He nodded. “I thought it would make me feel better.”
“And? What happened?”
“I realized it no longer mattered. I am who I am now. Hurting someone who had no clue they were hurting me isn’t going to change anything. Plus, I lost a friend. I mean, we weren’t best friends, but Devin’s an all right guy.”
“Maybe you guys could be friends again?”
“I doubt it,” he scoffed.
“I’m sure he’d understand if you explained. You said yourself he didn’t know about you. You should tell him.”
He nodded. “Maybe one day.”
Silence slipped over us as we stared at the water, both pushing the swing slowly with one leg.
“I’ve never told anyone about that.” His voice cut through the silence. “I trust you. Is that weird?”
Technically, it shouldn’t have been weird, but considering I wasn’t sure I trusted him completely yet made me feel guilty. There was still so much I wanted to know about him. And although I’d gotten a glimpse of him as a heartbroken teenager, that didn’t say anything about the man he was today.
“Not weird at all,” I responded, wishing I could return the sentiment.
He was a nice guy inside, and on the outside, he was breathtaking. I couldn’t understand why a man like him would wait for sex from a woman like me. Especially not when I was sure he could get sex anywhere. We had discussed it before, but still, none of it made sense. I wasn’t special at all, and even standing next to each other, it was obvious he was much too handsome for me.
“Tell me something about you,” he said, turning my way a bit more.
The breeze off the water caught his hair, and the dark locks twirled. He looked at me as if I was the only person in the world. His blue eyes ate away at my skin, making me feel as if he was stripping my flesh away at the same time.
“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “I told you I’m boring.”
He reached out slowly as if he was about to pet a wounded dog and ran a finger over the top of my hand. I stilled, allowing him to slip his fingers between mine.
“You’re the most interesting woman I’ve ever met.”
When I looked up at him, I could see in his eyes that he meant it.
He was traveled, cultured in the ways of the entire world, and I was just me. Boring country girl Shannon with no experience whatsoever and a crappy paying job at a jewelry store.
“I’m not.” I shook my head, knowing he misunderstood the person I was.
His other hand moved up, skimming the side of my face before he captured my chin between two fingers and forced my eyes to his.
“Of all the things you’ve learned about me over the past few days, the most important one is I’m upfront and honest with you. It’s obvious I’m not a one-woman man. I love women. I have no desire to settle down. I know I don’t have to sweet talk you to get what I want from you. When I say you’re the most interesting woman I know, it’s because I mean it. You’re special, Shannon.”
I swallowed hard, feeling as though the breeze from the water had turned into a heated wave of humidity between us.
His thumb stroked my cheek and his eyes captured mine.
“Would it be okay if I kissed you?” he asked.
My nervous system misfired, making me feel off-kilter. My shoulders went tense, and my spine shifted painfully into a straight line.
I wanted it.
I didn’t want it.
I was so confused.
But somehow, my head moved up and down, and I nodded that it was okay.
Technically, I had never been kissed. My prom date bypassed sweet kisses and went straight for my panties even though I begged him not to.
But I couldn’t think about that. If I did, I knew I would pull away, and honestly, pulling away from Matthew at that moment was the last thing I wanted to do.
He leaned forward, his eyes remaining on mine as he measured my reaction. And then they fluttered closed, his long dark lashes resting on his cheeks. I followed his lead, closing my eyes and preparing for an unfamiliar feeling.
Soon his lips were on mine.
Soft.
Sweet.
Simple.
No pressure. Just a light slide across my lips.
Sucking in a breath, I was filled with his scent. His nose brushed against mine when he tilted his head and deepened the kiss. His tongue slipped along the seam of my lips, but no matter how much I wanted to open for him, I couldn’t.
My attention focused on my mouth. The sensation of him. The scent of him. I locked onto my other senses and almost didn’t feel the touch of his palm sliding up my knee. His thumb skimming across my leg, gliding along the inside of my thigh.
I gasped, and he used that moment to deepen the kiss.
His tongue swept inside my mouth, pressing into mine and sending a sensation I had never felt before rocketing through me. The sensation exploded like a firework’s display of happy nerves, fluttered inside my chest before dropping and melting into arousal between my thighs.
On instinct, I moved closer to him, my arms going around his neck and my fingers tangling in the hair on the back of his head. He moaned into my mouth, making the singular heartbeat between my thighs intensify.
And then it was over.
As quickly as it had started, he pulled away, pressing a soft kiss on my lips once more. I opened my eyes, and he was staring back at me. His breaths were hard and fast, his lips moist and swollen.
“I don’t want to stop,” he whispered. “But we probably should.”
His voice was raspy and shaking, and a tiny bit of confidence slipped over me knowing my kiss had shaken him.
I nodded, touching my heated lips with the tips of my fingers.
He slipped his fingers in mine on the way back to Franklin’s to get my car, and I didn’t pull away. It wasn’t as alarming as I had always imagined it to be, and even though I knew Matthew wasn’t a plethora of morality, something about him made me begin to trust him.
