open up, Carr,” makes me get up from the couch to answer the door.
“What do you want, McCarthy?” I ask opening the door. When I see Zack with an apparent broken nose and black eyes, I just raise an eyebrow at Trevor. He’s not about to see how badly I want to kill him right now.
“This shit is about to end, Carr,” he says pushing past me to walk inside. “Do you know how many times Presley has cockblocked me just today? Too damn many.” McCarthy plops where I was just sitting on the couch and Zack sits beside him.
“Not my fault that you are frustrated and horny,” I tell him as I sit in the recliner. “Now, what do you want?”
Trevor looks expectantly at Zack. Zack clears his throat and shifts uncomfortably.
“Okay, so there seems to be a small issue that I need to clear up, about Pres and me.”
“You think?”
“Look, Levi, it’s not a secret that I like Presley. We’ve been friends since we were kids and dated in high school.”
“Seriously? Do I look like I care? She was with me, not you. How big of a hint did you need?” Because I could have saved us all the trouble with a hint of my own for him to stay away from her.
“Okay, you’re right. I just thought that when I came back from studying abroad, she would still be single and I could swoop in. I made a mistake, okay? But she loves you. I’ve never seen her so upset. I mean, she broke my nose at the party after I kissed her.”
What? That’s how he broke his nose? I can’t help my grin. “She did that to you?” He nods. “Damn, McCarthy. Your sister can hit better than you.”
“Told you she has a temper.” Trevor smirks.
“Levi, she loves you. She is really hurting. I know you are upset too, but she lied to protect me from you. Though I feel now, I shouldn’t have played my little game, because my face is still throbbing, but it’s you she wants. Not me. That’s why Trevor dragged me over here. He wants you to know the truth.”
How wrong is it that I’m still trying to get over the fact that she punched him and broke his nose? I can’t help but laugh internally, but this isn’t over yet. “What about the hugging and hand holding at the restaurant?”
“Well, that was just Presley being friendly. None of it was about sex or flirting. It was just her hugging a friend.”
“And it was all friend stuff when you were with her and Marley one day?”
“Yeah, we were just hanging out and talking. Nothing else.”
“And that made you think that you still had a chance with her?” I shake my head at him. “Basically, she didn’t make any advances towards you whatsoever, but you did at the party?”
“I thought if I kissed her, she would see how much I wanted her and we could try and become involved in a more serious relationship. I mean, she is my first love and I thought I was hers, but I’m not.”
“Kissing her wouldn’t have made a difference. You obviously don’t know that she pretty much thinks I’m a sex god. Calls me God Levi all the time.” I smirk.
“Levi, seriously. I don’t need to hear this,” Trev inserts.
“I don’t want to hear it either, but Trevor’s right. You needed to hear the truth. Don’t blame Presley.”
“Now you know what happened, Levi,” Trevor starts, completely serious now. “All jokes aside, you need to go talk to my sister because she’s worse off than when you fucked up. So get yourself together, do whatever you need to do, and go see her.”
They both stand and leave seconds later. I’m left sitting in the recliner, thinking over everything that was said while trying not to focus too much on the last thing Trevor told me. If I think about that too much, I’ll rush over
there before I have my thoughts together.
The only thing that she did wrong was hide the fact that she was hanging out with him. She didn’t want him, didn’t try to kiss him or anything of the sorts. But those five seconds where she did nothing replay in my mind. I can’t think here. I go to my room, grab my keys, and head to the rink.
The cool air practically soothes my soul the moment it makes contact with my skin. I take my usual spot on the bench, close my eyes, and focus on breathing for a little bit. That’s so relaxing that I almost doze off. I’ve got to settle my mind on this once and for all, though. If I’m completely honest with myself, knowing all that I know, I just want my Smarty back. If Presley can forgive me and move past how much of a jerk I was to her when this started between us, then there’s no reason why I can’t do the same for her.
Right?
