by H. P. Bayne
“Dez, I can’t. It’s not safe.”
“Hey. It’s me. You always said there was no one you trusted more to have your back.”
“I didn’t mean it’s not safe for me. I meant it’s not safe for you.”
Dez took a step forward, worried this was going to come down to another battle. He wasn’t prepared to let Sully go. Not now, not until he had some answers, not until he knew his brother was safe. “Let me decide what’s best for me. You look exhausted, you’re clearly not eating properly and you’re as weak as a kitten. You barely gave me a fight a minute ago. Never mind the fact you need a shower and a change of clothes like right now.”
“Dez—”
“Don’t. Don’t even say it. I’m not taking no for an answer. If you wanna go toe to toe with me on this, I’m good to go, man. But I promise you, you’ll be leaving this cemetery unconscious and over my shoulder. I’d rather we walk out together.”
Sully was quiet and Dez could see his brother studying him, looking for signs of a bluff. But he was far from bluffing and it took Sully little time to understand.
Thankfully, for both of them, he chose option two.
2
The dull ache at the base of Dez’s skull proved a steady reminder he had suffered a head injury.
So as the city moved past the window of his SUV, he caught himself stealing sideways glances at his passenger to assure himself he hadn’t hallucinated Sully’s return.
His brother had yet to disappear, was still sitting there, face turned toward his window as he watched the night-lit city sweeping past. Things had changed since Dez last saw Sully. Kimotan Rapids—better known to residents as KR—had never quite recovered from the devastating flood four years back, leading to a loss of businesses and homes and a swath of once-productive citizens on the unemployment lines. While that seemed to result in better-than-average business for the city’s drinking establishments, not all had fared as well.
Sully noticed what Dez expected he might.
“The Black Fox is gone?”
Dez looked to the boarded-up front that once provided entry to the pub Sully had helped manage on behalf of its owner, Dez’s uncle Lowell.
“Yeah. Not long after Betty died and you ….” He paused, considering his words, uncertain now how best to phrase it. “After you left. People used to joke the pub couldn’t survive without the two of you.”
Sully’s answer was spoken through a smile. “I don’t know whether to be touched or troubled by that.”
Dez bristled. “I said people used to joke. Not me. I haven’t exactly been in the laughing mood for the past couple of years.”
“I didn’t mean it like that. I’m sorry, D. I really am.”
He’d kept his eyes on the road, but the sound of Sully’s response suggested he’d turned to face him, smile gone.
The mix of emotions he’d experienced upon reuniting with Sully returned full-force, and Dez bit his tongue to keep from saying something he’d regret. Blessedly, Sully allowed him the conversational space, focusing a moment on scratching at his dog’s head as it protruded between them from the back seat.
The questions were there, and plenty of them, poking around inside begging for release. He debated exactly how he felt, how he should feel, about Sully’s sudden return from the dead. There was anger, the sting of betrayal by someone who had once sought his advice on every key decision, someone who knew him and his pain-stricken past well enough to realize what his leaving in that way would do.
But mixed up in the simmering anger was an equally intense sense of gleeful relief, a feeling of the clouds parting after two steady years of rain. Sully was family; Dez didn’t deny he’d cast Sully into the void left by Aiden, plugging up the brother-shaped hole in his heart as much as grief and time would allow.
Sully said nothing. But the silence broke when Dez took a left onto Endlin Road, setting a course that would take them into the older section of the downtown core, the part the respectable public avoided by night.
“Where are we going?”
God, they had a lot to talk about. “I told you. Home.”
“What happened to the place in Gladstone?”
“It’s still there. So is Eva. I’ve got a lovely little dive on Twenty-fifth.”
“Hold on. So you and Eva …?”
“Split up over a year ago. I left her with the house and everything in it. Just ‘cuz she and I are done doesn’t mean I want Kayleigh to suffer for it.”
“Jesus. I’m sorry, man. Is Kayleigh with Eva full-time then?”
“I visit, take her out on weekends. Obviously, I don’t bring her back to my place.”
“And that’s enough for you? Your world revolves around that kid.”
“I know, all right? Which is why I’m not fighting Eva on this. Kayleigh deserves the best and I can’t give it to her right now. I’m man enough to know that.”
“That sucks, D.”
“Don’t I know it.”
“How is she? Kayleigh, I mean?”
“She’s good. You know kids, they’re resilient. Misses her Uncle Sully though. I’ll take you to see her this weekend. Better let me ease them into it first, though. They’re going to be on the floor, seeing you.”
“Dez, no one can know about me, all right? I can’t stay.”
“Like hell.”
“I can’t, man. I can’t stay.”
Dez’s hands gripped the wheel a little tighter. “If you think you’re going anywhere until you’ve given me some answers, you’re in for an unpleasant surprise.”
Sully sighed, the sound as old as their relationship, a tell he hadn’t forgotten there was no point arguing.
“I’ll tell you what I can,” he said. “What do you want to know?”
“We've got a hell of a lot of ground to cover, you and me, so let's start easy. How'd you know I was in trouble tonight? Did you see Raynor put me down there?’”