The only problem was … now I wasn’t sure I could trust myself.
ELEVEN
MATTHEW
I HAD THREE BOOTY CALLS IN TWO DAYS.
Getting fucked was not an issue for me. But I didn’t respond to any of the calls because those women weren’t what I wanted.
I wanted her.
I hadn’t been a one-woman man in years. I wasn’t one now, but I couldn’t focus on any other women, and I knew it was because I had my sights set on Shannon. Until I had her, no one else mattered.
The funny thing was, most of the time when I was with her, sex didn’t even cross my mind. We had such a great time talking and laughing. I enjoyed her company. Nothing more. Nothing less.
If I were prone to having lady friends, Shannon would have been my best one, but since I knew being friends with women never turned out well, I had to do the next best thing.
Fuck her.
That was my goal.
The reason I pursued her in the first place.
Then the kiss happened, and my motives shifted.
I was shattered, and I found myself getting lost in her taste, celebrating the moment she opened for me so sweetly. Knowing how rare her trust was. Not because she told me it was rare, but because regardless of how shuttered she was, I could see right through her. It was as if her body and mind spoke to me, telling me things that were supposed to be hidden inside her.
By the time we made it back to her car, my mind was flying through all scenarios. I was thinking of everything and not just having sex with her. I was thinking about her eyes and lips. The soft gasp that rushed over my lips when I deepened the kiss.
She was inexperienced. I could feel that in her kiss, and while it should have been a turn-off, I wanted to explore her more. I wanted to open her up and show her all the things her body was capable of—all the things I could make her feel physically and mentally. Yet at the same time, I feared being the man to introduce those things to her.
What i
f she became attached?
Shannon was a nice girl, and one day, some lucky bastard would have the balls to keep her, but I wasn’t in the business of keeping or being kept. I wasn’t sure I ever would be, but I knew if I were, she would be just the type I’d want.
She pulled her keys out and turned to face me. The smile in her eyes was different, teasing in a way.
“Well, that was fun,” she said. “I like pizza on a swing better than steak at a five-star.”
I laughed.
“One of these days, I’m going to take you to a nice place and feed you. I’ll show you the night of your life.” I grinned, my cheeks feeling sore from so much smiling.
She looked away and swallowed. “You already did that.”
A kiss.
A single kiss and she was content.
Most women wanted it all from me.
Money.
Gifts.
Vacations.
I lavished those things on the ones I spent my time with until they bored me.
Not Shannon.
Pizza and a kiss satisfied her.
Stepping closer to her, I wrapped my hand around the back of her neck and pulled her closer. Her silky hair brushed across my knuckles, and she shivered.
Moving in, I kissed her once more. No open mouth. Just a long press of our mouths, sealing our night and closing away the memory of our first kiss on the swing.
“Good night,” I whispered against her lips before pulling away.
She looked at me through her lashes. Her cheeks were flushed, and her lips were swollen.
“Good night.”
I stood on the sidewalk by my car until she was gone out of sight. Then I climbed into my car, drove home, showered, and fell asleep with thoughts of Shannon.
THE FOLLOWING DAY, I WORKED AT TWIN OAKS.
I probably could have gotten out of it, but I was beginning to enjoy working there. I was getting to know the people, and they were getting to know me.
My favorite of the patients was Miss Iris. I’d found out from a few of the nurses that she was suffering from dementia, which explained why she flirted with me like a twenty-year-old when I was sure she was over eighty. Still, she lightened the mood considerably when I was having a slow, aggravating day.
When it wasn’t Iris bringing out my smile, it was Shannon. A few times, I’d caught a glimpse of her walking the hallways of Twin Oaks, and I tried to catch her before she left, but sometimes she was gone before I finished my task.
Almost exactly a week after our kiss on the swing, I saw her walking down the hallway from the entrance. She was smiling to herself as if she had a secret and was twirling one of the curls resting on her shoulder.
She was wearing leggings and brown boots that worked their way up her calf. The shark bite shirt she was wearing was just long enough to cover her ass and thighs, but when she lifted her arm to run her fingers through her red hair, her shirt lifted as well, showing her curves in the tight leggings and making my mouth water.
“You’re still chasing after her?” Jermaine asked from my side.
I hadn’t even known he was there watching me, and over the weeks, I hadn’t mentioned Shannon much.
“Not chasing. I caught her.” I kept my eyes on her as she walked away from me, her hips shifting with each step she took.
“You’re so full of shit.” He chuckled.
I turned to him with a grin on my face. “Nope. We’re just hanging out. Nothing serious.”
Our situation seemed too personal, and for the first time in my life, I didn’t want to brag. I knew what I had with Shannon, and it was no one else’s business.
“Damn, man, I can’t believe you landed her.”
I couldn’t believe it either. After what little time I spent with her, even I had to agree with Jermaine. She was definitely a special girl, and she was definitely out of my league.
Smart.
Charismatic.
Beautiful.
She had way more going for her than I ever did.
“Am I seeing this shit right?” Jermaine asked, taking my attention away from Shannon right before she turned the corner and disappeared.