Her intentions were good. That should be the most important thing, I would think. She meant well, even though it didn’t turn out that way. I still need a couple of days to at least get that image removed from my mind permanently. It will help me stay focused as well if I don’t see or hear anything Presley-related. Even now, knowing all of this, I just want to stay away for a little bit longer.
Chapter Twenty-Seven
Presley
April
It’s been two weeks and the hardest thing for me is not to call him. Not talking to him each day is ripping my heart out. Even on days that we were busy, we still managed to talk to each other. I saw the hurt in his eyes that day on the bench. I saw what I had done to him, and it’s killing me.
I’m lying on my couch when Trevor comes in.
“Um, Pres, what are you doing?”
“Laying here, why?”
“Because it’s one o’clock in the afternoon and you’re drinking.” I looked at the beer in my hand. It’s something that I have done the last few days. It’s been helping me cope. I don’t answer him and just sip on the beer.
“How was your physical?” I ask.
“Good. The drive to the city was hell, but the physical was good. Carolina had a scout there and we talked for a little bit.” He sits down at the end of the couch as I sit up.
“Was…um, was Levi there?”
Trevor looks at me, and I know he is debating on telling me the truth. Finally, he nods.
“Did he do well?”
Trevor nods again.
“Good. I’m glad.” I am glad. I want Levi to succeed, and I know he will be the best in the NHL.
“Hey,” Trevor pats my legs. “Let’s go grab a bite. I bet you haven’t eaten today.”
“I have class soon.”
“It’ll be a quick bite. Come on, you need to eat, Pres.”
I don’t want to move from this couch. I don’t want to go outside and face the world without Levi. I just shake my head at Trevor.
“No, I need to go to class. I’ve been slacking lately and I need to get back on track.”
Trevor sighs and looks at me with concerned eyes. He nods, stands up, kisses the top of my head and leaves.
I lay there on the couch for another twenty minutes before I finally get up and go to class.
~
“Get up right now!”
The covers of my bed are being jerked away from me.
“What the hell?” I look up and see Marley with her hands on her hips.
“Get up!” She walks over to my closet and pulls out a pair of jeans, shirt, and heels.
“I’m tired, Mar. Go away.” I try to reach for my blankets when she jerks them away again and throws the clothes at me.
“Get your ass out of that bed now. It’s three o’clock and you’ve done nothing but lay in that bed.”
“I’m tired and it’s Saturday.”
“No, you’re not tired and I don’t care what day of the week it is. I can see all the beer bottles and that isn’t like you. I’m worried and I’ll be damned if anything happens to you because of some guy.”
“Some guy? This wasn’t just some guy. This was my guy. My Levi and I ruined it all.” Tears pool in my eyes and Marley stares me down.
“I know it was Levi and I know how much you love him, but Pres, this isn’t healthy. You need to get out and we are doing it now. Get up. Please go take a shower, and let’s go out.”
We both just stare at each other, waiting to see who will give up first.
“Presley McCarthy, if you don’t get in that shower in the next minute, I will pick you up and put you in it.” She crosses her arms, and I know that she will. What is the point of arguing with her? I sigh in defeat and head to the shower.
Standing in the shower and letting the hot water hit me is supposed to be helpful, but it isn’t. I just think about Levi and me and our night in the shower. I can still feel his lips, his touch, and his bites on my skin. My tears mix with the water as I quietly sob. I ruined everything, and I don’t know how to fix it.
I finally get out of the shower and get dressed. I don’t feel like putting on makeup, and I just throw my hair into a ponytail. When I look in my bedroom, I see that Marley made my bed. I walk into my living room and kitchen and she cleaned up my trail of empty bottles too. Trevor and she are sitting at the kitchen table, talking quietly. I’m sure they are plotting to take me to the nut house.
“Hey, Twin.” Trevor looks up from their conversation. “I thought I would grab some food with you too.” His voice is upbeat and Marley is smiling too. They’re trying to make me smile and forget that I’m single and alone now. I give them a small smile and Trevor suggests a place to eat close to the apartment. I know they do this so that I won’t run into anyone from RU or Levi. I just nod. Trevor throws his arm around my shoulder as we walk out to his truck.