“Raynor? Forbes Raynor?”
“I take it that's a no.”
“I saw someone running from the cemetery, but I didn't think it was him. Why? What kind of beef does he have with you that you think he’d try to kill you?”
“Uh-uh. You first. How'd you know I needed help?”
Sully went back to staring out the window. “How do you think?”
The answer sent a chill down Dez’s spine. He knew what Sully could do. Any doubts he might have once harboured had washed away years ago by the conviction with which Sully had always described the things he witnessed. It was impossible to explain away the extent of the silent terror in the child’s eyes and, with time and experience, the muted but continued alarm that turned Sully’s face into a pale, wide-eyed stone. Dez had taken his cues from his brother, finding plenty to fear in what, for him, was an unseen world. And while Sully’s fear of the dead had abated for the most part as he moved into adulthood, Dez’s was still very much present and accounted for.
Sully wasn't looking at Dez, but apparently sensed his brother’s widened eyes on him nonetheless. “Watch the road.”
“I thought you stopped seeing them.”
“I did for a while, but they came back once I was out of Lockwood. I wasn’t sure I wanted to tell you.”
“Why not?”
“Seriously? This stuff always scared the hell out of you.”
“Hey, man, I can deal with it, okay?”
“So it doesn’t bother you there’s a dead woman sitting in your backseat right now?”
Dez’s eyes flew to his rear view mirror but just as quickly returned to the road as he realized he didn’t actually want to see for himself. “Jesus! What?”
“See? You still can’t handle it. Anyway, I was kidding. All that’s back there is Pax.”
Dez smacked Sully on the head, drawing a laugh from the younger man. “Damn it, Sull. You’re a jerk, you know that?”
As Dez’s heart rate coasted back to some version of normal, it occurred to him he had no choice but to wade back into the
world of the dead.
“So the cemetery tonight. Who was it you saw?”
Sully fell back into silence, this time putting Dez in the position of having to wait. Dez had known Sully a long time, since he was ten and Sully seven, the two of them raised as brothers from that point on. It didn’t take any work for Dez to sense the turmoil radiating off Sully now.
Though he’d been waiting on an answer, he didn’t expect the one that came, two softly spoken words nailing him like a fist in the gut.
“Your brother.”
Dez’s foot reacted of its own accord, slamming down on the brake and sending the dog’s nose into the back of Sully’s shoulder. The canine emitted an indignant yip as Dez threw the vehicle into park and turned to face his passenger.
“You saw Aiden?”
“He came to me, led me to you. That’s how I knew you were down there, that you were in trouble.”
“How do you know it was him?”
“I’ve seen his photo a million times, Dez. I grew up surrounded by them, and you carry one in your wallet everywhere you go.”
Dez’s thoughts revolved at breakneck speed, rolling over each other as he grasped the full meaning of what Sully had told him. In the end, it all came down to one thing.
“But you …. Sull, you only see them if they’ve been murdered.”
Sully dipped his head. “If they’ve died before their time.” The correction was weak.
But Dez’s memory had not faded, his recollection of Sully’s ability as sharp as it had been in the days immediately after he’d first learned of it.
“No. You said you only see them if someone killed them.”
“Dez—”
“Are you telling me someone killed Aiden?”
Sully finally met his brother’s eye, and the emotion held there—straddling a line between worry and sympathy—told Dez how wild he must appear right now. He’d made efforts to bury his grief, but the grave had been a shallow one, the emotions it held easily disinterred with any mention of Aiden’s name. Dez knew he’d been shaped by the childhood tragedy, appreciated the loyalty he held for the people he loved and the need to keep them safe had been born of that summer day when they’d found Aiden’s tiny body caught up in the reeds that bordered the Kettle-Arm.
He had yet to receive full answer to his last question and, while he wasn’t sure he really wanted one, he knew he needed one.
“Sully?”
“I don’t know that, okay?”
“Can’t you ask him?”
“You know it doesn’t work like that with me. I can’t hear them, and there’s no way I can just demand answers. They appear to me when they want to, not the other way around.”
“If someone hurt him, I have to know. I have to know, man. If something bad happened to him, I need to get justice for him. Mom needs that. I need that.”
“I don’t know if I can help. He didn’t say anything to me.”
The panic took a backseat as memory returned—the voice that had spoken to him less than an hour ago. “But he said something to me.”
This time it was Sully’s voice holding surprise. “What?”
“When I was down there, and the air was running low, I started thinking how easy it would be to just let go, just go to sleep and not wake up. Then I heard Aiden’s voice. He told me to hold on, that you were coming. It felt so real, like he was right there.”
Sully smiled. “That’s because he was.”
Building heat in Dez’s eyes had him turning away from Sully, facing the windshield where the yet-unshed tears could be kept as private as possible. Sully said nothing more, allowing Dez the moment to recompose himself, to force the tears away through a focus on the mechanical as he put the SUV back into drive and pulled onto the roadway.
“We aren’t finished with this, Sull.”
Sully went back to staring out the window. “I know.”