“What?”
He pointed at me. “The look on your face. You’re really into her, aren’t you?”
I stiffened.
He didn’t know what he was talking about.
“Get the fuck out of here, man. You haven’t known me long, but you should know better than that.” I laughed.
Jermaine’s face cleared, his smile dropping from his lips. He shook his head.
“Fight it all you want, bro, but I’ve seen that look on a man’s face before, and that shit’s no joke.”
“What look on whose face?”
“On mine when I looked in the mirror. It was about the same time I realized my wife had my ass by the balls.”
He chuckled and began to walk away.
“It’s like quicksand, man; the harder you fight it, the faster you sink.”
“What’s like quicksand?” I called out as he walked away.
“Love.”
My stomach felt queasy at his words.
First of all, he was completely full of shit. I had once thought I was in love, and we all knew how that turned out. Since then, I hadn’t even considered it, and I certainly wasn’t going to start now.
Instead of going down the hallway Shannon had taken, I went in the opposite direction. Maybe a little time away from her was a good idea. Even though I knew falling in love with anyone was a longshot, I didn’t want to take any chances.
I found myself in the kitchen area to snag a drink. The ladies who did the cooking welcomed me with smiles and hugs. I rarely went back there with them, but today I felt the need to hide out. I didn’t want to be in the hallway and take a chance of running into Shannon. Not until I knew I had my head on straight.
I cleaned the kitchen, taking out the trash and stirring whatever needed to be stirred, and after an hour or so had passed, I figured it was safe to hit the halls again.
I was wrong.
As soon as I made it past the front desk, she was walking by. She was looking down checking her phone, not even acknowledging me, which was why it was so easy to grab her by the hand and pull her into the supply closet as she passed.
She gasped as I closed the door behind us, and pressed her against the back of the door.
“Matthew?” she asked into the darkness.
“Shh,” I hushed her, running my nose up the side of her neck.
I pressed a soft kiss where her pulse was banging against my lips, and she sighed.
“What are you doing?” she asked.
“If I have to explain, then I’m doing it wrong.”
She giggled and then shivered when I pressed another kiss to her neck. Working my way up, I ran my lips over her chin and across her cheek before going in for the kiss.
Jermaine didn’t know what the hell he was talking about.
Did I like being around Shannon?
Yes.
Did I like kissing Shannon?
Hell, yes.
Did I want to climb inside her and have what I knew would be amazing sex with her?
You’d better fucking believe it.
But love? That shit wasn’t going down. I wouldn’t let it. I had this situation in the bag, which was why I pulled away from the kiss and said, “Tonight, you’re mine. I have a surprise for you. Be ready at six.”
Before she could respond, I pulled away, opened the door she was leaning against, and slipped out of the room.
I wasn’t thinking. She didn’t need to think either. We just needed to do.
So at six that evening when I pulled up at Franklin’s to see her waiting outside for me, I couldn’t help but grin. She was loosening up, which meant I was getting closer to having her.
“So where are we going?” she asked, checking her lipstick in a tiny handheld mirror.
She was wearing pink gloss on her lips, and every time the lig
ht hit her face the right way, they shined like diamonds. The smell of strawberries filled my car when she applied it, which meant she probably tasted like strawberries.
I fucking loved strawberries.
“I told you, it’s a surprise.”
She shook her head and looked out the window.
As we drove across town, the sun went down and the headlights came on. When the cars passed us, their headlights would skim her soft cheeks, making me want to reach over and touch her. All I could think about was putting my hands on her skin—feeling her—becoming a part of her.
I couldn’t shake it, so instead of acting on it, I talked. I wanted to ask her who she visited at Twin Oaks, but I was too afraid it would prompt her to ask me the same. I didn’t want to lie to her, but the thought of telling her I was completing my community service sentence was embarrassing. I didn’t think Shannon would care about that kind of thing, but I did.
“How are things?” I asked.
She turned away from the window, and her eyes moved over my face.
She smiled. “Things are good. You?”
I couldn’t control the grin that tugged at my lips. The conversation was forced and awkward, taking attention away from the two lingering kisses between us. All the angst and secret looks between us were making me feel like I was in high school all over again.
“Things are great. Really great,” I said, slipping my hand over hers to graze the top of her fingers.
Her skin was soft beneath my fingertips, and she shuddered.
“Okay, for real, where are you taking me?” she asked.
“You said you want to do something crazy. Let’s do something crazy.”
“I’m not sleeping with you, Matthew. I’m not ready.”
I laughed. “No. We’re going to put something else in you,” I joked.
“Oh, my God. What?”
At that moment, we pulled up to the piercing place. The look on her face when we pulled up to our destination was worth the drive. She wanted to do something freeing—something wild—something unlike herself, and I wanted it for her, too. Not because I was trying to get in her pants, but because I wanted to be a part of her coming out of her shell. I wanted to see her free.
“No.”
She was adamant.
Hot & Heavy (Chubby Girl Chronicles Book 2) Page 11