All through dinner, they try to engage me in conversations and ask a lot of questions about my classes, teachers, and even what’s been on TV. I’ve never been so thankful to be in the quiet of my apartment after they drop me off. I walk over to my fridge. I am just going to grab a beer and go to bed, but I stop. Marley is right. I can’t keep doing this. I dump the beer down the drain and sit at my kitchen table.
I stare at my phone. There is nothing from Levi. I silently pray that he will contact me right now. That he’ll say it’s okay, and he’ll come over. I pray that he will hold me all night and tell me how much he loves me and forgives me. I say the pray over and over, but nothing happens.
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Levi
It’s time. I’m done thinking and mulling everything over. Standing outside her door, I’m suddenly nervous about knocking. What if I took too much time and it’s too late? I go ahead and rap twice quickly before I can change my mind. The wait for her to open the door is torture. I know she’s most likely here because her car is in the parking lot. Finally, the door slowly opens to reveal Presley. Her eyes are red and puffy, her hair in an extremely messy bun, and she’s wearing a baggy shirt with sweatpants.
“Hey, Smarty,” I say softly because seeing her like this again and knowing I’m partly at fault, steals any other words. It’s a blow to my gut and all I want to do is make it better.
“Levi, what…What are you doing here?”
“I told ya I would come find you when I was ready. Can I come in?” I ask.
“Sure.” She steps to the side, and I enter the apartment.
“I, uh, I’m sorry it took me so long to come talk to you.” Now that I’m here, I don’t really know what I want to tell her.
“Well, I guess you thought things through, so what’s the verdict? Are we going to work it out or not?”
Tentatively, I lift my hands and rest them on her shoulders. “I just need to hear you answer me one thing.”
“What’s that?”
I smirk at her. “Did you really break his nose?” Please, let her laugh.
“Yes, with one punch.” She smiles.
“Impressive, Smarty. I think we could work things out as long as you promise that you won’t punch me. Can’t have a broken nose thank
s to a girl. I don’t think my ego could handle it.”
“I’m sure your ego can handle a lot of things.”
I drop my hands to my sides. Why is she not giving me anything to work with? I pretty much told her that I want her, and she didn’t make any comment about it. Has she changed her mind about me? About us? Is there even going to be an us? I mean, she looks like something swooped in and completely devastated her, knocking her so far down that she can’t stand back up. Did something else happen? Did I miss something happening that was so obviously important to Presley because I refused to talk to her?
Suddenly, the full impact of exactly how long I went without a single word to Presley overwhelms me. So much could have happened in that amount of time, and I don’t know a damn thing about any of it. I want to gather her in my arms, but I’m scared of her reaction.
“I’m sorry,” I mutter because I don’t know what else to say.
“I don’t think you’re the one that should be apologizing. I’m sorry. I’m sorry that I lied and that I didn’t tell you that I was hanging out with Zack. I’m sorry I didn’t trust you the way that I should have. I’m sorry for everything, Levi, but if you just forgive me, I promise this won’t happen again. I swear.” Her tears pool in her eyes and are about to stream down her cheeks.
I take her hand and gently hold it in mine. “Don’t cry, Smarty. It’s just that I was already concerned about messing up or not being able to keep you happy. I literally just talked to my dad about it earlier that day. And then I go to the party and there you were.” I take a breath. “I didn’t want to believe what I was seeing. I saw him lean in and kiss you.” I lift my free hand, cup her cheek, and run my thumb over her lips. “I left before I saw anything after that. I was mad, shocked, hurt, and pissed that I was simply leaving instead of at least hitting him once. Presley, I know I probably should have talked to you sooner, but you have to understand. The last time I felt that way,-” I shake my head, not wanting to finish the sentence.
“Levi, what were you going to say? Please.”
Off the Ice (The Penalty Kill Trilogy) (Volume 2) Page 15