Dez pulled into a parking spot off the back alley behind the Golden Hand Pawn, pulling the keys from the ignition and waiting until Sully and his dog had joined him on the cracked pavement before locking the vehicle. Flipping through his keys until he found the right one, Dez led the way through a security door and up a narrow flight of stairs to the top floor of the two-storey brick.
“You live above a pawn shop?”
“After paying child support, I don’t exactly have enough left over to buy myself a condo in the Regal Towers. Don’t worry, it’s a dump but it’s got everything a guy needs.”
“It's a palace next to some of the places I’ve laid my head.”
Dez spared him a glance before stopping at a door, one of four suites on the upper floor, this one facing the street. Ordinarily, a street view would beat overlooking an alley, but the difference was negligible in this part of town.
His bachelor suite, neither large nor comfortable enough for anyone besides himself, provided ample reason not to entertain company. With little room to play with, furniture was sparse, the largest consisting of a pull-out sofa and a kitchen table. The unit itself hadn’t been redecorated since the 1970s, with the faded orange carpet, the olive green fridge and stove, and the rust-hued kitchen floor peeling in more places than just the borders.The one concession was a fresh coat of paint, and Dez had no desire to improve on the place in any other way. Utilitarian rather than homey, the apartment was somewhere most people would stay a month while looking for something better.
Not in Dez’s case, though, no boxes or suitcases left unpacked and everything in its place with military precision. Having determined this was all he could afford on his savings were he to allow financial space for supporting Kayleigh and his drinking habit, Dez had put up a few photos of his family and made the place as much of a home as it would allow.
“Nice place,” Sully said.
Dez snorted. “You’ve always been a crap liar, Sull.”
The dog whined, drawing their attention to him.
“I don’t suppose you have anything to feed Pax, huh?” Sully asked. “He hasn’t eaten since this morning.”
“I’m sure I can find something for him. You too, for that matter.”
“He’s fine with whatever I’m eating. I don’t usually have a lot to spend most days, either.”
Dez crossed to the fridge and rummaged through the contents. “I can do up some grilled cheese. I’ve got to do a grocery run pretty quick.”
“Don’t do it on my account. I’ll stay the night but I’ve got to head out first thing.”
“Bullshit, you’re heading out.”
“I am. I have to.”
Dez turned and faced him, convinced his expression showed every ounce of the big brother he’d become to Sully all those years back. Dez had fallen into the role quickly and naturally, bestowing on Sully the same verbal and visual expressions he’d once reserved for Aiden. He knew the one he was wearing now shouted, “Over my dead body.”
And despite the time that had passed, Sully moved immediately back into his old role. Dez knew the lack of argument meant Sully’s brain was searching silently for the words that would change his brother’s mind.
There were none existing in the English language, and Dez stifled any attempt his brother might make by pointing him toward the cramped bathroom.
“Not that much I own is going to fit your tiny ass, but I’ll see what I have,” Dez said. “We can find you something better at the secondhand place down the road tomorrow. That stuff you’re wearing should be burned.”
Sully smiled. “That’s really kind of the point when you’re trying to stay invisible on the streets.”
He closed the door before Dez could ask any additional questions. There would be time for those soon enough.
When Sully re-emerged, with damp hair hanging in strings around the shoulders of a baggy T-shirt, and a pair of drawstring pyjama pants rolled up at the cuffs, a plate of grilled cheese waited at the table next to an expectant Dez. Pax had a couple sandwiches of his own, and the dog was lying contentedly at Dez’s fe
et, allowing the man to rub his ears.
Sully raised his eyebrows. “He likes you.”
“Why wouldn’t he?”
“Pax is pretty choosy in his company. He’s not much of a people dog.”
“Well, I haven’t been much of a people person lately, so I guess he and I have an understanding.” Dez scanned Sully’s body now, drowning as it was in his clothes. “Damn, Sull, how much weight have you lost?”
“No idea. A bit, I guess.”
“Well, you can start working on that with these sandwiches while you fill me in.”
Sully sat down and picked up half a grilled cheese, talking around the bite. “So what do you want to know?”
“Gee, I don’t know. How about where the hell you’ve been for the last two years? Why you decided to fake your own death and leave me out of the loop? And you can tell me how I sort out what happened to Aiden.”
“We could be up all night with all that.”
“Or we could go to bed now and deal with it in the morning.”
“Dez ….”
“Never mind. I’m not arguing the point. Let’s start with what the hell you were thinking, letting me believe you were dead. How could you put me through that?”
“I hated doing it, Dez. I really did. But it was better than the alternative.”
“You mean the one where I wouldn’t have spent months drinking myself to sleep at night? That alternative?”
“I thought you’d be okay, man. You had Eva and Kayleigh and your mom. You had your career.”
“So you figured, what, I’d just wake up the day after the funeral and magically be all right? That I’d just forget about you and get on with things like nothing ever happened? You’re my family, Sull. Burying you, it was like …. It was like Aiden all over again. Only it was worse, because I was there when it happened. I saw it. I felt it. Hell, I relived it every single night for months after. It nailed me, man. And I’ve lost everything because of it.”
Sully’s tanned cheeks paled a shade. “What do you mean you’ve lost everything?”